Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Fantasy League 2013 -- week 12 recap

As the Eagles relaxed and prepared for Thanksgiving this week, here’s a look at all the things for the Philly faithful to be thankful for this NFL season:

** Eagles coach Chip Kelly seems to be able to score points in the pros too.
** Nick Foles may have ensured that Mike Vick will never start for the Eagles again.
** Getting rid of the highest-paid defensive players somehow made the defense better.
** DeSean Jackson has mostly kept his mouth shut.
** The Cowboys and Giants still stink, and the Maryland Racial Slurs are even worse.
** Andy Reid’s new team finally lost a few.
** Donovan McNabb has mostly kept his mouth shut.
** Riley Cooper hasn’t said anything racist in three months (at least publicly).
** After a dreadful death march for the Eagles in 2012, watching pro football is fun again.

QB: Philip Rivers, 33.78 pts -- on Bob’s bench
WR: Josh Gordon, 35.80 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Jamaal Charles, 30.80 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 19.00 pts -- started by Jo
K: Jay Feely, 19.50 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 25.00 pts -- started by Jim
D: Von Miller, 17.00 pts -- started by Bob

Bad news for Peyton Manning fans: After two average weeks, he’s only on pace to throw 52 TDs and 5,400 yards. Both would be NFL records, but not by a ton. Honestly, I’m not sure why he’s even bothering to try anymore.

“Players we started” edition

3rd place: Stevan Ridley, -0.60 pts -- started by Joel
2nd place: Chicago, -4.00 pts -- started by Jo
1st place: Kansas City, -5.00 pts -- started by Sam

The number one defense in the league put on the worst fantasy performance of all this week, recording just one sack and allowing 41 points (and the game-losing score with less than a minute in the game). Andy Reid’s new squad gets the Broncos again next week, meaning they could slip from 9-0 to 9-3 in a blink. But they follow that up with games against the Maryland Racial Slurs and Raiders, so at least 11 wins is guaranteed.

During Delaware’s 84-80 hardcourt loss to Villanova this weekend …

(Please help me. I can’t stop watching random sports. I may have a serious problem.)

During Delaware’s 84-80 hardcourt loss to Villanova this weekend, Blue Hens G Davon Usher sank a late three to temporarily tie the game. Color commentator Ron Thompson’s response was: “Wow. Wow. What can you say?” And that’s it.

What can you say? Something, that’s what. That is your entire function there. That is your exact job description, to say something when the play-by-play guy isn’t calling the play. If you can’t do that, get off the TV.

I just … what can I say?

Green Bay and Minnesota played to a tie on Sunday, the second time since the NFL’s overtime rules were massively overhauled that fans were left with an indeterminate outcome. For those of you who don’t remember, the new rules mandate that the winning team has to score a TD or a safety or a defensive TD or a FG but the FG only counts if the other team also doesn’t kick a FG on their first possession but if they do then one team needs at least a second FG to win but before they have to do it before 15 minutes runs out.

Some critics have said those rules are unnecessarily complicated, and NFL execs are already assessing other possible options. They include:

** Deciding the winner based on who calls the coin flip correctly.

** Outlawing FGs in overtime, making the win contingent on a TD or safety or home run or goaltending call.

** Having AP voters decide what team should have won.

** Replacing overtime with a 60-minute replay of the game, until they get it right.

** Playing two minutes of dodgeball instead.

** Not college rules, that’s for sure. They’re too awesome.

One of the great things about these anagrams is the opportunity to examine how the Cowboys inner psyche’s really see themselves, and what the letter of their names reveal about their dormant character. Do they hate themselves? Do they pity their fate in life? What makes them so evil?
Here’s a hint: It’s probably the evil.

Dallas Cowboys LG Mackenzy Bernadeau
** Banal guy? We all be sad, cocky zeros

Remember: You can’t spell “Dallas offensive line” without “offensive.”

** Ha! Picked up two games on Dad in our weekly betting. Now I’m down 10 with five weeks to go, on pace to tie him on the final day of the season (one week makes a projected pace, right?)

** Times it is appropriate for WRs to spin the ball after making a catch: never.

Times that WRs spin the ball after making a catch: Every other catch.

Just saying.

** Ohio State vs Michigan this weekend. One team has an outside shot at a national championship. The other team is Michigan.

Week 12 standings

1 -- the american way (Sam) -- 1781.83 pts
2 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 1715.65 pts
3 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 1674.42 pts
4 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 1646.05 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1635.16 pts
6 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 1492.57 pts
7 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 1481.65 pts
8 -- Gettin' Chippy (Joanner) -- 1460.22 pts
9 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 1428.17 pts
10 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 1365.79 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 1250.54 pts

Ugggggghhhh Sam is starting to pull away again. You all understand he’s a Patriots fan, right? But he can’t name more than four New England players. Get it in gear already.

Wait, how did Anthony get up to the top half of the standings? I thought we left him for dead weeks ago, like the Arizona Cardinals.

Wait, the Cardinals are 7-4? How did that happen? Football makes no sense this year.

1 comment:

Samtallic said...

Wait, who are the patriots?