Couldn't make the cut

Here's a look at a few key Phillies cast-offs from the last nine months, and how they're doing today:

Player: OF Nate Schierholtz
Status: Acquired by the Phils in the Hunter Pence trade, released in the off-season, signed by the Cubs
Stats: 107 AB, .299 AVG, 19 RBI, 4 HR
Analysis: That's a higher average than every Phillies starter except Michael Young, and more RBI than every player except Utley and Howard.


Player: 2B Yuniesky Betancourt
Status: Invited and dropped in Spring Training, signed by the Pirates
Stats: 125 AB, .248 AVG, 24 RBI, 8 HR
Analysis: That's a more HR than every Phillie on the roster, and more RBI than everyone but Utley (who also has 24).


Player: OF Hunter Pence
Status: Traded by the Phillies last August, under contract with the Giants through 2014
Stats: 153 AB, .281 AVG, 22 RBI, 7 HR, 7 SB
Analysis: It would have been expensive to keep him, but he'd be leading the team in HR and SB if he were here.


Player: P Joe Blanton
Status: Traded to the Dodgers last August
Stats: 8 starts, 0-7 record, 6.46 ERA
Analysis: OK, maybe they got that one right.

Playoff probability

The Flyers elimination from the playoffs last month made 2012-2013 the first sports year since 1992-1993 that none of the big four Philly teams made the postseason. Here’s a look at the upcoming teams’ outlook and when that streak might end.

2013 Phillies: Roy Halladay is hurt, the offense isn’t hitting, and the Braves look really good.
Chance: 5 percent

2013 Eagles: New coach, new attitude, same defensive players.
Chance: 4 percent

2013-14 Sixers: Andrew Bynum gets re-signed, then gets hurt again, then watches the losses pile up from the bench.
Chance: 5 percent

2013-14 Flyers: A slow start leads to a Bryzgalov trade, which leads to even more losses.
Chance: 7 percent

2014 Phillies: With Cliff Lee and Ryan Howard traded, Domonic Brown becomes the team’s leader. 105 losses follow.
Chance: 3 percent

2014 Eagles: QB Matt Barkley is named starter for the year. Gets benched by October.
Chance: 4 percent

2014-15 Sixers: Bynum gets traded for Dwight Howard, whose leadership skills shine through as expected.
Chance: 6 percent

2014-15 Flyers: No way the Flyers miss the playoffs three straight years. They aren’t the Columbus Blue Jackets.
Chance: 100 percent

Grading the Eagles draft grades

Here's a recap of how sports analysts broke down the Philadelphia Eagles' picks in this weekend's NFL, and how each of them performed.

** Mel Kiper, ESPN
His analysis: B-plus overall, A for value
Grade of his work: F
-- A multi-step grade is far too complicated. Can you fail in a chemistry test but get an A for effort? Sure, in a crappy charter school you can. But this is the big leagues, not New Jersey's suburbs.

** Eliot Harrison, NFL.com
His analysis: "overall winner"
Grade of his work: F
-- Again, this analysis misses the point of the grading system. Do we want a real perspective on which teams did well? Of course not. We want easy to digest grades. This isn't a pass/fail test. This is real fake grading.

** Evan Silva, Rotoworld
His analysis: C-minus
Grade of his work: F
-- His grading includes the phrase "All of Philly's rookies look like good values" and then he gives them the lowest grade in the NFC. Because that makes sense.

** Washington Post
Their analysis: B-plus
Grade of their work: F
-- Only one team got an A, and no team got worse than a C-. We want Ds and Fs. If everybody gets good grades, then clearly no one in the class has learned anything.

** Chris Burke, SI
His analysis: B
Grade of his work: B
-- Seems fair

** Rob Rang, CBS Sports
His analysis: A-minus
Grade of his work: F
-- Rang names only six of the Eagles eight draft picks in his 200-word analysis, omitting their fifth and final seventh round picks. Doesn't he know those marginal talents are the heart of draft grading? How can you decide if a team performed well without looking at the 239th player chosen?

Overall draft grading grade: D-minus

-- Too much repetition, too much effort making a simple, pointless letter into an actual grading exercise. I'd give the Eagles a B-plus for their draft. Wanna know why? None of your business, that's why. I'm the instructor, you can't question my authority. The end. Learn from my genius, folks. 

Eagles draft pick preview

With the draft just two days away, here's a look back at Eagles recent first round draft pick history:

2012: Defensive Lineman
2011: Offensive Lineman
2010: Defensive Lineman
2009: WR
2008: None
2007: None
2006: Defensive Lineman
2005: Defensive Lineman
2004: Offensive Lineman
2003: Defensive Lineman

Here's a look at their projected first-round pick this year:

CBS.com's Rob Rang: Defensive Lineman
CBS.com's Dane Brugler: Offensive Lineman
CBS.com's Pete Prisco: Defensive Lineman
NFL.com's Gil Brandt: Offensive Lineman
NFL.com's Josh Norris: Defensive Lineman
NFL.com's Matt Smith: Defensive Lineman
ESPN's Todd McShay: Offensive Lineman
Fox.com: Offensive Lineman

NFL draft fever -- catch it!

One man show

A quick look at the MLB RBI leaders so far, and just how much of their team's offense they account for:

I woulda though Utley was higher, since appears to be the only member of the Phillies who can hit.

Full data is here, if anyone should need it.

Bad pitching = good result

Number of game into the season it took the Phillies to give up 48 runs, by year:

2007 -- 9 games (later lost division playoffs)
2008 -- 9 games (later won World Series)
2009 -- 8 games (later lost World Series)
2010 -- 11 games (later lost NLCS)
2011 -- 14 games (later lost division playoffs)
2012 -- 17 games (missed playoffs)
2013 -- 7 games

Clearly, all this terrible pitching is great news -- the Phillies are on pace to win the World Series again.

The costs of baseball excellence

The Houston Astros (who won MLB's season opener last night) have an opening day payroll of $24.3 million, the lowest of any team and a little more than one-tenth what the Yankee's team costs right now ($229 million). A lot has been made that Alex Rodriguez alone ($29 million) will make more than the Astros' entire slate of players, but here's a look at what slice of the Phillies you could get for that little cash:

-- P Cliff Lee ($25M) for every start this year except one
-- P Roy Halladay ($20M) and P Kyle Kendrick ($4.5M)
-- SS Jimmy Rollins ($11M) and P Jonathan Papelbon ($13M)
-- Five C Carlos Ruizes ($5M)
-- Every outfielder on the roster (Laynce Nix at $1.35M, Delmon Young at $750K, John Mayberry at $517K, Ben Revere at $515K, Domonic Brown at $500K, Feddy Galvis at $490K) plus 1B Ryan Howard ($20M)
-- Fifty C Eric Kratzes ($496K)
-- One P Cole Hamels from 2013 ($19.5 M) and one P Cole Hamels from 2009 ($4.4M)
-- 1,435,294 baseballs from the Phillies official store ($17 each)

Recent Philly sports success

A brief look back at recent post-seasons:

** LaSalle's wins in the current NCAA tournament: 3

** Temple's wins in the current NCAA tournament: 1

** Other Philly sports playoff wins in the last 10 months, all pro and college spots: 0

** Other Philly sports teams to advance past the first round of the playoffs in the last 12 months, all pro and college sports: 2 (Flyers, Sixers)

** Other Philly sports teams to advance past the first round of the playoffs in the last 24 months, all pro and college sports: 3 (Flyers 2 times, Sixers)

So ... go Explorers.

Field of 64, Philly style

It's that time again. The last 12 months were awful for Philadelphia sports, but that doesn't mean we can't still find a clear winner. Or, at the very least, we can eliminate the 63 losers...

(Click the picture to view the full bracket already)

Goodbye and good riddance

In honor of the departure of overhyped and overpaid CB Nnamdi Asomugha, here's a look back at some of the highlights of his tenure with the Eagles: the anagrams of his name.

** Anguish and ammo
** I am human gonads
** Housing a madman
** A handgun mimosa
** Damn iguana mosh
** Ado, hamming anus
** No hugs, mama and I
** I can't cover anything.

OK, maybe that last one was a stretch...

Next season's sports-themed shows

Next week, ABC plans to debut its new show "Splash," which features athletes and c-list celebs learning how to dive off 10-meter platforms. The show's initial title, "The 8 p.m. bellyflop hour," was rejected in favor of the current one.

Still, the show is expected to be such as success that the networks have already ordered a slate of similar sporting-based shows for the fall schedule. Here's a preview:

Hopscotch (on FOX): Michael Irvin, Roger Clemens, John McEnroe and the cast of "The Real Housewives of Tulsa" pair up with professional playground enthusiasts to see which team can skip all the way to the top.

Clean sweep (on NBC): As a lead up to their 2014 Olympic programming, producers pit the world's top curling teams against Jeremy Roenick and his band of retired NHLers in a winner-take-all contest. But this time, checking is allowed.

Fish out of Water (on ABC): The New England Patriots linemen have what it take to protect Tom Brady, but can they save themselves in a game of Marco Polo against Joan Rivers?

Chutes and Losers (on CBS): Ever wonder how Betty White would do in a high-stress game of Chutes and Ladders? No? Too bad! This show pits her against unsuspecting New Yorkers, with a $500 prize on the line.

Tag (on TNT): Charles Barkley and some local schoolkids play tag. That's it. Series lasts 17 episodes.

Hole in the Wall (on Fox): Contestants stand at the end of a conveyor belt and have to angle their body in the shape of a hole in a wall to earn points. Oh, wait, that already happened.

Spring training facts

Extrapolating the likely Phillies season-end stats based on four spring training games:

RBI leader: 162, C Tommy Joseph
SB leader: 81, OF Ben Revere
Hits leader: 231, 2B Yuniesky Betancourt
Runs leader: 202, 1B Ryan Howard
HR leader: 81, OF Domonic Brown
** projected new MLB record

Wins leader: 54, RP Zach Miner

** projected new MLB record 

Ks leader: 235, SP Roy Halladay

BBs leader: 200, SP Tyler Cloyd

Losses leader: 54, RP Jonathan Papelbon

** projected new MLB record 

ERA leader: 0.00, SP Cliff Lee

** projected new MLB record 

Projected Phillies record: 41-81-40

I know 40 ties is unlikely, considering there haven't been any in baseball's regular season in about 100 years, but they do have that weird new interleague schedule, so ...

Phillies 2013 Spring Training ads

After the success of last year's early ad campaign, the Phillies are back with a new, grittier set of ads for the start of the 2013 season:

The State of Philadelphia Sports address, 2013

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, fellow citizens:

Well, the Sixers lost yesterday, the Flyers lost yesterday, the Eagles resigned Mike Vick, and Chooch is suspended for the first 25 games of the baseball season.

Yeah, the state of our union is not good.

At least the state of the Philadelphia Union is still ok (0-0-1).

God bless America.

Greatest colleges ever

A full list of schools who can claim a U.S. vice president and a Super Bowl MVP among their alumni:

1 -- University of Michigan
VP: Gerald Ford
MVP: Tom Brady, Desmond Howard

2 -- University of Delaware
VP: Joe Biden
MVP: Joe Flacco

3 -- None

And, just to add to the prestige, see if you can identify which helmet is from which school:

Super Bowl rooting interests

Not sure who to root for in the Super Bowl as an Eagles fan? Take these athletes with local ties into consideration:

San Francisco 49ers
** K David Akers
-- Spent 11 years with the Eagles, setting team records in career points, FG made, and about 700 other categories. He also completed one pass for 11 yards during that time.
** TE Garrett Celek
-- Younger brother of Eagles TE Brent Celek. He has four catches for 51 yards on the season.
** CB Chris Culliver
-- Second-year defensive back was born and raised in Philadelphia, but played high school ball in North Carolina.
** LB NaVarro Bowman
-- The Pro-Bowl linebacker played college football at Penn State.

Baltimore Ravens
** S Sean Considine
-- Drafted by the Eagles in 2005, Considine collected more than 110 tackles as a defensive back over his first four years. This season, he has played mainly special teams.
** RB Bernard Pierce
-- The Ardmore native and Temple star has been a key backup for the Ravens, rushing for more than 500 yards on the season.
** C Gino Gradkowski
-- Rookie offensive lineman was a fourth-round draft pick from University of Delaware, where he served as a co-captain during his senior year.
** QB Joe Flacco
-- The five-year pro is the highest NFL draft pick in University of Delaware history (18th overall) and arguably the most successful pro player in school history (with apologies to Rich Gannon).
** LB Jameel McClain
-- The Philadelphia native and George Washington High star was placed on injured reserve for the season in late December.
** Coach John Harbaugh
-- Spent nine years on the Eagles coaching staff, and served as special teams coordinator during the team's 2004 Super Bowl run.

The Ravens have an impressive list of Philly connections, but let's be honest -- you really don't care about anyone on this list other than Akers. Here's hoping he gets his ring.

Philadelphia's 1991-1992 season

Key figures in the Philadelphia sports world during the 1991-1992 season:

** Eagles QB Jim McMahon -- 2,239 yds, 12 TDs, 11 INTs. Took over as the team's signal caller when the electrifying yet fragile Randall Cunningham was injured in the early season.

** Phillies 1B John Kruk -- .294 AVG., 92 RBI, 21 HRs. Led the team in most power categories, but never  reached those offensive numbers again in his career (although he did improve his average and runs scored).

** Flyers C Rod Bind'Amour -- 33 goals, 44 assists. Led the team in points but posted only a -3 plus/minus for the season. The team finished sixth in the division.

** Sixers PF Charles Barkley -- 23.1 pts per game, 11.1 rebounds per game. In his last season in Philadelphia, the popular "round mound of rebound" put up all-star worthy numbers for a squad that only posted a 35-47 record.

Why bring them up now? Because 21 years ago was the last time that all four Philadelphia teams missed the playoffs in the same year. With the Eagles and Phillies already posting failures, the Sixers in 9th place in the conference, and the Flyers dropping their first three games of the shortened NHL season, it's suddenly a real possibility again.

The Eagles search for a new head coach

Partial list of coaches under consideration for the Eagles head coaching spot:

** Former Bears coach Lovie Smith (pending)
** Former Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt (pending)
** Seahawks defense coach Gus Bradley (pending)
** Bengals offense coach Jay Gruden (pending)
** Colts offense coach Bruce Arians (pending)
** Oregon coach Chip Kelly (rejected)
** Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly (rejected)
** Penn State coach Bill O'Brien (rejected)
** Retired coach John Gruden (won't return calls)
** Retired coach Brian Billick (really? are we that desparate)
** Retired coach Vince Lombardi (dead)
** Phillies coach Charlie Manuel (pending)
** Patriots coach Bill Belichick (pleading)
** Chiefs coach Andy Reid (probably not)
** Papa John's spokesman Peyton Manning (pending)
** Retired coach Bill Cowher (naaaah)
** Homeless man who just walked by the stadium (pending)

The worst Super Bowl outcomes left

Now that the Maryland Racial Slurs have been crippled eliminated from the post-season, here are the four worst possible Super Bowl match-ups remaining:

5 -- Patriots vs 49ers
The two weeks leading up to the big game would be full of "dynasty vs. dynasty" talk, even though New England has lost its last two championship games and the 49ers haven't been there for almost two decades.

4 -- Patriots vs Packers
Which QB would you rather have: Brady or Rodgers? Here's a better question: Which team can refuse to acknowledge the run game more? Why do we have RBs anyway?

3 -- Patriots vs Seahawks
The Seahawks are responsible for most boring Super Bowl of the last decade (SB XL, also known as the one they handed to Jerome Bettis). The Patriots are the Patriots.

2 -- Ravens vs Falcons
There's a good chance that this could be the first Super Bowl that ends 3-0. There's also a great chance that Ray Lewis will be named MVP before a down is played, regardless how poor he plays.

1 -- Patriots vs Falcons
A battle for the ages: An undeserving Boston fan base that still feels persecuted despite eight sports championships since 2000, playing against an undeserving Atlanta fan base that struggles to sell out playoff games. Both loser and winner whine incessantly.

2012 fantasy recap -- final standings

All good things must come to an end. But before we say goodbye to 2012 completely, lets look back at how the fantasy season shook out:

I heart WRs (Paul)
Projected Points: 2106.41 pts (7th place)
Actual Points: 1720.68 pts (12th place)
NFL Equivalent: Jacksonville Jaguars
Analysis: Much like the woeful Jags, Paul's squad was done in by poor coaching and players who simply quit on the season (I'm pretty sure Paul stopped setting his roster in week 9). But, much like the woeful Jags, no one noticed he was still playing after December rolled around, so I guess it evens out. Paul did manage to set two league records this year -- the most TDs in a week (10, week 6) and the least TDs in a week (1, week 11) -- so there's at least that bit of trivia to keep him warm in the cold off-season.

Fool for Foles (Joanner)
Projected Points: 2147.77 pts (5th place)
Actual Points: 1964.93 pts (11th place)
NFL Equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
Analysis: It's hard to point to one thing that killed Joanner's team this season, but ... no, wait, it's not. It's the same thing that killed the Eagles: Michael "the turnover machine" Vick. He ended the season with more turnovers (15) than TDs (13) and scored fewer fantasy points than luminaries like Brandon Weeden, Ryan Tannehill and Christian Ponder. On the bright side, if she ends up with him again next year, he won't have a "PHI" tag next to his name.

Romney's tax returns (Jim)
Projected Points: 2079.56 pts (8th place)
Actual Points: 2011.52 pts (10th place)
NFL Equivalent: Cleveland Browns
Analysis: Jim ended up with two of the top three WRs in the game, the #3 TE overall and ... not much else, really. He took a disappointing Cam Newton with his first-round pick, preserving his "never take a RB first" philosophy and hitching his ground game to Michael Turner and Jonathan Stewart. Come to think of it, that's the opposite of the Browns, who have a great RB and nothing else. But I know how much Steelers fans like being compared to Cleveland teams, so we'll leave it like that.

Joe Buck Yourself (Ant)
Projected Points: 2486.41 pts (2nd place)
Actual Points: 2021.81 pts (9th place)
NFL Equivalent: New York Giants
Analysis: Last year's Awesome Cup champion had some late flashes of brilliance, but like dopey Eli Manning, he won't be defending his title in the playoffs. Of course, we don't have playoffs, but that's not the point. The point is Anthony's team was a wreck and Eli Manning is a dope. That dude tanked two of my other fantasy teams this year and is so awful I've run out of ways to ridicule him. And he has two Super Bowl rings. I have to go throw up again.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Projected Points: 2200.08 pts (4th place)
Actual Points: 2047.14 pts (8th place)
NFL Equivalent: Tennessee Titans
Analysis: Jeff had the best team in the league if we used 2011 stats instead of 2012. Matt Stafford, LeSean McCoy, Roddy White, and Reggie Bush all had killer seasons last year. This round, not so much. If you're keeping score, this is the third former Awesome Cup champion to finish in the bottom five this campaign. 2012 was not kind to returning champions. Well, most of them, at least.

Sheldon Cooper (Dad)
Projected Points: 2146.77 pts (6th place)
Actual Points: 2089.69 pts (7th place)
NFL Equivalent: New York Jets
Analysis: How does a team with Peyton Manning finish in the bottom half of the league? Practice, practice, practice. (Hold on, I'm still working on that joke. I'll come back). Injuries to Ryan Matthews, Maurice Jones-Drew and Greg Jennings kept most of his A-Team on the sideline, and without a Hannibal or Face to bail the team out, they were sunk. (I don't think that A-Team reference works either. Come back to that too.) Also, Dad had Dwayne Bowe on his team, and that guy is fantasy poison. He's the modern equivalent of Fred Taylor.

Cheatstrong (ChampMike)
Projected Points: 2501.33 pts (1st place)
Actual Points: 2116.60 pts (6th place)
NFL Equivalent: USC Trojans
Analysis: Sixth place is a disappointing finish for ChampMike's proud squad, always a pre-season favorite in the polls. He did reclaim the "best team name" title, but it was a hollow victory. On the plus side, his players probably pull in a smaller salary than the actual USC team does, and his coaching decisions weren't so bad that we're vacating his last championship title. So, maybe there are worse fates than the middle of the pack.

Timmy and the Jets (Joel)
Projected Points: 2001.03 pts (9th place)
Actual Points: 2153.62 pts (5th place)
NFL Equivalent: Chicago Bears
Analysis: This is Joel's highest finish ever in the league (I'm pretty sure, but I'm not going back to double check), so fifth place is a bit of a victory for him. I picked him to finish worse solely based on taking WR Calvin Johnson with his first-round pick, but that and most of the rest of his choices turned out pretty well. What killed his title chances? QB Eli Manning, of course. Even when he didn't start that dope, his suckiness pervaded the team. I hate that guy so much...

Baby's First Team (Heidi)
Projected Points: 1999.29 pts (10th place)
Actual Points: 2200.97 (4th place)
NFL Equivalent: Seattle Seahawks
Analysis: Very quietly, Heidi put together an impressive campaign this year, slowly rising up the standings to steal a top-four finish. We all know it was steroid-related, of course, but because of the Olympics and the Lance Armstrong case, we simply didn't have the manpower available this year to drug test her regularly. We'll try and get that corrected for next year. In the meantime, we'll put an asterisk next to her finish, just in case.

The Bob-Dammits (Bobert)
Projected Points: 1788.93 pts (12th place)
Actual Points: 2999.09 pts (3rd place)
NFL Equivalent: Dallas Cowboys
Analysis: Everybody was rooting for the groom-to-be to pull out the title this year, but Bob's fate was sealed on draft day when he ended up with Tony Romo. When it came down to the final weeks of the season, with the trophy on the line, Bob's team faltered like Tony Romo in the fourth-quarter of a December game. Unlike the Cowboys, however, Bob will learn from his mistakes, and remember not to rely on those same losers next season. Also, Bob has a soul.

Kickers rule (Sam)
Projected Points: 1864.55 pts (11th place)
Actual Points: 2314.19 pts (2nd place)
NFL Equivalent: Maryland Racial Slurs
Analysis: Sam used rookie sensation Robert Griffin III to mount his own worst-to-first story this season, topping the standings for much of the year and threatening to win his first Awesome Cup championship despite not watching any football at all this year. Seriously, Sam has no idea what is going on in the NFL right now. If you told him the Saints were favored to win the Super Bowl, he would believe you. And he finished second. What are you people doing out there?

T-Old and T-Over (Capt. Awesome)
Projected Points: 2321.21 pts (3rd place)
Actual Points: 2384.55 pts (1st place)
NFL Equivalent: New England Patriots
Analysis: Yes, my friends, miracles can happen. When you organize the league, run the league, and provide in-depth weekly analysis recaps for the league, sometimes you can overcome the odds and win the league too. This latest victory makes me the first three-time champion in league history, and gives me three titles and two second-place finishes in the last decade (much like a certain insufferable Boston-area football team). But, unlike Tom Brady, I'm beloved by friends and colleagues, and don't need fame and fortune to make me happy.

But, if you must, feel free to bow down and admit defeat at the sight of the latest inscription on the Awesome Cup:

Thanks again for playing this year, and don't forget that I'm posting something ridiculous just about every week at this spot. Also, you only have seven months to get your 2013 draft order set, so get cracking. Try to put up more of a fight against my awesomeness next season.