2009 Fantasy recap, week #1

Now with new and improved graphics!

*** QB Drew Brees is on pace to throw for 5,728 yards and 96 touchdowns (358 yards and 6 TDs on Sunday). That’s 644 more yards and 46 more TDs than the current NFL records.

*** WR Randy Moss is on pace to have 192 catches and 2,256 yards (12 catches for 141 yards on Monday). That’s 49 more catches and 408 more yards than the current NFL records. But, he’s not on pace to catch a single TD all year.

*** S Brian Dawkins is on pace to record 112 solo tackles and 64 more tackle assists this year (7 solo tackles and four assists on Sunday). That would set a new NFL record for pain.

*** The St. Louis Rams are on pace not to score a single point this year (They were shut out by Seattle on Sunday). That would be 37 points less than the current NFL low for team scoring in a year, set by Cincinnati in 1937.

*** QB Donovan McNabb is on pace to break 16 ribs this season. Not to worry – the human body contains 24 ribs, so if they go to the Super Bowl he’ll still have a few left over in February.

QB: Drew Brees, 48.32 pts – started by Jo
RB: Adrian Peterson, 38.20 pts – started by Neal
WR: Reggie Wayne, 27.30 pts – started by Jeff
TE: John Carlson, 24.33 pts – started by Dad
K: Neil Rackers, 12.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Philly, 37.00 pts – started by Dad
D: Osi Umenyiora, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire

I'm in three different fantasy leagues this year, which I'll admit is one too many. However, as if I'm not getting kicked around enough by you people, I played against Wayne plus the Philly D in one league and Brees plus Rackers in the other.

Needless to say, I already hate everyone.

3rd place: Kevin Kolb, -0.68 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Anthony Fasano, -1.33 pts – started by new Mike
1st place: Jake Delhomme, -5.68 pts – sitting on my bench

I love messy, messy QB days, because it lets me pull out the old tried and true Reverse QB Rating machine.

If you assume Delhomme was playing so the Panthers would win, then he did terrible: five turnovers vs. only 7 completed passes for 73 yards, and a miserable 14.7 QB rating on the day.

But, if you assume that Delhomme was actually playing for the Eagles, then it’s a little brighter. If you include that fumbled TD, Delhomme went 4 for 17 throwing to the Eagles for 47 yards, one TD and seven interceptions, for a Reverse QB Rating of 19.6.

Either way, his performance was so bad it’s still sits below Kolb’s lifetime QB rating of 25.0, in eight appearances with The Birds. But I’m sure Kolb will be fine on Sunday.

During Toledo’s big win over Colorado University last Friday (a better question is "why weren't you watching?") one of the sideline reporters remarked that the Colorado team looked sluggish and slow, possibly because of their short week of practice. Play-by-play guy Ron Franklin was impressed with that analysis:

“Your accuracy is right on. They do look slow.”

You know, I actually paused for a minute when I heard that, thinking back to my accuracy-vs-precision lecture in sophomore year chemistry. Can you have inaccurate accuracy? After a moment, my brain shut down, and the next thing I knew I was standing in the middle of the street without any pants on.

It’s the first week of the season, so I can overlook a lot of mistakes. For example, I’m not even going to mention that both Heidi and Joel left 26 points on their bench. I don’t even think it’s worth pointing out that Jim left 28 points on his bench this week too.

But Neal took bad early season coaching to a new level, managing his team like Jim Tressel facing down a non-conference opponent. He left 21 more points on his bench and started four players who were inactive at kickoff.

Those are quality moves right there. Neal is like a fantasy football Michael Jordan, if Jordan just forgot to show up once the game started.

So now that the infamous T.O. is out of Dallas, who exactly are the wide receivers left behind? I’m glad you asked. Here’s a quick look at their pass catchers, with their anagram biographies:

*** Dallas’ Roy Williams
“I am a sad, silly WR. LOL.”
*** Dallas Cowboys WR Miles Austin
“I’m a cursed stain, lowly slob. Aw.”
*** Dallas wideout Patrick Crayton
“I is a rotten cad, a tacky pull. Word.”

Good looking group of leftovers right there.

Now with new and improved graphics! Click on the standings to see them bigger.

Big surprise there -- Despite six passing TDs for Jo's team and two top performers for Dad, Mike somehow ends up in first place again.

Meanwhile, Anthony finishes week 1 all the way in last, but the consolation prize there is his poor performance is largely due to T.O.'s terrible game on Monday. So at least that's great news.

*** I’m one game up on the weekly picks with Dad. This may be my first lead in our weekly battles since 2003.

*** I can’t say for sure, but I believe that Jimmy Rollins is the Eagles designated emergency QB for this upcoming weekend.

*** Don't know if you heard, but I wasn't the only one upset that Michael Vick gets to wear #7, Ron Jaworski's old jersey. Apparently Jaws complained about it to the Eagles brass, and they told him he'd have to give it up. His new number now? K-9.

Blame that one on my father-in-law -- he had me going for a few minutes with that.