Fantasy League 2022 -- week 12 recap

It’s time for everyone’s favorite game: Can you identify which of the following are players who have scored a World Cup goal this year and which are members of the Super Bowl runner-up Cincinnati Bengals? The soccer players are among the most famous names in the world. The Bengals just played in the NFL championship nine months ago. This should be easy, right?

If you scored more than 6 points, you’re a true sports fan. If you scored 10 points, you need to turn off the TV and get outside right now.

QB: Justin Herbert, 34.76 pts — started by Bob
WR: Garrett Wilson, 20.73 pts — started by Jo
RB: Josh Jacobs, 43.33 pts — started by me
TE: Dalton Schultz, 16.07 pts — started by Jeff
K: Justin Tucker, 15.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: San Francisco, 20.00 pts — started by Ant
D: Ed Oliver, 14.00 pts — on the wire

Gah! So close to another top performers’ sweep.

Through the first three months of the season, the top-scoring fantasy RB is Jacobs, the 25th back selected in our draft. This week was the fourth time he has scored more than 20 fantasy pts in a game and the third time he topped 30 pts. But this week was his best line of all — 6 catches for 74 yds and 229 yds rushing with 2 TDs, including a game-winning 86-yd TD run in overtime.

For the record, Jacobs (who I drafted) has a 13 point lead in the fantasy standings over the second place back, Titans RB Derrick Henry (who I drafted) and the 4th-place back, Browns RB Nick Chubb (who I drafted). They’re also the only three backs who have rushed for more than 1,000 yds so far this season. I don’t like to say “I told you so,” but … no, actually I do. Nevermind.

In their last four games, the 49ers defense has allowed 40 pts. In their first four games this season, they allowed 38 pts. And against Kansas City in week 7, they allowed 42 pts. So, I dunno. They’re good unless it’s Patrick Mahomes throwing the ball, and then who among us is any good anyway.

“Unskilled players” edition

3rd place: Jalen Virgil, -1.08 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Skylar Thompson, -1.26 pts — on the wire
1st place: CJ Moore, -1.50 pts — on the wire

I swear this is the first time I’ve ever heard Thompson’s name, but the stat sheet says that the Dolphins backup QB has appeared in four games this season and even started one. So, that’s all news to me. His 1-for-5 passing line with a fumble didn’t exactly make him memorable this week either.

Through 11 games, the Cleveland Browns defense — predicted to be among the best in the league in the pre-season — has amassed an amazing 35.00 fantasy pts, or less than 3.2 a game. They’re been worth negative points four times this season and less than 6.00 pts a whopping eight times. So why did I pick them up this week? Good question. I’m trying to remember.


** If you stayed up for the end of the Sunday night football game, you heard this:

Mike Tirico: “The Eagles rushed for 363 yards in the win tonight, with more than 300 of them coming from Jalen Hurts and Miles Sanders alone.”
Cris Collingsworth: “You know Mike, you gotta give some credit here to Jalen Hurts.”

I mean, I guess. Setting a team record for QB rushing and becoming the first player ever to rush for 125 yds and pass for 125 yds in a SINGLE HALF sounds impressive, but I think the defensive line really deserves the credit. And maybe Tom Brady, just because.

** Headline on ESPN’s featured video on Thanksgiving night: Did CeeDee Lamb deserve a touchdown on this incredible play?

When viewers saw the video, it showed the Cowboys wideout making a twisting catch in the back of the end zone … and clearly stepping out of bounds. Like, no question. And the refs called it out of bounds, no catch. So the answer, I guess, is “no.” He did not, because it’s not a catch. But that’s for the 30 seconds of my life wasted.

How the 1-9-1 Texans, the worst team in football, can still make the playoffs:

** The Texans win their last six games, all upsets. They finish 7-9-1.

** The Titans lose their next six games and finish 7-10.

** The Jaguars win both of their remaining games against the Titans but lose three of the other four, finishing with a 7-10 record.
** The Colts win three of their next five games but lose their finale against the Texans. They finish 7-9-1.

If all that happens, then Houston wins the AFC South on tiebreakers over the Colts (1-0-1 head-to-head record) and they host a home playoff game, likely welcoming in a 11-win Dolphins.

How the 10-1 Eagles, the best team in football, can still miss the playoffs:

** The Eagles lose their last six games and finish 10-7.

** The Maryland Commies win four of their last six, finishing at 11-6.

** The New Jersey Giants win four of their last six, finishing at 11-6.

** The Cowboys win four of their last six, finishing at 11-6.

** The 49ers win four of their last six, finishing at 11-6.

** The Seahawks win five of their last six, finishing at 11-6.

At that point, the Eagles would lose out on the final playoff spot by a single game, but still likely finish with a better or equal record to the NFC South champion (only the Bucs still have a chance to finish with 11 wins.)

The point of all this is, nothing has been lost or clinched yet. There is still more football to go.
Last month, due to injuries along their offensive line, the Dallas front office signed former Virginia Tech lineman Brock Hoffman to their practice squad. Coaches said they saw in him everything they want in a player. What is that? Just look at his name and it’s spelled out clear as day:

Cowboys Center Brock Hoffman
** Mr. frown face. Snob be cocky, tho.

Not many people know that smiling is outlawed at Dallas practices, and in most of Texas for that matter.

** Split the picks with Dad this week, so he remains six behind with six weeks left in the regular season. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have picked either team to win that dreadful Monday night game.

** Just putting the realistic Philly math out there — The Eagles are 10-1 after 12 weeks. If they go 3-3 over their last six games, they’ll finish 13-4. In order to match that record, the second place NFC East team (the Cowboys) will have to go 5-1. And if the Eagles beat the Cowboys on Dec. 24, the Cowboys have to finish a game ahead of the Eagles in the standings in order to win the division, due to favorable Philadelphia tiebreaks.

** The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that Sunday night’s NBC broadcast of the Eagles game featured zero — as is none, nada, zip — references to cheesesteaks. The achievement was blunted by the fact that Collinsworth just talked for four hours straight about how wonderful Aaron Rogers is, but still.

** Delaware will play top-ranked South Dakota State in the second round of the FCS playoffs at 3 p.m. on Saturday, in case you want to watch college football and your team had their season ended last week in a rivalry loss. Just saying.

   Week 12 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 8-4/1574.40 pts
2 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 7-5/1558.34 pts
3 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-5/1508.28 pts
4 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 7-5/1406.76 pts
5 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Jimmy), 6-6/1578.82 pts
6 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Uncle Jim), 6-6/1443.66 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 5-7/1481.94 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-10/930.88 pts

Tough break this week for Jimmy, whose 142.22 pts would have beaten five other teams this week, but not the season-high 171.86 pts my team threw down. He actually has the most points scored of any team on the year, but finds himself outside the playoff bracket at the moment because of some bad luck.

Meanwhile, Eileen continues to stay ahead of the pack (just barely) and Mom eked out just enough points to jump back into fourth place. Despite the second-lowest scoring team in the league (and the Losers don’t really count anyways), she’s in playoff contention. Fantasy football is a mysterious, cruel sport.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1580.04 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1510.34 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1462.15 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1413.10 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1344.80 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1315.06 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1272.49 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1269.86 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1202.49 pts
10 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1172.20 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1160.42 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 1035.44 pts

Dad had a great week, Ant and Jonathan had solid performances too, and I got 73.07 pts from my three great RBs and 8.14 pts from my three terrible wideouts. So, maybe you can’t win a fantasy league with RBs alone.

But does any of this matter? Mom D continues her dominance over the league. She hasn’t scored fewer than 110 fantasy pts since week 2, and has finished in the top three in team scoring five of the last seven weeks. She now has a nearly 70 pts lead over second place and a 118 pts gap between her and third place (occupied by the reigning Awesome Cup champ). At this rate, she may have the title wrapped up before the Eagles clinch a playoff spot.

Next week is the start of December and week 13 on the NFL schedule … so of course we’re back to bye weeks for some reason. The good news is that it’s only the Panthers and Cardinals, and all of their players are garbage. But the Thursday game is Bills vs. Patriots, which is a pretty good one, so check those rosters early.

Fantasy League 2022 -- week 11 recap

The quadrennial World Cup tournament kicked off this week in Qatar with the U.S. national team hoping to make a deep run in the global contest (don’t hold your breath). Soccer remains the most popular youth sport in America but trails far behind in professional sports attention and salaries. But popular opinion of the sport could change in the Philadelphia area instantly if officials tapped some athletic notables from the region for some exhibition games. Consider the options:

Sixers G James Harden — He has an offensive mindset, still has speed up the middle of the court, and is an expert flopper when he grazes an opponent. He’d be a perfect soccer forward.

Eagles QB Jalen Hurts — Hurts is known for running and passing. That’s all soccer is, right? Also there’s a good chance he’d run right through a defender, which can only help with the excitement levels.

Phillies OF Kyle Schwarber — Dude has sneaky speed, including stealing a base in the World Series. Plus he smacks the ball really far, so he could be a good defender to clear out the zone.

Sixers C Joel Embiid — He’s 7 feet tall with a 7-foot-5-inch wingspan. A natural goalie.

Former Eagles WR JJ Arcega-Whiteside — He can’t use his hands for anything useful in football, so maybe a sport where no hands are allowed will be the perfect sport for him.

Leeds MF Brenden Aaronson — Dude is from New Jersey but lives in England now. I dunno, maybe he knows something about how the sport is played.

QB: Joe Burrow, 34.70 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Davante Adams, 24.90 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Tony Pollard, 30.27 pts — started by Ant
TE: Travis Kelce, 28.67 pts — started by Joel
K: Tyler Bass, 23.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: (tie) New England, 20.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: (tie) Baltimore, 20.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: (tie) Washington, 20.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Maxx Crosby, 12.50 pts — started by Dad

It’s a historic day in the Awesome Cup league of record. For only the fourth time in the last decade, we managed to start every top performer on the week. 

But unlike the like last three times, when we went seven-for-seven, this time we went an incredible nine-for-seven, with all three tied defenses getting started by different teams.

It was a group effort, with no team starting more than one top performer. I’m so proud of you all.
The last time we managed to sweep the top performers list was October 2021, a mere 24 fantasy weeks ago. We’ve never had it happen twice in the same season, but there are still seven weeks left. I believe in you all.

  
“General lousiness” edition

3rd place: Avery Williams, -1.38 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Giants, -3.00 pts — on Joanna’s bench
1st place: Minnesota, -6.00 pts — started by Mike

This is also the first time in league history that we’ve started all the best performers and the absolute worst performer in the same week, so kudos to Mike for helping us reach that achievement.

The Vikings — many pundits’ pick for the best team in football after their chaotic upset of the Bills two Sundays ago — were thoroughly beat down by the Cowboys this Sunday, allowing 40 points while recording zero sacks, turnovers or signs of life in the game. Might be time to revise those power rankings.

Williams is an Atlanta special teams player who recorded 33 return yds and a fumble on the same day that Falcons RB Cordelle Patterson had 147 return yards and a TD to set the NFL’s all-time record for kickoff return TDs at nine. I guess what I’m wondering is, why was Williams fielding kicks at all?



** During NFL games on Sunday, Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum ran a commercial featuring the “Spiced Play of the Week,” which was the Giants coming back from a 20-10 fourth-quarter deficit to win 24-20.

Two problems — first, that’s not a play, that’s five separate offensive and defensive drives by the Giants. Second, that happened on Oct. 16, more than a month ago. So your “Spiced Play of the Week” wasn’t a play and didn’t happen this week. But maybe it was at least spiced, I’m not really sure what that means anyways.

** On Thursday, Amazon Prime color commentator Kirk Herbstreit noted that “the crowd is really playing a factor” as the Titans tried to call out a play during their match-up against the Packers.

It was the first offensive play of the game when he said it. The first one. Like, unless the Titans came out and forfeited, how is the crowd “really playing a factor” before the ball has been snapped once? The Titans didn’t call a timeout. They didn’t have a miscommunication that resulted in a turnover. They just … yelled a little louder. And then won by 10. So I guess they overcame that overwhelming first first-down crowd noise somehow.

The Eagles play the Packers next Sunday night, and I hear the home crowd noise is already playing a factor in Green Bay’s ability to enjoy Thanksgiving.

** Story on NFL.com Sunday night talking about Atlanta TE Kyle Pitt’s knee injury: “If they lose [Pitts] for an extended period, it will be a tough blow for the 5-6 Falcons as they cling to their playoff lives.”

 
Just another reminder here that the 6-5 Maryland Commies are in fourth place in the NFC East and the 5-6 Falcons are a half-game out of the playoffs in the NFC South and no one is talking about permanently banning that division from playing football ever again even though we should.
 

** Giants QB Daniel Jones has just nine TD passes in 10 starts, so naturally his team is …7-3 and would be in the postseason if the playoffs started today.

** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is on pace for 792 rushing yds this year and could finish as … the fourth best rushing QB in the league. He currently trails Bills QB Josh Allen (on pace for 820), Ravens QB Lamar Jackson (1,132) and Bears QB Justin Fields (already at 834 yds, on pace for 1,418).

** Dolphins WRs Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are first and fifth in the league in receiving yards, respectively. Their QB, Tua Tagovailoa, missed two games due to injury, so he is … somehow 15th in passing yards on the season.

** The Broncos are averaging almost 4 yds a carry on rushes this season … and are the only NFL team not to have any runs of more than 20 yards through week 11.

** The NFC East and AFC East each have four teams over .500. The other six divisions have … six teams over .500 combined.

The Cowboys signed former Utah DE Mika Tafua as an undrafted free agent last summer as a potential piece for their defensive line. But late last week, after an underwhelming performance so far this season, he was cut from the team. It seems like a small but still significant wasted pile of money by the Dallas scouting staff, who could have sniffed out Tafua’s lack of talent if they had simply looked at what the letters in his name obviously spell:

Dallas Cowboys Rookie DE Mika Tafua
** I’m a bad, fat, odious, leaky, wacko loser

I could see signing him if he was just a fat loser, or just a bad loser, or even just a leaky loser. But with all those things combined, it’s baffling what the coaches ever saw in him.

** Dad started out strong with a Thursday night win, but dropped two to me on Sunday in our weekly picks and now sits again at minus-6 for the season. But I applaud his resolve each year to insist that the Jets will find a way to beat the Patriots in New England, even though the last time that happened was 2008.

** “Unstoppable” WR Justin Jefferson had three catches for 33 yds in the Vikings blowout loss to the Cowboys on Sunday. Just saying.

** Honestly, though, there is a not-crazy scenario where all four teams from the NFC East make the playoffs this year. All it would take is some stumbles from the 49ers and a few key tie breaking scenarios between the Commies, Falcons and Saints.

** The Delaware Blue Hens will host the Saint Francis Red Flash in the first round of the FCS playoffs on Saturday. The winner advances to the second round and claims the top spot on the college football color wheel for the next year.


Week 11 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 7-4/1428.98 pts
2 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 7-4/1393.22 pts
3 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 6-5/1436.60 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 6-5/1386.48 pts
5 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 6-5/1348.44 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 6-5/1281.86 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 4-7/1343.52 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 2-9/835.14 pts

It happened again — a blowout by the Cowboys combined with a bad week from Jim equals the second win of the season for our joke team. We may need to re-evaluate this arrangement in the future.

On the other hand, the four highest scoring teams of the week all won, so that’s a welcome change. With just four weeks left, everyone (even Dad) has a chance at making the four-team playoffs. It’s going to be a tight finish.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1440.86 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1390.87 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1366.93 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1280.61 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1200.24 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1185.89 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1173.71 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1156.59 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1092.31 pts
10 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 1064.94 pts
11 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1059.39 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 946.59 pts

Another dominant week from Mom D (159 pts on the nose!) gives her a comfortable 49.99 pts lead in the top spot this week. The next three spots remain unchanged, while Dad continues to creep slowly up the standings into respectable results, but he may still be too far away for a podium finish.

And at the other end? Paul managed what may have been the worst week ever by a real team in the league, with 35.55 pts total — almost what Joe Burrow scored alone this week. It does hurt when you start five players on a bye, plus another one who gets hurt in the first quarter. Still, it’s worth noting that Paul’s bench scored 40.33 pts, so simply replacing all of his starters with his bench would have produced a better result.

Thanksgiving is this week, in case no one told you. That means all 32 teams are playing, but six of them suit up on Thursday for our holiday enjoyment. Get your rosters settled before you start setting the table.

Fantasy League 2022 -- week 10 recap

One week after the Buccaneers and Seahawks played in Germany, the NFL will host a game in Mexico City between the Cardinals and 49ers next week. That will be the fourth different country to host an American football game this season (fifth if you admit that Buffalo is actually part of Canada and not the U.S.) in the league’s effort to attract a worldwide audience.

But there are still so many more foreign markets the NFL could explore. Here’s a look at some potential venues for next season:

** Japan — American baseball already has a huge following there. Why not see if they’d like to give American football a try too? Plus, have you seen their game shows? Those people will watch anything.

** Antarctica — Everybody loves football in the snow. Why not pick a location where it’s guaranteed? Getting spectators there may be a problem, so be sure to include the Packers in this contest. They seem to have frontrunner fans everywhere.

** Qatar — The country is going to need to do something with all of those soccer stadiums after the World Cup is finished, and the government would be willing to pay handsomely for the good publicity of having a U.S. sport come in. And the NFL has never turned down blood money before…

** France — There probably isn’t a groundswell of local fan support for this plan, but the NFL might need to do it for diplomatic reasons. After all, with England and Germany getting NFL games, the U.S. might have include the French in the package just to keep everybody’s feelings safe.

** Brazil — One word: TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOWN!

** Cleveland — Given the long historic ties between the city and the league. NFL execs should consider sending a real football team to play there one of these years.

QB: Justin Fields, 43.38 pts — started by Joel
WR: Christian Watson, 27.13 pts — on the wire
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 22.77 pts — started by Ant
TE: Cole Kmet, 18.93 pts — on the wire
K: Joey Slye, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Tennessee, 13.00 pts — started by me
D: Eric Kendricks, 11.50 pts — on the wire

At least we got three? Ugh.

Fields over the last four weeks has nine passing TDs, five rushing TDs, 1,365 yds of total offense, 36 more fantasy pts than the next closest player and … a 1-3 record. Might be time to start finding some other good players to put around him, Chicago.

Watson, the rookie Green Bay WR, had 10 catches for 88 yds and zero TDs coming into Sunday’s game. He finished the day with eight catches for 107 yds and three TDs. As Fox analyst Greg Olsen astutely observed: “That’s probably the biggest game of his young career.” Probably. But his one catch for one yard game against the Giants four weeks ago is certainly in contention too.

“Skill players” edition

3rd place: Jody Fortson, -0.86 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Amari Rodgers, -1.74 pts — on the wire
1st place: Malik Willis, -2.40 pts — on the wire

All three of these guys were on teams that won, somehow.

Willis — the highly touted Liberty University QB drafted by the Titans last spring — had his second negative scoring game of the season on Sunday thanks to a -4 yard rush where he fumbled the ball. In four games this season, he has amassed 6.54 fantasy pts. And two of those games were starts. Ouch.

Rodgers had one catch on Sunday and a fumble on a punt return, but that’s not what I want to talk about. How is this guy allowed to play in Green Bay? You already have a very well known A. Rodgers on the team. You can’t have a second one, especially if he’s a special teams player. How many times can the fans hear “A. Rodgers is back to receive the punt” without suffering a heart attack caused by confusion?

Alas, Amari was cut by the Packers on Tuesday afternoon. No word if they signed punt returner Bobby Favre as his replacement.


** Ohio State was leading 28-7 late in the second quarter when RB Miyan Williams suffered an ankle injury on a second-down run. Williams had to be helped off the field, and the team looked emotionally shook as they resumed play. On third and two, the Ohio State backup Dallan Hayden ran up the middle for one yard. So, on fourth down and one from the Indiana 17 yard line, the Ohio State coaching staff opted to … skip the easy FG and run up the middle again. You know, behind the offensive line that was upset that their leading rusher just got carted off the field a few minutes ago.

Surprisingly, it didn’t work. The Buckeyes lost a yard on the play and turned the ball over. And the Hoosiers defense ran off the field celebrating, with several players flexing and pointing at the Columbus crowd, taunting them.

My friends in Indiana: The Ohio State decision was stupid, but overcelebrating when you’re trailing by 21 points is more stupider, as they say in the SEC. Even without their lead back, the Buckeyes hung up another 28 points on Indiana in the second half for an eventual 56-14 win. But the defense will always have that one play…

** Sports Illustrated’s Brian Murphy wrote this after Vikings WR Justin Jefferson posted 10 catches for 193 yds and a TD in his team’s win over the Bills on Sunday:

“Jefferson cemented his status as the NFL’s most dynamic receiver, an unstoppable game-breaker who is performing Moss-like tricks for the franchise that introduced the world to Randy.”

Unstoppable? Really? Because I remember Jefferson having six catches for 48 yds against the Eagles and following that up with a three-catch, 14-yard performance against the Lions. But I guess we only count the good games.

** ESPN’s fantasy football advice column on Sunday morning had Dallas RB Ezekiel Elliott as the 16th-ranked running back on the week, one spot ahead of Miami RB Jeff Wilson. Wilson ended up with 119 yds and a TD, making him the sixth-best back on the week.

The fantasy rankings are always complete crapshoots, so the fact that the ESPN “experts” were that far off is no surprise. Still, it’s worth noting that Elliott missed his previous game due to injury, then was questionable all week, then was ruled out of playing in the morning, and ESPN … never bothered to update their rankings.

Not sure what the point of having any rankings is if you don’t pay a little attention to the players’ health. But, with that in mind, I’m picking RB Barry Sanders as my fantasy play of the week next week. Last time I saw him in uniform he looked great, and that’s good enough research for me.

New NFL power rankings based on the Eagles surprise loss on Monday night:

1 — Minnesota Vikings
An 8-1 record and a come-from-behind victory over the legendary Buffalo Bills makes the Vikings the clear best team in all of football. Who cares if the Eagles beat them earlier this season? You can’t just look at one game on the schedule.

2 — Buffalo Bills
Sure, they’re not even first in their own division, but don’t they feel like they belong here? That’s what’s really important. Despite their 6-3 record, they still have the best odds in Vegas to win the Super Bowl. Because.

3 — Dallas Cowboys
Sure, they’re not even second in their own division, but don’t they feel like they belong here? Dak Prescott is an explosive, exciting QB, even if he has shown no signs of that all season. You just know it’s true.

4 — Kansas City Chiefs
They have the actual best record in the AFC, but they lost to the Bills back in October, and sometimes you just have to look at one game on the schedule to determine how good teams are.

5 — New Jersey Giants
They beat the Houston Texans by a more convincing margin than the Eagles, so you have to rank them above the division leading birds. That’s just simple math.

6 — Maryland Commies
They just beat the undefeated Eagles! So they’re a better team than them. Sure they lost to the Eagles earlier this year, but you can’t just look at one game on the schedule. You need to pay attention to the recent trends.

7 — Philadelphia Eagles
They’re tied with the Vikings for the best record in all of football, but look at the weak opponents they’ve beaten so far: The Cardinals, the Commies, the Cowboys, the Vikings. Now look at who the Vikings had to play: the Commies, the Eagles. Clearly, they have a better schedule. Honestly, I’m not even sure the Eagles belong in the top 10 anymore…

Cowboys Coach Mike McCarthy this week made his first trip back to Wisconsin since he was let go as the Green Bay coach in 2019. The event was billed as a chance for the Super-Bowl winning McCarthy (while he was with the Packers, not with the Cowboys, obviously, since they haven’t won anything of consequence in 25 years) to enact a measure of revenge on his old team. 

But instead, the Packers notched a surprising 31-28 victory, which everyone would have seen coming if they had just looked more closely at the letters in McCarthy’s name:

Cowboys Mike McCarthy appears at Lambeau again
** Aha! A comic aroma beat ya — Packers win by glam upset

I’d say scoring 17 unanswered points in the 4th quarter and overtime counts as a glamorous upset. Dallas now sits at 6-3 on the season, a record that would mean first place in four different divisions but sadly for them means third place in the NFC East.

** I scored another win against Dad this week in our picks, which puts me up five on the season. Special thanks to the Broncos, who seem to be the only reliable team in the NFL right now. If there is a chance for them to lose, they grab it without hesitation.

** As of right now, the Eagles are tied for the best record in the NFL and the #4 overall pick in next year’s draft. Thanks, New Orleans!

** Looks like TE Dallas Goedert is out for an extended stretch after he was injured on a play Monday night where his head totally wasn’t ripped off on a blatant facemask penalty, because if it was the refs would have called it or acknowledged a mistake later, right? So weird he got hurt on a nothing play.

** Mets manager Buck Showalter won baseball's NL coach of the year after guiding his team from a 22-29 record at the start of the season to 65-46 record in the second half without the 2021 MVP , leading them to their first postseason berth since 2011 and first World Series since 2009. Oh, no, wait, that was another guy. Why did Showalter win again? 

Week 10 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 7-3/1309.72 pts
2 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 6-4/1266.96 pts
3 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 6-4/1242.10 pts
4 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 6-4/1190.20 pts
5 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 5-5/1287.90 pts
6 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt. Awesome), 5-5/1254.68 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 4-6/1215.48 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 1-9/704.50 pts

We’re five weeks out from the playoffs and only one team has been mathematically eliminated (news flash, it’s the joke team at the bottom of the standings). Eileen has started to pad her lead over the rest of the field, but a three-game win streak by Dad could still get him into first place.

Meanwhile, Uncle Jim and I have more total points than the two teams in front of us, meaning we’d both hop ahead of them in the case of a tied record. Buckle up, the final third of the regular season is gonna be exciting.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1281.86 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt. Awesome), 1273.31 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1247.01 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1154.11 pts
5 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1086.32 pts
6 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 1082.69 pts
7 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 1078.18 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1075.92 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 998.01 pts
10 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 972.37 pts
11 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 951.82 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 911.04 pts

A league-winning week from Mike (130.24 pts) and a terrible week from Paul (78.88 pts) swaps the bottom of the standings in convincing fashion. At this point, it’s just a battle for pride, but Mike could still overtake a handful of teams in the next few weeks if WR Jamarr Chase ever comes back.

At the top of the standings, a so-so week from Mom D allows both Joanna and I to get within striking distance of first place. Jonathan is only 127 pts back, and after that it gets difficult. Like, Green-Bay-making-the-playoffs difficult. But they upset the Cowboys this week, so who knows anymore.

Next week the Eagles play a Sunday afternoon game (remember when they used to do that?) and the league has a relatively normal schedule. But there’s still a dumb Thursday night game to worry about, so get your rosters set early.

Fantasy League 2022 -- week 9 recap

With the Eagles now 8-0 and dominating the NFL, it’s a fair question to ask — when is the next time they’ll lose a game? Here are the most realistic chances:

** Week 13 — at home vs. Tennessee
The Titans are the next team with a winning record on the Eagles schedule. WR AJ Brown could be overhyped for the contest against his old team, and the 11-0 Eagles could be looking ahead to a key matchup against the Giants a week later.

** Week 16 — away vs. Dallas
At 14-0, the Eagles already will have the NFC East and number one seed in the NFC locked up. Can they still muster enough focus to take down their biggest rival?

** Super Bowl — away vs. Buffalo
The 19-0 Eagles face their biggest challenge yet, a Bills team with a solid defense and an incredible offense. Scoring enough points to keep up with QB Josh Allen will be a real challenge.

** Week 4, 2023 — away vs. New England
Now having won their last 23 straight games, the Eagles travel north to face a Patriots squad that is always a tough out. Will coach Nick Sirianni know how to motivate his squad after so much winning?

** Super Bowl 2024 — away vs. New Jersey Jets
After two Super Bowl titles and an incredible 59 straight wins, the Eagles square off against the upstart Jets, a team that has never beaten them since entering the NFL. Will three-time MVP Jalen Hurts be able to repeat his magic again on the sport’s biggest stage?

** Week 6, 2026 — at home vs. Dallas
The NFL cancels its season just hours before kickoff after the other owners concede that no team will ever beat the Eagles again. Does that count as a loss?

QB: Justin Fields, 48.72 pts — on Joel’s bench
WR: Davante Adams, 26.73 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Joe Mixon, 51.17 pts — started by Bob
TE: Cole Kmet, 18.13 pts — on the wire
K: Nick Folk, 17.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: New England, 29.00 pts — started by Jo
D: Jonathan Jones, 13.00 pts — on the wire

Mixon’s incredible Sunday — 5 TDs, 153 rushing yds, 4 catches for 58 more yds — is the best fantasy performance in … two years. Saints RB Alvin Kamara had a 6 TD, 54.13-pts game on Christmas day 2020. Feels like that should have been more historic.

Speaking of history, there hasn’t been a Bears QB atop the top performers list since the days of Rex Grossman. But Fields, the former Ohio State star, scored the second-best QB performance of the year with a totally normal state line for the position: 123 yds and three TDs passing, 178 yds and 1 TD rushing. No idea how you pass for that little and get that many touchdowns or how you run for that many yards and get so few scores. And the Bears lost. Football remains a mystery.

FYI, the Patriots’ defensive performance was the top one of the year thus far, but nobody cares because it’s the Patriots and they’re somehow the worst team in the AFC East.

“Elite QBs” edition

3rd place: Brandon Allen, 0.78 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Nick Mullens, -0.12 pts — on the wire
1st place: PJ Walker, -3.04 pts — on the wire

Walker, one of very few stars from the new XFL startup a few years back, put up an incredibly dreadful line in Sunday’s loss by Carolina: three completions on 10 attempts for nine yds, with two interceptions. That’a passer rating of zero, folks. 0.00. And remember, you dropping the remote on Sunday (one pass attempt for zero yds) is a 39.6 rating under the NFL calculation.

As long as we’re pointing out truly incredible stat lines, check out the QB comparison from the Sunday night matchup:

 
— Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes: 43 of 68, 446 yds, one TD, one INT.
— Titans QB Malik Willis: 5 of 16, 80 yds.

 
Mahomes almost had more completions on Sunday than the Titans had offensive plays (48). And the Chiefs just barely won, in overtime. It’s like the two teams were playing completely different games and somehow evenly matched.


** During that Sunday night game, the NBC TV crews zoomed in on a fan near field level with a big sign that said “WE BELIEVE IN OUR CHIEFS.” And I did a double take, because it read like the kind of generic sign that video games put in the stands as space filler. I mean, is there anyone who doesn’t believe in the Chiefs? They’ve been to two of the last three Super Bowls and are one of the top two teams in the AFC. I don’t really see a host of doubters out there.

 
** The Colts fired coach Frank Reich on Sunday and named Jeff Saturday, a former offensive lineman and Indianapolis consultant with no coaching experience, as the team leader for the rest of the season. Owner Jim Irsay explained the hiring this way:

"I'm glad he doesn't have any NFL experience. I'm glad he hasn't learned the fear that's in this league, because it's tough for all our coaches. They're afraid. They go to analytics and it gets difficult. He doesn't have all that. He doesn't have that fear. We were fortunate he was available.”

Yes, very surprising a guy with zero NFL coaching experience was available to step into that role. It’s almost as if other teams didn’t scoop him up because he was unqualified for the job.
At least Saturday won’t be intimidated by all those big, mean statistics.

Tuesday is voting day across America. So to get you ready to make well-reasoned choices at the ballot box, here are a few Philly sports questions that right now are too close to call:

Who is the most popular Philly athlete right now?
** Bryce Harper, Phillies
** Jalen Hurts, Eagles
** Joel Embiid, Sixers
Six months ago, Embiid was the runaway favorite, but some of the shine has come off with another set of postseason failures. Hurts is the leader of an undefeated Eagles squad, the most popular team in town, but he probably isn’t as loved as Jason Kelce or AJ Brown. After an MLB playoff run that featured ridiculous heroics from Harper, it feels like maybe the title is his unless Hurts can win it all.

Who is the most popular Philly coach right now?
** Rob Thomson, Phillies
** Nick Sirianni, Eagles
** Jim Curtin, Union
Thomson and Sirianni may split the votes in this one, opening the door for Curtin, a third-party candidate with a rabid following. Sixers coach Doc Rivers finished a distant fourth in primary voting. And no one even knows if the Flyers have a coach.

What was the best Phillies postseason moment?
** Six-run 9th inning vs. the Cardinals
** Two-run HR by Harper vs. the Padres
** Five HR game vs. the Astros
Feels like all of these are worthy candidates, but the Harper HR is likely to be the moment etched in the back of our heads for years to come.

What team is most likely to enrange Philly fans next?
** Eagles
** Sixers
** Phillies
A sudden Eagles slide could turn fans ugly, but the team could finish the season 4-5 and still get a high playoff seed. The Sixers look like a strong candidate here, given that they’re already under .500 and missing key stars. But don’t sleep on the Phillies. Remember, they barely made the postseason this year. A 81-81 finish next year isn’t out of the question.

Who is the most-hated recent postseason villain for Philly?
** Jimmy Butler
** Tom Brady
** Jeremy Peña
** John Smotlz
Butler and Brady knocked the Sixers and Eagles out of the playoffs in their most recent visits, but that feels more like a business deal than personal attack right now. Pena was a pain in the rear for the whole World Series. But honestly, no one broke fans spirits more than Smoltz, with his idiotic, non-stop commentary for multiple playoff series.


The pre-season hype around new Cowboys defensive lineman Sam Williams was all positive in August, but the season so far has been a mild disappointment, with just nine tackles and two sacks. But the Dallas coaching staff could have predicted the failure if they had just paid closer attention to all the warning signs in his name. Consider the clear messages in the letters there:

Dallas DE Sam Williams
** A dismal, sad, smell. Wail.
** A lawless lad, mild aims
** A male w/ ills, mad as lids
** A wild dilemma, all sass

Remember, you can’t spell “Williams” without “I am swill.”

** Great week for Dad, who went 3-1 against me in the weekly picks and jumped up to only four down on the season. Thanks to the Raiders, Falcons and Packers for really letting me down this week.

** I didn’t have time to make fun of the NFL game in Germany this week but if the Germans want to keep Tom Brady I’m sure there’s some kind of trade we can work out.


Week 9 standings

Garrity Family Thorwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 6-3/1,178.52 pts
2 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 5-4/1,184.2 pts
3 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 5-4/1,160.92 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 5-4/1,154.94 pts
5 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 5-4/1,100.92 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 5-4/1,080.96 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 4-5/1,115.58 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 1-8/602.6 pts

Once again, no one is winning this league. The difference between first place and seventh is two games and about 60 points. With just six weeks left in the regular season, it’s impossible to tell who is going to go on a hot streak and make the top four playoff spots. So that’s fun!

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1,165.30 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1,154.74 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 1,128.94 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1,045.75 pts
5 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 991.88 pts
6 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 984.82 pts
7 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 965.73 pts
8 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 958.89 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 912.57 pts
10 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 865.48 pts
11 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 832.66 pts
12 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 822.08 pts

Good weeks from Mom D, me and Jo pushed us all up a tier above the rest of the field. Jonathan remains in striking distance, and Mixon’s crazy week has Bob slowly climbing up the charts.

Meanwhile, Paul and Mike are in a battle for last place, with both of their teams barely outsourcing Mixon (62.20 pts for Paul, 61.51 for Mike).

This week features a Thursday game, an early Sunday game, and the Eagles not playing until Monday night. Watch your rosters carefully.

Fantasy League 2022 -- week 8 recap

Starting tonight, Philadelphia sports teams will square off against Houston clubs four times in the next three days (and more over the weekend if the World Series goes past game five). In an effort to better prepare you for the competitions, here are a few facts about “Space City” you should know:

— Houston was one of the first capitals of Texas, but the seat of government was moved in 1839 because of problems with drunkenness, dueling, brawling and prostitution in the city.

— Since the Texans began play in 2002, they have never beaten the Eagles (0-5) or the Vikings (0-4).

— Houston’s main exports today are oil, propane and cheating scandals.

— The first baseball game in Houston Astros history took place on April 12, 1965. The home team lost to the visiting Phillies, 2-0. The Houston radio announcer for the game was a young Harry Kalas, who later went on to announce much better games in Philadelphia.

— Some of the best know Houston athletes are former Astros P Andy Petitte (admitted steroid user), former Texans QB DeSean Watson (accused sexual predator), Cougars Coach Kelvin Sampson (suspended five years by the NCAA for cheating), and gymnast Simone Biles (who won all of her gold medals while not being in Houston).

— In 2002, Eagles S Brian Dawkins became the first player ever to record a sack, an interception, a fumble recovery and a receiving TD in a game against the Houston Texans.

 
— Houston is only about three hours away from Dallas, so you know that it’s full of Cowboys fans too.

 

QB: Jalen Hurts, 36.40 pts — started by Mom D
WR: A.J. Brown, 31.40 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 36.43 pts — started by Paul
TE: Tyler Conklin, 20.27 pts — on the wire
K: Nick Folk, 21.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: New Orleans, 21.00 pts — on the wire
D: Za'Darius Smith, 10.00 pts — on the wire

Brown had his second 150-yds-plus receiving day of the season on Sunday. But unlike the first one — where he had zero TDs — this time he took three trips to the end zone. On the season so far, he’s seventh in WR scoring, but four of the players ahead of him haven’t had their bye week yet. He’s on pace for 1,600 yds this season. The last time the Eagles had a 1,000-yd receiver? Jeremy Maclin, in 2014. Brown may get there before the end of November.

RB Derrick Henry rushed for 219 yds and two TDs in Sunday’s win by the Titans over the Texans and ended up … third in the fantasy RB standings. That’s because McCaffrey rushed for a TD, received a TD and threw for a third TD. And Alvin Kamara rushed for one and caught two more. From weeks 1 through 7, only five RBs topped 30 fantasy points in a single week. This week, five RBs did it on Sunday. Football is weird.

“Extra special teams” edition

3rd place: Deon Jackson, -0.40 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Dee Delaney, -0.50 pts — on the wire
1st place: Richie James Jr., -3.44 pts — on the wire

James wasn’t the only reason the New Jersey Giants lost on Sunday, but he certainly didn’t help. He fumbled two of the six punts he fielded in the game against the Seahawks, and averaged just seven return yds on the others. That ain’t great.

Special shout out to the Bears defense, which recorded a sack and an interception on Sunday and still scored -3.00 fantasy pts, because that’s what happens when your team gives up 49 pts.


** The stupidest thing I heard this week was John Smoltz. Like, every word he said. Every time he told baseball viewers that it was a mistake to throw a pitch down the center of the plate to a good hitter. Every time he said one team couldn’t afford to give up more runs. Everything. I never thought I’d want to hear Joe Buck’s voice on a baseball game again, but here we are.

** Last Thursday night, at halftime of the Bucs/Ravens disaster of a game, former player turned analyst Richard Sherman said he was shocked that Baltimore had relied more on its passing game in the first two quarters rather than its usually-solid run offense.

“You can’t change your game like that,” he said. “You’ve got to fall on the sword you brought.”

Not positive that “you should kill yourself” is the best coaching advice I’ve heard before, but I do think from my rudimentary knowledge of mideval history that knights typically brought swords to fight the other guys, not to use on themselves.

** But for real, the stupidest thing I heard this week was John Smoltz.

The scariest NFL player names for this Halloween:

** Broncos RB Mike Boo-ne
** Chiefs QB Pa-trick Mahomes
** 49ers OT Daniel Bruns-kill
** Dolphins WR Tyr-eek Hill
** Ravens WR Demarcus Robinson (Name anagrams to “murder cabins soon”)
** Bucs DT Willington Pr-evil-on
** 49ers K Robbie Goul-d
** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts

Please note: Hurts was included on the list not because of his last name, but because his play inspires fear in opponents.

Over the summer, the Cowboys signed USC defensive back Isaac Taylor-Stuart as a free agent with an eye towards his speed and athleticism. Sadly for them, he hasn’t lived up to that hype, and has been on the injured list all year. That may seem like simple bad luck, but a cursory view of the letters in his name would have spelled out what a health risk he is:

Dallas CB Isaac Taylor-Stuart
** A stall: Lad is a crusty acrobat

There’s nothing worse than a crusty acrobat, except for maybe an immobile gymnast or a rigid contortionist. None of that really works.

** Picked up another game against Dad on Sunday (thank you, Seahawks) which puts me back up six again. I knew I should have just kicked the extra point instead of going for two.

** Just a quick recap of Ohio State DE J.T. Tuimoloau’s day against the Nittany Lions on Saturday: Two QB sacks, one forced fumble, one pass tipped (resulting in an interception), two interceptions, one interception returned for a TD.

Other than that, though, it was a quiet day.

 


Week 8 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Eileen), 6-2/1032.00 pts
2 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 5-3/1062.08 pts
3 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 5-3/1015.62 pts
4 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 4-4/1054.04 pts
5 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 4-4/1021.18 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 4-4/926.20 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 3-5/977.48 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 1-7/602.60 pts

It finally happened — the joke team got its revenge. 

Our team of all Cowboys players had a great week, totaling 112.70 pts, which was good enough to upset Mom (although, not if she had remembered to start AJ Brown …). After leading the league earlier this year, her team is in a free fall now. 

Dad managed to climb back into striking distance of the mid-tier pack with his victory over me. And Uncle Jim pulled Elieen back down a little from her top perceh with a key win this week in their head-to-head matchup.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1,054.49 pts
2 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 1,033.25 pts
3 — Champ For Life (Jo), 990.67 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 930.77 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 896.40 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 882.78 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 873.09 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 857.30 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 785.80 pts
10 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 770.46 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 764.34 pts
12 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 760.57 pts

Speaking of people falling down the charts, Joanna’s slide from first continues as Mom D and I became the first teams to pass the 1,000 pts barrier on the season. But the most surprising part of this week was everyone’s scores — 11 of the 12 teams topped 100 pts this week (sorry, Mike). Impressive performances all around from those good RB stat lines.

That fun should end next week. Six teams are on a bye this week, which should make for some messy roster decisions over on Sunday morning. And there are only two 4pm games on Sunday, so … have fun watching Rams vs. Bucs, I guess. Get those rosters addressed early.