Happy birthday, G

It's good to know that as Chris gets older, he still has plenty of fans.

What's the word?

A look at the most frequently used words on the Phillies official Twitter account since May 1:

Observations:
-- Lots of Hamels, not much Halladay.
-- More Valdez than Utley is understandable, but sad.
-- A lot of 3-0 counts. Not sure why.
-- Everybody hits. Woo-hoo!

The post where we pretend to care about the NBA Finals

Possible outcomes of the NBA season, with pros and cons:

4) Miami Heat defeats Dallas/Oklahoma City
Pros: LeBron will probably cry, the fans at the victory parade will likely be scantily clad.
Cons: LeBron will be insufferable, ESPN will have stories about him all summer long, Cleveland will likely riot and burn to the ground.
Verdict: Worst outcome possible.

3) Oklahoma City Thunder defeats Miami/Chicago
Pros: Somebody new will finally win a championship, Kevin Durant doesn't seem like a jerk
Cons: Somebody is going to have to look up where Oklahoma City is, no city that just stole a team deserves a championship, nobody cares about Oklahoma
Verdict: Could be worse, but couldn't be more boring

2) Chicago Bulls defeat Dallas/Oklahoma City
Pros: LeBron and Wade watch the team they almost played for win it all
Cons: Whiny Chicago gets yet another championship, Michael Jordan somehow gets three more sponsorship deals, Oprah will get involved
Verdict: Nevermind, I'd rather see the Thunder win

1) Dallas Mavericks defeat Miami/Chicago
Pros: Somebody new will finally win a championship, Mark Cuban is comically insufferable for months, David Stern commits suicide
Cons: Dallas wins a championship
Verdict: Call them the North Texas Mavericks and let's call it a deal

Phillies scoring

What this chart tells us:

1 -- The Phillies have been a pretty good team since 2000.
2 -- There is no explanation for why everything went right in 1993.
3 -- There is too many easily accessable baseball statistics databases online today.

Breaking down the draft

It's time to analyze the Eagles draft the only way that makes sense: anagraming the names of the rookies to see what really lies inside their character.

Round 1 -- OL Danny Watkins
Anagram: Old tank yawns in
Analysis: He's a 26-year-old college grad, and even he is bored with this pick .Why should we be excited? Cut him from the team.

Round 2 -- DB Jaiquawn Jarrett
Anagram: Jaw ajar, quits rent
Analysis: A slack-jawed deadbeat? How does that help the secondary? Cut him from the team.

Round 3 -- DB Curtis Marsh
Anagram: Charms disturb
Analysis: I don’t care how cool he seems, I don’t trust the guy. Cut him from the team.

Round 4 -- LB Casey Matthews
Anagram: Why bet, classmate?
Analysis: HORRIBLE PICK. The last thing the Eagles need is a college athlete clearly hiding an illegal gambling habit. Cut him from the team.

Round 4 -- Nebraska K Alex Henery
Anagram: Akers’ ankle hex nearby
Analysis: Probably an accurate description -- Akers is likely to blow out his leg trying to upstage this kid. To protect David, cut him from the team.

Round 5 -- RB Dion Lewis
Anagram: Ole bird wins
Analysis: GREAT PICK. That’s what I like to see: players who have a winning attitude and the team mascot right in their names. Keep him.

Round 5 -- OL Julian Vandervelde
Anagram: Older juvenile vandal
Analysis: Old and immature? No thanks. We already have Vick. Cut him from the team.

Round 6 -- OL Jason Kelce
Anagram: Jello-cake son
Analysis: Great -- another overweight, out-of-shape O-lineman. Cut him from the team.

Round 6 -- LB Brian Rolle
Anagram: Barbell, I lorn
Analysis: Aw, somebody get this poor guy a set of weights to play with. Then cut him from the team.

Round 7 -- DE/LB Greg Lloyd
Anagram: Dry gelled glob
Analysis: What’s with all the fat guys this year? Is Andy trying to make himself look skinnier? Cut him from the team.

Round 7 -- RB Stanley Havili
Anagram: Shy vanilla biter
Analysis: If you want to play in the NFL, you can’t be shy, you can’t be boring, and you can’t bite people. Cut him from the team.

Not a good sign -- 11 draftees, 10 losers, one winner. It's gonna be a long season, if they ever start it up.

No Draftsgiving this year

Blame the lockout.

A day of history

On Sunday, within a span of just a few hours, the Phillies beat the Padres, the Sixers beat the Heat, and the Flyers beat the Sabres. That's a historic three-peat -- the last time all three of those teams won on the same day was ...

2009. Just over two years ago, actually, on April 19, 2009. It happened a few time in the 2000s, but only once in the 90s.

Huh. Sorta feel like that should have been more unusual.

On another note, no Philadelphia team has lost a game 7 while Cliff Lee was in town. I'm just saying.

Predictions for the Eagles 2011 season

The NFL released this year's schedule earlier tonight -- Here's your instant analysis of what to expect from the Eagles' slate of games:

Sun, Sep 11 -- at St. Louis
Analysis: Would be an easy win ... if the strike didn't postpone the entire NFL season
Prediction: No game

Sun, Sep 18 -- at Atlanta
Analysis: QB Mike Vick's first trip to Atlanta ... won't happen because of the ongoing strike.
Prediction: No game

Sun, Sep 25 -- vs New York Giants
Analysis: QB Eli Manning always plays great on the road. He should do a great job picketing on the road too.
Prediction: No game

Sun, Oct 2 -- vs San Francisco
Analysis: Finally, football returns to the field, and the Eagles get win #1 on the season behind scab QB Jeff Garcia.
Prediction: Win*

Sun, Oct 9 -- at Buffalo
Analysis: An early snowfall in upstate New York causes three fumbles by scab QB Reno Mahe, and the team can't recover.
Prediction: Loss*

Sun, Oct 16 -- at Washington
Analysis: Six made FGs and eight missed FGs later, scab K James Paul misses a 28-yard FG in OT to seal another disappointing week.
Prediction: Tie*

Sun, Oct 23 -- vs Minnesota
Analysis: The Phillies finish off their four-game sweep of the Twins, clinching another World Series.
Prediction: Awesome

Sun, Oct 30 -- vs Dallas
Analysis: The Cowboys continue their undefeated season, led by QB Tony Romo, who crossed the picket line in week 2.
Prediction: Loss*

Mon, Nov 7 -- vs Chicago
Analysis: Finally, the stike ends and the real players suit up for their first time all season ... after this weekend is over.
Prediction: No game

Sun, Nov 13 -- vs Arizona
Analysis: Cardinals QB Donovan McNabb throws four TD passes against a rusty Eagles D in a romp.
Prediction: Loss

Sun, Nov 20 -- at New York Giants
Analysis: Another game in New York, another DeSean Jackson punt return
Prediction: Win

Sun, Nov 27 -- vs New England
Analysis: Strike, no strike, QB Tom Brady still kills in the regular season.
Prediction: Loss

Thu, Dec 1 -- at Seattle
Analysis: Three TD passes are almost enough to convince fans that QB Kevin Kolb will be a great replacement for Vick, who suffers a season-ending injury.
Prediction: Win

Sun, Dec 11 -- at Miami
Analysis: Two second-half INTs are enough to convince fans that QB Mike Kafka won't be a good replacement for Kolb, who suffers a season-ending injury.
Prediction: Loss

Sun, Dec 18 -- vs New York Jets
Analysis: A four-game win streak by the Flyers is a pleasant distraction from a 40-point loss to the Jets.
Prediction: Loss

Sat, Dec 24 -- at Dallas
Analysis: Strike, no strike, QB Tony Romo still chokes in December
Prediction: Win

Sun, Jan 1 -- vs Washington
Analysis: Less than two months before pitchers and catchers report.
Prediction: Loss

Final standings:
1-2-1 in scab games
3-5 in real games
4-0 in World Series

Fun with trends

With one 18th of the season over, here's what to expect from the Phillies (stats through Monday):

** The team is on pace for 126 games, which would be an MLB record (7 wins so far)

** Ryan Howard is on pace for 198 RBI, which would be an MLB record (11 RBI so far)

** Shane Victorino is on pace for 270 hits, which would be an MLB record (15 hits so far)

** The team is on pace to score 1,062 runs, which would be an NL record (59 runs so far)

** Roy Oswalt is on pace for a 36 wins, which would be a personal record (2 wins so far)

** Joe Blanton is on pace to win zero games this season. (0 wins so far)

** The Mets are on place to finish in last place, which would be normal (Last place so far)

For the record

I'm just finishing up an eight-day fellowship at Ohio State, and today I came to a realization:

I've now lived in Ohio, taken classes at the Ohio State University, attended an Ohio State football game, and received an "O-H" pin from the president of the school.

I am no longer an Ohio State front-runner. I am now, without question, a Buckeye.

Go Bucks!

Spending wisely

This week, the Mets cut 2B Luis Castillo and P Oliver Perez from their active roster, freeing them to sign with any other team but leaving them on the hook for their 2011 salaries ($6 million and $12 million, respectively). That's $18 million being paid for two players not to play for the team.

Here's what $18 million pays for with better teams around the league:

** Seattle Mariners: One full season from OF Ichiro Suzuki ($18 mil)
** New York Yankees: 88 games from 3B Alex Rodriguez ($33 mil for the full year)
** San Diego Padres: The entire team, minus P Aaron Harang and 1B Brad Hawpe ($20 mil combined, $18 mil for the rest of the squad)
** St. Louis Cardinals: One full season from 1B Albert Pujols ($14.6 mil), plus a free $1 hot dog for each of the 3.4 million fans who'll watch home games this year.
** San Francisco Giants: One full season from P Tim Lincecum and OF Pat Burrell ($9 mil each)
** Philadelphia Philles: One full season from P Cliff Lee ($9 mil), P Cole Hamels ($6.65 mil), C Carlos Ruiz ($1.9 mil) and IF Wilson Valdez ($400 K), plus 8 field level seats for every home game this year ($50 K).

Field of 64 ... Philly style

Once again, March Madness provides us the perfect opportunity to look back at the year in Philadelphia sports and judge everyone accordingly. Without any delay, this year's winner is...

Why the NBA stinks

In the last 27 years, seven different cities have won an NBA championship.

In the NFL, seven different cities have won a championship in the last nine years.
In the MLB, seven different cities have won a championship in the last eight years.
In the NHL, seven different cities have won a championship in the last seven years.

Most likely teams to win an NBA championship this year:

-- San Antonio Spurs (4 champs in the last 12 years)
-- Los Angeles Lakers (10 champs in the last 31 years)
-- Chicago Bulls (6 champs in the last 20 years)
-- Boston Celtics (4 champs in the last 30 years)
-- Miami Heat (1 champ in the last 5 years)

I'm just saying, sometimes it's nice to see new faces.

NFL Lockout Q&A

The NFL's collective bargaining agreement expires this Friday, and neither the owners nor the players seem willing to agree on new terms right now, which could jeopardize the 2012 NFL season. Here's a quick primer on the issue for those of you just tuning in:

How serious is this?
Not serious at all. Giving up a few runs in a spring training game means virtually nothing when the regular season starts, so P Cliff Lee's two innings, two runs line today should not set off any alarm bells.

I meant the NFL thing.
Oh.

What's this dispute over?
Money. Everybody wants more.

But don't the players and owners already have a lot?
The NFL minimum salary last year was $310,000, roughly 10 times what you make. The least valuable franchise last year (The Jacksonville Jaguars) was worth $725 million, roughly 25,000 times what you make.

That's a lot of money.
When someone asked John Rockefeller how much money is enough, his answer was "just a little bit more."

So, who's to blame here?
The fans.

What?
Who gave them all that money in the first place? When we started agreeing to a $2,500 charge for the right to buy season tickets, we gave them the right to bicker over percentage points of revenue that could fund a small revolution overseas.

So, how will this affect me?
It won't. Baseball season still starts later this month.

Seriously, how will this affect the NFL?
Draftsgiving will still take place as planned. After that, you have to wait until June to be allowed to panic about losing next season.

But could they really lose the whole season?
Sure. And if they strike and don't play games, the fans will never forgive them ... just like they've never forgiven baseball for that 1994 strike.

Now you're just being cynical.
And you're denying that college football will easily fill the temporary void left by this nonsense.

But what should I do?
Just relax and enjoy the ride. Cliff will have those mechanics worked out in just a few more weeks.

Pre-season World Series quiz

Last week, when reporters asked P Cole Hamels what it was like to be the only Phillies starter with a World Series ring, P Joe Blanton joked that the writers always forget about him (he was on that 2008 team too).

With that in mind, how well do you remember who has a Phillies 2008 ring, and who doesn't? Here's a quick quiz to jog your memory:

OF Matt Stairs RingNo Ring
P Chan Ho Park Ring No Ring
2B Tad Igutchi Ring No Ring
SS Miguel Cairo Ring No Ring
P Brett Myers Ring No Ring
C Paul Bako Ring No Ring
P Clay Condrey Ring No Ring
P Scott Eyre Ring No Ring
OF John Mayberry Ring No Ring
C Chris Coste Ring No Ring
P J.A. Happ Ring No Ring
3B Greg Dobbs Ring No Ring
OF Geoff Jenkins Ring No Ring
P Adam Eaton Ring No Ring
P Kyle Kendrick Ring No Ring

Anything less than 10 right, and your 2008 rally towel is revoked.

By the way, here's the answer key (highlight to read):

Winners:
P Clay Condrey, P J.A. Happ, P Scott Eyre, P Brett Myers, C Chris Coste, 3B Greg Dobbs, OF Geoff Jenkins, OF Matt Stairs

Not Winners:
P Kyle Kendrick (remember, he was left off the WS roster), P Adam Eaton (him too), P Chan Ho Park, C Paul Bako, 2B Tad Igutchi, SS Miguel Cairo, OF John Mayberry

Phailed Phillies marketing

The Phillies are still trying to figure out exactly how to market their quartet of All-Star pitchers (The Four Aces? R2C2? The Fab Four?) before the start of the baseball season. Here's a quick look at some of the campaign ideas that haven't quite reached the right level of hype yet:

500th post spectacular

In honor of my 500th post here, let's take a look at other 500s of note in Philadelphia sports history:

Phillies who have hit 500 home runs: One (Mike Schmidt)
Eagles who have caught 500 passes: One (Harold Carmichael)
Flyers who has tallied 500 assists: One (Bobby Clarke)
Sixers who have scored 500 three-pointers: Two (Allen Iverson and Kyle Korver)

Phillies managers who have won 500 games:
Three (Mauch, Ozark, Manuel)
Phillies managers who have lost 500 games:
Three (Mauch, Ozark, Shotton)

Eagles seasons under .500: 40
Eagles seasons over .500: 33

Flyers who have played at least 500 games: 28
Flyers who have played exactly 500 games: 1 (Paul Holmgren)

Sixers coaches who have lasted 500 games:
Three (Brown, Cunningham, Cervi)
Sixers coaches with a playoff record over .500:
Four (Cunningham, Shue, Hannum, Cervi)

For everyone whose read some or all of those 500 posts, thanks. Doubt I'll make it another 500, but it's been a fun ride so far.

Betting on the big game

Actual Super Bowl prop bets (on BoDog.com) that would make for both a hefty payout and an awesome game:

One of the teams blocks/misses an extra point
** $10 bet pays you $100

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers’ first pass attempt is intercepted
** $10 bet pays $150

Fergie sings at halftime in a thong and Dallas cheerleader outfit
** $10 bet pays $150

The Steelers have zero punts in the game
** $10 bet pays $200

Neither team scores more than 10 points
** $10 bet pays $300

Both teams combine for 10 touchdowns
** $10 bet pays $300

Neither team records a sack in the game
** $10 bet pays $400

Packers backup RB Brandon Jackson wins the Super Bowl MVP
** $10 bet pays $500

The receiving team fumbles away the opening kickoff
** $10 bet pays $650

The first TD of the game is officially a zero-yard TD
** $10 bet pays $750

The Packers score exactly 43 points for the game
** $10 bet pays $3,000

The Steelers score exactly two points for the game
** $10 bet pays $30,000

Pressing Pro Bowl questions

With the big game just days away, here's what all the NFL fans are talking about (other than the Super Bowl, the just-completed championship games, the upcoming draft, the possible lockout, next year's college football season, and pretty much anything else):

** Will two more Falcons make the team?
The all-time record for players on a single Pro-Bowl squad is 11, set by the 2007 Cowboys. But with the addition of CB Brent "Frank" Grimes on Monday, the Hotlanta birds now boast nine all-stars (and zero playoff wins this year.) Can the NFL find room for just a few more of their players, and erase that Dallas record?

** Will WR Brandon Lloyd win the MVP?
Only three teams have never had a Pro-Bowl MVP: the Ravens, Panthers and Broncos. The Baltimore and Carolina don't have any likely candidates on offense, but Denver does have their #1 WR in the mix. Hopefully he can haul in three TD passes and the MVP award for the good fans out in the mile-high city.

** Will anyone rush for 181 yards?
Hard to believe, but the Pro-Bowl single game rushing record is 180 yards, posted by Marshall Faulk (in 1995, while he was with the Colts, for the love of gawd). The single game receiving record is 212 yards (Randy Moss, in 2000) and the passing record is 342 yards (Peyton Manning, 2004). It's hard to believe anyone would try that hard, but maybe Phillip Rivers or Jamaal Charles is really angry about how the season turned out and wants to take it out on someone.

** Will a Seahawk be named to the squad?
Seattle grabbed the biggest upset of the playoffs this year (upending the Saints in the first round), but so far they're the only team not to have a representative on the Pro-Bowl roster. S Earl Thomas appeared to be in line to replace Packers' S Nick Collins, but that honor went instead to S Roman Harper of New Orleans (so, the Saints win that round). Time is running out for the NFL to keep that valuable Seattle TV market interested in the game.

** Will anyone watch?
Someone must care -- Vegas even sets a betting line for the game (NFC is favored by 1.5 points). But, with the game back in Hawaii and more players planning to bail on the trip, it's worth asking whether the NFL needs to shake up the spectacle.

Here's an idea that's been floated before, but it worth exploring: replace it with a skills competition. A good skills competition. And instead of offering money, make the winners be the only players eligible to sign shoe contracts (the NFL already has stricter on-field uniform rules than that). Think that won't make DeSean Jackson participate in a 50-yard dash? Think that won't make Peyton Manning see who can chuck a football the furthest? Hell, throw in one free helmet-to-helmet penalty for the winner of the linebackers' skill contest, and the whole thing falls in place.

Reseeding the NFL playoffs

If you were one of the thousands of NFL fans who thought the Seahawks upset victory over the Saints was a spectacular dose of excitement and fun in the playoffs this year, you’re wrong and should feel ashamed. The 7-9 Seahawks were clearly the most harmful thing to happen to the league since the start of the Super Bowl era (at least according to the TV football experts) and proves that the NFL must abandon its antiquated conference playoffs format in lieu of “having the best teams” play in January.

Obviously, the only solution is to develop an NCAA-basketball-style playoff, giving byes to the four best teams and awarding home-field playoff games to the next four strongest. If we ranked this year’s top NFL squads based on record and opponent win percentage (which would be the only fair tiebreaker), here’s what we’d get (teams listed with regular season record and opponent win percentage):

Much more exciting already – we’ve eliminated the boring Chiefs (10-6, but with a .414 opponent win percentage) and Seahawks entirely, and replaced them with the thrill-a-minute Bucs and Giants. Sure, the Eagles and Colts lose their home-field playoff game, and the Bears lose their first-round bye, but surely it’s all worth it to get that New York vs. New York first-round game, right?

Or perhaps we should go with a true NCAA style ranking, where we ignore records and actual team accomplishments in lieu of ESPN’s end-of-season opinion rankings? Here's what we'd get:

Again, a far superior system. We’ve replaced a boring Seahawks upset of the Saints with a massacre of the Giants down in New Orleans. The Bears still get screwed, but I’m pretty sure Baltimore is a bigger TV market to pander to than those pesky Chicago fans. And, there’s still a great chance you’ll get that Jets-Patriots second-round game, provided they could boot the Packers out of the playoffs early.

But why stop there? Why should the regular season decide who gets in the playoffs? Can’t we just let sports writers feel what the right matchups are? Let’s seed the playoffs based off the pre-season rankings, which is what we all really wanted to see anyways. Here's what we'd get (teams listed with pre-season ranking and actual regular season record):

Now that's a playoff we could all be proud of.