2012 fantasy recap -- week 10

** The Eagles, at 3-6, have little chance of making the playoffs and will likely fire longtime coach Andy Reid at year's end.
** The Phillies missed the playoffs for the first time in five years this season.
** The Sixers just announced new free agent C Andrew Bynum will miss five more weeks with a knee injury.
** The Flyers, a team that looked poised to make a deep playoff run, aren't playing this season.
** The Temple football team is 3-6 and cannot make a bowl game this year.

On the bright side, there are only 138 days left until opening pitch for the 2013 MLB season. Ugh.

QB: Joe Flacco, 35.74 pts -- on Heidi's bench
WR: Calvin Johnson, 29.80 pts -- started by Joel
RB: Adrian Peterson, 28.43 pts -- started by me
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 31.13 pts -- started by Dad
K: (tie) Blair Walsh, 15.00 pts -- started by Ant
K: (tie) Stephen Gotkowski, 15.00 pts -- started by Sam
DEF: Denver, 32.00 pts -- on Heidi's bench
D: Darius Butler, 15.00 pts -- on the wire

Three of the top 11 performers this week were TEs -- Gonzalez, Jimmy Graham, and Greg Olsen. Only one RB and one WR cracked the same range. If you were ever going to run a fantasy football two-TE set, this was the week for it.

Also, Heidi left two top performers on her bench, and she still doesn't get the blown call of the week award, because ...


"Jeff's team" edition
3rd place: Reggie Bush, 2.13 pts -- started by Jeff 
2nd place: Phillip Adams, -1.50 pts -- started by Jeff
1st place: Buffalo, -5.00 pts -- started by Jeff

Jeff started the two worst performers of the week (plus another player on a bye) and still almost posted a 100-pt outing. Just goes to show that a decent coach can make something out of a squad of bad players. Jeff, are you available to wander over to Philadelphia this week?

QBs Mike Vick, Ben Rothlisberger, Alex Smith and Jay Cutler all left their games this weekend with apparent head injuries. But they weren't the only ones to face serious medical complications this weekend. Here's a look at some of the less publicized problems:

** Fred Taylor -- Knee injury while watching football on TV.
** Jerry Jones -- Sprained nose during his latest plastic surgery.
** Tom Brady -- Feelings hurt by mean old linebacker trying to tackle him.
** Mark Sanchez -- Flare up of his recurring Suck-itis.
** Russell Wilson -- Crushed by his complete anonymity.
** Eli Manning -- Broken face. No, wait, sorry, that's just how he looks.


Andy Reid, after finding out that Mike Vick has a "pretty significant" concussion that could leave him sidelined for a few weeks, told reporter this:

''I've got confidence that Nick will do a nice job, if given that opportunity. Listen, I get excited for every game, but if the kid has an opportunity to start, I'm excited to see him play.''

If Reid is truly excited for Sunday's game, or any part of the rest of this wretched season, then he's even dumber than we all thought.

Possible new jobs for outgoing Eagles coach Andy Reid

** Timekeeper at the Royal Observatory in England -- Reid is a guy who's known for not wasting a single second of game time. We can trust the world's temporal measurements with him.

** FedEx director of operations -- His first day on the job, he doubles the companies airplane deliveries and sidelines all of their ground transport. Because, you know, running.

** TV talk show host -- His energetic personality and enthusiastic rapport with the press make him a natural fit. His sidekick will be Terrell Owens, of course.

** Mike Holmgren impersonator -- You'd be surprised the demand for this in Wisconsin. OK, you probably wouldn't be.

** Coach of the Cleveland Browns -- Because that's how this all ends.

As regular readers know, there are a ton of new faces on the Cowboys this season, but still the same soulless evil as before. Take, for instance, new WR Cole Beasley. The new cowpoke had just his fourth catch of the year in that win of the Eagles on Sunday. Good for him. Bad for all of us.

Dallas free agent wideout Cole Beasley

** I be a cold-eyed lout, a lawless anger fete

For the record, "Lawless anger party" was supposed to be the album Guns N Roses released after Chinese Democracy, but the band broke up way before that could happen.

Week 10 standings

It has been a three-team race for a while here, which is bad news if your name isn't Bob, Sam, or Awesome. And, really, who are you going to root for? Bob, with his Tony Romo-led team? Sam, who most of you don't even know? Or me, your benevolent fantasy overlord?

I know, it's Bob. But still, that Romo thing is a problem.

** I picked up two games on Dad this week, bringing me to within 8 with a mere seven weeks to go. All I have to do is win all the rest of the weeks and I'm set. I'm the Eagles, essentially.

** If Ohio State was eligible for the national championship, they'd still be behind Oregon, Kansas State and Notre Dame. So, maybe that bowl ban was for the best? Also, has a Heisman trophy winner ever come from a team facing sanctions? Somebody look that up for me.

** There was a tie this week, for the first time since that infamous Eagles/Bengals game. I want you all to commend me for not making fun of McNabb at all in this post.