After-hours learnin'

We covered a lot more first-aid and general safety stuff today, but the really important lesson was delivered late last night over beers with the instructors:

-- English soccer fans are all insane.

Just a few hours after we finished a series of lectures on how to handle head trauma and deep puncture wounds, our British experts regaled us with stories of going to matches between fairly insignificant rivals (think Phillies vs. Padres) and starting brawls before the game, starting brawls in the stadium, and then meeting in predetermined areas after the match to rumble with opposing fans.

One guy had a story about a man with a false arm who was banned from the games because he gouged too many people's eyes out with his hook. And did you know you can fit two blades in those exacto knives, thereby making it much harder to stitch up the wound afterwards? Now you do.

Seriously, next time I hear somebody complain about batteries at a baseball game I'm gonna smash my head in with a brick. Then I'm gonna launch into a lecture on the proper way to smack someone in the head with a brick, as told by the Brits.