2010 fantasy recap, week 1

** Colts QB Peyton Manning is on pace to throw for 7,088 yards this season (443 passing yards on Sunday). That would break the NFL record of 5,084 by more than 2,000 yards.

** In his second season in the league Texans RB Arian Foster is on pace to rush for 3,696 yards this season (231 rushing yards on Sunday). That would break the NFL record of 2,105 by more than 1,500 yards.

** Panthers QB Matt Moore is on pace to turn the ball over 64 times this season (three INTs, one lost fumble on Sunday). That would break the not only the individual but also the team record for turnovers in a season, which sits at 63.

** The New England Patriots are on pace to score 32 TDs on defense and special teams this year (one INT return, one kickoff return). For comparison, the San Francisco 49ers are on pace to score no TDs this season (zero TDs on Sunday).

** After losing a heartbreaker on Sunday, the Detroit Lions are on pace to go 0-16 this season. That wouldn't be anything new.

QB: Peyton Manning, 35.32 pts -- started by NewMike
RB: Arian Foster, 42.57 pts -- sitting on Joel's bench
WR: Chad Ochocinco, 28.60 pts -- started by Jeff
TE: Dallas Clark, 22.33 pts -- started by Joel
K: John Kasay, 13.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Seattle, 22.00 pts -- sitting on the wire
D: DeAngelo Hall, 14.50 pts -- sitting on the wire

Of the seven top performers there, three played in the Texans/Colts game on Sunday. None played in the Eagles/Packers game. But the Philly contest did have the three biggest injuries of the weekend (QB Kevin Kolb, RB Ryan Grant, FB Leonard Weaver), so it has that going for it.

"Skill" players edition

3rd place: Eldra Buckley, -0.33 pts -- sitting on the wire
2nd place: Shaun Hill, -0.38 pts -- sitting on the wire
1st place: Correll Buckhalter, -0.50 pts -- sitting on the wire

Poor C-Buck. He only picked up 15 yards rushing and fumbled the ball away in the second quarter. Still, his poor performance was still more impressive than his former backfield mate Brian Westbrook, who did not appear in the 49ers loss this week. Everyone who thought Buckhalter would be an NFL starter longer than Westbrook, raise your hand. Now put it back down. You liar.

New Eagles QB Kevin Kolb had a miserable debut as the team's full-time starter on Sunday -- He was 5 for 10 for 24 yards, with a mere QB rating of 56.3 (and 1 rushing yard), before leaving the game with a concussion. How does that stack up against other Eagles' QBs in their first game as the starter?

** Donovan McNabb (Sept. 3, 2000):
130 pass yards, 1 TD, 2 INT, 51.2 rating; 29 rush yards, 1 rush TD
** Doug Pederson (Sept. 12, 1999):
91 pass yards, 2 TD, 2 INT, 48.7 rating; 21 rush yards
** Bobby Hoying (Sept. 6, 1998):
60 pass yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 29.1 rating; 13 rush yards
** Ty Detmer (Aug. 31, 1997):
103 pass yards, 0 TD, 0 INT, 49.3 rating; 20 rush yards
** Rodney Peete (Sept. 1, 1996):
269 pass yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, 91.4 rating; 10 rush yards

There you have it -- despite only playing a half, Kolb had the best debut by a new Eagles starter since Peete. And we all know how well that turned out in the end.

Before the games started on Sunday, one of the news update announcers for local ESPN 980 said that Sunday's game in Philadelphia "would be the first for the Eagles without Donovan McNabb." Ignoring the obvious stupidity of that statement (The Eagles were playing for 43 years before McNabb was born), the Eagles were "without McNabb" for two games last year. He's missed at least one game due to injury five of the last six years. And if everyone insisted that Kevin Kolb's first preseason start was some sort of official changing of the guard, then they've been "without McNabb" since the start of August.

So I thought that was going to be the stupidest thing I heard all Sunday. But during the Eagles game, announcer Joe Buck told me that Kolb wants to be a volunteer firefighter. Then analyst Troy Aikman commented, "If he sticks around in Philly, there will be plenty of fires to put out." Then Buck and Aikman both laughed. Loudly. Manically. Either they were both so high that this non-joke seemed hilarious, or the two of them have been setting random blazes around Philly without getting caught for years. Either way, the two of them should be put in jail for the good of humanity.

Late Sunday night the Cowboys were trailing the Maryland Racial Slurs 13-7 with just three seconds left when QB Tony Romo tossed the game-tying touchdown pass … only to have it called back on an offensive holding penalty. Game over, Cowboys lose.

It’s just the first game of a long season, but the loss joins the ranks of some of the most embarrassing late-game failures in Dallas football history. Here are some of the other golden moments:

** Jan. 6, 2007: Seahawks 21, Cowboys 20
With a minute left and the ball at the one-yard-line, the Cowboys lined up for a chip-shot field goal to win their first playoff game in a decade. But Romo – in as the place-holder – bobbled the snap, then tumbled just short of the end zone as Dallas lost the game.

** Sept. 8, 2002: Texans 19, Cowboys 10
The expansion team stunned the heavily favored Cowboys in their first official NFL game. Rookie QB David Carr tossed a 65-yard TD at the start of the fourth to break a 10-10 tie, and the Houston defense sacked Dallas QB Quincy Carter in the end zone for a safety with under three minutes left to seal the contest.

** Dec. 10, 1995: Eagles 20, Cowboys 17
Yep, the Groundhog Day game. Late in the fourth quarter, Dallas coach Barry Switzer opted to try and convert a fourth-and-one at their own 29-yard line. The Eagles defense stuffed Emmitt Smith, but the officials ruled after the fact that the two minute warning nullified the play. Undaunted, Switzer called the same play again, and the Eagles stopped them again. They kicked the game-winning field goal four plays later.

** Nov. 25, 1993: Dolphins 16, Cowboys 14
In a Thanksgiving classic, the Dolphins trailed by a point in the waning moments of the game. Their 41-yard field goal attempt was blocked, but as the Cowboys celebrated their win DT Leon Lett inexplicably tried to pick up the loose ball. His swat at the pigskin made it a live ball, and the Dolphins eventually recovered. With just seconds left, they connected on their second field goal try.

** Dec. 16, 1989: Giants 15, Cowboys 0
The Giants didn’t manage a single touchdown, but they still beat their division rivals by more than two TDs. The Cowboys had the ball at the one-yard line with minutes left in the game, but were stopped on four consecutive tries to preserve the shutout.

It's a new season, so it's time to look at the new faces on everyone's least favorite team. What does the boys' supposed star rookie have to say for himself?

** Cowboys wideout Dez Bryant **
Zero talent dud. Swab daily.

Ewww... Not only does he stink at football, apparently he also actually stinks. Why else would he have to get swabbed every day?

Everyone on that team is just so disgusting...

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Tough week for Paul and Anthony, but a great opening for Jeff. The year he won the Awesome Cup he was in first almost wire-to-wire. Can he do it again?

No, probably not. But it's a good first week either way.

** The worst part of Kolb's injury on Sunday is that it if they use backup Mike Vick, that leaves the Eagles with a inaccurate QB who has never been fully embraced by the fans and who doesn't want to be seen as a running quarterback despite his obvious skills there. So, he's basically McNabb with a criminal record. Great roster management, guys.

** Best football joke this week: "A Mexican reporter has accused the Jets of harrassing and abusing her during practice this week. But the Baltimore Ravens said they found nothing harrassing or abusing about the Jets offense on Monday night."

** Brett Farve: Still not retired.

** The Phillies 2011 schedule came out today -- They open up at home against the Houston Astros on April 1. Get your tickets now. Might as well put in an order for the Flyers 2012 season opener now too.