But this blog is here to help lift your spirits in this time of need, not crumple them up like the knees on an Eagles offensive lineman. So here’s a look at some of the positives so far this year, so we can celebrate achievements instead of focusing on the negatives:
** Nick Foles is back!
OK, not back with the Eagles, but after coming off the bench in the second half and leading the Bears to a come-from behind victory on Sunday, Chicago coach Matt Nagy anointed him the new starter. More Nick Foles in our lives is a good thing, because it always means more shots of the Philly Special.
** The standout of the Phillies season were the fans
They weren’t even allowed in the stadium, and nearly every home game still had a loud, rowdy crowd of fans outside the gates screaming for the red and white. There were chants. There were airhorns. There were boos. There were not wins, but you can’t blame the fans for giving less than 110 percent.
** The Flyers made the second round of the playoffs
The last time that happened, Andy Reid was still coach of the Eagles and TE Zach Ertz had never played an NFL game. So that’s progress. It’s also one more round of playoff wins than anyone else in the city had in the last calendar year.
** The Eagles aren’t 0-3
Since 2000, there have been 12 teams to start out 0-2 and still make the playoffs. Only one of those — the 2018 Texans — went winless in their first three games and still made the postseason. But good news! The Eagles aren’t 0-3, so that stat doesn’t apply. (Nevermind that no one has gone 0-2-1 over that stretch).
** The Phillies didn't kill anyone
That we know of, at least. Although they did kill my spirits, so...
QB: Patrick Mahomes, 48.00 pts — started by Bob
WR: Tyler Lockett, 29.17 pts — started by Paul
RB: Alvin Kamara, 33.57 pts — started by Jo
TE: Jimmy Graham, 19.00 pts — on the wire
K: Stephen Gostkowski, 25.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Indianapolis, 31.00 pts — started by Paul
D: Shaquil Barrett, 12.50 pts — started by me
Mahomes just barely inched out Seahawks QB Russell Wilson, who totaled 46.80 pts and had a chance to claim the top fantasy scorer belt for the third week in a row.
Wilson is insane right now. He has 14 TD passes through three games (on pace for 75, the record is 55) and has totaled 130 fantasy pts. Only one other QB has topped 100 pts (Josh Allen, at 113.92) and is worth double all but 15 players in the league. Oh, and his team is 3-0.
The Colts defense had a better offensive day than five offenses did on Sunday: two TDs and a safety, plus three turnovers and two sacks. The team’s defense has totaled 55 pts so far this year, while no other team has topped 40. And yet they still managed to lose to Jacksonville in week 1, because football makes no sense.
“Really bad defenses” edition
3rd place: Jacksonville, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Giants, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: New Orleans, -5.00 pts — on Paul’s bench
Good call by Paul picking the right defense to start this week. It was a 36-point swing for his team.
Minnesota managed to avoid the worst performers list this week, but sits at -2.00 pts for the year thus far as the Vikings fell to 0-3. They’ve surrendered 102 points through three games, putting them on pace for 544 for the season. The record for the most points surrendered in a 16-game season is 533 by the 1981 Baltimore Colts. With a little work, the Vikings can get there.
** Headline Saturday morning on ESPN.com: No Burrow, no problem? Despite star-studded exodus, LSU is ready to roll
Headline Saturday night on ESPN.com: QB Costello's 623 yards lead Mississippi State past No. 6 LSU, 44-34.
More like “ready to roll over,” right?
** During Thursday Night’s football game, blowhard announcer Joe Buck called out the AWS Next Gen stat of the game, which was “Dolphins QB Ryan Fitzpatrick ranks third in tight coverage passes over the last three years, and two of this six TD passes this season (at that point in the game) are the closest coverage touchdowns in the league this year.”
I often hear these Next Gen stats and wonder why I should care, but this is worse than usual. What does a coach do with this? Do his coordinators hear it and say “we should make him throw into tight coverage more!” as a response? Do opposing coaches say “we should cover worse and see if he completes fewer passes” as a strategy? Even as a fan, how is this supposed to help me understand the game better? “Normally I’d think throwing into triple coverage is bad, but I understand why Ryan Fitzpatrick does it!”
At best, this is a stat that tells me the Dolphins pass catchers are bad at getting away from defenders, and Fitzpatrick is good despite that. That’s all. I feel like you could learn that just by watching.
** Pregame fantasy football notes on NFL.com Sunday morning:
Who has it worse than the hapless Eagles? Consider these candidates:
** The choking Falcons: Atlanta was anticipating a bounceback season after a disappointing 7-9 campaign in 2019. Instead, they got blown out in their opener and wasted huge second-half leads in back-to-back games. They’ve given up more than 30 points in each contest and face the 3-0 Packers next week. But, hey, the Braves made the playoffs, so that’s a distraction.
** The decimated Broncos: Think Phill has a QB problem? After a pair of passer injuries in the first three weeks, the Broncos will start Brett Rypien at quarterback next week. He’s the ninth QB to start for the team since the start of the 2017 season. And number 10 could be here soon — the team signed Blake Bortles as a backup on Monday.
** The rebuilt Patriots: Their team is 2-1 and looking strong. But they aren’t 3-0, so it qualifies as a complete collapse by entitled Boston logic. Plus, the Celtics only got to the conference finals in basketball. How much longer must this never-ending (two-year) championship drought last?
** The New Jersey Jets: They are the Jets. Enough said.
In the third round of this year’s draft, Dallas selected Neville Gallimore, a defensive tackle from Oklahoma who was expected to add depth to the Cowboys pass rush and provide insurance against injury to their starting rotation.
Oh, and his name has “MORE EVIL” in it, clear as day.
Seriously, people, you don’t need an expert anagrammer like me to see that. I’m honestly not sure why I’m even going through this exercise this week, you don’t need me to see the evil (OR SHOULD I SAY MORE EVIL?) in his name. But, in case you want to see how all the letters come together:
DT Neville Gallimore
** More evil tall dingle
** More evil, ill tangled
** More evil, let lie. Dang.
** More evil and leg lilt
** More evil lad. Telling.
** More evil, all tingled
In summary, yes, Dallas goes out of its way to bring more evil into the league.
** The Texas football team beat Texas Tech 63-56 in an overtime thriller on Saturday.
For the record, The Texas Tech basketball team beat Texas in early February by a score of 62-57.
I don’t really have a point here, other than don’t draft any Big 12 defensive players next spring.
** I went 4-1 against Dad in our weekly picks, boosting me to plus five in our annual showdown. If not for a Texans second-half collapse, I would have swept the week. I wonder if the 0-3 Texans can become the second Texans team to start the season that bad and still make the playoffs...
** Dude plays for the Cowboys and his name is galli-MORE, n-EVIL-le. C’mon. Why is this allowed in civil society again?
Week 3 standings
1 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 425.98 pts
2 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 423.47 pts
3 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 421.05 pts
4 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 418.12 pts
5 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 405.42 pts
6 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 392.23 pts
7 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 386.82 pts
8 — Crash Into Reality (Paul), 380.43 pts
9 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 362.78 pts
10 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 327.62 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 294.60 pts
Bob is in first!?!? Now I know 2020 is completely screwy.
Five teams over 400 pts already, lead by Bob and his Chiefs-heavy squad. Paul actually had the top squad of the week, though, and rocketed up to respectability, if not medal position.
But guess what? Every team topped 100 pts this week, even Dad, whose team name translates from Polish into “don’t punt at the end of overtime, idiot.” That may be a personal best for the league. You all deserve a hand. Go ahead and take the rest of the day off.
But don’t forget to get back here bright and early on Thursday for another exciting match-up featuring … (checks the notes) … the 0-3 Broncos vs. the 0-3 Jets. On a short week. With key injuries to both teams. The NFL! Always bringing you the highest quality product available.
WR: Tyler Lockett, 29.17 pts — started by Paul
RB: Alvin Kamara, 33.57 pts — started by Jo
TE: Jimmy Graham, 19.00 pts — on the wire
K: Stephen Gostkowski, 25.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Indianapolis, 31.00 pts — started by Paul
D: Shaquil Barrett, 12.50 pts — started by me
Mahomes just barely inched out Seahawks QB Russell Wilson, who totaled 46.80 pts and had a chance to claim the top fantasy scorer belt for the third week in a row.
Wilson is insane right now. He has 14 TD passes through three games (on pace for 75, the record is 55) and has totaled 130 fantasy pts. Only one other QB has topped 100 pts (Josh Allen, at 113.92) and is worth double all but 15 players in the league. Oh, and his team is 3-0.
The Colts defense had a better offensive day than five offenses did on Sunday: two TDs and a safety, plus three turnovers and two sacks. The team’s defense has totaled 55 pts so far this year, while no other team has topped 40. And yet they still managed to lose to Jacksonville in week 1, because football makes no sense.
“Really bad defenses” edition3rd place: Jacksonville, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Giants, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: New Orleans, -5.00 pts — on Paul’s bench
Good call by Paul picking the right defense to start this week. It was a 36-point swing for his team.
Minnesota managed to avoid the worst performers list this week, but sits at -2.00 pts for the year thus far as the Vikings fell to 0-3. They’ve surrendered 102 points through three games, putting them on pace for 544 for the season. The record for the most points surrendered in a 16-game season is 533 by the 1981 Baltimore Colts. With a little work, the Vikings can get there.
** Headline Saturday morning on ESPN.com: No Burrow, no problem? Despite star-studded exodus, LSU is ready to roll
Headline Saturday night on ESPN.com: QB Costello's 623 yards lead Mississippi State past No. 6 LSU, 44-34.
More like “ready to roll over,” right?
** During Thursday Night’s football game, blowhard announcer Joe Buck called out the AWS Next Gen stat of the game, which was “Dolphins QB Ryan Fitzpatrick ranks third in tight coverage passes over the last three years, and two of this six TD passes this season (at that point in the game) are the closest coverage touchdowns in the league this year.”
I often hear these Next Gen stats and wonder why I should care, but this is worse than usual. What does a coach do with this? Do his coordinators hear it and say “we should make him throw into tight coverage more!” as a response? Do opposing coaches say “we should cover worse and see if he completes fewer passes” as a strategy? Even as a fan, how is this supposed to help me understand the game better? “Normally I’d think throwing into triple coverage is bad, but I understand why Ryan Fitzpatrick does it!”
At best, this is a stat that tells me the Dolphins pass catchers are bad at getting away from defenders, and Fitzpatrick is good despite that. That’s all. I feel like you could learn that just by watching.
** Pregame fantasy football notes on NFL.com Sunday morning:
Jalen Reagor, WR, PHI: Thumb -- OUT
Impact: J.J. Arcega-Whiteside gets a chance to show what he can do.
I mean, I guess it’s true. He did show what he’s capable of: zero catches for zero yards.
Impact: J.J. Arcega-Whiteside gets a chance to show what he can do.
I mean, I guess it’s true. He did show what he’s capable of: zero catches for zero yards.
Who has it worse than the hapless Eagles? Consider these candidates:
** The choking Falcons: Atlanta was anticipating a bounceback season after a disappointing 7-9 campaign in 2019. Instead, they got blown out in their opener and wasted huge second-half leads in back-to-back games. They’ve given up more than 30 points in each contest and face the 3-0 Packers next week. But, hey, the Braves made the playoffs, so that’s a distraction.
** The decimated Broncos: Think Phill has a QB problem? After a pair of passer injuries in the first three weeks, the Broncos will start Brett Rypien at quarterback next week. He’s the ninth QB to start for the team since the start of the 2017 season. And number 10 could be here soon — the team signed Blake Bortles as a backup on Monday.
** The rebuilt Patriots: Their team is 2-1 and looking strong. But they aren’t 3-0, so it qualifies as a complete collapse by entitled Boston logic. Plus, the Celtics only got to the conference finals in basketball. How much longer must this never-ending (two-year) championship drought last?
** The New Jersey Jets: They are the Jets. Enough said.
In the third round of this year’s draft, Dallas selected Neville Gallimore, a defensive tackle from Oklahoma who was expected to add depth to the Cowboys pass rush and provide insurance against injury to their starting rotation.
Oh, and his name has “MORE EVIL” in it, clear as day.
Seriously, people, you don’t need an expert anagrammer like me to see that. I’m honestly not sure why I’m even going through this exercise this week, you don’t need me to see the evil (OR SHOULD I SAY MORE EVIL?) in his name. But, in case you want to see how all the letters come together:
DT Neville Gallimore
** More evil tall dingle
** More evil, ill tangled
** More evil, let lie. Dang.
** More evil and leg lilt
** More evil lad. Telling.
** More evil, all tingled
In summary, yes, Dallas goes out of its way to bring more evil into the league.
** The Texas football team beat Texas Tech 63-56 in an overtime thriller on Saturday.For the record, The Texas Tech basketball team beat Texas in early February by a score of 62-57.
I don’t really have a point here, other than don’t draft any Big 12 defensive players next spring.
** I went 4-1 against Dad in our weekly picks, boosting me to plus five in our annual showdown. If not for a Texans second-half collapse, I would have swept the week. I wonder if the 0-3 Texans can become the second Texans team to start the season that bad and still make the playoffs...
** Dude plays for the Cowboys and his name is galli-MORE, n-EVIL-le. C’mon. Why is this allowed in civil society again?
Week 3 standings
1 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 425.98 pts
2 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 423.47 pts
3 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 421.05 pts
4 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 418.12 pts
5 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 405.42 pts
6 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 392.23 pts
7 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 386.82 pts
8 — Crash Into Reality (Paul), 380.43 pts
9 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 362.78 pts
10 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 327.62 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 294.60 pts
Bob is in first!?!? Now I know 2020 is completely screwy.
Five teams over 400 pts already, lead by Bob and his Chiefs-heavy squad. Paul actually had the top squad of the week, though, and rocketed up to respectability, if not medal position.
But guess what? Every team topped 100 pts this week, even Dad, whose team name translates from Polish into “don’t punt at the end of overtime, idiot.” That may be a personal best for the league. You all deserve a hand. Go ahead and take the rest of the day off.
But don’t forget to get back here bright and early on Thursday for another exciting match-up featuring … (checks the notes) … the 0-3 Broncos vs. the 0-3 Jets. On a short week. With key injuries to both teams. The NFL! Always bringing you the highest quality product available.
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