2010 fantasy recap, week 3

The Phillies clinched their fourth consecutive NL East crown on Monday in Washington (the third time they've clinched the division against the Natinals). The members of this dynasty should be household names, but how many Phillies have actually been on the field for the final out of all four clinching games? And can you name them?

Here's a quick look at the Phillies starting lineup for most of this year, to get you started:

C Carlos Ruiz, 1B Ryan Howard, 2B Chase Utley, SS Jimmy Rollins, 3B Placido Polanco, RF Jason Werth, CF Shane Victorino, LF Raul Ibanez.

Answer later in the post...

QB: Mike Vick, 38.64 pts – sitting on my bench
RB: Adrian Peterson, 35.50 pts – started by Jeff
WR: Austin Collie, 35.40 pts – started by Heidi
TE: Dustin Keller, 24.53 pts – sitting on Jim’s bench
K: Dan Carpenter, 14.00 pts – sitting on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 29.00 pts – sitting on the wire
D: Brandon Siler, 10.50 pts – sitting on the wire

Lots of top players on the waiver wire this week (well, there were until Paul grabbed the Seattle D) and Mike Vick is available to anyone for a trade. I just can’t stomach starting that guy. I'm not sure how any responsible coach can...


"RB means running backwards" edition

3rd place: Devin Moore, 0.32 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place: Toby Gerhart, -0.30 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place: Chris Ivory, -0.70 pts – sitting on the wire

Pretty good week for defenses, though. Not a single one ended up with negative points. That's the first time no defense out of all 32 teams has lost points since ... c'mon, even I don't keep track of that.

** Both Iowa and Michigan State scored 45 points in their respective wins on Saturday, both impressive totals but only good enough to be tied for fourth place in the Big Ten's offensive performances this weekend. Michigan scored 65 points, Wisconsin scored 70, and Ohio State scored 73 points.

** Speaking of Ohio State, in their win QB Terrell Pryor racked up 224 passing yards and 4 TDs, 104 rushing yards and 1 TD, and 20 receiving yards and 1 TD. That's an impressive 56.7 points for those of you in college football fantasy leagues.

** Delaware won their Saturday match-up against Richmond 34-13 to move to 4-0, but surrendered a TD late in the second quarter of the win. It was the first they'd given up all year, and it made them the last college team in the country -- FBS, FCS, D-II and D-III -- to give up their first six-pointer of the year.

** Next week the 7th-ranked Hens will take on the 3rd-ranked Dukes of James Madison in an FCS showdown game. The Dukes upset Virginia Tech (that Virginia Tech, ranked 13th in the FBS at the time) two weeks ago.


Until further notice, the stupidest thing I hear every week is that gawd-forsaken Dodge Caravan commercial which states "it literally gave birth to all other minivans." That commercial literally makes my ears bleed motor oil. Literally. My doctor at Jiffy Lube is completely baffled. On the plus side, the medical tests only cost $19.99 a visit.

However, the stupidest football thing I heard this week came from the Maryland Racial Slurs radio crew, when Sonny Jurgensen had this exchange with sideline reporter Rick 'Doc' Walker:

Doc: I just don't understand why the Redskins are throwing their simplest defensive packages at the Rams today. Sonny, what do you think?
Sonny: Why are you asking me?
Doc: Well, aren't you watching the defense?
Sonny: I'm not in charge of the defense. I'm up here in the booth. You're the one on the sideline.

You wouldn't think you'd have to remind a Hall of Fame quarterback that reporters don't usually call plays, or remind a radio analyst that it's his job to analyze games. But you apparently don't listen to Washington DC radio.


Former Eagles QB returns to Philly next weekend for the first time as an opponent in Lincoln Financial Field. Here's the latest odds on what his welcome will be, according to bodog.com:

** McNabb gets cheered: 4 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets booed: 2 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets no crowd reaction: 11 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets pelted with bottles: 5 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets awarded the key to the city: 20 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets introduced, Vick gets booed: 3 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets pelted with pieces of Kevin Kolb: 25 to 1 odds
** McNabb gets named the Eagles starting QB: 10 to 1 odds
** McNabb throws up: 3 to 1 odds

Only three Phillies have been on the field for all four clinching outs: Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and Shane Victorino.

Ibanez was signed in 2008, Polanco in 2009. Victorino was actually playing RF in 2007 with Aaron Rowand in CF and Pat Burrell in LF (and Werth on the bench the whole game). C Carlos Ruiz started the game in 2007, but was replaced by C Chris Coste in the 7th (and therefore wasn't on-field for the final out). And SS Jimmy Rollins didn't play in the clincher this week.

And the pitchers? Brett Myers was on the mound for the final out in 2007, Brad Lidge in 2008 and 2009, and Roy Halladay this year.

One of the main storylines this season has been that the Super Bowl will be played in Texas this year, after Cowboys owner Jerry Jones spent billions to build a new stadium in Dallas and thousands more to rebuild his own face. Sports writers have been salivating over the chance of seeing the Cowboys play in the big game at home, but no one has looked at the larger issue of what putting the biggest game of the year in Texas really means to the fans. I present to you the obvious but letter-hidden answer:

Dallas hosts the Super Bowl this season
** Assess: Bastards put show into hellhole **

I think that's a pretty accurate assessment.

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

In order from the top, that's a former Awesome Cup Champion, a former Awesome Cup Champion, the reigning Awesome Cup Champion, a two-time Awesome Cup Champion, and Mrs. Awesome. That's a lot of awesome for one set of standings.

** Again I ask: If the wildcat offense was so important all last year, and if Andy Reid insisted that it wasn't disruptive to his quarterbacks, why didn't we see Kevin Kolb take one out of every six snaps in Sunday's Eagles game?

** You have to applaud the Jets integrity. After WR Braylon Edwards was busted for DUI this week, they made him sit on the bench during Sunday night's primetime game ... until the Jets fell behind. Then they immediately put him on the field and tossed him a 67-yard TD pass. Nothing says standing by your morals like ditching them as soon as you get in trouble.

** By the way, Texans RB Arian Foster is still on pace to rush for an NFL-record 2,165 yards this season (406 yards through three games). I'm just saying...

** Bye weeks start this week, kids. Don't forget to get those rosters in order, because the Andy Reid blown call of the week is still lurking out there.

2010 fantasy recap, week 2

Andy Reid announced Tuesday that Mike Vick is the Eagles' starter "for the foreseeable future" because he gives the team the best chance to win. And thus ends the illustrious Kevin Kolb era in Philadelphia, sooner than many predicted but still notable for all of his achievements. Before we close the book on Kolb's career as the Eagles' signal caller, let's take a look back at some of the highlights:

** Sept. 12, 1:00 pm -- Kolb makes his first appearance as the Eagles' full-time starter in their 2010 opener.
** Sept. 12, 1:05 pm -- Kolb makes his first completion as starter, a 5 yard pass to WR Jeremy Maclin.
** Sept. 12, 1:15 pm -- Kolb leads the Eagles on his first scoring drive as starter, a 45-yard field goal.
** Sept. 12, 1:34 pm -- Kolb is nearly picked off by the Green Bay defense, but on replay the pass is determined to be incomplete.
** October 2007 -- Kolb is sentenced to two years in jail and suspended from the NFL. It's not for smuggling drugs into an airport, or for cursing out and flipping off his own fans, or for infecting a woman he picked up with herpes. It's for running a high-cost dogfighting ring and brutally killing animals that failed to perform. At least I think that was Kolb. I know it was an Eagles quarterback.
** Sept. 12, 2:17 pm -- Kolb gets a concussion on an incomplete pass near the end of the first half. He does not return to the game.

Hopefully the Eagles new starter can provide us with just as many fond memories.

QB: Matt Schaub, 38.06 pts -- started by Paul
RB: Javid Best, 45.07 pts -- sitting on Joel's bench
WR: Andre Johnson, 28.53 pts -- started by Jim
TE: Antonio Gates, 20.80 -- started by NewMike
K: Mike Nugent, 16.00 pts -- sitting on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 30.00 pts -- started by Jeff
D: James Harrison, 15.00 pts -- sitting on the wire

Poor, poor Joel -- Last week he had Arian Foster and his 42.57 pts on the bench, and this week he benched Best to put Foster in the starting lineup. Those two moves alone have cost him 63 pts so far, enough to jump him from 11th place to first. If you're planning for other leagues next week, make sure to start Ray Rice. He's the next RB that Joel will bench in an attempt to get this right.

"QBs who stink" edition

3rd place: Billy Volek, -0.10 pts -- sitting on the wire
2nd place: Max Hall, -1.38 pts -- sitting on the wire
1st place: Vince Young, -2.16 pts -- sitting on Paul's bench

Two of those guys are former starters for the Tennessee Titans. One of those guys is an air conditioning setting for a spacious elementary school.

Despite another solid performance by Texans RB Arian Foster, the Houston franchise has not responded to nationwide calls to start printing "Arian Nation" T-shirts (perhaps with a combo Longhorns and swastika logo?) It's not the first T-shirt that the team has opted not to back, citing ridiculous "good taste" regulations. Here are a few others:

** Get ready for a Schaub job (with a picture of QB Matt Schaub)
** Nice Rackers (with a picture of K Neil Rackers)
** More Cushing for the Pushing (with a picture of LB Brian Cushing)
** You can't touch our Johnson (with a picture of WR Andre Johnson)
** We can actually make the playoffs (with a picture of the team)

On Sunday night, during the Colts/Giants game, color commentator Chris Collingsworth was talking about Peyton and Eli Manning when he noted "it doesn't take long to figure out these two are brothers -- just look at how they throw the ball."

I had actually been tipped off to that fact by their nearly-identical faces and the name "Manning" on the back of their jerseys, but I'm a pretty careful football watcher. Most newbies probably didn't notice that.

We cover this every year, but it's always my favorite stat. The way the NFL calculates it's quarterback rating is much like the SATs, with points added for good plays and points deduced for poor plays. If you simply throw one ball into the ground, your base QB rating is actually 39.6, not zero. So it's possible to do worse than completing zero passes for zero yards.

With all that in mind, here's where you stack up against some pro quarterbacks who played this weekend:

** Brett Favre: 225 yds, 3 INTs (44.3 rating)
** Jason Campbell: 87 yds, 1 INT (42.9 rating)
** Derek Anderson: 161 yds, 2 INTs (42.5 rating)
** You: 0 yds (39.6 rating)
** Trent Edwards: 102 yds, 2 INTs (37.0 rating)
** Jimmy Clausen: 59 yds, 1 INT (33.8 rating)
** Joe Flacco: 154 yds, 1 TD, 4 INTs (23.8 rating)
** Max Hall: 3 yds, 1 INT (16.8 rating)

By the way, Clausen will make about $2.8 million this year and Flacco about $2.5 million. And you were a better quarterback than both of them this week.

Sometimes, when I look at players names, I can see certain words like "hate" or "fail" or "turd" that make it easy to do these anagrams. But, when you see a name like new Dallas rookie Akwasi Owusu-Ansah, the words are so unpronounceable that it seems impossible to figure out what they spell out. Then, suddenly, it all comes together:

Dallas Cowboys kick/punt returner Akwasi Owusu-Ansah
** Kick us: That is so awkward/unpronounceable. Slur away. **

You have to admit you never thought I'd get "unpronounceable" out of one of these.

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Don't worry, that won't last for long.

** If running the Wildcat is so important to Andy Reid when Kevin Kolb is the starting QB, why wasn't backup Mike Kafka used at all on Sunday when QB Mike Vick started?

** We're two weeks in, but Dad and I are still tied in the weekly picks. Tampa Bay is 2-0 in games so far this season, and I'm 0-2 in accurately picking how Tampa Bay will perform so far.

** FYI, Reggie Bush broke his leg and is out for six weeks. I'm not a doctor, but I would have guessed against him healing in time to go out trick-or-treating this year.

** The Eagles haven't been happy with RB Mike Bell so far, so they've signed RB Joique Bell to help with rushing duties. Apparently they don't know that people with other last names are available. As a result, Hank Baskett got released for the 37th time. And this week's failed onside kick recovery wasn't even his fault.

2010 fantasy recap, week 1

** Colts QB Peyton Manning is on pace to throw for 7,088 yards this season (443 passing yards on Sunday). That would break the NFL record of 5,084 by more than 2,000 yards.

** In his second season in the league Texans RB Arian Foster is on pace to rush for 3,696 yards this season (231 rushing yards on Sunday). That would break the NFL record of 2,105 by more than 1,500 yards.

** Panthers QB Matt Moore is on pace to turn the ball over 64 times this season (three INTs, one lost fumble on Sunday). That would break the not only the individual but also the team record for turnovers in a season, which sits at 63.

** The New England Patriots are on pace to score 32 TDs on defense and special teams this year (one INT return, one kickoff return). For comparison, the San Francisco 49ers are on pace to score no TDs this season (zero TDs on Sunday).

** After losing a heartbreaker on Sunday, the Detroit Lions are on pace to go 0-16 this season. That wouldn't be anything new.

QB: Peyton Manning, 35.32 pts -- started by NewMike
RB: Arian Foster, 42.57 pts -- sitting on Joel's bench
WR: Chad Ochocinco, 28.60 pts -- started by Jeff
TE: Dallas Clark, 22.33 pts -- started by Joel
K: John Kasay, 13.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Seattle, 22.00 pts -- sitting on the wire
D: DeAngelo Hall, 14.50 pts -- sitting on the wire

Of the seven top performers there, three played in the Texans/Colts game on Sunday. None played in the Eagles/Packers game. But the Philly contest did have the three biggest injuries of the weekend (QB Kevin Kolb, RB Ryan Grant, FB Leonard Weaver), so it has that going for it.

"Skill" players edition

3rd place: Eldra Buckley, -0.33 pts -- sitting on the wire
2nd place: Shaun Hill, -0.38 pts -- sitting on the wire
1st place: Correll Buckhalter, -0.50 pts -- sitting on the wire

Poor C-Buck. He only picked up 15 yards rushing and fumbled the ball away in the second quarter. Still, his poor performance was still more impressive than his former backfield mate Brian Westbrook, who did not appear in the 49ers loss this week. Everyone who thought Buckhalter would be an NFL starter longer than Westbrook, raise your hand. Now put it back down. You liar.

New Eagles QB Kevin Kolb had a miserable debut as the team's full-time starter on Sunday -- He was 5 for 10 for 24 yards, with a mere QB rating of 56.3 (and 1 rushing yard), before leaving the game with a concussion. How does that stack up against other Eagles' QBs in their first game as the starter?

** Donovan McNabb (Sept. 3, 2000):
130 pass yards, 1 TD, 2 INT, 51.2 rating; 29 rush yards, 1 rush TD
** Doug Pederson (Sept. 12, 1999):
91 pass yards, 2 TD, 2 INT, 48.7 rating; 21 rush yards
** Bobby Hoying (Sept. 6, 1998):
60 pass yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 29.1 rating; 13 rush yards
** Ty Detmer (Aug. 31, 1997):
103 pass yards, 0 TD, 0 INT, 49.3 rating; 20 rush yards
** Rodney Peete (Sept. 1, 1996):
269 pass yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, 91.4 rating; 10 rush yards

There you have it -- despite only playing a half, Kolb had the best debut by a new Eagles starter since Peete. And we all know how well that turned out in the end.

Before the games started on Sunday, one of the news update announcers for local ESPN 980 said that Sunday's game in Philadelphia "would be the first for the Eagles without Donovan McNabb." Ignoring the obvious stupidity of that statement (The Eagles were playing for 43 years before McNabb was born), the Eagles were "without McNabb" for two games last year. He's missed at least one game due to injury five of the last six years. And if everyone insisted that Kevin Kolb's first preseason start was some sort of official changing of the guard, then they've been "without McNabb" since the start of August.

So I thought that was going to be the stupidest thing I heard all Sunday. But during the Eagles game, announcer Joe Buck told me that Kolb wants to be a volunteer firefighter. Then analyst Troy Aikman commented, "If he sticks around in Philly, there will be plenty of fires to put out." Then Buck and Aikman both laughed. Loudly. Manically. Either they were both so high that this non-joke seemed hilarious, or the two of them have been setting random blazes around Philly without getting caught for years. Either way, the two of them should be put in jail for the good of humanity.

Late Sunday night the Cowboys were trailing the Maryland Racial Slurs 13-7 with just three seconds left when QB Tony Romo tossed the game-tying touchdown pass … only to have it called back on an offensive holding penalty. Game over, Cowboys lose.

It’s just the first game of a long season, but the loss joins the ranks of some of the most embarrassing late-game failures in Dallas football history. Here are some of the other golden moments:

** Jan. 6, 2007: Seahawks 21, Cowboys 20
With a minute left and the ball at the one-yard-line, the Cowboys lined up for a chip-shot field goal to win their first playoff game in a decade. But Romo – in as the place-holder – bobbled the snap, then tumbled just short of the end zone as Dallas lost the game.

** Sept. 8, 2002: Texans 19, Cowboys 10
The expansion team stunned the heavily favored Cowboys in their first official NFL game. Rookie QB David Carr tossed a 65-yard TD at the start of the fourth to break a 10-10 tie, and the Houston defense sacked Dallas QB Quincy Carter in the end zone for a safety with under three minutes left to seal the contest.

** Dec. 10, 1995: Eagles 20, Cowboys 17
Yep, the Groundhog Day game. Late in the fourth quarter, Dallas coach Barry Switzer opted to try and convert a fourth-and-one at their own 29-yard line. The Eagles defense stuffed Emmitt Smith, but the officials ruled after the fact that the two minute warning nullified the play. Undaunted, Switzer called the same play again, and the Eagles stopped them again. They kicked the game-winning field goal four plays later.

** Nov. 25, 1993: Dolphins 16, Cowboys 14
In a Thanksgiving classic, the Dolphins trailed by a point in the waning moments of the game. Their 41-yard field goal attempt was blocked, but as the Cowboys celebrated their win DT Leon Lett inexplicably tried to pick up the loose ball. His swat at the pigskin made it a live ball, and the Dolphins eventually recovered. With just seconds left, they connected on their second field goal try.

** Dec. 16, 1989: Giants 15, Cowboys 0
The Giants didn’t manage a single touchdown, but they still beat their division rivals by more than two TDs. The Cowboys had the ball at the one-yard line with minutes left in the game, but were stopped on four consecutive tries to preserve the shutout.

It's a new season, so it's time to look at the new faces on everyone's least favorite team. What does the boys' supposed star rookie have to say for himself?

** Cowboys wideout Dez Bryant **
Zero talent dud. Swab daily.

Ewww... Not only does he stink at football, apparently he also actually stinks. Why else would he have to get swabbed every day?

Everyone on that team is just so disgusting...

Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Tough week for Paul and Anthony, but a great opening for Jeff. The year he won the Awesome Cup he was in first almost wire-to-wire. Can he do it again?

No, probably not. But it's a good first week either way.

** The worst part of Kolb's injury on Sunday is that it if they use backup Mike Vick, that leaves the Eagles with a inaccurate QB who has never been fully embraced by the fans and who doesn't want to be seen as a running quarterback despite his obvious skills there. So, he's basically McNabb with a criminal record. Great roster management, guys.

** Best football joke this week: "A Mexican reporter has accused the Jets of harrassing and abusing her during practice this week. But the Baltimore Ravens said they found nothing harrassing or abusing about the Jets offense on Monday night."

** Brett Farve: Still not retired.

** The Phillies 2011 schedule came out today -- They open up at home against the Houston Astros on April 1. Get your tickets now. Might as well put in an order for the Flyers 2012 season opener now too.

2010 fantasy football -- preseason predictions

All the draft picks are in, so it’s time for my fearless predictions:

Heidi’s team (Heidi)
Prediction -- 12th place, 1705 pts
Breakdown: Heidi’s team actually looks half-decent, but we’ll be rooting against her all year. Starting QB: Tony Romo. Starting WR: Dez Bryant. Backup RB: Felix Jones. She’s the Dallas Defense away from being Jerry Jones. So, best of luck to everyone this year, except for Heidi. Hope you only score 20 points all year. Nothing personal.

Farve Dollar Footlongs (Ant)
Prediction -- 11th place, 1800 pts
Breakdown: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the homer team of the year! QB Kevin Kolb, WR DeSean Jackson and TE Brent Celek all have a home with Anthony’s team, as does former FB and current Falcons DE Dan Klecko. Expect Anthony to cut QB Eli Manning to pick up WR Fred Barnett or Phillies SS Jimmy Rollins in the coming days.

The Tebow Connection (Joel)
Prediction -- 10th place, 1825 pts
Breakdown: I want to put Joel’s team higher – QB Joe Flacco, RB Ray Rice and TE Vernon Davis look like a great trio of power. But if Joel’s team does well it’ll mean I’ll have to talk about the rest of his team in the weekly recaps: WR Devin Aromashodu, RB Javid Best, WR Steve Breaston. I don’t need ridiculous names here, kids. I write all my own jokes.

Springfield Atoms (Bob)
Prediction -- 9th place, 1850 pts
Breakdown: Bob drafted both the Eagles Defense and Terrell Owens. I feel like there’s a cathartic reality show involved there, but I just can’t put my finger on it. He also got QB Aaron Rodgers (who’ll end up as the top points scorer overall this year) and WRs Charles Johnson and the other Steve Smith, but I just can’t rank a T.O. team any higher than this.

Obama’s Kenyan Birth (Jim)
Prediction -- 8th place, 1889 pts
Breakdown: Jim drafted two Fs (Finley, Jermichael and Forsett, Justin), three Cs (Carson Palmer, CJ Spiller and Colson, Marques) but only one A (Austin, Miles). Where I’m from, that’s not a good GPA. Also, I hate Miles Austin. And I decided Andre Johnson didn’t count because it messed up my joke.

Jonathan’s PopPop (Dad)
Prediction -- 7th place, 1949 pts
Breakdown: If this was 2006 Dad would be the clear favorite, because QB Jay Cutler, WR Randy Moss, RB Michael Turner, WR Steve Smith, and RB Thomas Jonees were all studs just a few years ago. But it’s not, and he won’t end up separating from the middle of the pack. On the plus side, his team isn’t weighed down by any Eagles, so it shouldn’t be a miserable season in the end.

Stay Puft Haynesworth (NewMike)
Prediction -- 6th place, 1950 pts
Breakdown: Our reigning champ’s draft result relies too much on last year’s Super Bowl losers, with QB Peyton Manning and WR Pierre Garcon leading his team. WR Wes Welker and TE Antonio Gates are fine players, but his RBs are just terrible. Plus, he managed to draft Asante Samuel, meaning even if he gets close to the top spot in the standings he won’t be able to grab it and wrestle it to the ground.

I’m on a Horse (ChampMike)
Prediction -- 5th place, 2001 pts
Breakdown: I can’t in good conscience put a team coached by Mike any lower than this, but after RB Chris Johnson, QB Phillip Rivers and RB Cedric Benson there’s not much else here. Dwane Bowe, Derrick Mason and Roy Williams all at WR is the definition of the NFL’s all-mediocre team. And if we have an unseasonably warm September Mike could get off to a rough start, because his backup QB is all-pro heat exhaustion expert Donovan McNabb.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Prediction -- 4th place, 2020 pts
Breakdown: Listen to me closely: Don’t sleep on Jeff this year. Our league’s favorite doormat is a one-time Awesome Cup Champion, and his team looks great on paper right now. WRs Roddy White, Larry Fitzgerald, Chad Ochocinco and Donald Driver are all worth starters, and RB Adrian Peterson should lead the league in rushing this year. The only problem with his team? QB Brett Favre could retire at any time, leaving him rudderless.

West Coast Westy (Capt. Awesome)
Prediction -- 3rd place, 2072 pts
Breakdown: If you’re looking for RBs, here’s where they ended up. Stephen Jackson, Rashard Mendenhall, Brandon Jacobs, LeSean McCoy, and Jerome Harrison all fell to me (along with Comcast spokesman Tom Brady) while you people picked up competent wideouts. Fools. Andy Reid can tell you a reliable passing game never wins championships in the end.

I heart WRs (Paul)
Prediction -- 2nd place, 2125 pts
Breakdown: Paul was my preseason pick to win the league last year, and that pressure killed his almost from the get-go in 2009. So, because I’m a vengeful person, I’m picking him again to do well. QB Matt Schaub and RB Frank Gore are studs, and the rest of his RB corps is solid. But for someone who lives WRs so much, his crew seems weak: Mike Sims Walker, Malcolm Floyd and Devin Hester aren’t scaring anyone. Looks like he’ll have to win with his ground game for a change.

I Love Me Some Me (Joanner)
Prediction -- 1st place, 2126 pts
Breakdown: Jo doesn’t have that pesky pregnancy holding her back anymore, and she’s followed up her third-place finish last year with a solid all-around draft. QB Drew Brees, RB Ryan Grant and WR Anquan Boldin make up the best starting three in the league, and Jonathan Stewart and Matt Forte on the bench both should be fantasy surprises this year. On the negative side, she did draft Clinton Portis, which might be enough for her to forfeit right away just out of spite.

OK, kids – get those rosters ready for Thursday night, when the first game starts. Good luck to everyone (except Heidi).