How the Eagles can still get in the playoffs:
** Win their last two games, finish 8-8 with the tiebreaker over the (best case scenario) 8-8 Maryland Racial Slurs.
** Win this week against the Slurs, tie with the Giants the next week, have the Slurs tie or lose against the Cowboys, finish 7-8-1 with the tiebreaker over the Slurs.
** Lose their last two games, but go back in time and win those very-winnable first two games against the Slurs and Cowboys, finish 8-8 with the tiebreaker over the Slurs.
** Transfer to the AFC South, beat the Texans and the Colts in the last two weeks, finish 8-8 with the tiebreaker over the Texans.
** Transfer to the NBA, play 68 more games, play .500 ball, finish 40-42 and likely sneak in as the #8 seed in the East.
** Carry over their 8 wins this year into next season, go 5-11 as expected, claim 13 wins and a first-round bye in the January 2017 playoffs.
** Lose this week, buy Amtrak tickets to DC for next month, travel down to FedEx field and get the full playoff experience from the front row of the stands.
But I feel like option 1 is worth trying first.
QB: Cam Newton, 51.60 pts -- started by Joanna WR: Antonio Brown, 33.60 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
RB: David Johnson, 41.50 pts -- started by Dad
TE: Jordan Reed, 21.10 pts -- started by Joanna
K: Stephen Gostkowski, 17.00 pts -- started by me
DEF: Kansas City, 23.00 pts -- started by Mike
D: Marcus Peters, 13.00 pts -- started by Joanna
Ohmigawd.
Oh.
Mi.
Gawd.
…
WE STARTED THEM ALL!!!!!!
For the first time since week five of 2012 (that’s 61 fantasy weeks ago, if you’re scoring at home) our league coaches managed to field all seven of the top players of the week. Sure, Joanna had three (almost four -- RB Danny Woodhead was #2 in scoring at his position for the week) and that made things a lot easier, but I’m still so proud of you all.
“Players we own” edition
3rd place: Marcus Mariota, -0.72 pts -- on Bob’s bench
2nd place: Carolina, -2.00 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
1st place: Buffalo, -3.00 pts -- started by Joel
I have no idea how the Philly defense was worth 1 point in the end.
It’s not every day you see two of the top defenses in the league post negative points, but then again, you don’t often see 10-6 teams dismantle their entire roster so they can come back and have a losing season the next year.
** Postgame show #1: Flipping radio channels on Sunday afternoon after the Mayland Racial Slurs big win, the host on local 92.7 FM was praising the local team’s final scoring drive, which came in response to the Bills mounting a comeback. “You needed a score there, and they got one,” he said. “That’s what championship teams do.”
You’re getting a little over excited there, buddy. This was a 6-7 team beating another 6-7 team. I know first place in the NFC East is a high perch, but maybe cut back on the Super Bowl talk after you’ve won three consecutive games for the first time in three years.
** Postgame show #2: Next up was the post-mortem on the Ravens’ big loss on Sunday, where the hosts at 105.7 FM were defending new QB Jimmy Claussen. He threw two INTs, one returned for a TD, but the locals noted that “if you take those out of the mix, he played really well for someone who was at home on his couch a few weeks ago. He made some nice throws, he protected the ball, he did better than many thought.”
Yes, if you remove all of his turnovers from the conversation, then he protected the ball well. And if you remove all of the other team’s scores, he played well enough to win.
If you still need some Christmas gifts for friends and family this week, consider the following great deals over at NFL.com:
-- Tom Brady autographed football, $999: Comes already partially deflated.
-- Detroit Lions air freshener, $4: It smells like losing. And cinnamon.
-- Demarco Murray signed poster, $110: Even in the photo, he looks like he’s running slow.
-- Super Bowl 40 autographed helmet, $12,000: Great for the budget buyer who doesn’t want to collect all those individual signatures.
-- Tim Tebow Eagles jersey, $45: No game-worn ones available, for some reason.
-- Falcons game-used seat cufflinks, $200: Seriously, though, these are just ugly leather buttons.
Thanks to the terribleness of the NFC East, the 4-9 Cowboys still had a chance of making the post-season this year … until Saturday night, when they lost 19-16 to the New Jersey Jets. That marks the end of their consecutive playoff appearances at one year, and brings a little more joy to this Christmas season. Consider:
The Cowboys are eliminated from the playoffs
** Oh, obit time: Hype flame off, world can rest easy
For the record, it’s still four more wins than I would have preferred.
** Boom! Went 3-1 against Dad this week, which means … hold on, let me get out the calculator … carry the one … multiply by 24 … we are dead even for the season at 143-81. That’s a 64% prediction percentage. And to think our blood feud will be settled by just a game or two...
** Second year in a row that a week 15 Eagles loss not only ruined my Sunday but also ended my fantasy football season in the pay league. Last year it was because Jeremy Maclin fell down at the one-yard line instead of scoring a TD -- I lost by 1 pt. This year, my opponent had the Cardinals defense and ot 14 pts off Eagles turnovers and that pick six -- I lost by 10. Combined, the Eagles’ ineptness has cost me at least $200. Love this team so much...
Week 15 standings 1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 2038.26 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1928.50 pts
3 -- 3rd is the new 1st (Sam) -- 1764.98 pts
4 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1764.97 pts
5 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1753.14 pts
6 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1736.85 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 1663.44 pts
8 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 1568.97 pts
9 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 1540.54 pts
10 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1452.23 pts
11 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 1324.82 pts
12 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 1298.38 pts
A few important notes:
-- There were no position changes this week. None. Zero.
-- Joanna had the best week of the year, with 185.81 pts … and picked up fewer than 3 pts in the standings on Dad. So, yeah.
-- The battle for third place is separated by 0.01 pts right now. Seriously. That’s awesome. And Sam even changed his name to explain how exciting that race is.
-- There’s almost no chance I end up anywhere other than 7th, so, meh.
-- Last year, nine teams broke 2000 pts for the season. This year, there’s a chance only two do. And, before someone points it out, the last time we had 12 teams (2012), 10 of them broke 2000 pts. So, yeah, this year sucks.
Just two weeks left in the grind. Keep putting out your best effort. Don’t be an Eagles defender.
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