2010 fantasy recap, week 4

The MLB playoffs start tomorrow, and the two-time reigning NL champion Phillies will face off against the Cincinnati Reds. Here's a quick look at some notables on their roster:

** P Johnny Cueto: Cuban lefty has a widely publicized triple-digit fastball and a far less publicized quintuple-digit right foot.

** 1B Joey Votto: Despite likely winning the MVP this season, the only time his name is ever mentioned is when Ryan Howard's new contract is being ridiculed for being too expensive.

** P Homer Bailey: Despite the name, he has never hit a major league home run.

** 3B Scott Rolen: Traitorous piece of crap will probably whine within minutes of setting foot in Philadelphia again.

** SS Joseph Stalin: Communist dictator blamed for 60 million deaths was also the inspiration for the Reds name. Probably.

** CF Drew Stubbs: You can't spell the name of the team's strikeout leader without "busted."

QB: David Garrard, 28.92 pts -- sitting on Jim's bench
RB: Arian Foster, 31.83 pts -- started by Joel
WR: Terrell Owens, 30.80 -- started by Bobert
TE: Antonio Gates, 28.60 pts -- started by NewMike
K: Jason Hanson, 17.00 pts -- sitting on the wire
DEF: New England, 39.00 pts -- sitting on my bench
D: Shaun Phillips, 19.50 pts -- sitting on the wire

Don't feel too bad for Jim and me. He started the #2 defense on the week (San Diego, 31.00 pts) and I had the #2 RB on the week (LaDanian Tomlinson, 29.77 pts).

Wait, you didn't feel bad for us? Screw you, then.

"Former Pro Bowl players" edition
3rd place: Marshawn Lynch, -1.20 pts -- sitting on the wire
2nd place: Derek Anderson, -1.44 pts -- sitting on the wire
1st place: Jay Cutler, -2.32 pts -- sitting on Dad's bench

Cutler was sacked nine times in the first half of the Bear's Sunday night loss to the Giants, lost the ball twice and passed for only 42 yards. Things didn't get better for Chicago when Cutler left the game with a concussion -- His backup, Todd Collins, had one pick against 36 yards passing and was worth -0.56 fantasy points.


E-Mail from G, Sep 30 12:24 pm:
I shared your blog with a couple of my co-workers and they wanted to know if you could come up with an Anagram for Albert Haynesworth.

Response from Capt. Awesome, Sep 30 12:48 pm:
Right now? Dude, these things take hours of time and thought, carefully deducing the hidden messages in each person's soul. You can't just make up an anagram on the spot!

Just kidding. Here it is:

Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth
** Fat-necked evils, abhorrent wealth. Yes. **

20 minutes? Not bad, right? I also do bar mitzvahs.

Response from G, Sep 30 5:48 pm:
Wow. You truly have a gift. That is damn impressive.

In case you missed the debacle of a soap opera that was the Eagles game on Sunday, the boys in green had the ball just outside the end zone with seconds left in the first half trailing 17-3. On a third-and-goal play, RB LeSean McCoy appeared to get close to the goal line, but an ensuing officials review showed him down at the 6-inch line.

So then the Eagles called a timeout. And then they talked about the next play call. And then they got a delay of game penalty. And then they kicked a field goal from the six-yard line. And then they effectively lost the game by four points.

Eagles coach Andy Reid took "full responsibility" for the debacle, saying he wouldn't blame the officials for shady time keeping, then he blamed the refs for shady time keeping. He also dropped this gem:

"I wasn't surprised that the clock was moving, but I was surprised that it was moving as quickly as it was."

All of this confirms my long-held suspicions that Andy Reid believes the two-minute warning is actually 10-minutes long.

Last Sunday the Eagles got to face off against former star QB Donovan McNabb, and next week the Eagles will face former star RB Brian Westbrook when they take on the 49ers. Here's some other notable former Philly stars who'll the current team will face on the gridiron:

** Week 6: The Hotlanta Falcons visit Philly and bring former fan-favorite WR Brian Finneran (with Eagles in 1999) along.

** Week 7: A trip to Tennessee to take on the Titans reunites the team with beloved DE Justin Babin (with Eagles in 2009).

** Week 11: The New York Giants bring into town little-known former Eagle T Shawn Andrews (with Eagles from 2004 to 2009).

** Week 16: A Christmas visit from the Vikings brings home former heroes Eagles WRs Greg Lewis and Hank Baskett (assuming either can stay on the team that long).

Last year the Cowboys traded for safety Gerald Sensabaugh to fill their vacant strong safety slot. It's only been a few games, but can we already see just from his name what he thinks about his new teammates?

Cowboys Strong Safety Gerald Sensabaugh
** Cowboys: Fleabag thugs and greasy stoners **

That seems harsh. Fleabag thugs? Maybe Gerald just has a chip on his shoulder. What does his rookie backup, another new face on the squad, think about his teammates?

Dallas Cowboys Strong Safety Barry Church
** Cowboys: Scary thugs and cry-for-ball haters **

Nevermind. I stand corrected.

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Great work for Bobert, bad week for Jeff, and Anthony is still hanging out down there waaaaaaay at the bottom. Don't worry, though. His QB, Kevin Kolb, should fix that soon.

** I'd like to apologize for not mentioning that Dad picked up four games on me last week in our annual battle of picks. I'd like to apologize, but I just can't. This week, thankfully, we broke even again.

** Texans RB Arian Foster is still on pace to break the NFL single season rushing record of 2,105 yards. He's rushed for 537 yards in four games, putting him on track for 2,148 yards this season. I'm just saying...

** In case you're wondering who you're rooting for in the other MLB postseason series, here's the rundown. On Thursday former Phillie P Cliff Lee and his Texas Rangers take on the Tampa Bay not-Devil Rays. Later, former Phillie 1B Jim Thome and his Minnesota Twins take on the Yankees. On Thursday, former Phillie OF Pat Burrell and his San Francisco Giants take on the Braves. Cheer as needed.

** Adam Schefter, on the Vick injury Sunday: "With that rib injury, he's going to have trouble eating, sleeping, and basically going through life." So, it'll pretty much be like me trying to watch Vick take over as Eagles QB?