** Vikings WR Justin Jefferson has 309 receiving yds through two games, putting him on pace for 2,626 this season, which would shatter the current single-season record of 1,964. Jefferson’s team is also on pace to finish 0-17, which would best the previous record of 0-16 currently held by the Lions and Bears.
** Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa has 715 passing yds through two games, putting him on pace for 6,077 this season, which would shatter the current single-season record of 5,477. If Tagovailoa plays all 17 games, he would also shatter his current record of consecutive games without an injury in a season (nine).
** Patriots coach Bill Belichick is currently third on the all-time regular season wins list with 298, 30 behind the record set by Miami coach Don Shula. Given his current pace of wins in the 2023 season (0-2), Belichick would pass Shula never.
** Jets QB Zach Wilson has thrown four interceptions in two games, putting him on pace for 34 this season. Incredibly, he’d still be eight behind the single-season record set by George Blanda with the Houston Oilers back in 1962.
** Texans QB C.J. Stroud has been sacked 11 times in two games, putting him on pace for 93 sacks this season. That would put him on pace to be dead by February.
WR: Keenan Allen, 23.40 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Brian Robinson, 26.88 pts — on Bob’s bench
TE: T.J. Hockenson, 19.90 pts — started by Dad
K: Brandon Aubrey, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 26.00 pts — started by Ant
D: (tie) Tre Brown, 15.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Alex Highsmith, 15.00 pts — on the wire
Cousins is leading the league in passing TDs. Jefferson is leading the league in receiving yards. Hockenson was the top TE this week. The Vikings are last in the standings. Football is confusing.
Shout out to Tampa LB Shaquil Barrett, who had one sack, one interception, one defensive TD and three tackles/batted passes on Sunday. That was only good enough for a third-place performance this week, because Brown and Highsmith each one sack, one interception, one defensive TD, one fumble forced and six tackles/batted passes. Way to be one-man wrecking crews, guys.
“Skill players” edition3rd place: Dalvin Cook, -0.47 pts — started by Joel
2nd place: Richie James, -1.56 pts — on the wire
1st place: Brandon Powell, -1.62 pts — on the wire
Powell was one of the four Vikings to fumble in Thursday night’s game against the Eagles, which ultimately led to 10 extra Philly points in a game whose final score was only a six-point margin. Through two games, the Vikings — who were 13-4 last year — are on pace to turn the ball over 62 times and lose every game by a one-score margin. But at least those poor Minnesota fans have good weather to look forward to in the next few months.
Cook, the Vikings former RB, combined with his Jets backfield partner Breece Hall to total 16 rushing yds and 0.43 fantasy points in Sunday’s loss to the Cowboys. On the positive side, no one on the New Jersey squad had their leg fall off this week, so that counts as progress.
** Speaking of the Jets, they currently have on their roster RB Breece Hall and CB Bryce Hall, RB Michael Carter and CB Michael Carter II, as well as LB Quincy Williams and DL Quinnen Williams. Apparently they spent so much on QB Aaron Rodgers in the offseason that they could not afford extra names for the rest of the team. ** ESPN every Sunday morning runs a series of stories related to what games to watch, what fantasy players to start and their predictions for which teams will perform the best. This week’s Playbook column — “Your guide for all of week 2’s action” — was featured on the web site’s front page with a picture of Eagles QB Jalen Hurts as a teaser.
The only problem? Hurts played Thursday night. He played well enough, but I don’t know that featuring him as a player to watch three days after his game ended is really the valuable insight that ESPN thinks it is.
You know who fans should keep an eye on? That Joe Montana guy. I think he’s gonna be someone we’ll be talking about later on.
** ESPN announcer Troy Aikman, breaking down the first quarter Steelers’ offense on Monday night: “They’ve run seven plays, have 19 yards, and have more turnovers than first downs. So that’s a problem.”
Ah, yes. Thank you for that insight. I knew something wasn’t right about Pittsburgh’s game plan but thanks to Aikman’s keen eye, all of America understood it better.
Feeling a little blue about your job performance this week? Think you could be doing better? Don’t sweat it. You’re doing great! In fact, you’re doing as good or better than a host of really famous football players and franchises. Don’t believe me? Just consider this:
** You had more rushing yards on Sunday (zero) than Raiders RB Josh Jacobs, who won the NFL rushing title last season. He managed just -2 yds on nine carries in Las Vegas’ loss to the Bills.
** Atlanta QB Desmond Ridder has the Falcons out to a surprising 2-0 start, but you’re a better receiver than he is. He has -6 receiving yds on the year so far, putting you well ahead at zero.
** It’s hard to win in the NFL. But did you know that over the last 330 days, you have as many wins (zero) as the Chicago Bears (zero)? Their last victory came in week 7 of last season. So you’re tied for almost a year with one of the most historic franchises in league history.
** You haven’t picked up many passing yards this season — zero, to be exact — but that leaves you tied in QB rating with three “professional” signal callers right now: Cowboys backup Cooper Rush (0 for 1 passing), Bengals backup Jake Browning (0 for 1 passing), and Jets starter Aaron Rodgers (0 for 1 passing). All of you have a rating of 39.6. And remember, it can go all the way down to 0.00!
** Browns QB DeShaun Watson is making $230 million and has his team out to an encouraging 1-1 start this season. But if you can find just one person in America who likes you, then you’re better than Watson, who is hated by every single decent human anywhere. Money can’t buy everything!
South Carolina WR Jalen Brooks had a rocky collegiate career, with multiple unexplained absences from team activities and inconsistent morale. So, naturally, the Cowboys saw him as a prime candidate for their group of vile misfits. And when you break down what the letters in his name say about him, you see why he’s a perfect fit:
Cowboys wideout Jalen Brooks
** Wow. A slob. Joke boy induces rot.
You’d think they already had enough rot down there at Cowboys Stadium, but apparently there is always room for more.
** I picked up two games on Dad this week to go from one down in the yearly standings to one up. And I’ll keep picking the Steelers to beat the Browns until I’m given some evidence that Cleveland will ever win another game in that series.
** Ravens WR Nelson Agholor had a 17-yard TD catch in the 4th quarter of Sunday’s win and I know I thought he was dead too. Huh.
** As pointed out on social media, here are the last three regular season NFL games that Joe Buck announced:
— Bills at Bengals, S Damar Hamlin has a heart attack on the field.
— Bills at Jets, QB Aaron Rodgers tears his achilles in the first quarter.
— Browns at Steelers, RB Nick Chubb suffers a season-ending knee injury.
I’m just saying, maybe Buck is hurting more than our ears.
Week 2 standings
1 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 277.42 pts
2 — The Best (Jonathan), 259.16 pts
3 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 237.87 pts
4 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 230.83 pts
5 — Jabronis (Ant), 227.97 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 225.83 pts
7 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 218.33 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 213.96 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 212.89 pts
10 — Tush Push All-Stars (Capt. Awesome), 182.66 pts
11 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 176.89 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 165.70 pts
A huge week from Dad (167.56 pts) has him leapfrog last week’s leader and assume the top spot in the standings. He did it without any player scoring more than 30 pts but seven players scoring at least 15. The boy is still lurking just behind him though, before we have a tier break in the early power rankings.
Jo and Ant recovered nicely from subpar first weeks. And really poor coaching work by me so far this year — I’ve started two defenses for a combined -3.00 pts, and I lost my first-round pick (RB Nick Chubb) to a season-ending injury on Monday night. If you all want to start trading me players going against the Eagles next week, I’m open to the experiment.
For bookkeeping sake, Paul has now started three inactive players in two weeks of games.
Thursday night’s matchup is the Giants at the 49ers, because New Jersey getting shut out once in the first two weeks wasn’t enough punishment, I guess. Get your rosters ready regardless.
** You had more rushing yards on Sunday (zero) than Raiders RB Josh Jacobs, who won the NFL rushing title last season. He managed just -2 yds on nine carries in Las Vegas’ loss to the Bills.
** Atlanta QB Desmond Ridder has the Falcons out to a surprising 2-0 start, but you’re a better receiver than he is. He has -6 receiving yds on the year so far, putting you well ahead at zero.
** It’s hard to win in the NFL. But did you know that over the last 330 days, you have as many wins (zero) as the Chicago Bears (zero)? Their last victory came in week 7 of last season. So you’re tied for almost a year with one of the most historic franchises in league history.
** You haven’t picked up many passing yards this season — zero, to be exact — but that leaves you tied in QB rating with three “professional” signal callers right now: Cowboys backup Cooper Rush (0 for 1 passing), Bengals backup Jake Browning (0 for 1 passing), and Jets starter Aaron Rodgers (0 for 1 passing). All of you have a rating of 39.6. And remember, it can go all the way down to 0.00!
** Browns QB DeShaun Watson is making $230 million and has his team out to an encouraging 1-1 start this season. But if you can find just one person in America who likes you, then you’re better than Watson, who is hated by every single decent human anywhere. Money can’t buy everything!
South Carolina WR Jalen Brooks had a rocky collegiate career, with multiple unexplained absences from team activities and inconsistent morale. So, naturally, the Cowboys saw him as a prime candidate for their group of vile misfits. And when you break down what the letters in his name say about him, you see why he’s a perfect fit: Cowboys wideout Jalen Brooks
** Wow. A slob. Joke boy induces rot.
You’d think they already had enough rot down there at Cowboys Stadium, but apparently there is always room for more.
** I picked up two games on Dad this week to go from one down in the yearly standings to one up. And I’ll keep picking the Steelers to beat the Browns until I’m given some evidence that Cleveland will ever win another game in that series. ** Ravens WR Nelson Agholor had a 17-yard TD catch in the 4th quarter of Sunday’s win and I know I thought he was dead too. Huh.
** As pointed out on social media, here are the last three regular season NFL games that Joe Buck announced:
— Bills at Bengals, S Damar Hamlin has a heart attack on the field.
— Bills at Jets, QB Aaron Rodgers tears his achilles in the first quarter.
— Browns at Steelers, RB Nick Chubb suffers a season-ending knee injury.
I’m just saying, maybe Buck is hurting more than our ears.
Week 2 standings
1 — Jalen Ain't Failin (Dad), 277.42 pts
2 — The Best (Jonathan), 259.16 pts
3 — Room Temperature Icers (Sam), 237.87 pts
4 — Tight Ends for Everyone! (Jo), 230.83 pts
5 — Jabronis (Ant), 227.97 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 225.83 pts
7 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 218.33 pts
8 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 213.96 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 212.89 pts
10 — Tush Push All-Stars (Capt. Awesome), 182.66 pts
11 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 176.89 pts
12 — Let's Go Iggles! (Paul), 165.70 pts
A huge week from Dad (167.56 pts) has him leapfrog last week’s leader and assume the top spot in the standings. He did it without any player scoring more than 30 pts but seven players scoring at least 15. The boy is still lurking just behind him though, before we have a tier break in the early power rankings.
Jo and Ant recovered nicely from subpar first weeks. And really poor coaching work by me so far this year — I’ve started two defenses for a combined -3.00 pts, and I lost my first-round pick (RB Nick Chubb) to a season-ending injury on Monday night. If you all want to start trading me players going against the Eagles next week, I’m open to the experiment.
For bookkeeping sake, Paul has now started three inactive players in two weeks of games.
Thursday night’s matchup is the Giants at the 49ers, because New Jersey getting shut out once in the first two weeks wasn’t enough punishment, I guess. Get your rosters ready regardless.
No comments:
Post a Comment