Fantasy Recap Week #6

A special MLB message
from little Shane Victorino



     Pitches don’t go there, OK? Maybe in the side, but not in the head.





Top performers




QB: Drew Brees, 31.50 pts – started by Bobert
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew, 28.39 pts – started by Heidi
WR: Andre Johnson, 25.87 pts – started by Bobert
TE: Marcedes Lewis, 13.27 pts – sitting on the wire
K: Jason Elam, 19.00 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Robert Mathis, 13.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Tampa Bay, 26.00 pts – started by Ant
     Don’t worry – those two top performers on Bob’s team scored as many points as his other nine players combined (please note the worst performers below). Meanwhile, did anyone know Jason Elam was still playing? And not with the Broncos?





Worst performers,
“supposed skill-positions” edition




3rd place: Chansi Stuckey, 0.10 pts – started by Bobert
2nd place: Le’Ron McClain, -1.07 pts – sitting on Paul’s bench
1st place: Jacob Hester, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
     I don’t know what’s sadder: Le’Ron’s stat line for the day (one catch, two yards; one rush, -2 yards, one fumble) or the fact that he can’t spell “Ron” correctly.





Andy Reid Blown Call
of the Week Award



     I knew last week was too good to be true – This week, Neal started three players on a bye and one injured player, employing a cunning strategy of trying to move up the leaderboard by not showing up to play. It’s too early to say if it will work, but … no, wait, it’s not too early. It won’t work.
     Honorable mention goes to the guy in my other fantasy league who traded me QB Drew Brees this week for RB Joseph Addai. Brees threw three TDs and 300-plus yards; Addai totaled three yards before going down with an injury. Good timing on that one.





Stupid things
Sonny Jurgensen
said this Sunday



     For those of you who didn’t listen to the radio broadcast of the Maryland Racial Slurs loss to the Rams on Sunday, consider yourself lucky. Here’s just what I remember from the 4th quarter:
-- With the home team facing a 2nd and 10, down by six: “This is two-down territory right here. Maybe two or three downs.”
    Listener’s Note ~ Did he mean four-down territory? Or was he actually suggesting they punt on third down?
-- With the home team facing 1st and goal, down by six: “They’ve got three chances here to pound this in.”
    Listener’s Note ~ And then on 4th down, they should kick the FG and take the loss? Can he count?
-- Still facing 1st and goal, at the two-yard line, down by six: “They should think about running some time off the clock here.”
    Listener’s Note ~ How? By kneeling on 1st down, rather than scoring the go-ahead TD?
-- After the Rams took a illegal formation penalty to start their final drive of the game: “Hahahahah” (cackling)
    Listener’s Note ~ Thanks for the insightful commentary. Why weren’t you still laughing when the Rams kicked the game-winning FG?





Bets you could have on June 1 that would have made you rich now



-- By week 6, retired QB Brett Favre will have more TD passes than QBs Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Carson Palmer combined (13 vs 11).
-- By week 6, Arizona rookie RB Tim Hightower will have more TDs than RB LaDanian Tomlinson (5 vs 4).
-- By week 6, Bengals LB Dhani Jones will have more tackles than Pro-Bowl linebackers Ray Lewis and Derrick Brooks combined (61 vs 59).
-- By week 6, the longest TD reception of the year will be a 90-yard pass to fifth-string WR Hank Baskett.





A special MLB message from stumpy Matt Stairs



     Stairs smash. Stairs smash!





Cowboys anagram insult of the week




     How serious is this week’s injury to the Cowboys star QB? Just look at what “Tony Romo’s busted little finger” spells out, clear as day:
     ** Sorry: no TDs, title. el T.O. be fuming. **
     I give Owens about three weeks before he starts saying that Brett Farve would be playing with a broken finger.





Your potential upcoming
sports viewing schedule



     Should the Phils make it to the next round, You should all be ready for this:
-- Wednesday, Oct. 22: World Series Game 1, Sharks at Flyers, Sixers final preseason game
-- Thursday, Oct. 23: World Series Game 2
-- Friday, Oct. 24: Flyers at Devils
-- Saturday, Oct. 25: World Series Game 3, Devils at Flyers
-- Sunday, Oct. 26: World Series Game 4, Falcons at Eagles
     And if the series goes further, there’s more…





Our standings so far




1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 747.90 pts
2nd place: Arena Bowl Champions, Jo – 743.45 pts
3rd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 743.04 pts
     The Doyle reign of terror continues. Heidi would have held onto second place had she not started the Giants D, worth -1.00 points on Monday night.
     Meanwhile, last year’s champ, Paul, continues to lurk just behind in fourth place. And the top seven teams are separated by a mere 56 pts, which I believe how many points the Iggles scored in the fourth quarter on Sunday.





News and notes




-- I’ll deal with the Dallas WR Roy Williams/S Roy Williams next week. Right now it’s making my head hurt.
-- Wednesday night may be game 5 of the NLCS, but it’s also the third presidential debate. I don’t care how important you may think these fun little games are, I don’t care how much you really want to watch the strategy and athleticism, I don’t care what your excuse is. There’s only one logical choice if you care about the future of America, and it starts with the letter P and ends with Brad Lidge. Be a true American, OK?