A look at the box score of Sunday’s Eagles/Raiders game shows exactly how the game played out: a disheartening beat-down for the visiting Philly team. Consider:
** The Raiders had more total plays (92 to 57) and more first downs (29 to 21) than the Eagles.
** The Raiders had more rushing yards (210 to 128) and more pass completions (29 to 24) than the birds.
** In fact, the Raiders had more total yards (560 to 542) than their opponents.
** The Raiders offense held the ball for an entire quarter more than the Eagles (37:54 mins to 22:06 mins).
** The Raiders had the game’s only two rushing TDs and tacked on a 53-yard FG at the end of the first half just for fun.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely how the Oakland squad posted a (checks newspaper again) 49-20 loss at the hands of the Eagles.
As Mark Twain said, there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
(For the record, that’s not a Mark Twain quote.)
QB: Nick Foles, 59.64 pts -- on the wireWR: Andre Johnson, 42.27 pts -- started by Bobert
RB: Zac Stacy, 34.10 pts -- started by Jim
TE: Jimmy Graham, 28.73 pts -- started by Dad
K: Nick Folk, 16.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Miami, 28.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Cameron Wake, 18.50 pts -- on the wire
Let’s not get carried away with Foles’ performance this week. Yes, he threw for seven TDs, tying an NFL record. Yes, he carved up the Oakland defense like a Turducken on Madden Thanksgiving. But his fantasy point total was still 0.64 pts behind Peyton Manning’s record-setting performance in week one. So, Foles is only the second greatest QB ever.
For the record, Foles alone outscored Joel’s entire fantasy team this week (57.92 pts).
3rd place: Pittsburgh, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: TJ Graham, -1.13 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Oakland, -4.00 pts -- on the wire
News flash -- giving up almost 50 points makes for a bad fantasy week. While Okland was busy surrendering seven TD passes to Foles, Pittsburgh gave up 55 points to Tom Brady and the Patriots. It’s the most points the Steelers have ever allowed in a game. On the bright side, Steelers fans all stopped watching this wretched team weeks ago.
** After Bengals QB Andy Dalton threw an interception returned 92 yards for a defensive score in Thursday night’s game, NFL Network analyst Mike Maycock announced “I didn’t mind the play call, but I didn’t like the location of the throw.”
Well, yes. I think the Bengals would have preferred a throw to their team for a TD instead of the opposing defense.
** Washington Post columnist Thomas Boswell suggested that the Washington Natinals hiring of former Arizona Diamondbacks start (and known steroid user) Matt Williams would change “Nattitude” to “Mattitude.” He was publicly executed a few hours later.
OK, he wasn’t, but he should have been.
** Not sure if you noticed, but Yahoo revises their fantasy point projections in game this season. When WR Marques Colston was declared inactive about an hour before kickoff, Yahoo dropped his expected points from 9.60 pts down to .. 9.20 pts. At kickoff, it dropped just under 9 pts.
In the end, those predictions were only off by about 9 pts. That seems to be an acceptable level of error.
** Through eight games, Broncos QB Peyton Manning has thrown for 2,919 yards and 29 TDs. He’s on pace for 5,838 yards and 58 TDs on the season -- the NFL records are 5,476 yards (Drew Brees in 2011) and 50 TDs (Tom Brady in 2007).
** Through eight games, Jacksonville has allowed 264 pts. They’re on pace to allow 528 on the season -- the NFL record is 533, by the 1981 Baltimore Colts.
** Through eight games, Saints TE Jimmy Graham has 10 receiving TDs. He’s on pace for 20 TDs on the season -- the NFL record is 17, by Rob Gronkowski in 2011.
** Through eight games, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson has 711 rushing yards. He’s on pace for 1,422 and the league rushing title -- the last time the NFL rushing leader had under 1,450 yards was 1990 (Barry Sanders, 1,304).
** Through five games, Eagles QB Nick Foles has zero INTs. He’s on pace for zero on the season -- the Eagles record with Mike Vick at the helm is seven games.
How does a team like the Cowboys celebrate a wonderful, fun holiday like Halloween?
Answer: Not well.
Dallas Linebacker Kyle Bosworth
** Lorry talks: Halloween be bad, sick
Defensive back Jakar Hamilton
**Flanker-job caveman -- I hate kids
DE Nick Hayden
** He inked candy
They’re truly awful people.
** Heads up on the trade going down this week -- Joanna accidentally dropped Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski in a fit of Halloween insanity, so I’m trading him back to her squad for nothing of real value. If any of you had grabbed him of the wire, I would have told her tough cookies. But, since all of you whiffed on him and she couldn’t reclaim him right away (Yahoo rules), I’m being a good husband.
If you want to object to the move, feel free. It takes four managers to void the trade, and if you all think that’s unfair, I’m fine to let it stand. Just remember that move leaves me with Gronkowski, who, again, all of you had a chance to grab but missed.
** Dad picked up two more on me this week, both three-point come-from-behind wins. I know. I’m 10 down now, and there have only been nine weeks of football. I’m running out of self-deprecating jokes.
** Three best road records in the NFL: The Chiefs (4-0), the Seahawks (4-1) and the Eagles (4-1). Three worst home records in the NFL: The Jaguars (0-4), the Bucs (0-4) and the Eagles (0-4). The Eagles make no sense.
Week 9 standings 1 -- the american way (Sam) -- 1375.93 pts
2 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 1323.00 pts
3 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 1276.17 pts
4 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 1247.81 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1203.02 pts
6 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 1152.80 pts
7 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1110.19 pts
8 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 1069.74 pts
9 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 1066.17 pts
10 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 1055.42 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 920.98 pts
Sam’s lead slipped this week, but Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone also snapped, which will make my efforts to catch him a little more difficult. ChampMike pretty much threw in the towel this week, starting five players on a bye and four more who scored less than seven points (still beat Joel, though). And Paul is quietly lurking just out of sight, waiting like a snake to snap up his prey. Or he’s floundering too. It’s hard to tell only halfway through the season.
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