Every year, around this time, there’s a wonderful spirit of kindness and brotherhood that spreads throughout the country. We all come from different backgrounds, different beliefs, different colors, but we unite in the same spirit of togetherness and community. It’s a beautiful, serene experience.
I’m talking, of course, about the final Dallas game of the year.
The Cowboys completed the NFC East trifecta on Sunday night, losing the division title in their final contest for the third year in a row. And they did it with three different teams: in 2011 it was the Giants; in 2012, the Maryland Racial Slurs; and this year, the beloved Eagles.
Last year, Philly and New Jersey fans put aside their differences to root for the Maryland team. Two years ago, you could feel the love from Philly and the DC suburbs pushing the G-Men to victory. And last night, the whole East Coast felt united in Brotherly Love behind another soul-crushing defeat of Dallas.
The Cowboys’ final-day choke comes but once a year, but if we truly believe in the magic of that game, we can keep that feeling in our hearts all year round.
Top fantasy performers of the year3rd QB: Andy Dalton, 354.64 pts -- 16th QB drafted (me)
2nd QB: Drew Brees, 435.68 pts -- 2nd QB drafted (Ant)
1st QB: Peyton Manning, 520.98 pts -- 3rd QB drafted (Dad)
First QB drafted? Aaron Rodgers, by me. I dropped Dalton early and kept the Packers QB, who ended up 23rd in pts, behind Geno Smiith. Smart play.
3rd WR: Brandon Marshall, 262.17 pts -- 5th WR drafted (Paul)
2nd WR: Demaryius Thomas, 272.33 pts -- 6th WR drafted (Paul)
1st WR: Antonio Brown, 274.43 pts -- 21st WR drafted (Jeff)
I guess Paul gets to keep his “I love WRs” team name next year…
3rd RB: LeSean McCoy, 313.13 pts -- 3rd RB drafted (Jo)
2nd RB: Matt Forte, 319.50 pts -- 12th RB drafted (Sam)
1st RB: Jamaal Charles, 356.90 pts -- 9th RB drafted (Sam)
Doug Martin and Arian Foster looked like such good top five picks in September…
3rd TE: Julius Thomas, 189.53 pts -- 20th TE drafted (Sam)
2nd TE: Tony Gonzalez, 190.77 pts -- 3rd TE drafted (me)
1st TE: Jimmy Graham, 264.50 pts -- 1st TE drafted (Dad)
Catching a theme yet? Sam got great production this year from late draft picks.
3rd K: Justin Tucker, 162.00 pts -- 6th K drafted (Dad)
2nd K: Matt Prater, 170.00 pts -- 5th K drafted (Mike)
1st K: Stephen Gotkowski, 179.00 pts -- 3rd K drafted (me)
We did surprisingly good drafting kickers. Usually the top guys end up being undrafted schlubs.
3rd DEF: Kansas City, 229.00 pts -- undrafted
2nd DEF: Carolina, 230.00 pts -- undrafted
1st DEF: Seattle, 239.00 pts -- 1st DEF drafted (Paul)
And Paul turned around and dumped the Seattle D two weeks into the season. Thanks!
3rd D: Lavonte David, 92.00 pts -- undrafted
2nd D: NaVarrow Bowman, 96.50 pts -- undrafted
1st D: Karlos Dansby, 103.50 pts -- undrafted
Honestly, I can’t remember the last time we did draft one of these guys.
“End of the year” edition
4th place: Luke McCown, -0.40 pts
3rd place: Charlie Whitehurst, -0.50 pts
2nd place: Matt Moore, -1.88 pts
1st place: Curtis Painter, -1.92 pts
All backup QBs on the final loser list, but Painter’s interception in the waning moments of Sunday’s meaningless Giants win allowed him to jump below Moore for the season title.
With the crown comes fame, fortune, and the knowledge that even though he threw for only 57 yards and two INTs on the year, Painter still had a better season than Eli Manning’s 27-INT campaign. His 69.4 QB rating was good for 39th in the league (among QBs with 100-plus attempts), and could have slumped lower if he didn’t leave Sunday’s game early with an ankle injury.
Never change, little Eli. Never change.
Before last week’s Military Bowl (featuring 9-4 Marshall vs. 7-5 Maryland), ESPN ran a promo defending the ridiculous slate of post-season college games. “They matter, because they matter to them” it stated, referring to the dozens of relatively unknown (and likely undraftable) players who get one last chance to take the field as college athletes.
And that’s fine. Hell, I love me some extra college football. But let’s be honest about what it is: A participation trophy for all the little leaguers who don’t win.
There are 35 bowl games this year. Of the 70 teams featured, 16 have seven wins or fewer. No one is watching the Beef O Brady’s Bowl or the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl (both real) for the beauty of competition. It’s a gold star for the kids who finished in the top 70.
Congrats to the San Diego Chargers, who just barely reached the playoffs this year but are a shoo-in to hold up the Lombardi trophy in a few weeks. Why? Just look at the last few years of Eagles history for the answer:
2009 Philly home opener: 48-22 loss to the Saints
2009 Super Bowl: Saints win, 31-17
2010 Philly home opener: 27-20 loss to the Packers
2010 Super Bowl: Packers win, 31-25
2011 Philly home opener: 29-16 loss to the Giants
2011 Super Bowl: Giants win, 21-17
2012 Philly home opener: 24-23 win over the Ravens
2012 Super Bowl: Ravens win, 34-31
2013 Philly home opener: 33-30 loss to the Chargers
2013 Super Bowl: ???
Seems pretty obvious that San Diego will be hoisting the trophy soon enough. Of course, maybe the other team to play in that Philadelphia home opener gets to sneak in this year...
After another sad regular season finish for America’s team, is there a better way to close out another year of insult anagrams than with the Dallas squad’s plans for January? I think not, because even in the off-season, these folks are pure evil.
Dallas Cowboys players, coaches preparing for the postseason
** Plans are golf practice, cosy booth, sleep, spa days, arson, whores
I don’t write them, folks. I just rearrange the letters.
** I went 14-1 in my picks this week, triumphantly storming back and tying Dad in our weekly contest with just a single game left on the schedule (thanks to some creative picks from Dad). Sadly, that left the Eagles/Dallas game as a tiebreaker, and Dad took the under on the 52.5 over/under line to win the tiebreaker and the season.
That gives Dad a lifetime record in the picks of … (checks his files) … you know what, that’s not important. Onto the playoffs.
** The Broncos scored 606 points this season, a new NFL record. At the other end of the offensive spectrum, the Jaguars have scored 607 points in their last 37 games combined.
** ESPN hired Tim Tebow to talk about college football. Now ESPN is going to be able to cover itself covering football, because everything Tebow does is newsworthy. It’s called making your own news.
Week 17 Standings and the awarding of the Awesome Cup will be unveiled tomorrow.
1 comment:
Is that section on "Super Bowl Champions" for real??? That is amazing.
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