Former Phils you'd still root for

For video game purposes, here's the ideal roster of the Philadelphia FormerPhillies, based on active players at the start of the season:

1B -- Jim Thome (Orioles)
2B -- Wilson Valdez (Reds)
SS -- Juan Castro (Dodgers)
3B -- Greg Dobbs (Marlins)
OF -- Jason Werth (Nationals)
OF -- Shane Victorino (Dodgers)
OF -- Raul Ibanez (Yankees)
C -- Rod Barajas (Pirates)

SP -- Brett Myers (White Sox)
SP -- J.A. Happ (Blue Jays)
SP -- Roy Oswalt (Cardinals)
SP -- Randy Wolf (Brewers)
SP -- Jamie Moyer (Rockies)

RP -- Brad Lidge (Nationals)

I'll let you fill out the rest of the bullpen yourself.

10 sports that should be in the Olympics

** 100m Platform Diving
** Full-contact Backgammon
** Synchronized Archery
** Alligator Wrestling
** Marco Polo
** Post-Modern Pentathlon
** 1m Sprint
** Keg Toss
** Mental gymnastics
** Baseball

Phillies tenure chart

With an eye toward the trade deadline, here's a look at how long Phillies on the current roster have been with the team (click to enlarge):

It wasn't that long ago, but only eight players remain on the roster from the 2008 World Series Champions team. And two of those are on the trade block right now. And one of them is Joe Blanton, against all odds.

Phillies midseason grades

An objective look at the first half performance for the team.

1st Base ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
2nd Base ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
3rd Base ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Shortstop ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Catcher ~ Grade: A
Analysis: Holy crap, Ruiz is amazing.
Outfield ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Starting pitching ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Relief pitching ~ Grade: Double F
Analysis: 14 STINKING GAMES OUT OF FIRST
Bench  ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Coaching  ~ Grade: F
Analysis: The team is 14 stinkin' games out of first.
Quarterbacks ~ Grade: F
Analysis: I'm sure this is Vick's fault somehow

Final analysis ~ Grade: D minus minus
If it weren't for Ruiz, we'd have to trade in the "Ph" on your uniforms for an "F"

Phillies All-Star credentials

Current Phillies who have made the All Star team (year in parentheses, click to enlarge):

That's 35 All-Star selections on the Phils' roster right now. Incidentally, that's one fewer than the number of wins they have through the first half of this season (36-45). 

A tribute to Charlie Manuel

Last Saturday, Charlie Manuel recorded his 900th win as a major league manager, putting him on pace to hit the coveted 1,000-win mark sometime next summer (hopefully). Here’s a look at how his managerial career stacks up in Phillies history:

-- 681 wins (most in team history)
-- Seven straight winning seasons (2nd in team history)
-- 102 wins in 2011 (most in team history)
-- Five playoff appearances (most in team history)
-- 27 post-season wins (most in team history)
-- Twice 2nd-place manager of the year (most in team history)
-- Two NL pennants (2nd in team history)
-- 1 World Series title (Tied -- most in team history)
-- 1 year having to put up with Chad Qualls (most in team history)

This season sucks so far, but it's worth a moment to thank Charlie for the great work over the last seven seasons. Best manager in team history, without question.

Now do something about Qualls already.

June so far for the Phils

The red line is the # of games above .500, the blue is the games out of first.



Ouch.

Why I’m rooting for Miami tonight

I know, I know, even typing those words out made me throw up in my mouth a little. And I know every other sports fan in America will attack me for taking this stance. But the fact is that rooting for Miami to win tonight isn’t just the right choice, it’s the only choice for a real sports fan. Consider the following:

1 -- They’re a team of fighters.

This Miami squad had to overcome serious injuries in recent weeks, but now appears to be at the top of their game. All the pundits had declared them dead, and now they’re being forced to eat their words.

2 -- They have better players

Yes, Miami got all the high-profile free agents, but there's a reason they paid for those guys. They're good. They deserve to be hailed as all-pros.

3 -- Their opponent is overrated and undeserving

Suddenly everyone in the media loves the other guys again, but I'm not buying it. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're actually the better team.

So that’s why I’ll be rooting wholeheartedly for the Miami to sweep the series when the Marlins take on the Boston Red Sox, starting tonight.

Oh, you thought I meant the Heat? Gawd no. I hope those asshats choke like dogs again this Finals.

Guess who's almost back?

Three for four with a homerun in his rehab start Monday.
I'm just saying.

Potential names for the new pet fish

Presented in descending order of likelihood:

-- Freddy Galfish

-- Finny Rollins (via Lee)

-- Donovan McCrab

-- Nemo Timonen (via G)

-- Jeremiah Trouter

-- Hector Luna aka The Big Tuna

-- Sole Hamels

-- Michael Schwimmer (via Beth G)

-- Jeremy Mackrel

-- Fish Pronger (via G)

-- Cliff Eel

-- Koi Detmer

Unhappy memories

The last time the Phillies entered June in last place of their division (a distinct possibility this year, based on their performance over the last few weeks ) was seven years ago, during the team’s first year under manger Charlie Manuel. Here’s a look at the changes in the squad since then:

Position		2012	2005
Catcher		Carlos Ruiz	Mike Liberthal
First Base		Ty Wiggington	Ryan Howard
Second Base		Freddy Galvis	Chase Utley
Shortstop		Jimmy Rollins	Jimmy Rollins
Third Base		Placido Polanco	David Bell
Right Field		Hunter Pence	Bobby Abreu
Center Field		Kenny Lofton	Shane Victorino
Left Field		Juan Pierre	Pat Burrell
#1 Pitcher		Roy Halladay	Brett Myers
#2 Pitcher		Cliff Lee	Jon Lieber
#3 Pitcher		Cole Hamels	Cory Lidle
#4 Pitcher		Vance Worley	Vincente Padilla
#5 Pitcher		Joe Blanton	Randy Wolf
Closer		Jonathan Papelbon	Billy Wagner
Bench bat		Jim Thome	Jim Thome

For the record, the Phillies have never finished under .500 (or lower than second place) during Manuel’s tenure as manager.

1, 2, 3-4-5, Sixers

With one more win in their playoff series against the Celtics, the Philadelphia 76ers will clinch the title of "closest Philly team to win a championship" for the 2011-2012 sports season. As you may remember, the Eagles missed the playoffs, the Phillies lost in the first round, and the Flyers lost in the second (four games to one). If the Sixers can manage at least two wins in the second round, they get top billing.

Here's a look back at how the teams have done over the pas two decades:

2010-2011: Phillies (lost in Conference Champs)
2009-2010: Phillies & Flyers (both lost in Finals, 4-2)
2008-2009: Phillies (won World Series)
2007-2008: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
2006-2007: Eagles (lost in playoffs second round)
2005-2006: Flyers (lost in playoffs first round)
2004-2005: Eagles (lost in Finals)
2003-2004: Eagles & Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
2002-2003: Eagles (lost in Conference Champs)
2001-2002: Eagles (lost in Conference Champs)
2000-2001: Sixers (lost in Finals)
1999-2000: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
1998-1999: Sixers (lost in playoffs second round)
1997-1998: Flyers (lost in playoffs first round)
1996-1997: Flyers (lost in Finals)
1995-1996: Eagles & Flyers (lost in playoffs second round)
1994-1995: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
1993-1994: Phillies (lost in Finals)
1992-1993: Eagles (lost in playoffs second round)

For those of you scoring at home, the breakdown by team is:
Flyers -- 9
Eagles -- 7
Phillies -- 4
Sixers -- 2

Of course, the Phillies are the only team to actually win a championship over that stretch, so they automatically win the title of "best Philly sports franchise" until further notice.

Seen in Aruba

This is a picture of a jewelry display case at an expensive shop in Aruba's capital. Here are my questions:

1 -- How does an Eagles baseball cap help sell high-end jewelry?
2 -- Is it worrisome that they couldn't find an Eagles' helmet, only a cap?
3 -- Is it worrisome that they paired it with WVU and UNC helmets?
4 -- Is it possible that someone will buy a necklace and that hat, and wear them both walking out of the store?

In depth Eagles roster analysis

The Eagles added 22 new rookies this week – nine through the draft and 13 more as unrestricted free agents over the weekend. Here’s an evaluation of the best and the worst pick-ups, based solely on how funny their names are:

Worst

#5 -- FB Emil Igwenagu, UMass (free agent)

Even the phonetic spelling -- eh-MEAL-ig-wen-AH-goo – is hideous to look at.

#4 -- LS Matt Camilli, UTEP (free agent)

I actually thought his name ended in a quadruple L before I looked closer.

#3 -- WR Elvis Akpla, Montana State (free agent)

I’m feeling a little Akpla right now. Maybe Tylenol will help.

#2-- WR Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State (free agent)

I don’t even have words for how ugly those letters are together.

#1 -- LB Mychal Kendricks, California (2^nd round pick)

If you can’t spell “Michael” right, how can we trust you to stop the run?

Best

#5 -- DE Vinny Curry, Marshall (2^nd round pick)

You can’t ask for better letter symmetry than that.

#4 -- P Ryan Tydlacka, Kentucky (free agent)

All punters should have funny names, for comic relief purposes

#3 -- TE Chase Ford, Miami (free agent)

NFL player or 1920s private eye -- Those are his only options.

#2 -- WR Marvin McNutt, Iowa (6^th round pick)

You can already hear the fans chanting “Mc-Nutt! Mc-Nutt!”

#1 -- DT Fletcher Cox, Miss St (1^st round pick)

The jokes all write themselves.

Player names too boring to be mentioned:
CB Brandon Boykin, Georgia (4th round pick)
QB Nick Foles, Arizona (3rd round pick)
OT Dennis Kelly, Purdue (5th round pick)
OG Brandon Washington, Miami (6th round pick)
RB Bryce Brown, Kansas St (7th Round pick)
WR Damaris Johnson, Tulsa (free agent)
RB Chris Polk, Washington (free agent)
FB Jeremy Stewart, Stanford (free agent)
FS Phillip Thomas, Syracuse (free agent)
CB Cliff Harris, Oregon (free agent)
WR McKay Jacobson, BYU (free agent)
WR Darnell Williams, Louisiana College (free agent)

A Hall of Fame case for Brian Dawkins

The whole premise of this blog post seems like a no-brainer, but since we've got five years to wait, let's start breaking down the arguments now.

First, from Pete Lieber of Yahoo Sports:

[Brian Dawkins] is the only safety in the history of the game with more than 500 tackles (Dawk has 1,131), greater than 30 interceptions (37), greater than 20 forced fumbles (37) and greater than 20 sacks (26). Those number speak to how Dawkins helped revolutionize the safety position. While he ranks second to Ed Reed with 120 passes defended, he also ranks second in sacks to only Rodney Harrison. Harrison defended 53 passes and sacked the quarterback 30.5 times. Dawkins got to the passer 26 times while still defending an incredible 120 passes.

Now, some additional stats of note:

Eagles seasons in the Super Bowl era, with Brian Dawkins: 13
Eagles seasons in the Super Bowl era, w/o Brian Dawkins: 31


Eagles all-time playoff record, with Dawkins: 10-8 
Eagles all time playoff record, w/o Dawkins: 5-11 


Eagles NFC championship appearances, with Dawkins: Five
Eagles NFC championship appearances, w/o Dawkins: One

And, finally, I submit to you the 1:35 mark of the video below:



I await any credible rebuttal.

Fun with numbers, Flyers edition

Putting the Flyers current offensive outburst into perspective:

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Flyers goals scored, last postseason: 29 (11 games)
** Phillies runs scored, this season: 33 (10 games)

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Danny Briere goals, regular season: 16 (70 games)
** Jaromir Jagr goals, regular season: 19 (73 games)

** Flyers hat tricks, this postseason: 2 (3 games)
** Flyers hat tricks, regular season: 2 (82 games)
** Hat tricks, all other playoff teams: 0 (18 games)

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Boston/DC playoff series, combined goals: 11 (3 games)
** Ottawa/NY playoff series, combined goals: 12 (3 games)
** Vancouver/LA playoff series, combined goals: 13 (3 games)
** St. Louis/San Jose series, combined goals: 15 (3 games)
** Nashville/Detroit series, combined goals: 15 (3 games)

More 2012 Phillies ads

Now that the season has started, the Phillies have released their new slate of print ads. Honestly, I didn't expect them to be so angry this early in the season.

Getting to know your fill-in Phillies

With opening day around the corner, there are a few new faces of note on the 2012 version of the Phillies. Here’s a quick introduction:

2B/SS Freddy Galvis
Bio: The highly-regarded 21-year-old has bounced between AA and AAA ball the last few years.
Role: Team officials insisted he was still a few years away from the majors … until Chase Utley and Michael Martinez went down with injuries. Now, apparently, he’s ready.
Suggested nickname: Fred X, Not Utley

1B/OF Ty Wigginton
Bio: This 10-year veteran has played for six other teams already, and also cranked out 150-plus home runs.
Role: He’ll be part of the rotating cast of characters at first until Ryan Howard’s projected return in … June? Let’s say June.
Suggested nickname: Getting wiggy with it, Ty Detmer

OF Juan Pierre
Bio: A 12-year veteran, Pierre looks like he’s 97 years old. He’s also a .296 hitter for his career, so he’ll have to work on strikeouts to fit with the Phillies
Role: He’ll be in the outfield platoon for the early part of the season, and may hit leadoff if Rollins gets moved down to the three spot because of injuries.
Suggested nickname: Juan, Pierre

1B/PH Jim Thome
Bio: No bio available. I’ve never heard of the guy before
Role: This year’s Matt Stairs. Also, he apparently played first base once. No other info on that.
Suggested nickname: No idea. Maybe just his last name? I think it rhymes with “foam.”

RP Jonathan Papelbon
Bio: Papelbon was the Red Sox closer for the last six years. He is a pompous ass.
Role: Papelbon will be the Phillies main closer and primary pompous ass.
Suggested nickname: Pompous-elbon, Dammit get an out already

SP Joe Blanton
Bio: Joe Blanton has been on the Phillies for the last four years. You just forgot because he was AWOL all last season.
Role: Blanton will be the team’s #5 starter until, as part of an annual hazing rite, they hand that role back to Kyle Kendrick
Suggested nickname: Innings Eater, Not Halladay

Why baseball is unfair

A quick recap of this week's news:

** Ryan Howard, age 32, is slowly coming back from a devastating leg injury that could hamper his career.

** Chase Utley, age 33, is facing degenerative knee problems and may never be the same player again.

** Joe Blanton, age 32, looks too old and worn down to last much longer in the big leagues.

** Jamie Moyer, age 49, looks stronger and healthier than he has in years and will likely be starting for the Rockies in a few more weeks.

The Phillies current depth chart

Eh, I'm sure it'll work out fine.