2012 fantasy recap -- week 8

In honor of our weather this week, and because there's a 75 percent chance I won't have power in another five minutes, I'm posting early. So let's pretend that the MNF game didn't happen, and look at some great hurricane moments in sports.

** In June 2006, the Carolina Hurricanes won their first (and only) Stanley Cup Championship, thanks in part to forward (and former Philadelphia Flyer) Rod Brind'Amour.

** In January 2003, the Ohio State Buckeyes defeated the Miami Hurricanes for the college football national championship in an upset, double-overtime thriller.

** In October 2010, the Seattle Storm won their second WNBA championship, making them the most successful sports franchise in city history. 

**  In February 2009, the Ohio Vortex of the Professional Arena Soccer League won their final game of the season, 7-5 over the Winnipeg Alliance, to finish their inaugural season 8-8.

** In October 1999, 13 years ago this week, Dodgers P Sandy Koufax was honored as part of MLB's All-Century team.

QB: Matthew Stafford, 37.23 pts -- started by Jeff
WR: Titus Young, 27.67 pts -- on the wire
RB: Doug Martin, 33.77 pts -- on Joel's bench
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 29.73 pts -- started by Joel
K: Lawrence Tynes, 19.00 pts -- started by ChampMike
DEF: Miami, 28.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Tim Jennings, 15.50 pts -- on the wire

Not a great week for us, but I assume the real top performers will all be in that exciting 49ers-Cardinals match-up tonight. When was the last time that Michael Crabtree wasn't the top WR? (Checks his records). OK, never, but still...


"Craptastic" edition
3rd place: Robert Meachem, -0.60 pts -- on Jim's bench
2nd place: Minnesota, -5.00 pts -- started by ChampMike
1st place: St. Louis, -6.00 pts -- sitting on the wire

The Patriots/Rams game in London this weekend features a rare thrill for the British fans -- The worst possible fantasy performance by the St. Louis defense. 45 points allowed, no sacks, no turnovers, no positives ... U-S-A! U-S-A! How could they not love the NFL after that?

Four years ago yesterday, the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series, ending a 25-year championship drought for the City of Brotherly Love. 

Now, four years later, where are we? The city has won zero more championships since then, and Iran is four years closer to obtaining a nuclear weapon. 

Coincidence? 

Next Tuesday, vote Utley. 

On Friday, while I was watching the Moncton Wildcats play the Blainville-Boisbraind Armada -- the NHL channel was carrying Quebec Major Junior Hockey League action because of the lockout -- one of the announcers said that the Moncton defense was ...

No, you know what? I'm stopping there. I was watching the Moncton Wildcats play the Blainville-Boisbraind Armada. That's the stupidest thing I can thing of. Do you see what you've reduced me to, NHL? You really can't get your act together at all? What happens when I decide to stop watching the Eagles? (That happened three weeks ago.) Am I really going to have to watch regular season basketball? I thought we were more civilized than that.

For the record, the Wildcats won 3-2.

Typically, decoding the mystery that is the Dallas anagram insults is a time-consuming slog, devouring hours of my week and untold quantities of my energy. It's physically and mentally exhausting, a sacrifice of my sanity for the sake of humanity.

And then there are players like Cowboys SS Eric Frampton, whose name took me less than a minute to anagram six times:

Eric Frampton
** Frantic moper
** Prancer motif
** Prim face torn
** Confer armpit
** Farce in tromp
** Oft crap miner

"Confer armpit" is my favorite, thought I can't quite explain what it means.


Week 8 standings

These numbers were pulled Monday afternoon, so I'm not ready to say that I've been knocked out of first place. After all, I still have a linebacker to go. He could score 34 pts...

** Let's just say that I did not follow up on last week's success in the picks against Dad, and now I'm down 11. You don't need the rest of the details.

** Here's a quick bit of NFL trivia -- Only two men have caught passes from both Peyton and Eli Manning: WR Brandon Stokley and FB Jim Finn. Here's another bit of trivia -- both Manning brothers can rot in hell. I'm sick of those guys.

** I'm sick of the Giants and the Giants too. I hate all the Giants. I even hate Rick Moranis for making the movie "Little Giants" right now. Andre the Giant is still cool, rest his soul.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 7

Eagles Defensive Coordinator Juan Castillo was fired this week, despite 18 years with the team. In memory of his exemplary service for the birds, here's a look back at some of the recent highlights with the team:

** Sept. 18, 2011
-- Eagles blow a 10-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Falcons. 

** Sept. 25, 2011
-- Eagles blow a 2-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Giants. 

** Oct. 2, 2011
-- Eagles blow a 6-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the 49ers. 

** Nov. 7, 2011
-- Eagles blow a 4-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Bears.

** Nov. 13, 2011
-- Eagles blow a 7-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Cardinals.

** Oct. 7, 2012
-- Eagles blow a 1-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Steelers.

** Oct. 14, 2012
-- Mike Vick commits his 13th turnover of the season. Eagles blow a 10-point 4th quarter lead, lose to the Lions. 

** Oct. 16, 2012
-- Juan Castillo is fired. 

The Eagles had a bye this week, so the team had time to welcome new DC Todd Bowles to the fold. In an unrelated story, Vick fumbled twice on Sunday despite not playing in a game. 

QB: Drew Brees, 37.18 pts -- started by me
WR: Randall Cobb, 28.59 pts -- started by Jeff
RB: Chris Johnson, 32.70 pts -- started by Heidi
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 23.20 pts -- started by Joel
K: Nick Folk, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Houston, 26.00 pts -- started by ChampMike
D: Brian Robison, 11.50 pts -- on the wire

Brees is the #2 fantasy player on the year so far, behind only Aaron Rodgers. The pair finished 1-2 last season too. Tom Brady, who finished third last year, is currently in fourth just behind rookie Robert Griffin III. Meanwhile, Cardinals starting QB John Skelton trails Rodgers by a mere 182.72 pts, and sits in 36th place among all passers.

"Surprising bottom dwellers" edition
2nd place: Phillip Adams, -0.88 pts -- started by Jeff
1st place: (tie) Tampa Bay, -4.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: (tie) Baltimore, -4.00 pts -- started by Joel

As bad as the Ravens and Bucs defenses were this week, nothing compares to the Oakland defense's performance so far this year. In six games, they've scored 13 pts, for a 2.17-pt average. For comparison, the Houston defense is second-best in the league, with 100 pts in seven games, or a 14.29 average -- almost seven times better.

For those of you playing NCAA fantasy football, here's a look at some of the top performers on the weekend:

QB: Seth Doege, Texas Tech: 54.72 fantasy pts
-- 318 passing yards, 7 TDs
RB: Kenneth Dixon, Louisiana Tech: 59.20 fantasy pts
-- 232 rushing yds, 6 TDs
WR: Tavarres King, Georgia: 33.53 fantasy pts
-- 9 catches, 188 yards, 2 TDs
QB/RB: Collin Klein, Kansas State: 59.02 fantasy pts
-- 323 yds passing, 3 TDs, 41 rushing yds, 4 TDs

DEF: Bowling Green: 29.00 fantasy pts

-- 4 turnovers forced, 1 TD, zero pts allowed

FYI, that Bowling Green win over UMass was the only shutout among the 59 NCAA FBS games this week. 

Three different times this weekend, I saw/heard Philadelphia sports pundits say the Phillies should consider getting Alex Rodriguez to play 3B for them next season.

All of these comments came after A-Rod batted .120 in the post-season and got benched three separate times in the playoffs. All of these comments came after A-Rod said he would not waive his no trade clause to play with someone besides the Yankees. And all of these comments came after national pundits openly speculated if A-Rod's career might be over.

The best Phillies suggestion I saw was in the Wilmington Snooze Journal, where one of their columnists suggested that A-Rod would be a good experiment at third, but only if the Yankees were willing to pick up $100 million of the $114 million still owed to him over the next five years.

I have a much, much better idea for next season: The Phillies should get Peyton Manning to play 3B for them next season, but first they have to get the Broncos to pay his entire salary and give the Phillies another $40 million. I know he's a prospect, and he's getting old, but he has a hell of an arm and the money works out great.

My suggestion makes as much sense as the A-Rod ones do.

The Maryland Racial Slurs and New Jersey Giants squared off against each other on Sunday, and next  week the G-men will travel down to Texas to face the Arlington Cowboys. With that in mind, here are some guidelines on how to root when rivals are playing each other:

-- Root for turnovers: You want to see a lot of them. Turnovers are always more indicative of offenses playing poorly than defenses performing well.

-- Root for fights: Not between the opponents, but among teammates. On Sunday, RB Ahmad Bradshaw was screaming on the sideline with Coach Tom Coughlin. Dissention? Yes, please. 

-- Root for a 4th Quarter collapse: The Racial Slurs were thiiiiiis close to winning the game, before they let up a 77-yard TD pass with less than two minutes remaining. It's demoralizing for them, and also panic-inducing for the winning team too.

-- Root for bad refs: See above. There's nothing more mind-breaking for both teams than to have the game decided on a blown call. One team gets a loss, the other gets a should-have-lost. 

-- Root for alien abductions: The best result possible for the Giants-Cowboys tilt would be for QBs Eli Manning and Tony Romo to be kidnapped by Martians in the 3rd quarter. The game would be declared a draw, and the human race would be better for it. 

The Cowboys backfield woes continued on Sunday (so sad!) with the team forced to press backup RB Phillip Tanner into the starting role. But in terms of karma, he's been starting player for the soulless squad his whole life. Just look at what his name says he'd do if given a full time role on the team.

Dallas Cowboys RB Phillip Tanner
** I'll pan crowds, sell porn, hit a baby 

I'm willing to bet that jerk would hit more than one baby, if given the opportunity.

Week 7 standings

Well, look at what we have here ... seems like Sam and Bob aren't the only ones who get a turn in first place this year. My squad posted a 187.89-point week, the best in the league since Dad scored 188.63 in September 2007. Yep, I do have those stats on file.

For the record, the best single-week total in league history was a 202.87 performance by Paul, again in September 2007. This week, he fell 86 points short of that.

** Finally, I posted a 3-2 record against Dad this week, pushing the deficit back under double digits to 9. If I can just pick up a game each week for the rest of the season, I'll be tied with him right before the playoffs begin.

** Credit where credit is due -- Eli Manning wins a lot of games, and has two Super Bowl rings. But we need to cut this "elite QB" crap with him already. Sunday was the 12th time in his last 39 games that he had more turnovers than TDs. Over the same stretch, Drew Brees (6), Tom Brady (3), and Aaron Rodgers (1) have fewer than that combined. Great QBs don't fix their screw-ups later in the game. They play well the whole time.

** Here's the easy guide on who to root for in the World Series: One team is named the Giants and used to play in New York. Root for the other team.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 6

Q: What's the difference between the Eagles and a dollar bill? 

A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

When Mike Vick plays catch with his dog, do you think the neighbor's cat ends up with the Frisbee? (submitted by Joanner). 

Q: What's DeSean Jackson's celebration plans for after he wins the Super Bowl?

A: Turn off the XBox and go eat some dinner. 

When Andy Reid goes to the store, how long does it ... hold on, Reid just wasted another timeout in the middle of this joke. 

Q: Is this really the Eagles' team people picked for the playoffs? 

A: Yes, and they're a joke. Just not a funny one. 

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 51.22 pts -- started by Mike
WR: Jordy Nelson, 35.07 pts -- started by Jo
RB: Shonn Greene, 34.10 pts -- started by Paul
TE: Antonio Gates, 23.90 pts -- started by Paul
K: Jason Hanson, 16.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Denver, 31.00 pts -- on the wire
D: (tie) Tony Carter, 13.00 pts -- on the wire
D: (tie) Chris Harris, 13.00 pts -- on the wire

Rodgers' ridiculous six touchdown passing performance was the best individual stat line this year and the most points by a fantasy player since ... hold on, let me check again ... since Green Bay QB Matt Flynn threw six TDs and scored 51.20 pts in the meaningless regular season finale last year. So, Green Bay is finally back to its lame-duck season finale form.

By the way, if you had just started the Denver defense and their #2 and #3 cornerbacks, you would have pulled down another 57 points. Everyone totally saw that coming.

"Players you've heard of" edition
3rd place: John Skelton, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: T.J. Yates, -1.08 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Indianapolis, -5.00 pts -- on the wire

Sure, you heard of TJ Yates. He won a playoff game last year for the Texans. Yes, he was that third-string QB with a funny name. See? The joke works.

Ohio State moved to 6-0 this weekend, sit at #7 in the AP rankings, and appear to be the best team in the Big Ten this season. However, because of NCAA sanctions, the Buckeyes aren't eligible to play in any post-season bowl games, including the national championship game. If the team improbably ends up undefeated and shut out of the official rankings, how will they celebrate?

-- By declaring themselves national champions, then waiting to see how long Miami fans take to claim that their team really won the title.

-- By awarding themselves the "at least we're not Penn State" trophy and looking ahead to a bowl game  next year.

-- By moving to the SEC, where they gain instant blind respect from the pollsters and immunity from recruiting violations.

-- By awarding themselves the "USC national championship" title, since USC fans think they've won three in the last decade when they really won zero.

-- By laughing at Michigan.

Eagles coach Andy Reid, in a statement on Tuesday:

"I want to make it clear that I have nothing but the ultimate respect for Juan Castillo as a coach and as a person. He's one of the finest football coaches that I have ever worked with. I know he will continue to be a successful coach in this league and wish he and his family nothing but the best."

Internal Reid monologue: So that's why I fired him. He was just too good of a coach.

By the way, Castillo was a waste of a defensive coordinator, but I'm pretty sure he's not responsible for the 17 turnovers by the offense so far this year. But, whatever. Fire them all.

The Cowpokes added yet another rookie running back this week, desperately trying to fill their backfield and corrupt more young men. Lance Dunbar was the latest addition to the evil empire, it's no surprise that his name already says it all.

Cowboys RB Lance Dunbar
** Unbalanced boob, WRs cry. 

I know what you're saying. "That's just coincidence. That doesn't really show what kind of person he is." Well, let's change it up a little and look again:

Dallas RB Lance Dunbar
** A bland, barnacled slur

I know what you're still saying. "Aw, c'mon, Lance Dunbar seems nice." Well, let's anagram that then:

Aw, c'mon, Lance Dunbar seems nice
** Slow menace can increase dumb 

These letters don't lie, friends. The evil is so obvious it just pours out.

I got a request from an angry Eagles fan who will go unnamed (Anthony) to throw our own beloved QB, Mike Vick, into the anagram machine and see what it spits out. Honestly, it wasn't anything that appears that accurate or interesting. But, in the interest of fairness, here's what I saw:

Eagles' Michael Vick
** Sack me, I'll give. Ache.

Michael Dwayne Vick
** Him vile, dance wacky

Eagles' Mike Vick
** Evil -- I smack geek

Philadelphia's Mike Vick
** Hack, a devil like his pimp

Starting QB Mike Vick
** Fumble fumble sack INT fumble

Like I said, nothing interesting or accurate in there.

Week 6 standings

Bob and Sam continue to pull away from the field, and only 42 points separate fourth place from 10th. What does that mean? It means our league is as mediocre as the actual NFL. Fine work by everyone. 

** Another week, another victory for Dad. He picked up two more games on me and now sits 10 games ahead in the standings. Right now, he lead is so insurmountable I'm going to start calling him the Washington Natinals. How did those guys do in the playoffs anyways? Such a great story...

** I really did go back and look, and Rodgers's 51.22 pts looks like the best performance in the NFL since Mike Vick's ridiculous six-TD, 333 passing and 80 rushing, 57.37-point performance back in November 2010. I remember because he was on my bench. I'm still angry at him for that.

** I don't know if I really made it clear before, but I'm a huge fan of the new NFL overtime rules. My only complaint is the part where they're confusing and don't make it fair and really are pointless and aren't the college football rules. But besides that, they're the best option out there, except for all the other ones.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 5

Time to test your basic football knowledge again. Which of these names are NFL draft prospects for 2013, and which are villains from Ian Fleming's "James Bond" stories?

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

In case you don't believe me, the answers are here and here. There's no shame in scoring less than four on this quiz ... unless you thought Hugo Drax was a real person, and in that case may God have mercy on your soul.

QB: Drew Brees, 36.60 pts -- started by me
WR: Marques Colston, 35.73 pts -- started by Mike
RB: Ahmad Bradshaw, 29.93 pts -- started by Mike
TE: Tony Gonzalez, 27.20 pts -- started by Dad
K: Blair Walsh, 13.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: Chicago, 31.00 pts -- started by Bobert
D: Lance Briggs, 12.50 pts -- started by Paul

Nice work, kids -- first time all year we've started all the top players.

In case you were wondering just how desperate the RB situation is in the league, the top 14 RBs on the fantasy chart this week and 16 of the top 17 RBs were all owned. If you've got three good one on your team, there's probably somebody out there willing to trade almost anything with you.

"Everybody sucks" players edition
3rd place: Matt Cassel, -0.42 pts -- on Paul's bench
2nd place: DeAngelo Williams, -0.90 pts -- started by Mike
1st place: Deonte Thompson, -0.96 pts -- on the wire

Mike managed to start the best and worst RBs of the week, which would be worthy of ridicule if he hadn't outscored nearly everyone in the league despite that fact.

How you stacked up against various QBs this weekend:

** Alex Smith, 49ers -- 156.2 rating
(18 for 24, 303 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Ryan Fitzpatrick, Bills -- 57.5 rating
(16 for 26, 126 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INTs)
** You -- 39.5 QB rating
(0 for 0, 0 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Alex Smith's grandmother -- 39.5 rating
(0 for 0, 0 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs)
** Matt Cassel, Chiefs -- 38.1 rating
(9 for 15, 92 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs)
** Blaine Gabbert, Jags -- 37.7 rating
(17 for 33, 142 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs)

You also had only 24 fewer rushing yards than Titans RB Chris Johnson, who sits at 210 yards on the year and is on pace for a mere 670 yards on the season. That's the same Chris Johnson who collected more than 2,500 yards rushing and receiving just three years ago. And now he stinks.

Eagles QB Mike Vick (known to his friends as Captain Giveaway) had two fumbles in Sunday's loss to the Steelers. When reporters asked him about the ball control issues after the game, Vick responded by saying "I’ve never had a problem before with fumbles. It was just one of those days.”

Just so we're all clear -- Vick has eight fumbles and five lost fumbles in five games. Four times in his career, he has recorded at least 10 fumbles in a season. He has 34 rushing TDs and 37 lost fumbles in his career. In 116 games played, he has 117 turnovers.

So, he's right -- Vick doesn't have a problem with turnovers. They're an integral part of his game. The define who he is as a football player. If it weren't for the turnovers, he'd just be another player who is ... what's the technical term? ... good.

Drew Brees threw a TD pass in his 48th straight game on Sunday night, setting a new NFL record. The last time he failed to toss one in the end zone for the Saints was back in October 2009, during a New Orleans 24-10 win over the Jets. Here's a little more perspective on how long ago that was:

** Eagles QB Donovan McNabb was worried about new backup Kevin Kolb taking his job.
** LeBron James had only ever played for the Cleveland Cavaliers.
** Saints RB Reggie Bush was still a Heisman trophy winner.
** QB Kurt Warner was still playing football.
** The Saints had never won a Super Bowl.


The Cowboys had to sign a new punter before last week's game against the Bears, because their old punter had the fires of hell burning out his eyes was injured in the previous contest. They brough on Brian Moorman, a 12-year veteran of the Buffalo Bills, to help out the team. But did they stop for a minute and consider why Moorman wasn't playing for the Bills anymore? The answer was right in his name:

New punter Brian Moorman
** Inept man. A numb error now. 

And how did that game go? The Cowboys got thrashed and QB Tony Romo threw five interceptions ... no doubt upset by Moorman's incompetence. Case closed.

Week 5 standings

Bob is back in first again, and starting to pull away from the field. Meanwhile, last year''s champ (Ant) is back in last place again, giving us all hope that the Giants will follow his lead.

** Dad picked up three more games on me this week, putting him eight ahead for the season and still on pace to crush me by 27 games. But at least I'm beating him in fantasy football. Wait, when did he get ahead of me there too? Ugh.

** If you haven't read the QB Facebook thread going around right now, stop reading this slop and follow that link ASAP.

** Everyone is all excited because the 49ers became the first team in NFL history to rush for 300 yards and pass for 300 in their big win Sunday. Big deal. I've done that plenty of times. Let me know when they record more than 800 yards of offense and score 114 points.

** There was a time when an Eagles loss like that would have infuriated me beyond belief. There was also a time when the Eagles fielded a credible QB and really tried to win games. Both those times have passed.

2012 fantasy recap -- week 4

** Brian Dawkins is the only man in NFL history to record more than 35 interceptions and more than 20 sacks in his career. Four other players have also recorded those stats, but none of them are men when compared to Brian Dawkins.

** Brian Dawkins middle name is Patrick. His other middle name is Pain.

** Brian Dawkins once collected a sack, an interception, a fumble recovery and a touchdown in the same game. Later that day, he saved seven orphans from a burning building and killed a bear with his bear hands. No, that's not a misspelling. He has the hands of a bear.

** After Brian Dawkins had his number retired on Sunday night, he wasn't allowed to play for the Eagles defense any longer. So he blocked two game-winning field goal attempts by the Giants at the end of regulation with his mind instead of his body. Everyone saw it.

** Brian Dawkins will be eligible for the NFL Hall of Fame in 2017. He will be unanimously elected to the hall in 2015. He humbly accepted the honor last week.

QB: Tom Brady, 38.00 pts -- started by Ant
WR: Brian Harline, 35.37 pts -- on Jim's bench
RB: Willis McGahee, 24.73 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Scott Chandler, 20.13 pts -- on the wire
K: Greg Zuerlein, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: San Francisco, 36.00 pts -- started by Sam
D: Lance Briggs, 13.50 pts -- on the wire.

For the record, the top five scoring kickers were all on the waiver wire. So, whoever you decided to start, there were at least five better choices you could have made. Shame on you.

Also, 46 of the top 54 defensive players were also on the waiver wire this week. So, whoever you decided to start ... just do better next week, m'kay?

"Everybody sucks" players edition
3rd place: Buffalo, -1.00 pts -- on Jeff's bench
2nd place: Graham Harrell, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Oakland, -4.00 pts -- on my bench

Special thanks to Cowboys QB Tony Romo and Chiefs QB Matt Cassel for their inept play this week -- Romo's five INTs and Cassel's three picks put them both ahead of Eagles QB Mike Vick in the turnover race. Both of them now have a whopping 10 giveaways in just four games, making Vick's nine turnovers so far look almost respectable.

** Your team has held a fourth-quarter lead in its last two games, plays into overtime but gets possession of the ball in both games ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Miami Dolphins.)

** Your QB threw for 446 yards and set a new all-time NFL record for games with a TD pass ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the New Orleans Saints.)

** Your top wideout catches 17 passes for 317 yards and two TDs ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Baylor Bears.)

** Your team piles up five turnovers and a missed extra point in the first half, but manages to keep it close until the final quarter ... and your team still loses. (That happened to the Kansas City Chiefs).

** Your team plays in Cleveland ... and always loses. (That happened to the Cleveland Browns.)

Actually, it was the stupidest thing I saw this week. And it was Eli Manning's sad face when the Giants missed that last-minute field goal.

Wait, did I say "stupidest" thing? I meant "the greatest thing I saw this week."

This season was the worst one Phillies fans have endured in the last decade.

Coming off five straight NL East titles, the team barely reached .500 this season. Ryan Howard played in fewer than 75 games. Chase Utley and Placido Polanco played in fewer than 95. Roy Halladay missed a month and played hurt the rest of the year. Cliff Lee had a historic run of bad luck. The bullpen featured 13 different pitchers with ERAs over 4.00.

It sucked.

But, let's not be greedy, irrational Boston fans. Five division titles in a row is pretty stinking special. They were overdue for a rash of injuries. And even with this season's misery, the team played .600 baseball after the All-Star break -- the only time most of the team was back healthy. If they played that well in the first half, they would have won 97 games. If they had just split their season series with the Braves 9-9 (instead of 6-12) Philly would still be in the wild card race ... during their worst season in a decade.

So, call it like it is. The Phils had a bad season. It sucks to see other teams win. That doesn't mean the Phillies' window has closed yet. And it doesn't take away that very shiny 2008 World Series trophy.


When the Cowboys signed LB Orie Lemon just after the draft, my first thought was "that's the worst football name since Lee Flowers." But my next thought was that he was probably a disturbed individual. And I was right:

** Cowboys Linebacker Orie Lemon
I be sicko clown, a reel moron. Bye!

A stretch, I know. But, c'mon -- dude's name is "Orie Lemon." It's like he already tried to anagram a better name for himself. He probably used to introduce himself as "Me Leon Rio" and just slowly shifted the letters around.

Week 4 standings

Finally, Bob's Tony Romo-led squad had an off week and we can all relax a little becau HOLY CRAP SAM IS IN FIRST PLACE.

Also, there isn't a Doyle in the top half of the standings at all, thanks to Heidi's drop from the top tier this week.
  ** Dad and I split this week's picks, leaving him still five games up. For the season, Dad is 40-23 picking games. For the season, Mike Ditka is 34-29. Clearly, Dad has a better football mind than Mike Ditka.

** I'm at peace with the Phillies season. Really. But the Natinals averaged 14,000 fewer fans at their home games this year than the Phils, and drew 100,000 fewer fans on the season than the apathetic Atlanta Braves crowd. So stop trying to sell me the "DC fans deserve to see a good team" nonsense. When you can only fill 85 percent of the stadium when your team clinches the NL East title for the first time ever (Montreal records don't count), you don't deserve the post-season.

** Thursday Night Football this week features the Arizona Cardinals vs the St. Louis Rams. Why? Because the NFL hates you, that's why.