Fantasy League 2013 -- week 8 recap

The Eagles secured their 10th consecutive home loss on Sunday with a nightmarish performance against the Giants. Losing ten in a row in the comfort of your own stadium may sound bad, but consider these additional notes:

** The loss was the Eagles fourth at home this season, ensuring they won’t have a winning record at home in 2013. They haven’t been above .500 in Philly since 2009.
** Not only have they dropped 10 in a row, but the Eagles have also lost 16 of their last 23 games at home (including the playoffs).
** The NFL record for home losses is 14, held by the 1988-1989 Cowboys and the 2008-2010 Rams. The Eagles could tie that in December.
** The faithful Philly season ticket holders have paid, on average, $930 to see their team not win any games during the streak.

On the plus side, the team is 4-6 in its last 10 road games. Maybe they should just stay out of Pennsylvania for a while.

QB: Drew Brees, 43.18 pts -- started by Ant
WR: Marvin Jones, 40.13 pts -- on the wire
RB: Andre Ellington, 23.93 pts -- started by Jo
TE: Jimmy Graham, 17.47 pts -- started by Dad
K: Josh Brown, 18.00 pts -- started by Joel
DEF: Cincinnati, 26.00 pts -- started by Jim
D: DeAngelo Hall, 13.50 pts -- started by Ant

Yes, you read that right. On a week where Detroit WR Calvin Johnson catches 14 passes for 329 yards, he misses out on being the top wideout of the week because Cincinnati’s Jones catches 8 passes for 122 yards and 4 TDs. He beat Johnson by 0.2 pts. If only Johnson had just picked up 4 more receiving yards…

Jones also prevented the league from starting all the top players for the first time this season. So, damn him to hell.


3rd place: Buffalo, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: New York Jets, -3.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place:Jacksonville, -4.00 pts -- on the wire

Remember that Giants defense, that was worth a whopping 15 pts on the year coming into Sunday’s game? They scored 20 off the completely inept Eagles, which lifted them out of last place in the fantasy standings.

Now the worst defense in all of fantasy football belongs to the Jacksonville Jaguars (fitting, since they’re also the worst offense and worst team). According to Yahoo, the Jags defense is owned in 0 percent of fantasy football leagues. Zero. As in none. No one wants to touch them. Somewhere, there’s a 16-team AFC only fantasy league, and even there one manager has decided to leave his defense empty rather than start Jacksonville. And it’s not a bad call.


I read fantasy football player rankings this week, and it was by far the stupidest thing I could have done.

My other fantasy team is loaded with mediocre running backs: LeSean McCoy, Darren McFadden, Steven Jackson, Fred Jackson, Andre Ellington and Joique Bell (don’t worry, my WRs suck). I can only start three, and it’s always a tough call. So, this week, I decided to lean on the fantasy experts at NFL.com for help choosing which to start.

Here’s how they ranked them:
McCoy, Fred Jackson, McFadden, Steven Jackson, Ellington, Bell.

Here’s how ESPN ranked them:
McCoy, Fred Jackson, McFadden, Ellington, Steven Jackson, Bell.

None of these were a close call, according to the experts. The top three were considered top 15 plays among RBs this week. The bottom three were outside the top 25.

Here’s how they fared:
Ellington, McFadden, Fred Jackson, Bell, McCoy, Steven Jackson

The difference between Jackson and Bell was negligible. The difference between Ellington and McCoy was about 100 yards and a TD. If I had started the bottom three RBs on their lists, I would have gotten about 38 pts. By starting the three RBs that both sets of experts recommended, I scored 38 pts. If I started the “right” three, I would have scored 55 pts.

Look, I know these guys aren’t able to see the future. Anyone can have a fluke game. But, really, taking their recommendations or taking the complete opposite made no difference to my team. And somehow, providing no information -- good or bad -- employs dozens and dozens of sports staffers who spend countless hours sifting through statistics. And they come up with nothing.

What I’m saying is, I’ll do the same work for half of whatever you’re paying them.

With Halloween this week, here are the most popular NFL-themed costumes for the 2013 season:

** Chris Berman: Instead of saying “trick or treat,” grunt and shriek a lot.
** Eli Manning: Put on a #7 jersey and a Dopey dwarf mask.
** Mike Vick: Instead of collecting candy, give away a football at each house you visit.
** Tony Romo: Trick or treat for about 50 minutes, then choke on your candy for the last 10.
** Tim Tebow: Walk around in rags like an unemployed bum.
** Andy Reid: Put on a fat suit, ruin a football team, then go coach a different one with a stacked defense.

On Sunday, in the midst of another fourth-quarter choke job, Cowboys WR Dez Bryant had an absolute meltdown on the sidelines, yelling at his QB, fellow wideouts, and coaching staff. Pundits have speculated for the last two days that, despite the 31-30 outcome, this could help rally the team. Of course, our anagram expertise show them once again to be shallow fools:

Dallas Cowboys wideout Dez Bryant screams
** Zero listen to bum’s words. Away, dye-clad scab!

For the record, “one-point Cowboys loss” anagrams quite nicely into “oops, insolent Cowboys!” Just saying.

** Dad and I split our picks for the week, so I’m still 8 back. If I can pick up one game a week, I can still win this thing.

** Remember way back when the Eagles had LeSean McCoy on the roster? He has one rushing TD in his last five games. Ugh.

** FYI, the Ohio State football team has a chance to go undefeated two years in a row and not have a shot at the national championship. Seriously. Every team we follow here at Fort Awesome is failing.

Week 8 standings

1 -- the american way (Sam) -- 1252.49 pts
2 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 1175.17 pts
3 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 1151.74 pts
4 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 1124.90 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1095.94 pts
6 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 1005.34 pts
7 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 985.09 pts
8 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 955.11 pts
9 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 936.10 pts
10 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 929.95 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 863.16 pts

For the record, the Yahoo pre-season projections had Sam in seventh place. Seventh! And look at what he has done so far. Of course, the projections also had Joel in first place. So maybe they weren’t that reliable.

Also, the only change in the standings was that Mike and Jim switched spots. Let’s try and be a little more interesting next week.

Fantasy League 2013 -- week 7 recap

Great news for Mike Vick this week -- not only did he get his starting job back thanks to the Nick Foles/Matt Barkley disaster on Sunday, but he was also awarded by Forbes magazine the title of “NFL’s most disliked player” for the third year in a row. Here’s a look at some of the people NFL fans find more tolerable than the Eagles’ million-dollar man.

-- Ndamukong Suh: The Lions DE has been fined multiple times for stomping downed opponents.
-- Ben Roethlisberger: The Steelers QB has dealt with multiple sex assault allegations in his past.
-- Pacman Jones: The Bengals DB latest arrest was for punching a woman at a nightclub.
-- Aaron Hernandez: The Patriots TE is currently in jail for murder, so it’s unclear if he was eligible for the list.
-- Reggie Bush: The Lions RB had to return his Heisman trophy and dated Kim Kardashian. Hard to decide which was worse.

In Vick’s defense, he hasn’t been imprisoned for anything recently, so the ranking really is unfair.

QB: Andrew Luck, 36.02 pts -- started by Paul
WR: Calvin Johnson, 31.33 pts -- started by Jeff
RB: Matt Forte, 30.30 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Jordan Reed, 23.93 pts -- on the waiver wire
K: Adam Vinatieri, 16.00 pts -- on the waiver wire
DEF: Carolina, 22.00 pts -- started by Bobert
D: Antonio Allen, 12.00 pts -- on the waiver wire

Next time Andrew Luck and Peyton Manning square off, let’s have them actually square off: Three rounds, no holds barred. It won’t result in any less ESPN drooling, but it won’t last as long.
Also, raise your hand if you thought Adam Vinatieri had retired. C’mon, put it up. You know you did.


3rd place: Matt Barkley, -0.84 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Jay Cutler, -0.88 pts -- started by ChampMike
1st place: Kellen Clemens, -1.24 pts -- on the waiver wire

A very special warm welcome to the Eagles rookie QB, who takes his place among the Philadelphia greats by scoring negative points in his first NFL experience. Three interceptions in 20 pass attempts? It’s like you’re already prepared to step into Mike Vick’s shoes.


** 43-year-old Jeff Garcia reached out to the Cleveland Browns this week about making a comeback. And God bless him for still trying. Because if there’s one thing better than a mediocre 30-year-old QB (Brandon Weeden), it’s one that is 13 years older.

** In a similar vein, when St. Louis QB Sam Bradford tore his ACL this week, the team announced they would be looking to sign a new QB for the rest of the season … but not Tim Tebow. Because you have to announce that before every QB search now.

** I just checked, and Matt Millen is still offering football commentary on TV and has not been jailed. And that’s stupid.

Now that the Giants have won a game, only three teams are left in the NFL with an unblemished record (undefeated or winless). Let’s look at each one’s odds of finishing the season that way:

Kansas City Chiefs (7-0)
Odds of a perfect season: 0%
-- Good lord, no. Andy Reid is the coach and they have to play the Broncos twice. They can still find a way to miss the playoffs.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-6)
Odds of a perfect season: 10%
-- Three of their losses were by less than a field goal, and only one was by more than 12 points. On the flip side, they may have just lost their best player (RB Doug Martin) for the rest of the season, so there’s still a chance.

Jacksonville Jaguars (0-7)
Odds of a perfect season: 75%
-- Every loss has been by more than double digits. Three times they failed to score a TD. Their best chance for a win comes against the Browns, and that game isn’t until December. This team could be the real deal.

It’s bad enough when the Cowboys spread their hate and vile appetites around the locker room. But Defensive Lineman George Selvie has taken it a step further, subliminally encouraging the misguided Dallas fan base to poison the world with their foul ideas. Just look at his name:

Cowboys DE George Selvie
** Go be evil, weedy scrooges

“Weedy scrooges,” of course, was also the name of Jerry Jones’ garage band in high school.

** Ha! I won one against Dad this week by correctly picking the Giants to win their first game. So now I’m only eight behind in the standings. Like the Phillies, I still have a chance. (Checks the paper). Um, I may need to revise that statement...

** Sixers insiders this week said they’ll likely hold out first-round draft pick Nerlens Noel for the entire season, as he recovers from knee surgery. That’ll make it two years in a row the Sixers traded for a much-hyped big man and get zero games out of him. In other news, no Philadelphia team is ever making the playoffs again.

** This year’s World Series features the Red Sox against the Cardinals, also known as baseball’s second-most insufferable fan base against their third-most insufferable fan base. C’mon, Detroit. Everyone was rooting for you for a change.

Week 7 standings

1 -- the american way (Sam) -- 1095.87 pts
2 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 1029.10 pts
3 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 1024.04 pts
4 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 1003.91 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 933.79 pts
6 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 902.65 pts
7 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 853.43 pts
8 -- Gettin' Chippy (Joanner) -- 848.16 pts
9 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 812.83 pts
10 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 801.32 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 740.32 pts

Don’t look now, but the reigning Awesome Cup champion is slowly moving up the standings. Sam still has a comfortable lead, but he also still doesn’t know who any of the players on his team are. And that’s fine, really, because I can’t name a single Eagles defensive back. Wait, they don’t have anyone back there? That finally explains all those long third-down conversions...

Fantasy League 2013 -- week 6 recap

Ways that Nick Foles is a better QB option than Mike Vick:

Age: Foles is 24, Vick is 33

Durability: Foles has broken his hand once. Vick has broken his everything twice.

Cost: Foles makes about $635,000 this year. Vick makes about $7 million.

Ball handling: Foles has zero turnovers against seven TDs this season. Vick has three against 7 TDs.

Quarterbacking: Foles can complete passes. Vick cannot.

Morale: Foles doesn’t make me want to punch my TV. Vick does.

Vick-ness: Foles is not Mike Vick. Vick is.

QB: Cam Newton, 36.68 pts -- started by Sam
WR: Vincent Jackson, 28.60 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Knowshon Moreno, 33.33 pts -- started by Joel
TE: Vernon Davis, 32.00 pts -- started by Jo
K: Mason Crosby, 16.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: St. Louis, 31.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Alec Ogletree, 14.00 pts -- on the wire

In the history of this league, we’ve never had any team score more than 200 pts in a single week. We’ve had a few top 190, but no one has managed to crack the elusive second century mark. And then this week happened.

Sam -- yes, Sam, who does not know a single football player outside the Patriots except for Peyton Manning -- started the Top QB, the top WR, the #2 RB (Jamaal Charles, 28.13 pts), the #2 defense (KC, 28.00 pts), the #5 WR (DeSean Jackson, 22.27 pts) and five other players who scored double-digits to post an unreal 224.41 pts this week. His team had 13 combined TDs and 805 yards of total offense. He didn’t just top 200, he destroyed it.

In summary, we’re all doomed.


3rd place: Alfonso Smith, -1.30 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Chris Maragos, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Minnesota, -5.00 pts -- on the wire

By the way, the New York Giants defense was worth 1 point this week, doubling their value on the year in a single week. Gawd, the Giants are awful.


Geico has started running a new commercial (surprising, right? Those guys make so few commercials) in the DC markets that shows tourists around the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument and the White House reacting in shock as stray baseballs fall from the sky. Finally, a secret service agent looks up and says “Looks like Bryce Harper is taking batting practice again.”

The joke, of course, is that the young Natinals player is so awesome, he can hit the ball two miles from the DC stadium to the historic sites.

Problem is, all of those sites are foul balls -- home plate at the park here faces to the east of the Capitol building. All of those hits would be driven backwards from the plate. So, not just foul. Waaaaay foul. Like, over-his-left-shoulder foul. Geico is saying that Harper can’t get a ball in play even during batting practice.

And that’s awesome.

There have been six league championship series games as of tonight, all of them featuring exquisite pitching. And while I love a pitching gem as much as the next guy, there’s a difference between defensive excellence and total boredom.

Four of the six games have been shutouts. Three of the six were 1-0 wins.

All I’m saying is that if the NFL playoffs featured three games that were 3-0 victories, the commissioner would pass rules the next day barring linebackers from touching running backs and allowing wideouts to catch the ball on one bounce.


Believe it or not, the 3-3 Cowboys will square off against the 3-3 Eagles for the first real first-place test for either team. What does this tell us about the league? About the state of football? About ourselves?

Let’s go to the letters:

Cowboys fight for early lead in standings
** Hotly firing dogs -- NFC east is really bad now

Funny, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make the words “Dallas wins” work in there. but it does also spell …

Cowboys fight for early lead in standings
** Yon, fab gold cord: Eagles win, stay in first

Just saying.

** Ugh -- Dad swept the picks again this week, so I’m somehow down nine in the annual standings after just six weeks. You know what? I barely had to update that sentence from last week. All I did was change the numbers. So terrible.

** Have I mentioned lately how terrible Thursday night games are?

** I'm getting worried that the Giant's complete incompetence (0-6) is distracting my attention from the Maryland Racial Slurs complete incompetence (1-4). I really hope they play soon.

Week 6 standings

1 -- the american way (sam) -- 938.43
2 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 896.60
3 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome) -- 874.50
4 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 860.95
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 813.83
6 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) --797.95
7 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 740.78
8 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 718.41
9 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 716.76
10 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 697.84
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 651.27

Again, for the record: Sam doubled up seven different teams with his 224-pts outing this week, which was more than enough to vault him into first. Paul and Jeff had terrible, sub-100-pts weeks, and the rest of us fared only slightly better. Let’s try a little harder in week 7, OK?

Fantasy League 2013 -- week 5 recap

** Broncos QB Peyton Manning (20 TDs so far) is on pace for 64 passing TDs -- the single season record is 49. Giants QB Eli Manning (8 TDs so far) is on pace to toss 26 TDs.

** However, Eli (12 INTs so far) is on pace for 38 INTs this season -- the single season record is 42. Peyton (1 INT so far) is on pace to throw 3.

** Peyton’s Broncos (5-0) are on pace to outscore opponents by 291 pts this season -- the single season record is 315 pts. Eli’s Giants (0-5) are on pace to be outscored by 320 pts.

** Peyton’s Broncos scored 51 points on Sunday. Eli’s Giants have scored 51 points over their last four games.

** A google search for "Peyton Manning winner" returns over 128 million results. A google search for "Eli Manning dopey" returns 92,000.

QB: Tony Romo, 50.94 pts -- on Ant’s bench
WR:Alshon Jeffery, 31.03 pts -- on Jeff’s bench
RB: Pierre Thomas, 28.27 pts -- on Paul’s bench
TE: Julius Thomas, 29.13 pts -- started by Sam
K: Alex Henery, 20.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Arizona, 31.00 pts -- started by Jeff
D: Calias Campbell, 14.00 pts -- on the wire

Rough week out there, kids -- Three top performers left on the bench contributed to some sad scores around the league. Ant lost 33 pts to bench decisions (which would have been enough to bounce him into 7th place), Paul lost 25 pts (which would have kept him in first), and Jeff managed to leave 31 pts on his bench while starting two players on a bye and an injured Calvin Johnson. And he’s still beating most of you.


3rd place: Damian Williams, -0.73 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Dallas, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place:NY Giants, -5.00 pts -- on the wire

Not to pile on the Giants … aw, who am I kidding, let’s all pile on the Giants! … but the team’s defense through five games this year is worth exactly one fantasy point. That’s all. Kansas City’s D is worth 105 times that (105 pts, for the math challenged out there). They’ve surrendered a league-high 182 points and have the worst time of possession in the league.

On the positive side, ahahahahahaha Eli! This is gonna be a great season.


Former Ravens coach Brian Billick was the color commentator for the Eagles/Giants game on Sunday, and he dropped these gems in the pre-game show:

** “I don’t know that the Eagles have trouble scoring touchdowns. They are the #1 rushing team in the league, after all.” Because, as we all know, every 50 rushing yards counts as a TD.

** “This is a homogeneous league, which means everyone is going to end up within a game or two of .500.” Well, the league is made up entirely of football players...

** “Mike Vick has proven he can win in this league.” At 60-50 for his career, he’s 19th among NFL active starting QBs. So, he has proven he’s as good as any other mediocre passer.

Roger Goodell announced Tuesday that he hopes to have “expanded playoffs” in place by the start of the 2015 season, in an effort to water down … errr … expand the NFL’s brand as much as possible. Here are a few other ideas the league is considering:

** Instead of mandatory concussion tests, they’ll have mandatory concussions for every player.

** A new NFL Network station focusing solely on the Jacksonville Jaguars and their refusal to pick up QB Tim Tebow.

** Instead of 16 regular season games and four rounds of playoffs, they’ll have four regular season games and 16 rounds of playoffs.

** The league will start playing two Super Bowls: One featuring the top AFC and NFC squads, and the other pitting the Cowboys and Steelers against each other every year. Only the latter game will count.

** Instead of kickoffs, they’ll have more ads.


I’m just gonna leave this anagram right here for all the Denver fans out there:

Dallas tallies forty eight points
** Rip-tilt agony: Fatheads still lose

Ahahahahahahaha.
There are weeks to love football, and there are weeks to love football.

** Ugh -- Dad swept the picks again this week, so I’m somehow down seven in the annual standings after just five weeks. Stupid Browns.

** Chip Kelly is now the longest tenured coach in Philly sports. In other news, no Philly team is ever going to make the playoffs again.

** The Eagles get to play back-to-back 0-4 teams, with the winless Tampa Bay Bucs coming off a bye next weekend. How often has that happened in NFL history? Not often, probably. I can’t look all these things up for you people.

Week 5 standings

1 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 785.12
2 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 778.30
3 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 736.89
4 -- III-time Champion (Capt. Awesome)-- 734.53
5 -- the american way (Sam) -- 714.02
6 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 682.63
7 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 624.95
8 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 608.17
9 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 604.83
10 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 600.51
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 550.71

Well, Dad is just gonna be unbearable now…

After five straight weeks of Peyton Manning magic, Dad finally takes over the top spot from Paul. The two of them have opened up a healthy lead on the rest of the field, but at some point the Broncos will score less than 40 in a game, right?

And don’t look now, but Ant has climbed all the way from dead last to eighth place, just a hair behind Joanner. If the league goes the way of the NFC East, he could still win this thing.

Fantasy League 2013 -- week 4 recap

At first glance, that 52-20 defeat for the Eagles at the hands of the Broncos looks bad. But, after close evaluation, you realize that it was … really bad. Consider:

** The game was only the third time in the Super Bowl era that the birds have surrendered 50 or more points. The last time came in 1972, during a 62-10 loss to the Giants.

** The Broncos scored 21 points in the third quarter alone, giving them enough points to beat the Eagles four-quarter score.

** Peyton Manning had 327 yards and 4 TDs in only three quarters. Mike Vick has 4 passing TDs in his last 15 quarters of work.

** The Eagles lost 52-20.

OK, maybe that last observation was obvious.

QB: Drew Brees, 40.27 pts -- started by Ant
WR: Victor Cruz, 26.93 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Arian Foster, 26.80 pts -- started by Dad
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 33.93 pts -- started by me
K: David Akers, 18.00 pts -- started by Jo
DEF: Indianapolis, 16.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Sean Lee, 16.00 pts -- on the wire

Manning’s drubbing of the Eagles this week may have only made him the second-highest QB this week, but it did make him the first fantasy player to top 150 pts this season. Only three others have even broken 100 (Drew Brees, Philip Rivers and Mike Vick, surprisingly), and Brees #2 at 117 pts.

For comparison, Manning has already scored more in four games this season than Alex Smith, Mark Sanchez, Darren McFadden, DeMarco Murray and Larry Fitzgerald scored in all of 2012. He also has more than Tom Brady and Russell Wilson combined this season, but I don’t think anyone has ever compared Brady and Manning before.

“Getting defensive” edition

3rd place: Atlanta, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Miami, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Philadelphia, -5.00 pts -- on the wire

The Eagles did manage one sack on Sunday, which saved them from earning the lowest score possible in this league (-6.00 pts). They’re now the worst-ranked defense in the league, but in fantasy scoring, they’re still well ahead of those lowly New York Giants. Through four games, the Eagles D is worth 23 points, tied for fifth worst in the league. The Giants D is worth almost four times less, a mere six points.

** Natinals P Dan Haren said this week that if his team had made the playoffs, “We’d have been the team to beat.” In other news, the Flyers would have won all of the Stanley Cups when they didn’t make the playoffs.

** Coach Chip Kelly said the Eagles “did a lot of good things” in that 52-20 loss to Denver. All six words of that are a complete lie.

** Football analyst Matt Millen spoke to his friends and family this week, and every word that he said made them dumber.

Instead of dwelling on all of the negatives from the Phillies disappointing 2013 season, why can’t we look at the positives? For example:

** Remember those two times the Phillies were a game over .500? And that one five game winning streak?

** Cliff Lee still looks great, right?

** Remember those games where Ryan Howard wasn’t hurt?

** At least the Phillie Phantatic didn’t get hurt?

** Remember when Charlie Manuel wasn't fired?

Ugh. Just ugh.

On any football team, you expect the linemen and the linebackers to be kinda rough guys. And wideouts on every team are jerks. But kickers and punters? If they’re creeps, your team is really just evil. And on the Cowboys, even their punter is a jerk:

Here’s the proof:

Dallas Punter Christopher Jones 
** Sport? Eh. I punch and jeer all sorts.

Of course, since he’s a punter, when he punches people, they barely notice. Still not nice, though.

** Dad picked up two more on me this week, to leave me down four just four weeks into the season. All I’m saying is, this isn’t looking very good.

** The government shutdown killed off scheduled games for the Navy, Army and Air Force football teams. It’s OK if Congress hates America. But hating football? The voters will not stand for this.

** I’ve seen two Delaware football games on TV this season, and only one Eagles game. Granted, the Eagles may be a lower quality of football than the Blue Hens, but it’s surprising.

Week 4 standings

1 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul ) -- 665.82 pts
2 -- Sheldon Cooper (Dad) -- 625.77 pts
3 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 618.94 pts
4 -- III-time Champion (me) -- 585.93 pts
5 -- the american way (Sam) -- 540.59 pts
6 -- Cheatstrong (ChampMike) -- 537.42 pts
7 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 524.15 pts
8 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) -- 489.33 pts
9 -- Bad like Congress (Jim) -- 473.15 pts
10 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) -- 442.98 pts
11 -- Timmy and The Jets (Joel) -- 440.00 pts

Dad is making another run at the top, but there’s still a big gap between him and Paul. Remember, Paul finished at the bottom of the league last season, and has put on a remarkable comeback performance this year. What’s your problem? Why can’t you be more like Paul?