Fantasy League 2013 -- week 15 recap

After a few solid weeks of football, the NFC East completely fell apart on Sunday, going 0-4 with four sloppy losses. Here’s a look at who had it the worst:

4 -- Maryland Racial Slurs, 27-26 loss to Atlanta
Pain rating: One Eli face
Sure, it was the Slurs’ sixth loss in a row, and they had an incredible seven turnovers. But this could have been a tie if not for the decision to go for two (and the win) in the last minute, and that would have been much more painful.

3 -- Philadelphia Eagles, 48-30 loss to Minnesota
Pain rating: Two Eli faces
The road-favorite, sudden hot Eagles couldn’t manage a first half TD and never lead in the game, even though the Vikings #1 and #2 RBs were hurt and the team is on its third starting QB. Eagles QB Nick Foles outrushed RB LeSean McCoy -- the league’s leading rusher -- 41 to 38 yds.

2 -- Dallas Cowboys, 37-36 loss to Green Bay
Pain rating: Three Eli faces
Given a chance to reclaim first place in the East, Cowboys QB Tony Romo threw two late-fourth-quarter INTs and helped the Packers overcome a 23-point deficit. Dallas is 0-2 in December this year and 12-19 for the month with Romo as QB.

1 -- New York Giants, 23-0 loss to Seattle
Pain rating: Five Eli faces
Two-time Super Bowl QB Eli Manning, the #1 pick in the 2004 draft, threw five interceptions in the shutout loss to the Seahawks and posted a QB rating of terrible. The Giants totaled a mere 181 yards of offense, officially eliminating themselves from the playoffs and guaranteeing a losing record this season.

QB: Alex Smith, 41.68 pts -- on Jeff’s bench
WR: DeSean Jackson, 29.02 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Jamaal Charles, 53.00 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Tim Wright, 18.47 pts -- started by Jim
K: Dan Bailey, 24.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 29.00 pts -- started by me
D: Captain Munnerlyn, 14.50 pts -- on the wire

Charles ridiculous five-TD day was only the third highest fantasy performance of the season (Peyton Manning and Foles got seven TDs in a game, remember?) but it was the highest score by a non-QB in the league since Tampa Bay RB Doug Martin’s 54.5 pts performance in November 2012 (251 yds rushing, 4 TDs, plus a bunch of catches).

Nearly all of Charles’ points came in the air -- he had 8 catches for 195 yards and 4 TDs. Including Jackson, who posted the same receiving yards as Charles, Sam’s team totaled 36 catches for 629 yds and 8 TDs, roughly equivalent to Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe’s fantasy production for the year (52 catches, 627 yds, 5 TDs).

“NFC Least” edition
3rd place: Philadelphia, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Dallas, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Eli Manning, -3.76 pts -- on the wire

A week after we had the worst defensive fantasy performances of year, we get the worst offensive turnout imaginable. Eli’s five INTs and no TDs turned into a remarkably large negative number, especially for a starter who played all four quarters. The only QB performance in the last 10 years I can find that was worse was by Rex Grossman in December 2006, when his Bears played the Packers and he totaled -4.68 pts (33 yds passing, 3 INTs).

Eli has a whopping 25 INTs this season. For comparison, Romo, Foles, Eagles QB Mike Vick and Slurs QB Robert Griffin have 26 INTs combined on the year. Eli has a chance to become the first QB in 25 years to throw 30 or more INTs (Vinny Testaverde,with 35 for the Jets in 1988) , but he’ll need to work on it to get to that plateau with only two weeks left.

In fact, in the last 25 years, a QB has only thrown 25 or more INTs eight times. New York’s Testaverde and New York’s Eli account for half of those seasons, each having accomplished the feat twice.

In summary, Eli sucks.


During Saturday’s Army-Navy game, CBS commentator Verne Lundquist noted that the service academies are two of the most disciplined and least penalized teams in the nation … right as Army was flagged 15 years on a personal foul call. Nice timing.

For the record, Army finished with four penalties for 50 yards, and only five completions for 50 passing yards on offense.

Sports Illustrated made its playoffs and Super Bowl picks way back at the start of September. Here’s a look at how they did:

Hits
-- Picked the Broncos to win the AFC West, #2 seed (#1 seed today)
-- Picked the Patriots to win the AFC East, #1 seed (#2 seed today)
-- Picked the Colts to win the AFC South, #4 seed (#3 seed today)
-- Picked the Bengals to win the AFC North, #3 seed (#4 seed today)
-- Picked the Ravens to make the wild card (#6 seed today)
-- Picked the 49ers, Saints and Seahwaks to make the playoffs (all in today)

Misses
-- Picked the Giants to win the NFC East (12th in NFC today)
-- Picked the Falcons to win the NFC South (15th in NFC today)
-- Picked the Texans to make the wild card (16th in the AFC today)

Push
-- Picked the Packers to win the NFC North (3rd now, 1/2 game back)

Honestly, I saved this issue because I thought I’d roast them later, but this is pretty good. If they hit on eight of the 12 playoff teams, I’m gonna have to put money down on their Super Bowl pick (Patriots over Seahawks).

However, their award picks fell a little short. Tom Brady for MVP? Robert Griffin for comeback player of the year? Sean Payton for coach of the year? Chris Johnson for offensive player of the year? Not good there.
Another December game, another late pick by Dallas QB Tony Romo that loses the game. Who could have even seen that coming?

The anagrammers, that’s who.

Cowboys Tony Romo, playing with the lead in the fourth
** Humor: Fat interception. Toy boys, they will go down. Hah!

I’m gonna be so sad when Tony “Toy Moron” Romo retires.


** Down nine to Dad now, thanks to another bad week of picks. With just a pair of weeks left until the playoffs, I’m gonna need a Hail Mary to pull this one out. And then a field goal after that too.

** For those of you scoring at home, six of the eight division leaders lost this week (Eagles, Broncos, Patriots, Lions, Bengals, Saints). Nothing like seeing everyone get hot right before the playoffs.

Week 15 standings

1 -- the american way (Sam) -- 2340.79 pts
2 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 2157.18 pts
3 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 2117.10 pts
4 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 2079.05 pts
5 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 2074.28 pts
6 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1910.93 pts
7 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 1855.23 pts
8 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 1834.26 pts
9 -- Cheatstrong (Mike) -- 1812.01 pts
10 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 1798.81 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 1565.98 pts

Dammit, Sam. I had my best week of the year and still fell 20 pts further behind the league leader. Sam posted yet another 200-plus pts week (go check out those top performers again) and has an almost insurmountable lead in the standings. But, maybe his team gets hit by a bus or something.

If you’ve got a speech that will inspire your team to a 500-pts outing, now’s the time to pull it out. Only two weeks left until the Awesome Cup is awarded.