With that in mind, here’s a unlikely but not overly ridiculous path to an Eagles wild card berth following their surprising win over the Broncos:
Pre-bye: The Eagles likely lose to the Saints next Sunday, but could win their next two against the New Jersey Jets and New Jersey Giants. Those two contests are on the road, where the Eagles are 4-2 this season. The New Jersey teams have combined for a 4-5 record at home this year. With victories, this would put the Eagles’ record at 6-7 heading into the bye.
Bye week: It’s week 14. The Eagles have a good shot at not picking up another loss when they don’t play.
Post-bye: The Eagles play at home against the Maryland nameless team and then the Giants again, then travel to Maryland on Jan. 2 for another rematch. From today, when the birds are due back from Denver, until Jan. 2, the team will not travel any further than 140 miles for any of their final eight weeks of the season. That’s a lot of rest for the Eagles in between playing tired teams with losing records. Winning all three and getting to 9-7 is possible.
Season finale: The Cowboys travel to Philadelphia for the last game of the season. Forget the rivalry stuff, because the Cowboys are infinitely better than the Eagles right now. The Eagles have no chance of winning … if the Cowboys try. But they may not. By week 18, Dallas may be resting their starters, assured of a playoff berth. I’d give the Eagles a 50-50 shot against the Cowboys’ backups right now. If it’s a victory, that’s win #10.
Everybody else: Right now five NFC teams look like playoff locks (division leaders Dallas, Green Bay, Tampa Bay and Arizona, plus the LA Rams). Two other teams have five wins (New Orleans and Carolina, who have to play each other in week 16). Seven teams make the playoffs, and if Carolina and Philadelphia have the same record at the end of the season, the Eagles own the head-to-head tiebreaker and get the playoff spot.
Let me repeat — this should not happen. If there were any justice in the world, a mediocre team like the Eagles should not still be in playoff contention. But the NFL loves drama, and Philadelphia beating up on the weak part of its schedule could help create that.
WR: Deebo Samuel, 24.57 pts — started by Bob
RB: Rhamondre Stevenson, 24.93 pts — started by me
TE: Hunter Henry, 16.47 pts — started by Ant
K: Zane Gonzalez, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Dallas, 26.00 pts — on the wire
D: Xavien Howard, 12.50 pts — on the wire
There’s nothing like grabbing a guy off the waiver wire and having him hit the top performers list. Stevenson, New England’s rookie RB, rushed for 100 yds and two TDs against an alleged stout Browns defense in relief of starting RB Damien Harris, who was out with a concussion. Before Sunday, Stevenson had 27.56 fantasy pts on the season. I appreciate him doubling that when I needed a quick fill-in.
It’s worth noting that the Dallas defense was the third best fantasy player of the week, scoring more than everyone except Mahomes and … Dallas QB Dak Prescott (30.34 pts). I’m getting pretty sick of these guys.
“Sad QBs” edition3rd place: Chad Henne, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Davis Webb, -0.30 pts — on the wire
1st place: Josh Rosen, -1.44 pts — on the wire
All these backups ended up collecting negative points in their limited work Sunday, but more notable is the list of starters who outright sucked. Here’s a look at some of them that you were better than this week:
You: 0 for 1 passing, 0 yards. That’s a 39.6 rating.
Seahawks QB Russell Wilson: 5.64 fantasy pts, 20 of 40, 161 yds, 2 INTs, 39.7 rating. He actually was still a little better than you, but it’s the first time he failed to score double-digit points in any game he appeared in since late 2018.
Jets QB Mike White: 2.04 fantasy pts, 24 of 44, 251 yds, 4 INTS, 33.4 rating. He was the top QB two very long weeks ago.
Falcons QB Matt Ryan: 0.68 fantasy pts, 9 of 21, 117 yds, 2 INTs, 21.4 rating. He was worth 32.52 fantasy pts just last week.
Honorable mention to Jared Goff, PJ Walker, Colt McCoy, Jacoby Brissett, Baker Mayfield, Carson Wentz, Teddy Bridgewater and Trevor Lawrence, all starters with a QB rating above 40 but fewer than 10 fantasy pts this week. (Packers QB Aaron Rodgers didn’t make the list because he had a robust 10.48 fantasy pts this week, so no complaining). That’s 11 of the 28 teams who played this week having a QB start worth less than a TD and a half. It’s brutal out there for fantasy this year.
** The Florida Gators gave up 42 points in the first half of their game Saturday against … (checks notes again) … Samford University, an FCS program with a losing record. The Gators did end up winning the game, 70-52, and Florida Coach Dan Mullen said after the game that calling the win “disappointing” would be disrespectful to his players. When asked specifically about the poor defense in the first half, Mullen added that “you have to give Samford some credit."
I guess you should give “some” credit to the players who scored six TDs in a half against a former college football powerhouse. Just a little, though. We wouldn’t want them to get a big head and be viewed as a real football team.
** With the Cowboys up 36-3 in the third quarter and facing a fourth-and-one at the 10 yard line, Dallas opted not to kick the meaningless field goal and instead called for a QB run to keep the clock moving. It didn’t really work — Dak Prescott scored instead, extending the lead and also stopping the clock. But former TE turned brainless Fox analyst Greg Olsen raved about the play for five minutes afterward.
“That’s just an amazing play by Prescott,” he drooled. “You’re up 33 pts, but your star QB is willing to put his shoulder down and push into the end zone on a must-have fourth down. That means a lot.”
To misquote a wise man, I do not think those words mean what you think they mean. I’m not sure that turning the ball over inside the 10-yard-line with a 33-point lead counts as a “must have” moment. I mean, I guess the team “must have” a play there, otherwise it’s a forfeit. But considering all the Falcons points for the game came on their first drive, and they were shut out for the final 52 minutes of play, there’s a good chance the Cowboys would have been OK with just a first down or kneel down there.
** Poll on Fox 5 Washington on Monday night: “Who has a better chance of making the playoffs, the Washington Football Team or the Washington Wizards?”
The Wizards have the second best record in the NBA, a league where half the teams make the postseason. In the poll, 89 percent of people picked them.
The Maryland nameless team upset the reigning Super Bowl champion Bucs this week to pull their record to … 3-6. They did jump from fourth place in the NFC East to third. They’ll likely need to finish 7-1 to get a wild card spot. In the poll, 11 percent of people picked them.
Those 11 percent are allowed to vote and drive in the greater DC area, and this is why I fear leaving my house every day.
If you missed the Steelers/Lions matchup on Sunday, congratulations: You probably have a few brain cells left. Fans who watched the game weren’t so lucky. Here’s a recap of some of the lowlights:
** The game was tied at 10 after the first quarter. For the next four quarters (because of course this wretched game went to overtime) the two teams combined for just 12 more points.
** Detroit actually scored another TD, but missed the extra point. After that, their next eight drives resulted in seven punts and a missed FG, including four drives where they lost yards. The FG attempt in overtime, which missed by a sizable margin, was only from 48 yards away.
** The Steelers had the ball on the edge of FG range twice in overtime, and fumbled the ball away both times. They also had another fumble overturned by penalty. On their other overtime possession, they ran three plays and lost 15 yards.
** Detroit had more yards in penalties (84) than passing (77) for the game. They had 1.5 times as many punting yards (464) than total offense (306). And the Steelers still couldn’t win.
** After the game ended in a 16-16 tie, both Detroit RB Godwin Igwebuike and Pittsburgh RB Najee Harris both had comments to reporters saying they assumed the teams would keep playing until there was a winner. “In my mind, I was sitting on the bench saying, ‘I’ve got another quarter to go,’” Harris said.
Since the start of the 2012 season, 10 NFL games have ended in a tie. It’s unusual, but it’s not like a one-in-a-generation thing. The Steelers had one in 2018, and most of the coaching staff and key starters for the team were playing then too. So, I dunno, maybe talk to your teammates during the game and you’ll learn a few things.
It has been a while since we last had a round of anagram insult poetry, but thankfully Dallas wideout Ced Wilson is here to help us end that drought:
** WR Ced Wilson
Weird clowns
wield crowns.
Worlds wince.
Old crew wins.
Recs wild now.
Rid new scowl.
Lewd crow sin,
Old crew wins.
Cows drew nil,
Cons wed wirl.
Cowls drew in,
Old crew wins.
Go ahead and check, each line is an anagram for his name. There’s no cheating here.
Much like the weekly anagram insults, which give us insight into the depths of evil that lie hidden in the letters of the Cowboys’ names, the anagram insult poetry signs to the soul (or the lack thereof) in the Dallas roster. “Weird clowns wield crowns” is a clear reference to the Cowboys leading the NFC East at the moment, which makes the “world wince” as the “old crew wins.”
“Lewd crow sin” is actually the name of the Cowboys 2021 offensive playbook, which has been successful so far this year, except for last week’s stunning upset, when the “cows drew nil” from their offensive plans. But the “cons wed wirl” and returned to their havoc and chaos this week, sadly resulting in more “old crew wins.”
The poetry is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Its wisdom should be used sparingly.
** Dropped another game to Dad in our weekly picks, so I’m only up four for the year and on the wrong side of a two-game losing streak to him. After going 79-41 in my picks in the first eight weeks of the season (66 percent correct) I’ve gone 12-16 the last two weeks (57 percent incorrect). This year is going bonkers.
** Really gonna need Miami to stop winning games so the Eagles can at least get one top-10 pick. It seems like the Giants and Maryland teams are gonna stink enough to push the Eagles into second place, whether they like it or not. The Giants are actually positioned right now to get the #5 pick and the #7 pick, thanks to a trade with the Bears last year.
** Speaking of draft picks, if QB Carson Wentz plays most of the snaps in 3.5 of the Colts last seven games, the Eagles get their first round pick too. Seems pretty plausible at this point they get three picks in the teens … and waste them all.
Week 10 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1287.26 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1244.76 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1211.37 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom), 1193.76 pts
5 — This Is Fine (Bob), 1181.85 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1163.07 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 1153.23 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1150.15 pts
9 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 1148.26 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1138.21 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 1035.99 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 753.69 pts
Big weeks by Mike (137.77 pts) and Jonathan (127.00 pts) cut into Joanna’s lead atop the standings, while a rough outing for Mom D sent her tumbling down out of the elite tier in the rankings.
Don’t sleep on Bob, whose team is heating up again and climbing slowly back into relevance. Feel free to sleep on my team and everyone below me — Everyone sitting more than 110 pts out of first appears to be treading water right now, following good weeks with bad ones and not making any real progress in the standings.
Speaking of irrelevant teams, the Falcons play this Thursday night against the suddenly surging (but probably more like “cheating”) Patriots. Get your rosters ready and shield your eyes from the horror of the game itself.
** The game was tied at 10 after the first quarter. For the next four quarters (because of course this wretched game went to overtime) the two teams combined for just 12 more points.
** Detroit actually scored another TD, but missed the extra point. After that, their next eight drives resulted in seven punts and a missed FG, including four drives where they lost yards. The FG attempt in overtime, which missed by a sizable margin, was only from 48 yards away.
** The Steelers had the ball on the edge of FG range twice in overtime, and fumbled the ball away both times. They also had another fumble overturned by penalty. On their other overtime possession, they ran three plays and lost 15 yards.
** Detroit had more yards in penalties (84) than passing (77) for the game. They had 1.5 times as many punting yards (464) than total offense (306). And the Steelers still couldn’t win.
** After the game ended in a 16-16 tie, both Detroit RB Godwin Igwebuike and Pittsburgh RB Najee Harris both had comments to reporters saying they assumed the teams would keep playing until there was a winner. “In my mind, I was sitting on the bench saying, ‘I’ve got another quarter to go,’” Harris said.
Since the start of the 2012 season, 10 NFL games have ended in a tie. It’s unusual, but it’s not like a one-in-a-generation thing. The Steelers had one in 2018, and most of the coaching staff and key starters for the team were playing then too. So, I dunno, maybe talk to your teammates during the game and you’ll learn a few things.
It has been a while since we last had a round of anagram insult poetry, but thankfully Dallas wideout Ced Wilson is here to help us end that drought:
** WR Ced Wilson
Weird clowns
wield crowns.
Worlds wince.
Old crew wins.
Recs wild now.
Rid new scowl.
Lewd crow sin,
Old crew wins.
Cows drew nil,
Cons wed wirl.
Cowls drew in,
Old crew wins.
Go ahead and check, each line is an anagram for his name. There’s no cheating here.
Much like the weekly anagram insults, which give us insight into the depths of evil that lie hidden in the letters of the Cowboys’ names, the anagram insult poetry signs to the soul (or the lack thereof) in the Dallas roster. “Weird clowns wield crowns” is a clear reference to the Cowboys leading the NFC East at the moment, which makes the “world wince” as the “old crew wins.”
“Lewd crow sin” is actually the name of the Cowboys 2021 offensive playbook, which has been successful so far this year, except for last week’s stunning upset, when the “cows drew nil” from their offensive plans. But the “cons wed wirl” and returned to their havoc and chaos this week, sadly resulting in more “old crew wins.”
The poetry is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Its wisdom should be used sparingly.
** Dropped another game to Dad in our weekly picks, so I’m only up four for the year and on the wrong side of a two-game losing streak to him. After going 79-41 in my picks in the first eight weeks of the season (66 percent correct) I’ve gone 12-16 the last two weeks (57 percent incorrect). This year is going bonkers. ** Really gonna need Miami to stop winning games so the Eagles can at least get one top-10 pick. It seems like the Giants and Maryland teams are gonna stink enough to push the Eagles into second place, whether they like it or not. The Giants are actually positioned right now to get the #5 pick and the #7 pick, thanks to a trade with the Bears last year.
** Speaking of draft picks, if QB Carson Wentz plays most of the snaps in 3.5 of the Colts last seven games, the Eagles get their first round pick too. Seems pretty plausible at this point they get three picks in the teens … and waste them all.
Week 10 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1287.26 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1244.76 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1211.37 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom), 1193.76 pts
5 — This Is Fine (Bob), 1181.85 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1163.07 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt Awesome), 1153.23 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1150.15 pts
9 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 1148.26 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1138.21 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 1035.99 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 753.69 pts
Big weeks by Mike (137.77 pts) and Jonathan (127.00 pts) cut into Joanna’s lead atop the standings, while a rough outing for Mom D sent her tumbling down out of the elite tier in the rankings.
Don’t sleep on Bob, whose team is heating up again and climbing slowly back into relevance. Feel free to sleep on my team and everyone below me — Everyone sitting more than 110 pts out of first appears to be treading water right now, following good weeks with bad ones and not making any real progress in the standings.
Speaking of irrelevant teams, the Falcons play this Thursday night against the suddenly surging (but probably more like “cheating”) Patriots. Get your rosters ready and shield your eyes from the horror of the game itself.
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