Potential names for the new pet fish

Presented in descending order of likelihood:

-- Freddy Galfish

-- Finny Rollins (via Lee)

-- Donovan McCrab

-- Nemo Timonen (via G)

-- Jeremiah Trouter

-- Hector Luna aka The Big Tuna

-- Sole Hamels

-- Michael Schwimmer (via Beth G)

-- Jeremy Mackrel

-- Fish Pronger (via G)

-- Cliff Eel

-- Koi Detmer

Unhappy memories

The last time the Phillies entered June in last place of their division (a distinct possibility this year, based on their performance over the last few weeks ) was seven years ago, during the team’s first year under manger Charlie Manuel. Here’s a look at the changes in the squad since then:

Position		2012	2005
Catcher		Carlos Ruiz	Mike Liberthal
First Base		Ty Wiggington	Ryan Howard
Second Base		Freddy Galvis	Chase Utley
Shortstop		Jimmy Rollins	Jimmy Rollins
Third Base		Placido Polanco	David Bell
Right Field		Hunter Pence	Bobby Abreu
Center Field		Kenny Lofton	Shane Victorino
Left Field		Juan Pierre	Pat Burrell
#1 Pitcher		Roy Halladay	Brett Myers
#2 Pitcher		Cliff Lee	Jon Lieber
#3 Pitcher		Cole Hamels	Cory Lidle
#4 Pitcher		Vance Worley	Vincente Padilla
#5 Pitcher		Joe Blanton	Randy Wolf
Closer		Jonathan Papelbon	Billy Wagner
Bench bat		Jim Thome	Jim Thome

For the record, the Phillies have never finished under .500 (or lower than second place) during Manuel’s tenure as manager.

1, 2, 3-4-5, Sixers

With one more win in their playoff series against the Celtics, the Philadelphia 76ers will clinch the title of "closest Philly team to win a championship" for the 2011-2012 sports season. As you may remember, the Eagles missed the playoffs, the Phillies lost in the first round, and the Flyers lost in the second (four games to one). If the Sixers can manage at least two wins in the second round, they get top billing.

Here's a look back at how the teams have done over the pas two decades:

2010-2011: Phillies (lost in Conference Champs)
2009-2010: Phillies & Flyers (both lost in Finals, 4-2)
2008-2009: Phillies (won World Series)
2007-2008: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
2006-2007: Eagles (lost in playoffs second round)
2005-2006: Flyers (lost in playoffs first round)
2004-2005: Eagles (lost in Finals)
2003-2004: Eagles & Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
2002-2003: Eagles (lost in Conference Champs)
2001-2002: Eagles (lost in Conference Champs)
2000-2001: Sixers (lost in Finals)
1999-2000: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
1998-1999: Sixers (lost in playoffs second round)
1997-1998: Flyers (lost in playoffs first round)
1996-1997: Flyers (lost in Finals)
1995-1996: Eagles & Flyers (lost in playoffs second round)
1994-1995: Flyers (lost in Conference Champs)
1993-1994: Phillies (lost in Finals)
1992-1993: Eagles (lost in playoffs second round)

For those of you scoring at home, the breakdown by team is:
Flyers -- 9
Eagles -- 7
Phillies -- 4
Sixers -- 2

Of course, the Phillies are the only team to actually win a championship over that stretch, so they automatically win the title of "best Philly sports franchise" until further notice.

Seen in Aruba

This is a picture of a jewelry display case at an expensive shop in Aruba's capital. Here are my questions:

1 -- How does an Eagles baseball cap help sell high-end jewelry?
2 -- Is it worrisome that they couldn't find an Eagles' helmet, only a cap?
3 -- Is it worrisome that they paired it with WVU and UNC helmets?
4 -- Is it possible that someone will buy a necklace and that hat, and wear them both walking out of the store?

In depth Eagles roster analysis

The Eagles added 22 new rookies this week – nine through the draft and 13 more as unrestricted free agents over the weekend. Here’s an evaluation of the best and the worst pick-ups, based solely on how funny their names are:

Worst

#5 -- FB Emil Igwenagu, UMass (free agent)

Even the phonetic spelling -- eh-MEAL-ig-wen-AH-goo – is hideous to look at.

#4 -- LS Matt Camilli, UTEP (free agent)

I actually thought his name ended in a quadruple L before I looked closer.

#3 -- WR Elvis Akpla, Montana State (free agent)

I’m feeling a little Akpla right now. Maybe Tylenol will help.

#2-- WR Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State (free agent)

I don’t even have words for how ugly those letters are together.

#1 -- LB Mychal Kendricks, California (2^nd round pick)

If you can’t spell “Michael” right, how can we trust you to stop the run?

Best

#5 -- DE Vinny Curry, Marshall (2^nd round pick)

You can’t ask for better letter symmetry than that.

#4 -- P Ryan Tydlacka, Kentucky (free agent)

All punters should have funny names, for comic relief purposes

#3 -- TE Chase Ford, Miami (free agent)

NFL player or 1920s private eye -- Those are his only options.

#2 -- WR Marvin McNutt, Iowa (6^th round pick)

You can already hear the fans chanting “Mc-Nutt! Mc-Nutt!”

#1 -- DT Fletcher Cox, Miss St (1^st round pick)

The jokes all write themselves.

Player names too boring to be mentioned:
CB Brandon Boykin, Georgia (4th round pick)
QB Nick Foles, Arizona (3rd round pick)
OT Dennis Kelly, Purdue (5th round pick)
OG Brandon Washington, Miami (6th round pick)
RB Bryce Brown, Kansas St (7th Round pick)
WR Damaris Johnson, Tulsa (free agent)
RB Chris Polk, Washington (free agent)
FB Jeremy Stewart, Stanford (free agent)
FS Phillip Thomas, Syracuse (free agent)
CB Cliff Harris, Oregon (free agent)
WR McKay Jacobson, BYU (free agent)
WR Darnell Williams, Louisiana College (free agent)

A Hall of Fame case for Brian Dawkins

The whole premise of this blog post seems like a no-brainer, but since we've got five years to wait, let's start breaking down the arguments now.

First, from Pete Lieber of Yahoo Sports:

[Brian Dawkins] is the only safety in the history of the game with more than 500 tackles (Dawk has 1,131), greater than 30 interceptions (37), greater than 20 forced fumbles (37) and greater than 20 sacks (26). Those number speak to how Dawkins helped revolutionize the safety position. While he ranks second to Ed Reed with 120 passes defended, he also ranks second in sacks to only Rodney Harrison. Harrison defended 53 passes and sacked the quarterback 30.5 times. Dawkins got to the passer 26 times while still defending an incredible 120 passes.

Now, some additional stats of note:

Eagles seasons in the Super Bowl era, with Brian Dawkins: 13
Eagles seasons in the Super Bowl era, w/o Brian Dawkins: 31


Eagles all-time playoff record, with Dawkins: 10-8 
Eagles all time playoff record, w/o Dawkins: 5-11 


Eagles NFC championship appearances, with Dawkins: Five
Eagles NFC championship appearances, w/o Dawkins: One

And, finally, I submit to you the 1:35 mark of the video below:



I await any credible rebuttal.

Fun with numbers, Flyers edition

Putting the Flyers current offensive outburst into perspective:

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Flyers goals scored, last postseason: 29 (11 games)
** Phillies runs scored, this season: 33 (10 games)

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Danny Briere goals, regular season: 16 (70 games)
** Jaromir Jagr goals, regular season: 19 (73 games)

** Flyers hat tricks, this postseason: 2 (3 games)
** Flyers hat tricks, regular season: 2 (82 games)
** Hat tricks, all other playoff teams: 0 (18 games)

** Flyers goals scored, this postseason: 20 (3 games)
** Boston/DC playoff series, combined goals: 11 (3 games)
** Ottawa/NY playoff series, combined goals: 12 (3 games)
** Vancouver/LA playoff series, combined goals: 13 (3 games)
** St. Louis/San Jose series, combined goals: 15 (3 games)
** Nashville/Detroit series, combined goals: 15 (3 games)

More 2012 Phillies ads

Now that the season has started, the Phillies have released their new slate of print ads. Honestly, I didn't expect them to be so angry this early in the season.

Getting to know your fill-in Phillies

With opening day around the corner, there are a few new faces of note on the 2012 version of the Phillies. Here’s a quick introduction:

2B/SS Freddy Galvis
Bio: The highly-regarded 21-year-old has bounced between AA and AAA ball the last few years.
Role: Team officials insisted he was still a few years away from the majors … until Chase Utley and Michael Martinez went down with injuries. Now, apparently, he’s ready.
Suggested nickname: Fred X, Not Utley

1B/OF Ty Wigginton
Bio: This 10-year veteran has played for six other teams already, and also cranked out 150-plus home runs.
Role: He’ll be part of the rotating cast of characters at first until Ryan Howard’s projected return in … June? Let’s say June.
Suggested nickname: Getting wiggy with it, Ty Detmer

OF Juan Pierre
Bio: A 12-year veteran, Pierre looks like he’s 97 years old. He’s also a .296 hitter for his career, so he’ll have to work on strikeouts to fit with the Phillies
Role: He’ll be in the outfield platoon for the early part of the season, and may hit leadoff if Rollins gets moved down to the three spot because of injuries.
Suggested nickname: Juan, Pierre

1B/PH Jim Thome
Bio: No bio available. I’ve never heard of the guy before
Role: This year’s Matt Stairs. Also, he apparently played first base once. No other info on that.
Suggested nickname: No idea. Maybe just his last name? I think it rhymes with “foam.”

RP Jonathan Papelbon
Bio: Papelbon was the Red Sox closer for the last six years. He is a pompous ass.
Role: Papelbon will be the Phillies main closer and primary pompous ass.
Suggested nickname: Pompous-elbon, Dammit get an out already

SP Joe Blanton
Bio: Joe Blanton has been on the Phillies for the last four years. You just forgot because he was AWOL all last season.
Role: Blanton will be the team’s #5 starter until, as part of an annual hazing rite, they hand that role back to Kyle Kendrick
Suggested nickname: Innings Eater, Not Halladay

Why baseball is unfair

A quick recap of this week's news:

** Ryan Howard, age 32, is slowly coming back from a devastating leg injury that could hamper his career.

** Chase Utley, age 33, is facing degenerative knee problems and may never be the same player again.

** Joe Blanton, age 32, looks too old and worn down to last much longer in the big leagues.

** Jamie Moyer, age 49, looks stronger and healthier than he has in years and will likely be starting for the Rockies in a few more weeks.

The Phillies current depth chart

Eh, I'm sure it'll work out fine.

Field of 64 ... Philly style

It's that time again. March Madness provides us the perfect opportunity to look back at the year in Philadelphia sports and judge everyone accordingly. Presenting this year's real champion:

(Click the picture to view the full bracket, in case you haven't figured that out)

Touring Citizens Bank Park

Got a chance to get a behind-the-scenes tour of the Phillies stomping grounds this weekend, part of Dad's Christmas present. You can see all the very cool sights over at my Flickr page.

10 sensible fixes for the Slam Dunk contest

1 ~~ Electrified rims
2 ~~ Attire: Must wear tuxedos or mascot costumes
3 ~~ Winner gets three free travels for rest of the season
4 ~~ Platform shoes
5 ~~ All dunks performed to "Rock you like a hurricane"
6 ~~ Spanish soccer commentators only
7 ~~ Opponents get water pistols for distractions
8 ~~ Instead of NBA players, invite only NBA owners
9 ~~ Invisible plastic rim covers
10 ~~ Kids dunk free

Phillies 2012 Spring Training ads

Pitchers and catchers reported last week, meaning baseball is just around the corner (six weeks from now). The Phillies haven't unveiled all their print ads yet, but through my industry connections, I managed to get a sneak peek at how they're going after fans' attention this year. Take a look:

Sorting through old treasures

Recently, I pulled out an old crate of baseball cards looking for some missing sports memorabilia. In my search, I found a small box labeled "might be worth something." Just for kicks, here's a look at what 13-year-old me thought might be valuable someday:

~~ Topps 1988 SS Kevin Elster (Rookie, Mets)
Buy it now price = 11 cents
Clearly, this card (and other rookie commemorative set ones I found) suckered me in with the promise getting in on the ground floor of some first-year stars. He hung on for 13 years, but ended his career with a .223 batting average and fewer than 30 RBI a year.

~~ Topps 1988 P Jimmy Key (Blue Jays)
Buy it now price = 50 cents
I actually found two different Jimmy Key cards I put aside, for reasons I can't explain. Key actually had a decent career, with four All-Star appearances and two World Series rings. But, I'm still not sure who he is.

~~ Topps 1987 P Shane Rawley (Phillies)
Buy it now price = 60 cents (for 8 cards)
I can only assume that he made it into this pile because of his exemplary name and exemplary choice of teams. Rawley won 17 games in 1987, but finished his career with a middling 111-118 record.

~~ Topps 1990 Checklist #2
Buy it now price = $1.60
This is a piece of cardboard with a list of other cards on it, and somehow it's worth more than everything else I've looked up tonight. Clearly, there is something unusual about this card, but I have no idea what it is. Maybe I did have some clue what I was doing back then...

~~ Topps 1983 M Whitey Herzog (St. Louis)
Buy it now price = 75 cents
Seriously, maybe I was onto something. Herzog was one of the top managers of all time, but who collects baseball cards to get managers? Someone who's looking for a good return on investment, I guess.

~~ Topps 1984 OF Andy Van Slyke (St. Louis)
Buy it now price = $2.25
OMG, I'm gonna be rich. Rich! RIIICCH!!!!
(Seriously, that's a lot for a baseball card)

~~ Topps 1986 P Mark Eichhorn (Rookie, Blue Jays)
Buy it now price = 84 cents
Eh, we might be coming back to reality again. I've got about 20 of these rookie cards in here, but I've never heard of any of these guys. Eichhorn had fewer than 100 decisions in his baseball career, and baseball reference has him as the 520th best pitcher of all-time.

~~ Topps 1961 P John Buzhardt (Phillies)
Buy it now price = $3.00
I have no idea who this is and no idea where I got a baseball card from 1961. It's card #3 in that year's set. #2 is Roger Maris, worth $300. Maybe I need to search down into this box a little further...

~~ Topps 1990 SS Greg Gagne (Twins)
Buy it now price = 30 cents
I found one site that listed more than 30 different Topps baseball cards issued for Gagne over the course of his career. None are worth more than 60 cents. Not sure why I thought they would be.

So, nine random cards, likely purchased for under $5, totaling about $9.40 now. Not bad. This would have been funnier if they were worth a lot less. But now I'm going to have to actually check and see if the real ones I didn't scan in (A Jose Canseco rookie card, a Mike Schmidt retirement card, and four Barry Bonds rookie cards) can help fund an early retirement.

Super Bowl anagram

Eli Manning has won the Super Bowl's most valuable player award twice

** Evil brat wins. Ma, Pa bawl. God hates us. We are now in hell. Blast up. No mercy.

Pros and cons of this Sunday's Super Bowl

With two truly despicable teams in the Super Bowl this year, it's difficult to decide who to root for. Here's a quick list of the pros and cons of each team losing:

New York Giants win -- Cons
** QB Eli Manning gets his second Super Bowl win. Only 10 QBs have won more than one Super Bowl. Only three of them aren't in the Hall of Fame. Two of them are active (Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger). The only other non-Hall of Famer is Jim Plunkett.

** Coach Tom Coughlin gets his second Super Bowl win. Only 12 coaches have won more than one Super Bowl.

** New York get its 50th professional sports championship. That's the most of any U.S. city.

** On the eve of the new baseball season, New York fans become even more insufferable in their rivalry talk with Boston fans.

New York Giants win -- Pros
** The Patriots don't win the Super Bowl.

New England Patriots win -- Cons
** QB Tom Brady wins his fourth Super Bowl. Only two other men have won that many: Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. Only one other QB has appeared in five Super Bowls in his career (John Elway).

** Coach Bill Belichick wins his four Super Bowl. Only one other coach has won that many in his career (Chuck Noll).

** Boston gets its 35th professional sports championship, and its 8th in the last decade.

** On the eve of the new baseball season, Boston fans become even more insufferable in their rivalry talk with New York fans.

New England Patriots win -- Pros
** The Giants don't win the Super Bowl.

Tough call. Is it too late to root for the 49ers again?

State of the (Philly sports) Union

[Remarks as prepared for delivery]

My fellow Philadelphia sports fans,

As I stand here before you tonight, I know many of you share my great concern with the days ahead. In less than two weeks, our nation will once again be forced to endure a Boston/New York championship match-up. Our own beloved city is still mired in a one-for-114-seasons title drought. The Phillies failed to achieve last year's high hopes, and the Eagles crushed our dreams of a playoff breakthrough as well. Our city has already braced itself for an amusing but ultimately fruitless hockey and basketball season.

But despite those trials, I am here tonight to assure you, my fellow Sons of Ben, that the state of our union is stronger than ever.

What many of you are calling reason for despair, I see as a sign of hope and greatness yet to come. Yes, the Phillies disappointed us last season. But their 102 wins was a high-water mark for a franchise whose history has redefined what failure in sports means. In just a few years the franchise has gone from a 10,000-time loser to a five-time division champion. And with LeRoy Halladay and Mr. Clifton Phifer Lee still on the team, there is no reason to believe that success is all in the past.

Your Sixers, while flawed, are showing signs of life not witnessed for more than a decade. Your Flyers, while flawed, may have just completed the quickest rebuilding period in major sports history. Both are still far from being championship caliber. Yet, isn't that exactly what we said in the summer on 2008, when another flawed bunch of local heroes scrapped their way into the postseason, then into the championship, and then into history? Who are we to say that these two teams are too far away from the promised land that we should ignore their growing list of achievements?

The Eagles remain a constant source of frustration and heartbreak, and appear further from the ultimate victory than any point in the last decade. But let me remind you that this disaster of a squad sat just one win away from taking the Giants spot in the playoffs this year, proof that even a small break could be the difference between a Tony-Romo-style disaster and the next Tom Brady. Indeed, I stand here tonight to tell you that I believe this team is only one piece away from reaching that lofty goal, and with just a small chance, we could see that glory soon.

(Of course, that one piece is a head coach who knows what a linebacker is, but I digress.)

Yes, there are still injustices in the world. As I speak to you tonight, Boston's football team is preparing for another Super Bowl, and their hockey team is just returning from a victory lap around the White House after last year's Stanley Cup. We sit dangerously close to serious conversations about whether Eli Manning is one of the best quarterbacks of all time. And, this early in the season, the Phillies look like they face serious threats from all sides in their own division, including the Miami Marlins, a team that didn't even exist last October yet somehow owns two World Series titles.

But we cannot let these setbacks tear us apart, as if we were fair-weather Cowboys or Yankees fans. We must believe. We must endure. We must continue to boo. Our very nature is to be pessimistic, but we must be wary not to let that realistic criticism turn to fatalism. We are not Cleveland -- We will reach the top again.

And when we do, we will greet it with the unbridled joy that can only be found on the honest ground of Broad Street, not the phony pavement of Broadway. When you see the Eagles pass on third-and-one, remember Pat Burrell's wave as he crossed over Oregon Avenue. When you see Brian Schneider weakly pop up to left field, remember Chase Utley infuriating the local censors with his unbridled excitement. When you see see a collapsing concussion check drop another Flyers forward, remember when we all sang High Hopes the loudest we ever had.

Thank you. God bless you, God bless America, and God Bless Billy Penn. And screw Eli Manning. Seriously, how does that dope keep winning?

[To be delivered by the Philadelphia Phanatic]

Congrats to Green Bay!

In another record-setting move on Sunday, Packers became the first team in NFL history with 15 or more wins to lose in their first playoff game. Prior to that, every team that scored that many regular season wins made it at least to the conference championship game.

Their loss also guarantees that, for the eighth year in a row, the NFL Super Bowl champion will not be the regular season champion. In the 14 years prior to that, it happened seven times.