Fantasy recap week #10

Time for everyone’s favorite game



     Think you know the NFL? See if you can identify whether the following people are starters from the undefeated Tennessee Titans or characters from the movie “Remember the Titans”
-- Ray Budds: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Stephen Tulloch: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Chris Hope: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Ken Amato: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Ronnie Bass: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Michael Griffin: Titan or Titan? Answer
-- Bill Yoast: Titan or Titan? Answer
     Scoring key: If you actually knew any of them, and didn't guess, you win. Or lose at having a life, as the case may be.





Top performers



QB: Jay Cutler, 36.78 pts – started by Paul
RB: Thomas Jones, 32.90 pts – started by Ant
WR: Anquan Boldin, 27.03 pts – started by Paul
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 29.53 pts – started by Neal
K: Jay Feeley, 21.50 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Julius Peppers, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: NY Jets, 28.00 pts – started by Heidi
     Just missing the cut: Kansas City QB Tyler Thigpen, the third-highest player of the week with 31.24 pts. Yes, that Kansas City. No, not Bobby Thigpen. Never Bobby Thigpen.





Worst Performers, veterans edition



3rd place (tie): Cleo Lemon, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
3rd place (tie): Kellen Clemens, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Marc Bulger, -1.40 pts – sitting on Neal’s bench
1st place: Amhard Hall, -2.10 pts – sitting on the wire
     Yes, I’m celebrating veterans day by highlighting the miserable week of Hall, a retired Marine and a frequent visitor to VA hospitals all over the country. I think somebody wrote a story about his trip to the NFL a while back…





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     I was gonna give this to Jim for starting someone on a bye again, but then Andy Reid threw a red flag to challenge my decision.
     Even after that I was gonna give it to Jim, but then Andy threw a second challenge, so I had no choice but to give the award to him. Who am I to question two pointless challenges?





Stupidest thing I heard this week



     Before the Penn State game on Saturday, genius commentator Bob Griese said that it was going to be a tough but not impossible task for Iowa to defeat the Nittany Lions.
     “Their main goal today is to keep the chains moving,” he said. “That’s going to be the key.”
     Standard football understatement, right? In order to win the game you’re gonna have to gain some yards? No duh?
     Only he immediately followed that with a lecture about how Iowa has been able to move the ball but not finish drives with points. He brought that point up again early in the game, when Iowa had the ball just a few yards from scoring. So Griese’s “main goal” was for the Hawkeyes to keep repeating the mistakes that have made all year long.
     Iowa won, by the way. They could have gone for a first down on the last play of the game and kept the chains moving, like Griese wanted, but instead they kicked the game-winning field goal.



Funnest game of the year since last week’s funnest game of the year



    In case you missed the Vikings/Packers game on Sunday it featured:
-- Two safeties by the Minnesota defense in the first half;
-- An interception returned for a TD by GB in the third;
-- A punt returned for a TD by GB in the third;
-- A combined 17 penalties for 153 yards;
-- A missed 52-yard field goal at the end of the game, allowing Minnesota to win 28-27.
    Sure, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson rushed for 192 yards and grabbed another 33 receiving yards, but the real fun was seeing a major screw-up every three minutes in this game. If there were any justice in the world it would have ended in a tie.





Dallas anagram insult of the week



     I’m a little conflicted this week because the Dallas/Maryland Racial Slurs game could have big implications for the Iggles. A Dallas loss leaves them squarely in last, but a Maryland loss makes it easier for Philly to climb back into the playoff race. And when I looked to “A Cowboys/Redskins NFL game” for guidance it didn’t get any easier:
     ** A rag fleck mess. Nobody wins **
     Maybe I’ll watch my World Series recordings again Sunday night.





Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1276.84 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1215.81 pts
3rd place: Madden hearts NY, me – 1211.96 pts
     Sorry to everyone who checked in Monday morning and saw me in sixth place – my QB and top WR still hadn’t played yet, and after Warner’s three TDs I’m just a hair behind Heidi. And the difference between second place and ninth is still just 114 points, meaning just about anyone could make a late run.
     OK, not Jeff and Neal, but just about anyone else.





News and notes



-- The bye weeks are finally done, but the trade deadline is looming. If you want to pass any good players my way, you only have a few more weeks.
-- If you don’t get the Eli bullet pics on the left, just keep scrolling down to Sunday’s post.
-- Phils are still world champions, by the way.

"Special" guest tonight

We've had a very unwelcome visitor at the house for a few months now, but tonight we decided to be charitable and pull him out of the junk closet we keep him in so he could watch the first Iggles-Giants game of the season. Please welcome ...

The third string QB of the Manning family!

Eli felt a little out of place in our house, so he tried very hard to fit in.

When he got cold, we found an old sock that made a perfect sleeping bag for him.

He made new friends very quickly.

Here he is pretending he's the best QB in the division, instead of just the luckiest.

Look, it's the VP and the MVP!!! Why couldn't we have them visit instead?

Our visitor missed the two actual stars on TV.

He had a little trouble reading about the Eagles 1990 defense too.

And when we tried to help him out, he got even more confused.

Don't worry, he's still making that dopey face under there.

He got cold again, so I did what I could to help out.

Eli had to go to bed at halftime -- Too bad he couldn't stay awake for the second half. We'll have to tell him how the game ended tomorrow, if we decide to let him out of the junk closet again.

Fantasy recap week #9

Non-stop happy thoughts about the Phillies



-- Only 360 days left until you have to stop referring to the Phils as “reigning champions.” And that’s if they don’t repeat.
-- Last time the Phillies won the World Series, the Eagles played the Raiders in the Super Bowl. And the Raiders really stink this year, so the Birds could win that game this time.
-- Somewhere, up in New York, there’s a Mets fan who will always have “Jimmy Rollins” and “World Series champion” linked in his angry little head.
-- That little icon picture on the left? Oh yeah, that’s my picture. I got to see the trophy in Philly.





Top performers



QB: Kurt Warner, 25.48 pts – started by me
2B: Chase Utley, 104 RBIs – started by the Phils
RB: Chris Johnson, 25.70 pts – started by Jim
WR: Derrick Mason, 24.07 pts – started by me
CF: Shane Victorino, 102 runs – started by the Phils
TE: Owen Daniels, 19.87 pts – started by Joel
K: Dan Carpenter, 17.00 pts – sitting on the wire
CP: Brad Lidge, 48 saves – stared by the Phils
D: Four players tied at 10.50 pts – all on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 25.00 pts – started by Jim
     Lotsa good names up there.





Worst Performers, non-World-Series champs edition



3rd place: Kevin Jones, -0.10 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Brad Johnson, -1.16 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Glenn Holt, -1.32 pts – sitting on the wire
     Yep, it’s that Brad Johnson, of the cowpokes: 71 passing yards and two INTs is not a good game. But the important thing is he tried. And failed.





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     Aw, we don’t really need this with all the Phillies World Series love in the air, do we? Let’s just skip it for this week and go right to …





Phillies anagram admiration of the week



     Sorry, I just don’t have the hate in me right now. And especially not after I saw what “Phillies first baseman Ryan James Howard” spells out:
     ** Has the brain, fans, pal Jimmy, a World Series
     What more can you ask for in life? Besides a Cowboys loss?





Greatest thing I read this week



     Sign from the championship parade: “David Wright is home playing golf. This is better.”





Stupidest thing I heard this week



     On Tuesday CNN had two teens on who were covering the presidential campaign for their community radio station. They we’re very excited.
     “This is a historic night,” one said, live and on the air, “because history is going to happen.”
     OK, maybe I have a little hate in me. Let’s back up.





Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     The good news is the bye weeks are almost all finished. The bad news is they aren’t finished yet.
     Neal started a WR on a bye and left 27 pts on his bench, Jim started a QB on a bye and left 19 on his bench, and Jeff decided not to start any defensive player at all and left 20 pts on his bench. So all three get to share this week’s recognition.
     Honorable mention goes to Dad, who left 35 points on his bench and would still be in third place if he hadn’t decided to start the RB playing the Eagles last week. That’s what you get for treasonous tendancies.




Funnest box score of the year




    From the Hotlanta Falcons 24-0 win over the Raiders:
-- Time of possession: Falcons 45:15, Raiders 14:45
-- Total yards: Falcons 453, Raiders 77 (-2 in the first half)
-- First downs: Falcons 30, Raiders 3
-- Net yards passing: Falcons 201, Raiders 10
-- Site of game: Oakland, California
    Seriously, the Eagles could beat them if they meet in the Super Bowl this year.





Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1144.48 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1111.76 pts
3rd place: Madden hearts NY, me – 1066.25 pts
     Lookie who finally cracked the top three? I’m feeling the love coming back again…





News and notes



-- There’s a Thursday night game this week, Browns vs. Broncos. Remember to set your roster if you’re got players on either of those teams.
-- Trade deadline is coming up soon too. Dad is still trying to dump WR Roy Williams for cheap.
-- Phils are still world champions, by the way.

Election night snafus

I'm working all night, so no fantasy football/anagram updates until tomorrow.

Until then, I leave you with the awesomest pics I've taken in a while.

That just happened!!!!!!!

UPDATE: My new ringtone!!!!

Fantasy recap week #8 (but really, it's all baseball)

On this date in history



Oct. 29, 1682 – William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania, sets foot on American soil for the first time, landing in what is modern day Chester.

     Don’t you see? He just wanted to give us the championship on the anniversary of the first idea of the great city of Philadelphia! It’s all so clear now. There’s nothing to worry about!






More unqualified, positive thoughts



-- The Phillies are undefeated at home this postseason (6-0).
-- Of the 60 runs the Phils have scored this postseason, 21 have come after the fifth (35 percent) and seven of those in the sixth inning (12 percent).
-- The Phils have followed their three postseason losses with three wins, three wins and two wins (with one more game pending since that last loss).
-- The Phillies haven’t lost three games in a row since Aug. 29, and are an amazing 23-6 in their last 29 games.






Top performers
back in that NFL thingie



QB: Phillip Rivers, 29.54 pts – started by Jim
RB: Brian Westbrook, 37.50 pts – started by Ant
WR: Santana Moss, 31.93 pts – started by Heidi
TE: Dallas Clark, 25.77 pts – started by Jim
K: Shaun Shisham, 16.00 pts – sitting on Jim’s bench
D: Brandon Flowers, 13.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Houston, 24.00 pts – sitting on the wire
     Frankly, it was kind of a boring fantasy week if you were anyone but Jim.






Worst performers, “everybody stinks” edition



3rd place: Edgerrin James, -0.30 pts – sitting on Neal’s bench
2nd place: Roscoe Parrish, -0.80 pts – started by Ant
1st place: Adam Jennings, -1.56 pts – sitting on the wire
     Jennings had 22 return yards and one fumble in his game against the Eagles. I have absolutely no memory of him.






Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award



     Lemme get this straight: After the fifth inning, with Phils up 2-1 and the rain pouring down on Citizens Bank Park, MLB commissioner Bud Selig thought conditions were good enough to keep playing baseball.
     Then, a half later, after the Rays tied up the game and the rain coming down at the same rate, conditions were too bad to play even another five minutes, to give the visitors a chance to deal with the horrible fielding conditions?
     Sounds fair to me. Maybe Bud can mandate that the Phils have to start Adam Eaton for the rest of the series, or force So Taguchi into the DH role, in the best interests of baseball.
     Idiot. He’s probably still pissed his Brewers got bounced in four games.






Stupidest things I heard this week




     Somebody needs to give Fox a primer on the NFL.
     In the middle of the Giants/Steelers game, sideline reporter Pam Oliver said Tom Coughlin doesn’t know why his team has so much trouble scoring touchdowns “once they get in the green zone.”
     At halftime of the Eagles game, analyst Michael Strahan said for the first time all year Andy Reid allowed McNabb to run “in the red area.”
     But worse than multiple misidentifications of the “red zone” is this story: Sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent apparently asked new 49ers head coach Mike Singeltary about the congratulatory phone call he received this week from his mentor, Bill Walsh.
     And it’s a valid question, if you ignore the fact that Walsh was not a mentor to Singletary (she must have meant Ditka) and Walsh died 15 months ago. But other than that…






Trend projection at the halfway mark



-- Saints QB Drew Brees is on pace to pass for 5,126 yards, which would break Dan Marino’s single-season record of 5,084.
-- Racial Slurs RB Clinton Portis is on pace to rush for 1,888 yards, and is one of only two on pace for more than 1,500 yards (Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is trending towards 1,563).
-- Patsies WR Randy Moss is on pace for nine receiving TDs this year, 14 less than his record-setting 23 last season.
-- The San Francisco 49ers are on pace for 40 turnovers this year, 34 of them by QB J.T. O’Sullivan. And he’s on pace to lose his job in the next two weeks.
-- The Kansas City Chiefs are on pace to total more punting yards (a projected 4,710 yards) than total yards of offense (a projected 4,283 yards).






Cowboys anagram insult of the week



     It’s no surprise that the Cowboys have struggled since QB Tony Romo went down with an injury. After all, “Dallas Cowboys backup Brad Johnson” spells out just what you need to know:
    ** A bad job by hack. Cows all drops, no sun. **
     Maybe if they didn’t have that stupid half-dome over their stadium, they’d get some sun.






Things I did tonight trying to avoid thinking about this delayed game



-- Won the Super Bowl with the Eagles on the PS2 (84-3 over the Ravens, 249 rushing yards for Westbrook, 8 passing TDs for McNabb.)
-- Watched the Phillies 10,000th loss on tape again (10-2 against the Cardinals, standing ovation from the Phill fans at the end.)
-- Thought up nicknames for Bud Selig (Spud Selig, Suds Beerwig, Bud Stupid, Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid-ig.)
-- Watched the Flyers (7-0 against Hotlanta? Sweet. No Philly team has lost since last Wednesday.)
-- Checked the weather (it sucks.)
-- Did wash (but not my lucky Rollins shirt. It’s still ready to go.)






Our standings so far




1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 1013.63 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 1000.83 pts
3rd place: The Moravians, Bob – 941.96 pts
     Third place is a revolving door right now, but Mike and Heidi seem to be pulling away from the pack at the halfway mark. However, I’m closely reading the most recent news reports about players using banned substances to make sure Heidi’s stats are valid. Stay tuned.






News and notes




-- If you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the Fighting Blue Hens this year, don’t worry about it. It has nothing to do with the fact they’re about to be 3-6.
-- All I’m saying is, if we have to endure the first ever rain suspended game in World Series history, the least Fox could do is let Harry Kalas call the national broadcast for these final three innings.

Fantasy recap week #7

Prepping for Florida





-- Do not touch Billy Penn. He’s perfectly happy how he’s dressed right now.
-- Do give Donovan extra fluids for the trip. He tends to have hydration problems down there.
-- Do not invite Joe Jerevicius. What a week it has been for him.
-- Do invite Joe Biden to throw out the first pitch. All I’m saying is that the Flyers still haven’t won after Sarah Palin’s opening-night puck drop.
-- Do not confuse Evan Longoria and Eva Longoria. No matter how many times ESPN does it, it isn’t funny.
-- Do feel free to call them the Devil Rays. They’re not fooling anyone; they’re still pure evil.
-- Do not touch Billy Penn. I cannot stress this enough.
-- Do not play the Rocky theme. Unless you call it the Rocky II theme. No more moral victories.







Top performers





QB: Matt Cassel, 25.50 pts – sitting on the wire
RB: Steven Jackson, 37.07 pts – sitting on Joel’s bench
WR: Randy Moss, 21.60 pts – started by Mike
TE: Owen Daniels, 22.40 pts – started by Joel
K: (tie) John Kasay, 13.00 pts – started by Ant
K: (tie) Robbie Gould, 13.00 pts – sitting on Ant’s bench
D: Justin Tuck, 15.50 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: New York Giants, 24.00 pts – started by Heidi
     Good week for RBs – they were seven of the top eight scorers on the week. Even better, none of them were Cowboys.







Worst performers, WR edition





3rd place: Jacoby Jones, -0.24 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Shaun McDonald, -0.47 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Ike Hilliard, -0.73 pts – started by Jeff
     Jeff would have been better served starting WR Jerry Rice, who has scored zero points after retiring from the game four years ago.
     However, the worst of the bunch were actually two Broncos this week: QB Patrick Ramsey managed a measly -1.24 pts by passing for 19 yards and losing a fumble, and RB Andre Hall posted a -1.74 by collecting 148 return yards, fumbling twice and rushing for -7 yards.







Stupidest awesome thing
I heard this week




If you still haven’t heard about the “Why can’t us?” campaign, go here now. No, now. Yes, right now.







Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week Award





     Not a great week for the line-ups, all around. Joanna tossed the top QB of the week right before kick-off, Mike left 31 pts on his bench, Jim left 36 pts, Paul left 37 pts. In a normal week, any one of them could have walked away with the award.
     But Joel left an incredible 70 pts on his bench this week mostly in the form of RBs Stephen Jackson and Chester Taylor, whom he benched in favor of a pair of players who didn’t register a point. Sure, he still scored over 100 pts on the week, but those moves alone could have jumped him from 10th place to fourth in our crazy, bunched up league.
     Honorable mention goes to Andy Reid, who probably called for a pass play on Sunday before realizing the team wasn’t playing.






Current craigslist offerings for Philly this week





-- SATURDAY NIGHT, GAME 3, $1! (Actual listing has 300 level tickets for $500 each).
-- PHILS/RAYS, GREAT SEATS: $279! (This posting has been flagged as fraudulent and will be removed).
-- FOUR TICKETS, SEC 205, $2800! (“Rasonably cheap” according to the seller).
-- NEED THREE FLYERS TICKETS FOR 10/22! (Really? Really?)







Cowboys anagram insult of the week





     As promised, here are the completely not-so-hidden messages found in the Cowboys new Williams twins.
     We probably should have seen “Dallas Cowboys WR Roy E. Williams” getting traded from the Lions even sooner, because his name spells out:
    *** Dollars will sway me. A Cowboy, sir! ***
     Meanwhile, “Dallas Cowboys Safety Roy L. Williams” is out for the year, officially because of a broken arm, But everyone, including his family, knows the real reason:
    *** My wife calls, says I allow a lot o’ yards. Ba! ***
    And, try as you might, you can’t use either of their names spell any sentence with the word “win.” Very interesting.







BREAKING NEWS





    Ohmigawd, Neal picked up a player this week, probably using one of them newfangled iphone devices I keep hearing so much about. That officially means everyone in the league is actually participating.









Our standings so far



1st place: Cougar in Chief, Mike – 885.55 pts
2nd place: Awesomenicity, Heidi – 861.24 pts
3rd place: Ice Road Truckers, Dad – 840.38 pts
     Finally someone breaks up the Doyle triumvirate atop the standings, with Dad bumping Joanna down to fourth. Meanwhile, everyone I’m not directly related to sits at sixth place and below. You know the league is fair, because if I was rigging it I’d never have any of these people above me in the standings. It’s much easier to deal with taunts from Bob.







News and notes





-- In case you’ve been living under a rock, game one of the World Series is Wednesday night. The Phils are playing.
-- And let this be a warning to you: We are all rooting for the Phillies right now. All of us. Got it?