Ahead of the Eagles showdown with the Green Bay this week, news organizations reported this week that the Cowboys trade of DE Micah Parsons to the Packers this summer came with an unusual clause: Green Bay would have to pay a penalty of another first-round draft pick if they trade Parsons to the Eagles in the next two years.
The “poison pill” provision drew snickers from Philly fans who saw it as confirmation that most Dallas players would eventually rather play for a good Philadelphia team than their current sub-par squad. But few sports writers dug into the other provisions that Dallas tried to include in the contract that were ultimately determined to be unfeasible by the NFL. Here are a few:
— Parsons would have been barred from playing against the Eagles in Monday night’s game, for fear he may defect at halftime.
— Parsons would be required to remove the P from his last name, because of potential associations with Philly.
— Parsons would have been barred from playing against the Eagles in Monday night’s game, for fear he may defect at halftime.
— Parsons would be required to remove the P from his last name, because of potential associations with Philly.
— Green Bay would have to change its uniform colors, so Parsons could not end up wearing any green.
— Philadelphia would have to include a draft pick in the trade between Dallas and Green Bay, just because.
— Green Bay would be required to lose most of its games with Parsons on the roster, copying what Dallas did.
QB: Matthew Stafford, 34.90 pts — started by Pop
WR: Drake London, 17.93 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 47.20 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Trey McBride, 18.97 pts — on Jeff’s bench
K: Jason Myers, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 21.00 pts — started by Pop
D: DeMarcus Lawrence, 17.50 pts — on the wire
Taylor rushed for 244 yds and three TDs (and had 42 more yds receiving) in the Colts overtime win against the Falcons on Sunday. The 47.20 pts are the highest score of any player so far this year, including QBs.
Except for one inexplicable game against the Steelers last week where he scored just 6.30 fantasy pts, Taylor hasn’t scored fewer than 21 in a game since September. For the season, Taylor has totaled 250.73 fantasy pts. For comparison, five RBs scored more than that total in all of 2024. No QBs are at that mark yet this year.
He already has 15 rushing TDs (Barkley, the leader last year, had 16 on the season) and is 219 yds ahead of the next closest RB in the race for the rushing title. In short, you really should have drafted him in the first round.
WR: Drake London, 17.93 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 47.20 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Trey McBride, 18.97 pts — on Jeff’s bench
K: Jason Myers, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 21.00 pts — started by Pop
D: DeMarcus Lawrence, 17.50 pts — on the wire
Taylor rushed for 244 yds and three TDs (and had 42 more yds receiving) in the Colts overtime win against the Falcons on Sunday. The 47.20 pts are the highest score of any player so far this year, including QBs.
Except for one inexplicable game against the Steelers last week where he scored just 6.30 fantasy pts, Taylor hasn’t scored fewer than 21 in a game since September. For the season, Taylor has totaled 250.73 fantasy pts. For comparison, five RBs scored more than that total in all of 2024. No QBs are at that mark yet this year.
He already has 15 rushing TDs (Barkley, the leader last year, had 16 on the season) and is 219 yds ahead of the next closest RB in the race for the rushing title. In short, you really should have drafted him in the first round.
Shout out to Seattle LB DeMarcus Lawrence, who scored two defensive TDs against the Cardinals. If he were a wideout, he would have been second in scoring for that position for the week. Good Sunday for him, lousy day for pass catchers.
“Grab bag” edition
3rd place: Ke'Shawn Williams, -1.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Washington, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: San Francisco, -5.00 pts — on the wire
Second week in a row the mighty Commies defense has been worth -4.00 pts. Since the start of their five-game losing streak, they have surrendered an average of almost 36 pts a game, and their defense has been worth a total of 2.00 fantasy pts. Over the same stretch, Seattle has scored 53.00 fantasy pts, and they had a bye week in there.
Meanwhile, Panthers QB Bryce Young just barely got on the positive side of the ledger, scoring 1.56 fantasy pts thanks to 124 yds passing and an interception in his team’s loss to the Saints. It’s the second straight week that Young has failed to score at least 3.00 fantasy pts. And yet, somehow they beat the Packers in one of those games.
** Don’t get me wrong — I think New Jersey Giants head coach Brian Daboll was terrible at his job.
But I’ve got to think that maybe the front office — who let their Pro Bowl RB walk away, then cut their first-round QB and watched him play at a Pro-Bowl level in Indianapolis this year — deserves some of the blame too. But, hey, if management wants to keep GM Joe Schoen, far be it from me to stop them.
** After a major betting scandal where illegal bets on individual pitches led to the indictment of two players, MLB responded quickly and firmly this week by … announcing they have asked sportsbooks to reduce the amount of money you can bet on individual pitches. Not ban it. Just make it less profitable for illegal gambling purposes.
If the Black Sox scandal happened today, they’d probably issue a sternly worded warning to all teams as a response.
** Ahead of the Eagles game, ESPN showed a commercial where a guy asks Chat GPT for a recipe “that says I love you but plays it cool” and if we’re encouraging people to ask AI for romantic advice now it’s really just time to pack it all up and fade away.
“Grab bag” edition3rd place: Ke'Shawn Williams, -1.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Washington, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: San Francisco, -5.00 pts — on the wire
Second week in a row the mighty Commies defense has been worth -4.00 pts. Since the start of their five-game losing streak, they have surrendered an average of almost 36 pts a game, and their defense has been worth a total of 2.00 fantasy pts. Over the same stretch, Seattle has scored 53.00 fantasy pts, and they had a bye week in there.
Meanwhile, Panthers QB Bryce Young just barely got on the positive side of the ledger, scoring 1.56 fantasy pts thanks to 124 yds passing and an interception in his team’s loss to the Saints. It’s the second straight week that Young has failed to score at least 3.00 fantasy pts. And yet, somehow they beat the Packers in one of those games.
** Don’t get me wrong — I think New Jersey Giants head coach Brian Daboll was terrible at his job.
But I’ve got to think that maybe the front office — who let their Pro Bowl RB walk away, then cut their first-round QB and watched him play at a Pro-Bowl level in Indianapolis this year — deserves some of the blame too. But, hey, if management wants to keep GM Joe Schoen, far be it from me to stop them.
** After a major betting scandal where illegal bets on individual pitches led to the indictment of two players, MLB responded quickly and firmly this week by … announcing they have asked sportsbooks to reduce the amount of money you can bet on individual pitches. Not ban it. Just make it less profitable for illegal gambling purposes.
If the Black Sox scandal happened today, they’d probably issue a sternly worded warning to all teams as a response.
** Ahead of the Eagles game, ESPN showed a commercial where a guy asks Chat GPT for a recipe “that says I love you but plays it cool” and if we’re encouraging people to ask AI for romantic advice now it’s really just time to pack it all up and fade away.
The Eagles so far this year have called 11 run plays on third and 11+ yards to go, a move dubbed “the coward’s draw” by Philly scribes. Since the Eagles offensive coordinator seems to be having trouble understanding down and distance in the NFL, here’s a quick guide to when it's a good idea to run on third and long:
** When your team is up by 24 in the late fourth quarter.
** When your QB went down with a serious injury on second down.
** When your RB is Saquon Barkley (note — this only applies to the 2024 model, not other years).
** When the opposing defense has left the field in protest.
** When you don’t have an all-pro QB and two all-pro wideouts and an all-pro TE and the league doesn’t call pass interference on every third play.
** When you want to lose.
Also, try not to go for it on fourth-and-long in obvious punting situations.
The Cowboys front office gave up a bevy of picks and players last week to land Jets DT Quinnen Williams to help with their defensive woes. At first glance, the move seems to make sense, given how terrible that side of the ball has been this year. But Jets players haven’t been the source of much success in recent years. And when you look at what the letters in the new guy’s name spell out, it doesn’t look like that will change anytime soon.
Dallas Cowboys DT Quinnen Williams
** Lad wins? No. Bad money, class. Will quit.
Williams had zero QB sacks and zero QB pressures this week. Sure, the Cowboys were on a bye week, but it’s still a less-than-impressive start.
** Went 2-0 against Dad this week thanks to the furious Texans comeback over the Jaguars. That puts me up a traditional TD (7) in our picks for the year. He’s got to pick up more than one a week for the rest of the season to pull out a victory.
** There’s still a path for the Titans to get that #1 overall seed.
** The Eagles Monday night game was bad, but it still wasn’t as bad as that clunker between the Broncos and Raiders on Thursday.
** There’s a world where the Eagles win their next three, Dallas loses two of their next three and Philadelphia wins the NFC East before Dec. 1. It’s ridiculous, but honestly not all that ridiculous.
Week 10 standings
Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 20-10
House Garrity: 16-14
House Quinn: 12-18
House Shane: 11-17-2
Another big week from Jonathan’s squad — He has scored 150+ points three of the last four weeks, but has only gone 2-1-1 over that stretch. He got the win this week, taking down Mike #1 ranked team. That gives us a tight race for the playoffs, with the gap between first and seventh (first team out) at just two games with four weeks left in the fantasy regular season.
If they playoffs were to start now, all three Doyle squads would be in there, along with Jonathan, Crazy Grandmom Malice and Shelly. Jimmy still has a chance of crashing the party, while Jimmy, Pop Shane and Shane still have a chance to jump up there. For the Emma/me team and Tommy’s squad, well, there’s always next year.
Awesome Cup standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1267.88 pts
2 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1259.00 pts
3 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1251.80 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1180.69 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1154.86 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1055.02 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1032.41 pts
8 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1029.96 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1020.97 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 960.61 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 904.62 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 752.03 pts
We all knew this was coming. After another mediocre week for my team and great performances from Pop (159.87 pts) and Jonathan (149.09 pts), I slipped back to third and the reigning Awesome Cup champ returned to the top spot. I’ve thought about sabotaging Jonathan’s team, since I have all his login info, but I’ve resisted since that would mostly benefit Pop and not me. We’ll see if I change my mind.
Jeff failed to break 60 fantasy pts this week thanks to starting four inactive players (plus one active one who scored zero points). Joel only started three inactive guys, but he also deployed Bryce Young, so he also failed to reach 60. Jonathan scored 60.9 fantasy points with Jonathan Taylor and Ashton Jeanty alone.
Thankfully, Taylor is on a bye next week, so maybe Jonathan will get cut down to size a bit. Saints are off too. Jets and Patriots play Thursday, Commanders and Dolphins play early on Sunday, Eagles play late on Sunday, Cowboys play Monday for the second time in a row. Get those rosters set early and often.
** When your team is up by 24 in the late fourth quarter.
** When your QB went down with a serious injury on second down.
** When your RB is Saquon Barkley (note — this only applies to the 2024 model, not other years).
** When the opposing defense has left the field in protest.
** When you don’t have an all-pro QB and two all-pro wideouts and an all-pro TE and the league doesn’t call pass interference on every third play.
** When you want to lose.
Also, try not to go for it on fourth-and-long in obvious punting situations.
The Cowboys front office gave up a bevy of picks and players last week to land Jets DT Quinnen Williams to help with their defensive woes. At first glance, the move seems to make sense, given how terrible that side of the ball has been this year. But Jets players haven’t been the source of much success in recent years. And when you look at what the letters in the new guy’s name spell out, it doesn’t look like that will change anytime soon. Dallas Cowboys DT Quinnen Williams
** Lad wins? No. Bad money, class. Will quit.
Williams had zero QB sacks and zero QB pressures this week. Sure, the Cowboys were on a bye week, but it’s still a less-than-impressive start.
** Went 2-0 against Dad this week thanks to the furious Texans comeback over the Jaguars. That puts me up a traditional TD (7) in our picks for the year. He’s got to pick up more than one a week for the rest of the season to pull out a victory. ** There’s still a path for the Titans to get that #1 overall seed.
** The Eagles Monday night game was bad, but it still wasn’t as bad as that clunker between the Broncos and Raiders on Thursday.
** There’s a world where the Eagles win their next three, Dallas loses two of their next three and Philadelphia wins the NFC East before Dec. 1. It’s ridiculous, but honestly not all that ridiculous.
Week 10 standings Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 20-10
House Garrity: 16-14
House Quinn: 12-18
House Shane: 11-17-2
Another big week from Jonathan’s squad — He has scored 150+ points three of the last four weeks, but has only gone 2-1-1 over that stretch. He got the win this week, taking down Mike #1 ranked team. That gives us a tight race for the playoffs, with the gap between first and seventh (first team out) at just two games with four weeks left in the fantasy regular season.
If they playoffs were to start now, all three Doyle squads would be in there, along with Jonathan, Crazy Grandmom Malice and Shelly. Jimmy still has a chance of crashing the party, while Jimmy, Pop Shane and Shane still have a chance to jump up there. For the Emma/me team and Tommy’s squad, well, there’s always next year.
Awesome Cup standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1267.88 pts
2 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1259.00 pts
3 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1251.80 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1180.69 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1154.86 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1055.02 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1032.41 pts
8 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1029.96 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1020.97 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 960.61 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 904.62 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 752.03 pts
We all knew this was coming. After another mediocre week for my team and great performances from Pop (159.87 pts) and Jonathan (149.09 pts), I slipped back to third and the reigning Awesome Cup champ returned to the top spot. I’ve thought about sabotaging Jonathan’s team, since I have all his login info, but I’ve resisted since that would mostly benefit Pop and not me. We’ll see if I change my mind.
Jeff failed to break 60 fantasy pts this week thanks to starting four inactive players (plus one active one who scored zero points). Joel only started three inactive guys, but he also deployed Bryce Young, so he also failed to reach 60. Jonathan scored 60.9 fantasy points with Jonathan Taylor and Ashton Jeanty alone.
Thankfully, Taylor is on a bye next week, so maybe Jonathan will get cut down to size a bit. Saints are off too. Jets and Patriots play Thursday, Commanders and Dolphins play early on Sunday, Eagles play late on Sunday, Cowboys play Monday for the second time in a row. Get those rosters set early and often.
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