2010 fantasy recap, week 6

The Philles just dropped their second game of the NLCS to the Giants tonight, giving themselves an uphill climb for a third straight World Series berth. That's not good, but it's also not reason to give up all hope yet. Consider:

Panic: The Giants have already beaten both P Roy Halladay and P Cole Hamels.

Don't Panic: The Giants will have to face Halladay at least once more before the series is over, and he lost back-to-back starts only once since the All Star break.

Panic: The Phillies offense seems non-existent, and got shut out on Tuesday.

Don't Panic: The last time the Phils were shut out, they scored 24 runs in their next four games.

Panic: The Giants offense seems to be waking up.

Don't Panic: No it isn't. The Giants have scored eight runs in the series, one fewer than the Phils, and four of them have come from RF Cody Ross. If the Phils would just intentionally walk him, they'd paralyze the San Fran offense.

Panic: The Giants lead the series 2 games to one.
Don't Panic: It's a seven game series, not a three game series.

QB: Kevin Kolb, 29.64 pts – sitting on Ant’s bench
RB: Arian Foster, 26.83 pts – started by Joel
WR: Jeremy Maclin, 29.60 pts – started by Jo
TE: Ben Watson, 17.83 pts – sitting on NewMike’s bench
K: Dan Carpenter, 15.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Tennessee, 20.00 pts – sitting on Jeff's bench
D: Jordan Babineaux, 12.50 pts – sitting on the wire

Only two of the top seven starters actually made it into our lineups this week. Yeah, we all kind of sucked.

It's that time of the year again, when the autumn air is cool, the October football is heating up, and fantasy players everywhere are forgetting to swap out players on a bye. More specifically:

** Bobert started a defensive player on a bye.
** Jeff started a defensive player and a kicker on a bye.

Now, neither one of them lost a lot of points by making those mistakes, but that's not really the point, is it? There are 12 starting spots on a fantasy football team. Would you buy a pack of one dozen eggs and be satisfied with only actually getting 11? Would you rather escape with the Tame Ten instead of the Dirty Dozen? Would you get into a fist fight and use only 11 of your fingers? (Please note, that one applies only to Antonio Alfonseca)

Of course you wouldn't. So Bobert and Jeff deserve your ridicule this week. More Jeff than Bob, since he's in second place and bearing down on me in the standings.

“All players” edition
3rd Place: Kenneth Moore, -0.14 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd Place: Rock Cartwright, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
1st Place: Kansas City, -4.00 pts – sitting on the wire

Bad week for Kansas City, but they’re still far from the worst defense in the league. That honor goes to Buffalo, which so far has been worth 7.00 pts on the season (that’s five weeks for them, since they had a bye). They’ve allowed 159 points, registered only six sacks and collected only four turnovers. Their total is four times lower than the next worst DEF (Houston, at 28.00 pts) and less than a twelfth of the top defense, Pittsburgh (with 85.00 pts).

Now that the 49ers have finally won a game, only two teams remain winless on the year: The Buffalo Bills and the Carolina Panthers. Who's the worse team? Let's break it down:

** Buffalo starts QB Ryan Fitzpatrick, who went to Harvard. Carolina starts QB Jimmy Clausen, who went to Notre Dame, the Harvard of Catholic potato farmers. Advantage: Bills.

** Carolina has a running back committee, with DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart. Buffalo had a running back committee, with Marshawn Lynch and Fred Jackson, before they traded away Lynch. Now they just have one crappy back. Advantage: Panthers.

** Buffalo has the 30th ranked offense in the league, with 251 yards per game. Carolina has the 32nd ranked offense in the league, with 236 yards per game. Advantage: Bills.

** Buffalo has seven remaining games against teams with winning records. Carolina has eight games remaining against teams above .500. Advantage: Bills.

** Charlotte, NC, averages less than an inch of snow a year. Buffalo averages 93 inches of snowfall a year. Advantage: Panthers.

** Carolina went to one Super Bowl and lost. Buffalo went to four in a row and lost them all. Advantage: Patriots.

Conclusion -- Nine times out of ten everything is worse in Buffalo, but this may be the rare exception...

It was everything Joe Buck said. Whatever game you want. Just everything. Every word out of his mouth is like acid being poured in my ears. Just .... please make it stop.

On another note, the most confusing thing I heard this weekend was that Fox announcer/former Cowboys fullback Daryl "Moose" Johnston is a Phillies fan, because his wife is from Philadelphia. Someone explain to me how a woman from Philadelphia could marry one of the key figures of the early 90s Dallas championship teams?

Bad parenting, that's how.

Hold on, I'm thinking. Get back to me.

Obviously these anagrams are a complicated mystery every week. Sometimes the message just jumps out, other times it has to be carefully teased out. And sometimes, the true evil of the Cowboys is so deeply hidden that only a professional like myself can find it.

Take for example, Cowboys LB Sean Lee. Looks straightforward enough, right?

Linebacker Sean Lee
** Serene-like balance **

Seems simple, and also shockingly positive for a Dallas player. But that's how they fool you. Sometimes, the first anagram isn't the one that reveals the evil that lurks inside every Cowboy. Consider:

Linebacker Sean Lee
Anagram 1: Serene-like balance (positive)
Anagram 2: Keen, cleanable sire (mostly positive)
Anagram 3: A blase neckline, ere (neutral)
Anagram 4: Erasable ice kennel (slightly evil)
Anagram 5: Bare-neck alien eels (sounds evil)
Anagram 6: "Cannibal Seeker" Lee (devil incarnate)

Don't let scumbags like "Cannibal Seeker" Lee confuse you. Please leave this important work to the professionals.

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

It continues to be a three-man race at the top of the standings, with Bobert and ChampMike inching ever closer to my first-place perch. But the real news this week is at the other end of the standings. Anthony rocketed out of the last spot even without Kolb in his starting lineup, while the Blue Collar Killers has drifted back down to their customary position.

Still 11 more weeks of this to go, though. Keep at it.

** Seriously, remember to swap out players on a bye. I already have a graphic with your name on it ridiculing your incompetence. Don't make me use it.

** I picked up two more games on Dad this week, putting me only one game behind for the year. I correctly predicted three of the four games we had different this week. The one I missed? The 49ers. I was pretty sure they'd go 0-16 this year.

** If you didn't get a chance, check out this post from Saturday night. If you think it's cool, and if you might participate, I can set up another one for the Phils game on Wednesday or Thursday.

** Rangers P Cliff Lee is simply unhittable in the postseason. So someone remind me again why he's playing for his fourth different team in the last two years? And why he'll probably be on a fifth next spring? Why doesn't anyone want to keep this guy?

** Oooh, I got one! Dallas starting 1-5. That'd be more wonderful.