— On Sunday, Bucs QB Tom Brady set yet another NFL record when he squared off against Chicago QB Justin Fields. Brady is 44, Fields is 22, and that was the largest age spread between starting QBs in NFL history.
— It’s amazing to see Brady still going strong when so many other players can’t stay on the gridiron past age 40. Almost like he has a deal with the devil or something. Saturday Night Live even made a joke about it this week. Kinda funny.
— Also in his team’s blowout win over the Bears, Brady became the first player in league history to pass for 600 TDs in a career. Brady, a former sixth-round pick has TD passes in six games this season, leading his team to a 6-1 record. That’s a lot of sixes.
— Brady graduated from University of Michigan (nearby Detroit is the site of the largest Satanist Temple Chapter in the United States) in 1999, in what has been described as an upside-down year for the public education system. “1999” upside-down is, of course, “666!”.
— Brady is best known for his time in New England, but two years ago he traded in that legacy for a chance to play in the warmer climate and all-red uniforms of Tampa Bay. The heat and all red reminds me of something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…
— Hey, did you know that if you assign number values to each letter (a=1, b=2, c=3 … z=26) and you calculate “Quarterback Tom Brady, a NFL Super Bowl champ with the Bucs and the Pats,” it comes to exactly 666? Weird, right?
Anyway, I can’t prove definitively that Brady is the antichrist, at least not yet. But don’t be surprised if the Bucs end up playing the NFC championship game in Dallas, then Brady walks to the center star to rip off his face, breathe fire into the sky and begin his reign of 10,000 years of horror upon the earth. We all should have seen it coming.
WR: Cooper Kupp, 27.40 pts — started by Jo
RB: Alvin Kamara, 24.63 pts — started by Sam
TE: C.J. Uzomah, 19.57 pts — on the wire
K: Austin Seibert, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Tampa Bay, 24.00 pts — started by Mom D
D: De'Vondre Campbell, 9.00 pts — started by Jonathan
I actually had to double check my work because I didn’t believe that Miami could produce a top performer. But, in their loss to the Falcons, the Dolphins QB (whose real first name is Tuanigamanuolepola, no I am not making that up) threw for 291 yards, four TDs and two interceptions in a performance good enough to top the charts in a weird bye week. This is also a chance to remind you that the Eagles hold the Dolphins first-round draft pick next year, and Miami has already lost to Jacksonville and Atlanta, two of the other teams in the running for the #1 overall pick. If only Detroit weren’t so awful…
There was actually a tie this week at kicker and team defense for the top performer, but you wouldn’t have noticed or cared if I didn’t point it out, so, whatever.
“Names of note” edition3rd place: Colt McCoy, -0.10 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Shi Smith, -0.30 pts — on the wire
1st place: AJ Dillion, -0.77 pts — started by Paul
McCoy, the backup QB for the Cardinals, actually has three appearances in games this year, all of them kneel downs for negative yards. He’s at -6 rushing yds for the season so far, and worth -0.60 fantasy pts. The Eagles have already inquired about trading for him to replace Miles Sanders as the team’s starting RB.
Dillion was a popular preseason pick to take over the lead RB duties in Green Bay. He has collected 231 rushing yds on the year so far, but only scored double-digit fantasy points once so far this year. On the plus side, he still has more rushing yards on the season than first-round fantasy picks Christian McCaffery, Saquon Barkley and David Johnson (note, David Johnson was a first-round fantasy pick in 2017, not this year.)
I have nothing to say about Shi Smith, I assume that is some sort of typo by the league and not an actual player.
** The Arizona Cardinals and Atlanta Falcons had a social media throw down this week after the Cardinals’ Twitter account posted a sign reading “Rise Up, Red Sea” as a rally cry for fans ahead of Sunday’s game.
The Falcons’ PR crew took exception, noting that they have used “Rise Up” as a slogan since 2014, and accused the Cardinals of plagiarizing their work. The Cardinals then noted that they’ve been using the phrase off and on since 2004, so maybe Atlanta should look in the mirror and decide who is stealing.
Here’s the key problem with the fight, however: The slogan suuuuucks.
Seriously, “Rise Up” is so generic you might as well go with “Go Football” as your attempt to pump up the crowd. And “Rise Up, Red Sea” makes no sense unless the Cardinals have a huge Egyptian fan base I was not aware of. You both have bird-based teams. Spent three minutes coming up with flying puns and call it a day.
Hell, you can even borrow the Eagles fight song if you want. Lord knows they’re barely using it this year.
** In the first quarter of Sunday night’s Colts/Niners game, San Francisco was facing third and 5 and tried a quick swing pass along the sidelines to RB JaMycal Hasty. LB Darius Leonard was in stride with him, and as the ball dropped down to the pair, Hasty lost his footing, fell and missed the ball.
At first look, it appeared that Leonard tripped him, but the defensive player turned to the refs and indicated the two never touched (and replayed showed that to be the case). When the refs declined to throw a flag, Leonard turned and pumped his arms in the air, then swept his arms across his body to celebrate shutting down the play.
Wait, which was it? Did he shut down the play? Or did he make no contact and Hasty fell on his own? Because if he did trip him, it's a penalty. And if he didn't, then he didn't do anything.
I know NFL players are required to over-celebrate every chance they get, but if you get out of a big gain because the receiver falls down on his own, there’s no chest thumping or ego building. Just pump your fist and enjoy the fact that you survived even though you did nothing on the play.
** Eagles coach Nick Sirianni, on his team’s progress so far this year: “When you’re 2-5 you’re going to question a lot of things. Getting better, too, is not these drastic jumps, it’s just little-by-little each day, and so we feel like we’re getting better in a lot of different areas, figuring out who we are and what we do well.”
I know who you are: You're a 2-5 team that can’t win at home. Why not try a few drastic jumps and improve that 0-3 record in Philly?
Last week, the Eagles had to say goodbye to TE Zach Ertz. This week, the bird said goodbye to another franchise icon: QB Joe Flacco, traded to the quarterback-needy Jets. Before he departs Philly, let’s take a look at his storied career with the Eagles:
** Flacco is only the second Super Bowl MVP ever to don an Eagles uniform (QB Nick Foles is the other one, in case you can’t remember).
** Flacco leaves the team tied in TD passes with greats like Reggie White, Seth Joyner, Chuck Bednarik and David Akers (all had zero).
** The Eagles never once lost to the Giants while Flacco was a member of the team.
** Flacco had fewer interceptions than any starting Eagles QB of the last five years .. even Nate Sudfeld, who managed one in his limited playing time.
** Speaking of the other Super Bowl MVP, Joe Flacco comes in above Nick Foles in all-time Eagles QBs ranked by alphabetical order.
One bit of consolation for the Flacco loyalists out there at Lincoln Financial Field: The Philly faithful may get a chance to see him again on the sidelines in December, when the Eagles face the Jets. That’s if he doesn’t get cut before then.
Every week as I process the evil that is just the names of all of these Dallas players, I’m left wondering, “won’t someone think of the children?” Well, you know who is thinking about them? Rookie Cowboys offensive lineman Matt Farniok. And it’s not great:
Dallas O-Guard Matt Farniok
**A dour gnarl, am fatal to kids
Harming children has been a theme with the Cowboys well before the days of Michael Irvin eating children, and it’s a tradition that one would hope the authorities would end. But, alas, that’s not the case yet.
** Sunday was “National Tight Ends” day, according to the NFL, and Eagles TE Dallas Goedert celebrated by taking off the last three quarters of the game. It’s a weird choice of celebration, considering that’s what he does nearly every week.
** Another week, another game up on Dad in our picks. I’m plus five on him for the season so far, thanks to my accurate prediction about the Titans taking down the Chiefs. So maybe that wasn’t such a surprise.
** I refuse to acknowledge that the World Series is happening, but thanks for asking.
Week 7 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 932.76 pts
2 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 911.36 pts
3 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 881.07 pts
4 — This Is Fine (Bob), 877.84 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 861.04 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 850.48 pts
7 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 849.05 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 848.41 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 847.04 pts
10 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 835.02 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 743.56 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 573.86 pts
Paul this week managed to start five players who did not appear for a single snap, plus another player who scored in negative points (Dillon). But he still almost outscored Mike, whose previously unstoppable team had a complete face-plant this week. My team followed suit, dropping from the middle of the pack to 10th place. And Dad continues to feel the wrath of the fantasy gods for Yahoo’s pre-season prediction that his team would finish in first.
That’s the bad news — here’s the good: There are two residents of Fort Awesome in medal position in the standings, and neither one of them are me. Joanna extended her elbow room atop the leaderboard with another solid week (Jalen Hurts, he doesn’t win real games but he does amass fantasy points). And Jonathan topped the league in scoring this week despite having to rely on a backup QB (Matt Ryan, 21.44 solid fantasy pts) due to Josh Allen’s bye and a nobody RB who ended up third in position scoring for the week (Browns RB D'Ernest Johnson, 23.07 pts).
Mom D continues her climb up the charts too, presenting the only threat within 50 points of Joanna’s reign. But it is still worth noting that the gap between 10th and 3rd is still less than 50 fantasy pts, meaning we’re likely to see a lot more shuffling in weeks to come.
Speaking of weeks to come, week 8 starts on Thursday with a great matchup between the Packers and Cardinals, and only two teams have byes (the Raiders and Ravens). Why have six in week 7 and only two in week 8? Because the NFL hates you, of course. That’s always the answer.
** Eagles coach Nick Sirianni, on his team’s progress so far this year: “When you’re 2-5 you’re going to question a lot of things. Getting better, too, is not these drastic jumps, it’s just little-by-little each day, and so we feel like we’re getting better in a lot of different areas, figuring out who we are and what we do well.”
I know who you are: You're a 2-5 team that can’t win at home. Why not try a few drastic jumps and improve that 0-3 record in Philly?
** Flacco is only the second Super Bowl MVP ever to don an Eagles uniform (QB Nick Foles is the other one, in case you can’t remember).
** Flacco leaves the team tied in TD passes with greats like Reggie White, Seth Joyner, Chuck Bednarik and David Akers (all had zero).
** The Eagles never once lost to the Giants while Flacco was a member of the team.
** Flacco had fewer interceptions than any starting Eagles QB of the last five years .. even Nate Sudfeld, who managed one in his limited playing time.
** Speaking of the other Super Bowl MVP, Joe Flacco comes in above Nick Foles in all-time Eagles QBs ranked by alphabetical order.
One bit of consolation for the Flacco loyalists out there at Lincoln Financial Field: The Philly faithful may get a chance to see him again on the sidelines in December, when the Eagles face the Jets. That’s if he doesn’t get cut before then.
Every week as I process the evil that is just the names of all of these Dallas players, I’m left wondering, “won’t someone think of the children?” Well, you know who is thinking about them? Rookie Cowboys offensive lineman Matt Farniok. And it’s not great: Dallas O-Guard Matt Farniok
**A dour gnarl, am fatal to kids
Harming children has been a theme with the Cowboys well before the days of Michael Irvin eating children, and it’s a tradition that one would hope the authorities would end. But, alas, that’s not the case yet.
** Sunday was “National Tight Ends” day, according to the NFL, and Eagles TE Dallas Goedert celebrated by taking off the last three quarters of the game. It’s a weird choice of celebration, considering that’s what he does nearly every week. ** Another week, another game up on Dad in our picks. I’m plus five on him for the season so far, thanks to my accurate prediction about the Titans taking down the Chiefs. So maybe that wasn’t such a surprise.
** I refuse to acknowledge that the World Series is happening, but thanks for asking.
Week 7 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 932.76 pts
2 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 911.36 pts
3 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 881.07 pts
4 — This Is Fine (Bob), 877.84 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 861.04 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 850.48 pts
7 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 849.05 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 848.41 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 847.04 pts
10 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 835.02 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 743.56 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 573.86 pts
Paul this week managed to start five players who did not appear for a single snap, plus another player who scored in negative points (Dillon). But he still almost outscored Mike, whose previously unstoppable team had a complete face-plant this week. My team followed suit, dropping from the middle of the pack to 10th place. And Dad continues to feel the wrath of the fantasy gods for Yahoo’s pre-season prediction that his team would finish in first.
That’s the bad news — here’s the good: There are two residents of Fort Awesome in medal position in the standings, and neither one of them are me. Joanna extended her elbow room atop the leaderboard with another solid week (Jalen Hurts, he doesn’t win real games but he does amass fantasy points). And Jonathan topped the league in scoring this week despite having to rely on a backup QB (Matt Ryan, 21.44 solid fantasy pts) due to Josh Allen’s bye and a nobody RB who ended up third in position scoring for the week (Browns RB D'Ernest Johnson, 23.07 pts).
Mom D continues her climb up the charts too, presenting the only threat within 50 points of Joanna’s reign. But it is still worth noting that the gap between 10th and 3rd is still less than 50 fantasy pts, meaning we’re likely to see a lot more shuffling in weeks to come.
Speaking of weeks to come, week 8 starts on Thursday with a great matchup between the Packers and Cardinals, and only two teams have byes (the Raiders and Ravens). Why have six in week 7 and only two in week 8? Because the NFL hates you, of course. That’s always the answer.
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