2012 fantasy recap -- week 9

Rejected Philadelphia sports figures' presidential campaign slogans

** Tippecanoe and Utley too

** I Like Ike Reese

** You can't spell "Victorino" without "Victori"

** It's the West Coast offense, stupid

** In your heart, you know he's Kottite

** Schmidt happens

** Andy Reid says "Um ... err ... the vote is yours." 

** Mike Vick: Help me kill your hopes and dreams like a ... nevermind.

QB: Carson Palmer, 36.86 pts -- on Sam's bench
WR: Brandon Marshall, 35.13 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Doug Martin, 54.50 pts -- started by Joel
TE: Brandon Myers, 24.43 pts -- on the wire
K: Phil Dawson, 16.00 pts -- started by Jim
DEF: Chicago, 31.00 pts -- started by Bob
D: Brian Urlacher, 15.00 pts -- on the wire

Doug Martin's 251-yard, 4 TD day in Tampa Bay's 42-32 win Sunday was the most fantasy points by a single player in a week since Mike Vick's ridiculous six-TD, 333 passing and 80 rushing, 57.37-point performance back in November 2010. I remember because he was on my bench. I'm still angry at him for that.

Wait, didn't I just write that last month?


"Kinda boring" edition
3rd place: Jacksonville, 0.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Adam Jones, -0.02 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Jason Campbell, -0.30 pts -- on the wire

Surprisingly, that's the worst of the bunch. You'd think that with so many awful games, there must have been some other terrible performers. But it was just a boring week for bad players.

The Single-A Reading Phillies announced this week that they'll be dropping their well-known "Phillies" nickname this coming season, in favor of a more independent identity that will appeal to more fans. The team has already planned an announcement party for the new name on Nov. 17, but here's a few of the names still under consideration.

** The Reading Railroads
** The Reading Rainbow
** The Reading Texans
** Intercourse, Pa.
** The Reading Nittany Lions
** The Reading Symphony Orchestra
** The Philadelphia Phillies

Editors note: I wrote this whole section Sunday night, then woke up Monday morning to the 700 level posting almost the exact same idea (including a few of those joke names). I thought about deleting it, but instead I was inspired by Reading Phillies. So I just renamed the thing and called it new.

A teaser headline in the Washington Post's sports section Sunday morning read, "Nats could spend big or little" in reference to the team's approach to free agency this year.

The story also noted that they could spend moderately as well. It really was an eye-opening investigation into how we all don't know exactly what the future will bring. I can't wait for next week when they run part two in their series, "Local sports teams may win or lose."

After Mike Vick threw yet another goal line interception in Monday night's game, ESPN analyst Jon Gruden stated in disgust that "I've never seen as many horrific turnovers in the red zone as I have with the Eagles this year."

Funny, I can think of one game in particular that was almost as horrific as the Eagles' play inside the 20 this season

Back in 1996, the Eagles traveled to San Francisco for a first round playoff game and lost 14-0. Eagles QB Ty Detmer actually led his squad into the red zone three times in the first half of that game, but he threw two red zone interceptions and missed a FG en route to the loss. It was an awful, painful game to watch.

The offensive coordinator for the Eagles that year? That would be Jon Gruden. And, no, I still haven't forgiven him.

Twice a year, the Eagles take on the Cowboys (three times if the football gods hate Philly that season). And twice a year, the good people of the eastern Pennsylvania region are forced watch those wretched devils take the same field as their beloved heroes (and, recently, Mike Vick too). It's like light versus darkness, played out against a field of green.

Think I'm exaggerating the situation? Just look at this anagram:

Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys rivalry resumes Sunday
**A dun misery. Good and evil clash, we all pray Birds slay apes, heal us. 

No matter how bad the Eagles look, there are always two games to look forward to. Try not to screw this first one up, guys.

Week 9 standings

Heckuva job by Joel this week, who sneaks up the charts after a 180.68-pts performance. At the other end of the scale was Paul, who started four players on a bye this week and had almost as many pts left on his bench (44.44 pts) as he did among his starters (69.66 pts).

** I beat Dad in the picks this week, and I'm now a mere 10 games behind in the standings. Going into Sunday night's game, Dad was 86-44 picking games this year, more than a 66 percent success rate. ESPN has only one analyst doing better than that (Chris Mortensen) out of a dozen picking every game All I'm saying is, when Dad retires, ESPN could consider either hiring him or picking up some staffers who know more than him about football.

** Remember two weeks ago, when I went on a rant about how Eli Manning frequently has games where he creates more turnovers than TDs? In the two weeks since then he's repeated those performances. He's now had more turnovers than TDs in 14 of his last 41 games. Why is he considered a great QB again? He's Trent Dilfer, except with WRs who play great in Super Bowls.

** TE Jason Witten passed WR Michael Irvin as the Cowboys all-time pass catching leader on Sunday. Please update your voodoo dolls accordingly.

** Really glad the Eagles fired that defensive coordinator. The Eagles had more passing yards, rushing yards, first downs and time of possession than the Saints, and still lost by more than two TDs. A sub-.500 season doesn't look as difficult now.