Fantasy League 2022 -- week 6 recap

Both the Eagles and Phillies had huge wins over the weekend, with the Philadelphia baseball team vanquishing the Braves in the second round of the playoffs 8-3 on Saturday and the Philadelphia football team defeating the Cowboys on Sunday 26-17. But which victory was better? Here’s a breakdown:

Eagles: First win over the Cowboys in the last four tries.
Phillies: First trip to the NLCS since 2010.
Advantage: Phils

Phillies: Boosted their postseason record to 5-1.
Eagles: Boosted their season-start record to 6-0.
Advantage: Eagles

Eagles: Scored three touchdowns.
Phillies: Hit three home runs.
Advantage: Push

Eagles: Defensive backs collected three interceptions.
Phillies: Defensive catcher collected four bags on an inside-the-park home run.
Advantage: Phils

Phillies: Defeated a hated division rival.
Eagles: Defeated a hated division rival that kills puppies for fun (allegedly).
Advantage: Eagles

Eagles: Played the Phillies victory jam in the post-game celebration.
Phillies: Fans chanted E-A-G-L-E-S throughout the game.
Advantage: Push

Phillies: Made John Smoltz sad.
Eagles: Made Chris Collinsworth sad.
Advantage: Push

This is too close to call. Both teams are just gonna have to keep winning in order to determine which one is bringing the city more joy.

QB: Joe Burrow, 38.50 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: JaMarr Chase, 24.30 pts — started by Mike
RB: Rhamondre Stevenson, 22.60 pts — started by Sam
TE: Mike Gesicki, 19.60 pts — on the wire
K: Wil Lutz, 14.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: New Jersey Jets, 21.00 pts — on the wire
D: Quinnen Williams, 12.00 pts — on the wire

No slight to Burrow and Chase, who were pretty impressive on Sunday, but did anyone actually have a good fantasy performance? Only three players scored more than 30 fantasy points (Burrow, QB Matt Ryan and QB Josh Allen), and only two more had more than 25 fantasy points. Last week it was 10 players above 25, the week before it was 12. Sorta feels like everyone took a bye week.

Seeing the Jets as the top defense on the week made me wonder if the apocalypse was upon us. I even typed out "I think the Jets being the top defense is a sign of the apocalypse." But it made me wonder how long it has been since the New Jersey green team has occupied that spot. It took me almost 20 minutes to figure it out, but I found it -- Here was the blog entry for when it happened, in week 1 the 2018 season:

“I’m pretty sure the Jets having the league’s top defense, even through a single week, is a sign of the apocalypse.”

So, yeah. I may be unconciously recycling the same material here. But, it’s a free blog, you get what you pay for.

“General malaise” edition

3rd place: Trent Taylor, -1.34 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Cleveland, -2.00 pts — started by Dad
1st place: Jacksonville, -3.00 pts — on the wire

Why football makes no sense, part 794: The Jaguars dominated the Colts on Sept. 18, defeating them 24-0 in a game where they were listed as underdogs. So four weeks later, with the Colts top two RBs out, the Jaguars … allowed 434 yds of offense and 34 points to Indianapolis. Makes sense, they’re clearly a better team without Jonathan Taylor, the league’s leading rusher last year. Jags gonna Jag, I guess.

Trent Taylor is a punt returner for the Bengals who fumbled on Sunday or a generic avatar name for a football simulator game developed in the 1980s. I don’t remember which one applies here.


** Here’s the Associated Press’ summary of the Tennessee/Alabama game on Saturday: “QB Bryce Young threw for 455 yards and two TDs, but struggling kicker Will Reichard missed a go-ahead FG in the final minute that cost the Crimson Tide. Tennessee 52, Alabama 49.”

Yeah, I don’t think the missed FG cost Alabama. I think maybe it was the 52 points they gave up, including five (1-2-3-4-five) TDs to Volunteers WR Jalin Hyatt and the 45 yards they surrendered in the final 18 seconds of the game that allowed Tennessee to kick the game-winning FG.

But, yeah, blame the kicker.

** Ahead of Sunday, Cowboys WR CeeDee Lamb was asked about facing Eagles CB Darius Slay in this week’s contest. His response: “It is what it is. If I see him, I see him.”

Lamb did see Slay … pick off a pass in front of him in the second quarter. Poor choice of words there, buddy.

** MLB took nearly three hours — until 9:45 pm — to postpone Monday night’s Guardians/Yankees game, which in itself is pretty stupid. But it also reminded me of an even stupider, classic moment in MLB history with present-day connections.

Let’s travel back to July 3, 1993, when the Padres traveled to Philadelphia to play the Phillies for a doubleheader. The first game started at 4 p.m., but was quickly interrupted by a rain delay. And then a second. And then a third. And in the end, the first game wasn’t finished until 1 a.m. on July 4. All in all, it was a complete failure of the umpiring crew to let the game last that long.

And then they started game two, at 1:30 a.m.

Yes, in an apparent case of the umpires hating both teams and the Philadelphia fans, they decided to start the second game almost seven hours late, in the middle of the night, just to get it in. The final pitch came in at 4:40 a.m., just before sunrise. The Padres won the first, the Phillies won the second. Mitch Williams — yes the relief pitcher — had the game winning RBI single in the second game. About 1,00 fans were still in attendance, according to the LA Times.

So, if the Phillies get into a rain delay in their series against the Padres this week, be warned. There is precedent for torturing these teams in the middle of the night.

The NFL announced last month that they end the 61-year tradition of the Pro Bowl game and replace it with a flag-football contest featuring prominent players and other ways for personnel to showcase “their football and non-football skills in challenges.”

The league has not yet finalized what those challenges will be, but here are a few on the final list under consideration:

** WR acting challenge: All-pro wideouts will stand on the 50-yard line and be lightly tapped on the shoulder as a ball is thrown in the air. Whichever one flops the furthest away from the “illegal contact” and launches into the biggest tantrum will be crowned champion.

** Coaches math challenge: NFL offensive coordinators will be presented with a series of simple scoreboard problems (examples: team is up by one, team is down by four, team is up by 37) and asked if they should go for one point or two. First one to answer correctly wins. The event is expected to take five days to complete, since they never pick correctly.

** Lineman pie eating challenge: Who hasn’t wondered if offensive lineman could beat defensive lineman in a pie eating contest? Time to find out!

** QB distance challenge: The top QBs in the league will stand at the goal line and see who can throw a football the farthest. And after all the scores are in, Tom Brady will be declared the winner, because the league has to constantly say he’s the greatest at everything.

** Fan appreciation challenge: Select fans from across the country will be flown to NFL Network studios and forced to watch last week’s Bears/Commies game on repeat. The second to last one to leave the room in disgust will be declared the most dedicated football fan in America. The last one to leave the room will be declared legally brain dead by local authorities.

You can probably assume that Cowboys tight end Peyton Hendershot has heard jokes about “staying on target” and “hitting the mark” his whole life. But did you know that Hendershot is a real-life gun owner? And, like many Cowboys, he is also a felon at heart? Just look at what his name spells out:

Rookie Peyton Hendershot
** I shot one tender porky hoe.
** I shot three poky noon deer.
** I shot ten poor donkey here.
** I shoot. Repent or ye honked.

Those kinds of threats should land you in jail. But, sadly, execution threats are just normal conversation at the Cowboys practice facility in any given week.

** Another dominant week for me in the picks against Dad. I picked up three more and now sit plus-six for the season, just three weeks after I was down two. The trick I’m following right now is to pick the Patriots to win, even though they are awful, because this league is awful and makes no sense. Also the Commies got me a win, because that also makes no sense.

** The Eagles have a bye next week, and will still have the best record in football when they return to the field. In fact, they could still be the only six-win team in the NFL a week from now. The only five-win teams are the Bills, Vikings and Giants, and the first two also have byes in week 7. The Giants play the Jaguars, so who knows what to expect there anymore.

** The Sixers and Flyers and Phillies all play tonight and honestly that feels like too much distraction for Philly right now. How is Jalen Hurts expected to attend each one?

Week 6 standings

Garrity Family Throwdown

1 — Del-marvelous Diva (Elieen), 5-1/818.18 pts
2 — Jimmy's Chicken Shaq (Jim), 4-2/734.16 pts
3 — Stacked Dead Achterts (Carl), 4-2/732.52 pts
4 — Chief Little Owl - JJG (Uncle Jim), 3-3-0/787.96 pts
5 — Always Runny in Philly (Capt Awesome), 3-3/774.98 pts
6 — Mary Alice's Primo Team (Mom), 3-3/727.14 pts
7 — Mailata Man or Beast? (Dad), 2-4/743.30 pts
8 — America's Losers (Dak Prescott), 0-6/412.10 pts

Quite the fall from grace for Mom and me — we’ve combined for five losses in the last three weeks and fallen from the top end of the standings to the bottom. My week was so pitiful that I would have come close to losing to the Dallas duds team at the bottom of the standings. Meanwhile, both Jims and Carl have taken advantage and climbed up the charts, but Eileen still rules the leaderboard … for now.

Awesome Cup Standings

1 — Champ For Life (Jo), 776.83 pts
2 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 757.09 pts
3 — JJaw dropping skillz (Capt Awesome), 730.65 pts
4 — More Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 699.52 pts
5 — Mailata's Size 18 Shoes (Dad), 699.17 pts
6 — Crumb Bums (Ant), 682.30 pts
7 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 678.15 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 623.12 pts
9 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 606.07 pts
10 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 571.49 pts
11 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 565.59 pts
12 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 563.45 pts

Big weeks by Dad and Jonathan move them into striking distance of the 700-club, but the story of the day is Mom D’s steady climb to unseat her daughter at the top. Her 128.88 pts week was the best of any team (although, all our scores were down because of the first bye) and good enough to put her out of first by just under 20 pts — or as we call it here, one unit of Eagles first-half scoring.

Meanwhile, we had a whopping five teams fail to score 85 fantasy points this week, even with everyone pretty much setting their rosters. Joel got an incredible 18.43 pts from his two starting RBs and three other wideouts. Bob had more points from his defense and two defensive players (16.50) than his three starting wideouts and TE (16.09). Tough breaks all around.

Thursday night’s game will feature the Cardinals and the Saints — two teams you may actually care about, at least until the game turns crappy like it always does — and four teams have bye weeks, including the Eagles. Get your roster set early.