Fantasy recap week #7

Prepping for Florida





-- Do not touch Billy Penn. He’s perfectly happy how he’s dressed right now.
-- Do give Donovan extra fluids for the trip. He tends to have hydration problems down there.
-- Do not invite Joe Jerevicius. What a week it has been for him.
-- Do invite Joe Biden to throw out the first pitch. All I’m saying is that the Flyers still haven’t won after Sarah Palin’s opening-night puck drop.
-- Do not confuse Evan Longoria and Eva Longoria. No matter how many times ESPN does it, it isn’t funny.
-- Do feel free to call them the Devil Rays. They’re not fooling anyone; they’re still pure evil.
-- Do not touch Billy Penn. I cannot stress this enough.
-- Do not play the Rocky theme. Unless you call it the Rocky II theme. No more moral victories.







Top performers





QB: Matt Cassel, 25.50 pts – sitting on the wire
RB: Steven Jackson, 37.07 pts – sitting on Joel’s bench
WR: Randy Moss, 21.60 pts – started by Mike
TE: Owen Daniels, 22.40 pts – started by Joel
K: (tie) John Kasay, 13.00 pts – started by Ant
K: (tie) Robbie Gould, 13.00 pts – sitting on Ant’s bench
D: Justin Tuck, 15.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: New York Giants, 24.00 pts – started by Heidi
     Good week for RBs – they were seven of the top eight scorers on the week. Even better, none of them were Cowboys.







Worst performers, WR edition





3rd place: Jacoby Jones, -0.24 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Shaun McDonald, -0.47 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Ike Hilliard, -0.73 pts – started by Jeff
     Jeff would have been better served starting WR Jerry Rice, who has scored zero points after retiring from the game four years ago.
     However, the worst of the bunch were actually two Broncos this week: QB Patrick Ramsey managed a measly -1.24 pts by passing for 19 yards and losing a fumble, and RB Andre Hall posted a -1.74 by collecting 148 return yards, fumbling twice and rushing for -7 yards.







Stupidest awesome thing
I heard this week




If you still haven’t heard about the “Why can’t us?” campaign, go here now. No, now. Yes, right now.







Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award





     Not a great week for the line-ups, all around. Joanna tossed the top QB of the week right before kick-off, Mike left 31 pts on his bench, Jim left 36 pts, Paul left 37 pts. In a normal week, any one of them could have walked away with the award.
     But Joel left an incredible 70 pts on his bench this week mostly in the form of RBs Stephen Jackson and Chester Taylor, whom he benched in favor of a pair of players who didn’t register a point. Sure, he still scored over 100 pts on the week, but those moves alone could have jumped him from 10th place to fourth in our crazy, bunched up league.
     Honorable mention goes to Andy Reid, who probably called for a pass play on Sunday before realizing the team wasn’t playing.






Current craigslist offerings for Philly this week





-- SATURDAY NIGHT, GAME 3, $1! (Actual listing has 300 level tickets for $500 each).
-- PHILS/RAYS, GREAT SEATS: $279! (This posting has been flagged as fraudulent and will be removed).
-- FOUR TICKETS, SEC 205, $2800! (“Rasonably cheap” according to the seller).
-- NEED THREE FLYERS TICKETS FOR 10/22! (Really? Really?)







Cowboys anagram insult of the week





     As promised, here are the completely not-so-hidden messages found in the Cowboys new Williams twins.
     We probably should have seen “Dallas Cowboys WR Roy E. Williams” getting traded from the Lions even sooner, because his name spells out:
    *** Dollars will sway me. A Cowboy, sir! ***
     Meanwhile, “Dallas Cowboys Safety Roy L. Williams” is out for the year, officially because of a broken arm, But everyone, including his family, knows the real reason:
    *** My wife calls, says I allow a lot o’ yards. Ba! ***
    And, try as you might, you can’t use either of their names spell any sentence with the word “win.” Very interesting.







BREAKING NEWS





    Ohmigawd, Neal picked up a player this week, probably using one of them newfangled iphone devices I keep hearing so much about. That officially means everyone in the league is actually participating.









Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 885.55 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 861.24 pts
3rd place: Ice Road Truckers, Dad – 840.38 pts
     Finally someone breaks up the Doyle triumvirate atop the standings, with Dad bumping Joanna down to fourth. Meanwhile, everyone I’m not directly related to sits at sixth place and below. You know the league is fair, because if I was rigging it I’d never have any of these people above me in the standings. It’s much easier to deal with taunts from Bob.







News and notes





-- In case you’ve been living under a rock, game one of the World Series is Wednesday night. The Phils are playing.
-- And let this be a warning to you: We are all rooting for the Phillies right now. All of us. Got it?