Fantasy League 2021 -- week 11 recap

Given the chaos around the NFL the last few weeks, it’s difficult to decide who should be considered the Super Bowl favorite at this point. Here’s a quick breakdown of some of the top candidates:

** The Arizona Cardinals: At 9-2, they have the best record in the league and won on Sunday despite having their starting QB and top WR on the injury list. They’ve got the best shot at home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

** The Tennessee Titans: But the AFC has looked like the stronger of the two conferences this year, and the Titans have the best record in the AFC (8-3) with key wins over contenders like the Chiefs and Bills. So they should be considered the top team in the league.

** The Houston Texans: Except the Titans just lost to the Texans, the team with the worst record in all of the AFC. And using the transitive property of equality, that means the Texans must be the best team in the AFC now, and the Super Bowl favorite.

** The Philadelphia Eagles: But the Texans got smoked by the Panthers earlier this year, and the Eagles beat the Panthers, and the Eagles have scored the most points of any team over the last two weeks, so they should probably count as the top team right now.

** The Ohio State Buckeyes: However, the Buckeyes have scored even more points than the Eagles of late and only have one loss on their resume, better than any team in the NFL. So maybe they can finally claim a Super Bowl Title?

** The Detroit Lions: They’re 0-9-1. It’s not them. That’s the only thing I know at this point.

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 41.50 pts — started by Mom D
WR: Justin Jefferson, 27.57 pts — started by Ant
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 51.27 pts — started by Jo
TE: Zach Ertz, 21.87 pts — started by Sam
K: Evan McPherson, 21.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: New England, 33.00 pts — started by Jonathan
D: Kyle Van Noy, 15.00 pts — on the wire

Shout out to RB Austin Ekeler, who had three TDs and 36.33 fantasy points on Sunday night in a performance that absolutely no one will remember because of Taylor.

Taylor, who leads the league in rushing yards, threw up 185 on the ground on Sunday with four rushing TDs in an absolute domination of a supposedly good Bills defense. He also added three catches for 19 yards and another TD, posting the best fantasy score of any individual player this season.

In fact, Taylor’s total was the sixth best fantasy game ever by a non-QB in our league’s scoring, falling behind only these folks:

5 — 49ers Jerry Rice, Oct. 14 1990: 13 catches for 225 yds, 5 total TDs, 51.50 fantasy pts
4 — Seahawks RB Shaun Alexander, Sept. 29 2002: 139 rushing yds, 3 catches for 92 yds, 5 total TDs, 51.53 fantasy pts
3 — Bengals RB Corey Dillon, Dec. 4 1997: 246 rushing yds, 2 catches for 30 yds, 4 total TDs, 51.60 fantasy pts.
2 — Saints RB Alvin Kamara, Dec. 25 2020: 155 rushing yds, 2 catches for 17 yds, 6 total TDs, 54.13 fantasy pts.
1 — Broncos RB Clinton Portis, Dec. 7 2003: 218 rushing yds, 2 catches for 36 yds, 5 total TDs, 55.20 fantasy pts.

FYI, Joanna had Kamara on her team last year when he posted that absurd line, giving her two of the top six all-time fantasy performances in the last 11 months. That feels unfair.


“Atlanta QB” edition

3rd place: Matt Ryan, 2.12 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
2nd place: Josh Rosen, -1.80 pts — on the wire
1st place: Feleipe Franks, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Yep, the three passers for the Falcons combined for -1.68 pts in their matchup against the Patriots this week. After Ryan produced no discernable offense for most of the game on Thursday, his night ended after a fourth-quarter interception with about five minutes left. On the next series, he was replaced by Rosen, who threw an interception returned for a TD on his third attempt. He was replaced on the next series by Franks, who threw an interception on his only pass attempt.

So if you were wondering how the New England defense ended up being worth 33 fantasy points, it was those 12 points in the final five minutes combined with the shutout and a few other terrible plays by Atlanta.

 
Shout out to Lions starting QB Tim Boyle, who went 15 of 23 for 77 yards with two interceptions in his game against the Browns, totaling -0.92 fantasy points. That’s really hard to do if you’re a starting QB. And the Lions only lost by a FG. The NFL makes no sense right now.


** University of Virginia coach Bronco Mendendall (a real name, not one I just made up) was asked before this weekend’s game whether junior QB Brennan Armstrong (again, his real name) would be out with a lingering abdomen injury or if his status was still day-to-day. His response:

“I’m hoping for more second-to-second than day-by-day. It might be hour-to-hour. I’m not sure where we go from day-to-day to second-by-second. I’m hoping it’s at least hour-to-hour, but I would prefer second-to-second.”

I could go word-by-word breaking that all down, but at this point I think the QB may be dead and the coach is just trying to cover it all up.

** On Saturday night, #23 Utah was favored at home by three points #3 Oregon.

Let me go over that again.

The alleged third-best team in all of college football, a team that should be favored on a neutral field over any other team except two, was a three-point underdog on the road against a team that was 20 spots lower in the rankings.

And the Vegas oddsmakers were right. Oregon got smoked, losing by more than four touchdowns.

What is the point of college football rankings again? It’s clearly not to identify the best teams if none of the betting public believes the list reflects how a team will actually perform. Is it just to drive fans bonkers? Because that’s all they seem to be achieving anymore.

** ESPN noisebox Chris Berman opened his “fastest three minutes” recap of the weekend’s NFL action on Monday night with … 30 seconds talking about former Cowboys coach Tom Landry and former Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt and how important they were to the league. The trip down memory lane came because those two franchises played each other this weekend.

It was the slowest half minute in the history of time. Once again, ESPN finds a way to screw up showing sports highlights by not showing sports highlights.

Dolphins WR Mack Hollins caught his third TD of the season in Sunday’s win over the Jets. Hollins, as you likely don’t remember, was a wideout for the Eagles in 2017 and 2019 (but not 2018) and collected a whopping 26 catches in 28 games. But it made me wonder — how many recent Eagles wide receivers can you name?

It’s time for another quiz — which of these are actual wide receivers who played for the Eagles in the last 15 years, and which of these are names I just made up?

WR Seyi Ajirotutu
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Marvin McNutt
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Arrelious Benn
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Marcus Johnson
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Damaris Johnson
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Ronald Johnson
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Jeff Maehl
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR Kamar Aiken
Actual WR ————— Not a catch
WR J.J. Arcega-Whiteside
Actual WR ————— Not a catch

Yeah, don’t bother looking for an answer key. They’re all actual wide receivers … except for J.J. Arcega-Whiteside. He’s just a tackling dummy that gets tossed out on the field every once in a while.

(That's a picture of McNutt up there in the section header. I'm surprised you didn't catch that hint.)

Dallas defensive lineman Carlos Watkins has been playing exceptionally well of late, even as injuries pile up on the team’s D-line. What’s his secret? It’s a not a surprise, it’s as plain as the letters in his name:

Cowboys DE Carlos Watkins
** Scab yowl: I snort coke wads

Drugs are a long tradition among the Cowboys players, but I feel like snorting them wads at a time is particularly dangerous.

** Another week, another victory by Dad. He picks up one more win in our weekly picks and now sits down three for the year. I called the Colts big win but didn’t pick it, then watched as the Ravens almost lost their game to the Bears and cost me another tally. This league, man.

** The Washington Post had a column about how the Maryland nameless team has a not-unrealistic shot at the playoffs and I know I wrote the exact same thing last week for the Eagles but this somehow felt way, way dumber.

** I for one am thrilled that the Eagles signed TE Dallas Goedert to a big extension this week and look forward to five more years of him catching two passes in the first quarter and then disappearing for the rest of the game.

Week 11 standings

1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1443.61 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1399.03 pts
3 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1339.07 pts
4 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1306.01 pts
5 — This Is Fine (Bob), 1301.41 pts
6 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1276.69 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1255.49 pts
8 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 1239.51 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1227.18 pts
10 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 1225.52 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 1129.02 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 821.36 pts

Jo continues to dominate the league — she had 81 points from just two players this week (Taylor and Jalen Hurts), and that was enough to outscore three teams (me, Mike and Paul). Add in TE Travis Kelce’s 13 pts and she outscores three more teams before we get to the rest of her starters.

Her 156.35 pts were just barely enough for first place on the week, however, because Jonathan collected 154.27 pts and Mom D had a strong 145.31 pts. Bob and Sam are making strong bids to try and crack the medal podium, but they both sit more than 137 pts out of first, making the gold medal look very, very far away.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, the only Thursday of the year where there should be football, and six teams will play in three games. Get your rosters set early, before the piles of turkey numb your mind to the importance of picking up some holiday fantasy points.