2012 fantasy recap -- week 4

** Brian Dawkins is the only man in NFL history to record more than 35 interceptions and more than 20 sacks in his career. Four other players have also recorded those stats, but none of them are men when compared to Brian Dawkins.

** Brian Dawkins middle name is Patrick. His other middle name is Pain.

** Brian Dawkins once collected a sack, an interception, a fumble recovery and a touchdown in the same game. Later that day, he saved seven orphans from a burning building and killed a bear with his bear hands. No, that's not a misspelling. He has the hands of a bear.

** After Brian Dawkins had his number retired on Sunday night, he wasn't allowed to play for the Eagles defense any longer. So he blocked two game-winning field goal attempts by the Giants at the end of regulation with his mind instead of his body. Everyone saw it.

** Brian Dawkins will be eligible for the NFL Hall of Fame in 2017. He will be unanimously elected to the hall in 2015. He humbly accepted the honor last week.

QB: Tom Brady, 38.00 pts -- started by Ant
WR: Brian Harline, 35.37 pts -- on Jim's bench
RB: Willis McGahee, 24.73 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Scott Chandler, 20.13 pts -- on the wire
K: Greg Zuerlein, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: San Francisco, 36.00 pts -- started by Sam
D: Lance Briggs, 13.50 pts -- on the wire.

For the record, the top five scoring kickers were all on the waiver wire. So, whoever you decided to start, there were at least five better choices you could have made. Shame on you.

Also, 46 of the top 54 defensive players were also on the waiver wire this week. So, whoever you decided to start ... just do better next week, m'kay?

"Everybody sucks" players edition
3rd place: Buffalo, -1.00 pts -- on Jeff's bench
2nd place: Graham Harrell, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Oakland, -4.00 pts -- on my bench

Special thanks to Cowboys QB Tony Romo and Chiefs QB Matt Cassel for their inept play this week -- Romo's five INTs and Cassel's three picks put them both ahead of Eagles QB Mike Vick in the turnover race. Both of them now have a whopping 10 giveaways in just four games, making Vick's nine turnovers so far look almost respectable.

** Your team has held a fourth-quarter lead in its last two games, plays into overtime but gets possession of the ball in both games ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Miami Dolphins.)

** Your QB threw for 446 yards and set a new all-time NFL record for games with a TD pass ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the New Orleans Saints.)

** Your top wideout catches 17 passes for 317 yards and two TDs ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Baylor Bears.)

** Your team piles up five turnovers and a missed extra point in the first half, but manages to keep it close until the final quarter ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Kansas City Chiefs).

** Your team plays in Cleveland ... and always loses. (That happened to the Cleveland Browns.)

Actually, it was the stupidest thing I saw this week. And it was Eli Manning's sad face when the Giants missed that last-minute field goal.

Wait, did I say "stupidest" thing? I meant "the greatest thing I saw this week."

This season was the worst one Phillies fans have endured in the last decade.

Coming off five straight NL East titles, the team barely reached .500 this season. Ryan Howard played in fewer than 75 games. Chase Utley and Placido Polanco played in fewer than 95. Roy Halladay missed a month and played hurt the rest of the year. Cliff Lee had a historic run of bad luck. The bullpen featured 13 different pitchers with ERAs over 4.00.

It sucked.

But, let's not be greedy, irrational Boston fans. Five division titles in a row is pretty stinking special. They were overdue for a rash of injuries. And even with this season's misery, the team played .600 baseball after the All-Star break -- the only time most of the team was back healthy. If they played that well in the first half, they would have won 97 games. If they had just split their season series with the Braves 9-9 (instead of 6-12) Philly would still be in the wild card race ... during their worst season in a decade.

So, call it like it is. The Phils had a bad season. It sucks to see other teams win. That doesn't mean the Phillies' window has closed yet. And it doesn't take away that very shiny 2008 World Series trophy.


When the Cowboys signed LB Orie Lemon just after the draft, my first thought was "that's the worst football name since Lee Flowers." But my next thought was that he was probably a disturbed individual. And I was right:

** Cowboys Linebacker Orie Lemon
I be sicko clown, a reel moron. Bye!

A stretch, I know. But, c'mon -- dude's name is "Orie Lemon." It's like he already tried to anagram a better name for himself. He probably used to introduce himself as "Me Leon Rio" and just slowly shifted the letters around.

Week 4 standings

Finally, Bob's Tony Romo-led squad had an off week and we can all relax a little becau HOLY CRAP SAM IS IN FIRST PLACE.

Also, there isn't a Doyle in the top half of the standings at all, thanks to Heidi's drop from the top tier this week.
  ** Dad and I split this week's picks, leaving him still five games up. For the season, Dad is 40-23 picking games. For the season, Mike Ditka is 34-29. Clearly, Dad has a better football mind than Mike Ditka.

** I'm at peace with the Phillies season. Really. But the Natinals averaged 14,000 fewer fans at their home games this year than the Phils, and drew 100,000 fewer fans on the season than the apathetic Atlanta Braves crowd. So stop trying to sell me the "DC fans deserve to see a good team" nonsense. When you can only fill 85 percent of the stadium when your team clinches the NL East title for the first time ever (Montreal records don't count), you don't deserve the post-season.

** Thursday Night Football this week features the Arizona Cardinals vs the St. Louis Rams. Why? Because the NFL hates you, that's why.