— LeBron James: The Lakers PF has said in the past that he considered playing TE before opting for basketball, but he’d be a better QB instead. He is a great passer, a natural leader, and already complains to the refs after every call.
— Russell Westbrook: The triple-double machine would make a great wide receiver, with the speed, the agility and the non-stop mouth for the job.
— Zion Williamson: The Pelicans star is 6-foot-7 and 285 pounds. He’s already an offensive lineman without any practice yet.
— Ben Simmons: The Sixers All-Star PF doesn’t seem to want to play basketball anymore, so why not try out another sport? Hell, he doesn’t even need to leave town. Ship him a few miles south and see if he can throw a pass quicker than Jalen Hurts.
— Grayson Allen: The Bucks SG has a history of kicking opponents in the balls, so he’s a natural to cheat with the Patriots.
WR: CeeDee Lamb, 26.63 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Derrick Henry, 34.17 pts — started by Joel
TE: Noah Fant, 17.97 pts — started by Jeff
K: Matthew Wright, 20.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Indianapolis, 18.00 pts — started by Dad
D: Trevon Diggs, 11.00 pts — on the wire
It’s always a miserable week when there are multiple Cowboys on the top performers list. QB Dak Prescott just missed out too, scoring 1.8 pts fewer than Cousins.
The best part of Wright’s impressive kicking performance this week, which culminated in a game-winning 53-yard FG to end the Jaguars’ 20-game losing streak, was that his three FGs on Sunday were the first three made by Jacksonville all year. Yeah. In the sixth game of the season. Now I’m not saying the team started 0-5 just because of that, but I have noticed in my years of research into the game that scoring points is a key to winning. Good on coach Urban Myer to try that new approach this week.
“Myles Gaskin” edition1st place: Myles Gaskin, 2.23 pts — on Jo’s bench
Gaskin, the Dolphins top running back, was not the worst performer on the week, but he may be the biggest fantasy football killer of the season. I have him in two other leagues, and had to pay up in draft cost to get him (he was a round 5 pick in this league, so that puts him in the RB #2 or #3 category).
In the first four weeks of the year, he totaled 24.00 pts — pretty paltry for a supposed starting RB in the NFL. So most fantasy managers nationwide gave up on him in week 5, sending him to the bench. He responded with 99 yds, 10 catches, two TDs and 24.43 fantasy pts in Miami’s blowout loss to the Bucs. That made him a natural start this week against the Jags … where he totaled a whopping 14 yds and 2.23 fantasy pts.
There are always busts in fantasy football, and it’s impossible to guard against them. But there’s nothing worse than when a high-round pick looks like complete trash, then excels the minute you drop him.
The only silver lining is that Gaskin’s miserable play seems to be dragging the whole team down, and the Eagles currently hold the Dolphins’ first-round draft pick next year. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that the birds could have two top five picks, plus another in the teens if the Colts continue to languish. It’d just be nice to free up that roster spot now and not have to worry about Gaskin scoring 40 pts against the Ravens in a few weeks in yet another fantasy head scratcher.
** After his team’s 38-11 loss to the Rams on Sunday, New Jersey Giants defensive lineman Leonard Williams said he heard Giants fans booing throughout the second half of the game. “I understand they have a right to be upset as well because they're coming to see us put good football on the field and we haven't been winning up to date,” he said. “But at the same time, I don't know. I just don't like that."
Hey, buddy, I think I know a way to get them to stop booing you...
** NFL.com writer Adam Rank has a “start ‘em, sit ‘em” fantasy football column each week. Here’s how he started his case to start Bengals QB Joe Burrow this Sunday as a reliable source of fantasy points:
“I mean, I don’t love the fact that he visited the hospital on Sunday night for a possible throat contusion.”
Credit where due, Burrow was great this week. But … what are we doing here? The fact that Burrow’s neck was almost snapped in half last week and the response was “yeah but I bet he does great against that soft Lions defense next game” is bonkers. Maybe just, I don’t know, pretend like the injury didn’t happen? Is that a healthier way to look at all of this? I’m honestly not sure anymore.
** Related, on Sunday Night Football’s Sunday night edition this week, sideline reporter Michelle Tafoya talked about Seahawks QB Russel Wilson’s having his finger tendon rupture in the game last week and his four-week recovery timeline. “He has a cast on for 48 hours after the injury. He was supposed to be bending it at 10 degrees this week as part of therapy, but he told me he’s already at 75 degrees.”
As a proud fantasy owner of Wilson in a league with money at stake, I have an immediate response to that: Stop.
Wilson had started 149 consecutive games before last week’s injury. No one was questioning his toughness. But when your finger is almost ripped off on national TV, take a month off to get your digits back together. I’m not sure if I’d rather see Wilson accidentally throw his own hand into the stands during a game or Burrow’s head slide off during a blindside sack, but I kinda feel like we’re headed to a point where the league is gonna make me choose.
After an off-season of rumors, the Eagles this week shipped off one of their all-time greats in a trade with the Cardinals. TE Zach Ertz gets a chance to win a Super Bowl with the league’s only remaining undefeated team, while the Eagles get a few bags of peanuts and a lot of great memories that feel hard to swallow right now. Here’s a look at some of the highlights and hidden facts from his eight-year Philadelphia career:
— Ertz is second all-time in receptions in Eagles history, with 579 (just 11 behind Harold Carmichael). If the Eagles had kept him until the Nov. 2 trade deadline, there’s a good chance he’d be the all-time leader.
— Ertz is third all-time in playoff receptions in Eagles history, with 33 (tied with RB Brian Westbrook and only five behind the leader, TE Chad Lewis).
— Ertz is first all-time in receptions in a year by a tight end, with 116 in 2018. Only 16 wideouts in NFL history have caught more passes in a single year.
— Per NBC sports, Ertz is the only player in NFL history with a 4th-down catch in the fourth quarter of a Super Bowl win, a 2 -yard grab on 4th-and-1 with less than 6 minutes left in the game. That catch prolonged the drive where Ertz caught the game-winning TD in Super Bowl LII.
— Ertz’ football success comes in part thanks to Lehigh University; His father played there from 1981 to 1984.
— Despite those accolades, Ertz isn’t even the best athlete in his own house. His wife, Julie Ertz, is a four-time international soccer champion and bronze-medal winner who was named player of the year twice in the last five years.
Ertz took out a full-page ad in the Inquirer on Tuesday to thank the fans and city for all the support over the years, which, of course he did, the guy is awesome. I guess I’m pulling for the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl now?
— Ertz is second all-time in receptions in Eagles history, with 579 (just 11 behind Harold Carmichael). If the Eagles had kept him until the Nov. 2 trade deadline, there’s a good chance he’d be the all-time leader.
— Ertz is third all-time in playoff receptions in Eagles history, with 33 (tied with RB Brian Westbrook and only five behind the leader, TE Chad Lewis).
— Ertz is first all-time in receptions in a year by a tight end, with 116 in 2018. Only 16 wideouts in NFL history have caught more passes in a single year.
— Per NBC sports, Ertz is the only player in NFL history with a 4th-down catch in the fourth quarter of a Super Bowl win, a 2 -yard grab on 4th-and-1 with less than 6 minutes left in the game. That catch prolonged the drive where Ertz caught the game-winning TD in Super Bowl LII.
— Ertz’ football success comes in part thanks to Lehigh University; His father played there from 1981 to 1984.
— Despite those accolades, Ertz isn’t even the best athlete in his own house. His wife, Julie Ertz, is a four-time international soccer champion and bronze-medal winner who was named player of the year twice in the last five years.
Ertz took out a full-page ad in the Inquirer on Tuesday to thank the fans and city for all the support over the years, which, of course he did, the guy is awesome. I guess I’m pulling for the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl now?
Look, I was only going to do a one-player anagram this week, because it’s still early in the season and I don’t want to exhaust myself. But when I find the mark of the beast in multiple Cowboys’ players’ names, I just have to point it out. Consider: Dallas free safety Damontae Kazee
** Deadly zeal, seek fear, team of Satan
Dallas strong safety Jayron Kearse
** Snot-grade jerk, all say yes for Satan
Dallas cornerback Nahshon Wright
** Shh. Born wrong, crackled “Hail Satan!”
I’m barely even trying here anymore. This team just oozes evil constantly.
** Gainted another game on Dad this week, so I’m plus-4 for the season in our weekly picks. His undying love of the Jets and Lions will be his ultimate undoing. ** Seriously, though, is it took much to ask for one watchable Philly sports team?
** The Jaguars snapped their streak of 20 losses in a row and I had a whole riff on that connected to “The Awesome Cup Championship #20 brought to you by NFL Hall of Famer Brian Dawkins, the greatest safety of all time” but how could I put Dawkins name anywhere near that cess pool of football? It wouldn’t be right.
Week 6 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 786.31 pts
2 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 781.87pts
3 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 777.03 pts
4 — This Is Fine (Bob), 771.57 pts
5 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 741.89 pts
6 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 733.54 pts
7 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 730.96 pts
8 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 728.78 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 728.63 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 725.86 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 669.30 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 505.29 pts
The headline grabber here is Bob’s terrible week (97.23 pts, ooof) combined with impressive outings from Jo and Mom D shaking up the top of the leaderboard again. The top tier of teams is now a solid group of four, with a 30-pts cushion between the next group of hopefuls.
But this week was really about the bottom of the list (except for Paul, who started three injured players and two more on a bye and is completely checked out). Jeff, Dad and Joel led scoring for the week, with Jeff posting a top tally of 160.76 pts. While Dad is still struggling to catch up to the rest of the pack, the difference between fifth and 10th place is a mere 16 pts (or one decent game from Devonta Smith).
Two solid weeks in a row could see anyone in the top 10 sit atop the charts. Last year in week 6, there was already a 170-pts difference between first and 10th.
It’s still anybody’s game, so remember to set your rosters. We have a meh Thursday game (the remains of the Broncos vs the remains of the Browns) and then six teams on a bye this weekend, so finding fill-ins early is key. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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