** The Eagles are not the worst team in football: It’s pretty clear the Lions are. If they could almost get shut out by a 2-5 team, Detroit could have a good chance of a perfect 0-17 season.
** The Eagles are good enough to finish second in the NFC East: Even with a 6-11 record, that could be all that's needed to outpace the Giants or Washington, who are truly awful.
** The Eagles could definitely beat the Noblesville Lions: The Indiana high school team is one of the best in the country, but Sunday’s 44 pts of offense are surely more than the teenagers could handle.
** The Eagles still likely cannot beat a pack of real lions: RBs Boston Scott and Jordan Howard both looked pretty fast on Sunday, but real lions can run up to 50 mph. Plus they have sharp teeth.
** We really didn’t learn much about the Eagles: That game was a joke, as are the Lions. Still, wins are more fun than losses.
WR: Michael Pittman Jr., 22.73 pts — started by Mike
RB: Michael Carter, 21.70 pts — started by Sam
TE: T.J. Hockenson, 10.93 pts — started by Mike
K: Zane Gonzalez, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 24.00 pts — on the wire
D: Adrian Phillips, 11.50 pts — on the wire
Forget about the Eagles having the top defensive team score of Sunday — they were the 13th best fantasy play of week 8, beating every non-QB position player out there. The birds had totaled 29 fantasy pts in the previous seven weeks of football, and nearly doubled that in their game against Detroit. They allowed the lowest point total of any team this week and actually outscored the Lions with their defense alone (7-6). And all of that really says nothing you need to know about the Eagles’ skill and everything you need to know about the Lions’ sorry excuse for a team.
The third-best quarterback on the week was Mike White, and if I give you three guesses you still won’t be able to come up with what team he plays for. Fantasy football is weird.
“Getting defensive” edition3rd place: Chicago, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Houston, -5.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Detroit, -6.00 pts — on the wire
I told you, Detroit is not good.
Raise your hand if you predicted Patrick Mahomes leading the league in interceptions halfway through the season. He has 10 now, with 11 total turnovers in the last four weeks alone, facing off against elite defenses like … checks notes .. the Giants and Washington Football-ish Team. The Chiefs barely squeaked by the Giants on Monday night, and face the first-place Packers, first-place Raiders and first-place Cowboys in their next three games. It might be time to sell all of your Andy Reid stock.
** Headline from the Guardian late last week: “The Giants remain New York City’s best NFL team. But that’s faint praise.”
Two big problems with that:
1 — The Jets won on Sunday and the Giants didn’t, giving them a better record (2-5) than the Giants (2-6). They also have arguably better wins (over the Titans and Bengals) than the Giants (over the Saints and Panthers).
2 — Neither of those teams play in New York City. MetLife Stadium is in New Jersey, not New York. If you’re counting neighboring states, then the best New York City NFL team is the New England Patriots.
** Former backup QB turned ESPN football expert Brian Griese, on Monday night football, dropped this gem while the Giants were facing third-and-one on their own half of the field in the fourth quarter of a tie game. “This is a time when you need emotion.”
On the next play, FB Elijhaa Penny caught a 16-yard pass, then got flagged for a 15-yard personal foul penalty for taunting the defensive back he beat. Griese’s immediate response: “You can’t do that! This is what we were just talking about!”
No, you were just talking about playing with more emotion. Seems like he followed your advice perfectly.
NFL teams as Halloween candy:
-- Green Bay Packers: Skittles
Reliably fun with crazy colors.
-- Jacksonville Jaguars: Necco wafers
No idea who ever liked them or why they’re still being made
-- Pittsburgh Steelers: Hershey bars
They’re never great, but never terrible either. Old reliable
-- Tennessee Titans: Milk Duds
A wonderful experience right up until the inevitable injury ruins everything.
-- Houston Texans: Good and Plenty
I’m sure there was a time this seemed like a good idea, but that time is gone now
-- Arizona Cardinals: Tootsie rolls
People will insist they are good, but no one really believes them
-- New England Patriots: Snickers bars with razor blades in them
Willing to do whatever it takes to stand out in the crowd
-- New York Jets: Circus peanuts
These were also popular once. Now we should never speak of them again.
Cowboys QB Dak Prescott was a surprise last-minute scratch on Sunday night with a calf injury, leading to concerns among the Dallas faithful (just kidding, those people aren’t faithful, they’re cheating jerks) about the long-term health of their offensive centerpiece.
Prescott missed most of the season last year, but it appears the injury isn’t that serious. Prescott said he expects to play next week’s game, and the words themselves show that this wound is little more than another underhanded Dallas scam:
Cowboys Dak Prescott leg injury
** Grown boy specked: I just cry a lot.
Remember, you can’t spell “Dak Prescott” without “rotted packs.”
** A huge Sunday for me, as I picked up three games on Dad in our weekly picks. He’s down eight now, and I think half of that total comes from him betting against the Titans. Meanwhile, my strategy of “never believe in the Jaguars or Jets” is largely paying off.
** FYI, there is an outside chance the Cowboys could clinch the NFC East on Thanksgiving Day. They’d have to win out and be 10-1 at that point, with at least 8 losses each for the other three loser division rivals. That’s not completely out of the question.
** Each year around this time I get angry at the state of the NFL, and then college football comes out with its playoff rankings and I’m reminded just how bad everything about the NCAA’ system is. But, yeah, an Alabama team with one loss definitely deserves to be ahead of multiple undefeated teams, because reasons.
Week 8 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1,040.95 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1,035.53 pts
3 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1,033.82 pts
4 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 982.71 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 979.52 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 976.22 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 965.66 pts
8 — This Is Fine (Bob), 933.47 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 917.78 pts
10 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 916.34 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 835.33 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 629.26 pts
It’s getting really interesting at the top of the standings. Joanna is still barely holding onto her lead, after Jonathan’s team posted its second consecutive 150-plus-pts explosion. Mom D rounds up the tier of teams that have already collected 1,000 fantasy pts, with a big gap between third place and fourth.
There’s a logjam for the next four teams, followed by Bob, whose fall from grace has been swift and painful (just 55.13 pts this week, with four starters on a bye next week.) Ant saw a similar beat down on Sunday, while Dad remains in football purgatory. Paul still has not been sighted for weeks.
Week 9 features a Thursday night Jets game and only three contests where both teams have winning records, so good luck with that. Just remember to get those rosters set and try not to look directly at any terrible match-ups.
Reliably fun with crazy colors.
-- Jacksonville Jaguars: Necco wafers
No idea who ever liked them or why they’re still being made
-- Pittsburgh Steelers: Hershey bars
They’re never great, but never terrible either. Old reliable
-- Tennessee Titans: Milk Duds
A wonderful experience right up until the inevitable injury ruins everything.
-- Houston Texans: Good and Plenty
I’m sure there was a time this seemed like a good idea, but that time is gone now
-- Arizona Cardinals: Tootsie rolls
People will insist they are good, but no one really believes them
-- New England Patriots: Snickers bars with razor blades in them
Willing to do whatever it takes to stand out in the crowd
-- New York Jets: Circus peanuts
These were also popular once. Now we should never speak of them again.
Cowboys QB Dak Prescott was a surprise last-minute scratch on Sunday night with a calf injury, leading to concerns among the Dallas faithful (just kidding, those people aren’t faithful, they’re cheating jerks) about the long-term health of their offensive centerpiece. Prescott missed most of the season last year, but it appears the injury isn’t that serious. Prescott said he expects to play next week’s game, and the words themselves show that this wound is little more than another underhanded Dallas scam:
Cowboys Dak Prescott leg injury
** Grown boy specked: I just cry a lot.
Remember, you can’t spell “Dak Prescott” without “rotted packs.”
** A huge Sunday for me, as I picked up three games on Dad in our weekly picks. He’s down eight now, and I think half of that total comes from him betting against the Titans. Meanwhile, my strategy of “never believe in the Jaguars or Jets” is largely paying off. ** FYI, there is an outside chance the Cowboys could clinch the NFC East on Thanksgiving Day. They’d have to win out and be 10-1 at that point, with at least 8 losses each for the other three loser division rivals. That’s not completely out of the question.
** Each year around this time I get angry at the state of the NFL, and then college football comes out with its playoff rankings and I’m reminded just how bad everything about the NCAA’ system is. But, yeah, an Alabama team with one loss definitely deserves to be ahead of multiple undefeated teams, because reasons.
Week 8 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1,040.95 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1,035.53 pts
3 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1,033.82 pts
4 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 982.71 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 979.52 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 976.22 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 965.66 pts
8 — This Is Fine (Bob), 933.47 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 917.78 pts
10 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 916.34 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 835.33 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 629.26 pts
It’s getting really interesting at the top of the standings. Joanna is still barely holding onto her lead, after Jonathan’s team posted its second consecutive 150-plus-pts explosion. Mom D rounds up the tier of teams that have already collected 1,000 fantasy pts, with a big gap between third place and fourth.
There’s a logjam for the next four teams, followed by Bob, whose fall from grace has been swift and painful (just 55.13 pts this week, with four starters on a bye next week.) Ant saw a similar beat down on Sunday, while Dad remains in football purgatory. Paul still has not been sighted for weeks.
Week 9 features a Thursday night Jets game and only three contests where both teams have winning records, so good luck with that. Just remember to get those rosters set and try not to look directly at any terrible match-ups.
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