Something funny every Wednesday, or your money back
Scoring table:4-5: Go read a book0-3: Perfectly aceptable spelingunder 0: Wade Phillips
QB: Aaron Rodgers, 33.66 pts – started by BobertRB: Peyton Hillis, 33.80 pts – started by NewMikeWR: Terrell Owens, 31.90 pts – started by BobertTE: Jacob Tamme, 24.20 pts – started by DadK: David Akers, 15.00 pts – started by ChampMikeDEF: Green Bay, 30.00 pts – started by ChampMikeD: Clay Matthews, 12.50 pts – started by JimLadies and gentlemen, congrats. For the first time all year (and for only the second time I can remember) you fine fantasy freaks started all of the top performers in each position. Nevermind that most of the work was done by Bobert and ChampMike. This is a time of celebration for all. In my book, all of this league's coaches are as perfect as the 2007 Patriots.“Picking on Paul” edition3rd place: Nick Miller, 0.90 pts – sitting on the wire2nd place: Brian Hoyer, -2.10 pts – sitting on the wire1st place: Seattle, -4.00 pts – started by PaulThat's the second week in a row Paul has started the worst player in the game, and he's cost himself -5.50 pts in the process. Anthony took the more responsible route this week, opting not to start a defensive player for fear of following Paul's example. And it worked -- in the end, his inaction scored him zero pts.
While most of the sports world was watching the Cowboys lose (and the Eagles win, I guess), the MLB offseason has gotten underway. And just this week the Phillies announced that they'll be raising ticket prices by at least $2 on every seat in the park next season.This year more than 3.6 million fans passed through Citizens Bank Park's turnstyles, meaning the price increase will bring in at least $7.2 million more next season. What can the Phillies get with that kind of money?** Chargers RB Darren Sproles (currently on a one-year, $7.2 million contract)** 12,000 Pete Rose rookie cards ($600 each)** 1,460 years of Phillies season tickets ($4,962 each).** 1.5 percent of Lincoln Financial Field ($512 million value)** One more year of OF Jason Werth? Please?When Joe Paterno won his 400th game for Penn State on Saturday, many in the crowd were decked out with JoPa costumes and signs congratulating him. Coming out of a commercial break in the fourth, the TV cameras zoomed in on one that read:Always Been a Champion -- thanks Coach Paterno! That's always the easiest way to get on TV: spell out the network's letters on your sign. Only one problem, however.Saturday's game was covered nationally on ESPN2, not ABC.So, answer me this question: Is it stupider that someone brought an "ABC" sign to an ESPN game, or that ESPN decided to show off the sign?
After Sunday's heartbreaking 22-19 loss to the Bears, the Buffalo Bills' record sits at 0-8. Can they make history by running the rest of the table, or will they screw up and accidentally win a game? Here's a look at the rest of their schedule:Week 10: Vs. Lions** Probably the Bills' best remaining chance at a win. The Lions star QB went down with an injury last week, and poor coaching helped them lose a game where they led by 10 points with three minutes left.Week 13: At Vikings** If Brett Farve isn't dead by this game, the Bills probably don't have a shot to win. But the money in Vegas has the ancient windbag going down by week 12, so there's still hope.Week 14: Vs. Browns** The Patriots beat the Bills by 8 earlier this year. The Browns beat the Patriots by 20 on Sunday. The Browns should beat the Bills by 28.Week 17: At Jets** By this point, the Jets will probably have their wild card berth locked up. So, maybe they'll be starting QB Vinny Testaverde instead of Mark Sanchez.
The Cowboys signed CB Bryan McCann to the active squad this week to cover for some lingering injuries, and he got the start on special teams Sunday night. So, now that he officially has a game under his belt, what does his name say about what it's like to play for Dallas right now?Dallas Cowboys kick return specialist Bryan McCann** Club stinks. Cynics scorn. Take me away. RIP, sad cornball cur.Wow. I knew things were bad in big D, but I didn't know folks were contemplating suicide. Ouch. Click on the image below to make it bigger.
Bob and ChampMike continue to pull away from the field, while Dad is stalking me for the bronze medal spot. And what's Joel doing way the heck up there in the standings? That's like the Browns upsetting the Patriots. That didn't really happen, did it?** Dad and I split the week yet again, leaving me two down for the year. But, Dad incorrectly picked the Colts winning over the Eagles this week, so there's no pride in his continued lead.** First Thursday night game of the year is this week, on Thursday. Remember to set your rosters early. Don't come crying to me if you forget. I warned you.
** FYI, Phillies P Roy Halladay should receive his third Cy Young award later this week. In anticipation of that, the internationally respected Onion newspaper ran an editorial by him today offering his advice on how to be successful in life: Learn how to throw a baseball really, really well.
** Dallas plays the Giants this week. They could easily be 1-8. Am I dreaming? This must be a dream, right?
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Think you know the NFL? Miss the excitement of 4th-grade spelling bees? Now is your chance to combine them both, by taking an NFL spelling test:
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