2012 fantasy recap -- week 5

Time to test your basic football knowledge again. Which of these names are NFL draft prospects for 2013, and which are villains from Ian Fleming's "James Bond" stories?

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

In case you don't believe me, the answers are here and here. There's no shame in scoring less than four on this quiz ... unless you thought Hugo Drax was a real person, and in that case may God have mercy on your soul.

QB: Drew Brees, 36.60 pts -- started by me
WR: Marques Colston, 35.73 pts -- started by Mike
RB: Ahmad Bradshaw, 29.93 pts -- started by Mike
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 27.20 pts -- started by Dad
K: Blair Walsh, 13.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: Chicago, 31.00 pts -- started by Bobert
D: Lance Briggs, 12.50 pts -- started by Paul

Nice work, kids -- first time all year we've started all the top players.

In case you were wondering just how desperate the RB situation is in the league, the top 14 RBs on the fantasy chart this week and 16 of the top 17 RBs were all owned. If you've got three good one on your team, there's probably somebody out there willing to trade almost anything with you.

"Everybody sucks" players edition
3rd place: Matt Cassel, -0.42 pts -- on Paul's bench
2nd place: DeAngelo Williams, -0.90 pts -- started by Mike
1st place: Deonte Thompson, -0.96 pts -- on the wire

Mike managed to start the best and worst RBs of the week, which would be worthy of ridicule if he hadn't outscored nearly everyone in the league despite that fact.

How you stacked up against various QBs this weekend:

** Alex Smith, 49ers -- 156.2 rating
(18 for 24, 303 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Ryan Fitzpatrick, Bills -- 57.5 rating
(16 for 26, 126 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INTs)
** You -- 39.5 QB rating
(0 for 0, 0 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Alex Smith's grandmother -- 39.5 rating
(0 for 0, 0 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Matt Cassel, Chiefs -- 38.1 rating
(9 for 15, 92 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs)
** Blaine Gabbert, Jags -- 37.7 rating
(17 for 33, 142 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs)

You also had only 24 fewer rushing yards than Titans RB Chris Johnson, who sits at 210 yards on the year and is on pace for a mere 670 yards on the season. That's the same Chris Johnson who collected more than 2,500 yards rushing and receiving just three years ago. And now he stinks.

Eagles QB Mike Vick (known to his friends as Captain Giveaway) had two fumbles in Sunday's loss to the Steelers. When reporters asked him about the ball control issues after the game, Vick responded by saying "I’ve never had a problem before with fumbles. It was just one of those days.”

Just so we're all clear -- Vick has eight fumbles and five lost fumbles in five games. Four times in his career, he has recorded at least 10 fumbles in a season. He has 34 rushing TDs and 37 lost fumbles in his career. In 116 games played, he has 117 turnovers.

So, he's right -- Vick doesn't have a problem with turnovers. They're an integral part of his game. The define who he is as a football player. If it weren't for the turnovers, he'd just be another player who is ... what's the technical term? ... good.

Drew Brees threw a TD pass in his 48th straight game on Sunday night, setting a new NFL record. The last time he failed to toss one in the end zone for the Saints was back in October 2009, during a New Orleans 24-10 win over the Jets. Here's a little more perspective on how long ago that was:

** Eagles QB Donovan McNabb was worried about new backup Kevin Kolb taking his job.
** LeBron James had only ever played for the Cleveland Cavaliers.
** Saints RB Reggie Bush was still a Heisman trophy winner.
** QB Kurt Warner was still playing football.
** The Saints had never won a Super Bowl.


The Cowboys had to sign a new punter before last week's game against the Bears, because their old punter had the fires of hell burning out his eyes was injured in the previous contest. They brough on Brian Moorman, a 12-year veteran of the Buffalo Bills, to help out the team. But did they stop for a minute and consider why Moorman wasn't playing for the Bills anymore? The answer was right in his name:

New punter Brian Moorman
** Inept man. A numb error now. 

And how did that game go? The Cowboys got thrashed and QB Tony Romo threw five interceptions ... no doubt upset by Moorman's incompetence. Case closed.

Week 5 standings

Bob is back in first again, and starting to pull away from the field. Meanwhile, last year''s champ (Ant) is back in last place again, giving us all hope that the Giants will follow his lead.

** Dad picked up three more games on me this week, putting him eight ahead for the season and still on pace to crush me by 27 games. But at least I'm beating him in fantasy football. Wait, when did he get ahead of me there too? Ugh.

** If you haven't read the QB Facebook thread going around right now, stop reading this slop and follow that link ASAP.

** Everyone is all excited because the 49ers became the first team in NFL history to rush for 300 yards and pass for 300 in their big win Sunday. Big deal. I've done that plenty of times. Let me know when they record more than 800 yards of offense and score 114 points.

** There was a time when an Eagles loss like that would have infuriated me beyond belief. There was also a time when the Eagles fielded a credible QB and really tried to win games. Both those times have passed.