Traveling overseas for a football game is never easy, but the Eagles had several positive takeaways from their trip to Sao Paulo beyond the big opening week victory. Here are the biggest highlights:
** Saquon Barkley became the leader in career TDs in the southern hemisphere: He had three, the previous high was zero. Somewhat related, there have never been any punt returns in a game south of the equator.
** The Eagles got some early cold weather prep: It’s currently winter in Brazil, so this game was really a great indication of how the birds will fare when the temperature in Philly drops this December. Sure, the gametime thermometer read 63 degrees, but the field was apparently coated in ice, causing players to slip all over.
** Jalen Hurts felt an emotional connection to Brazil’s NFL fans: The franchise QB was so moved by the team’s reception by the country that started giving out gifts right away during Friday’s game. Unfortunately, the Packers took them.
** Several players learned important phrases in Portuguese: For example, the way you spell Eagles in the native Brazil tongue is “E-A-G-L-E-S.” Try that one on at the next home game for some multicultural flair.
** No one died: No casualties for the Eagles on the field (where the turf sucked) or off the field (where the crime level sucks). And that’s exactly the kind of positive headline the NFL likes after these high-profile games. Too bad the Packers couldn’t say the same…
WR: Jayden Reed, 26.50 pts — started by Dad
RB: Saquon Barkley, 31.43 pts — started by me
TE: Isaiah Likely, 17.90 pts — on Bob’s bench
K: Jake Moody, 26.00 pts — started by Jonathan
DEF: Minnesota, 25.00 pts — started by Mom D
D: Andrew Van Ginkel, 11.50 pts — on the wire
There may have been a tie for the top points among kickers. Who cares? They’re kickers.
Shout out to Mayfield, Van Ginkel and the Minnesota defense — the only top players who actually played on Sunday, the day the good Lord intended for football to take place. Likely played on Thursday, Barkley and Reed on Friday, and Moody on Monday. Maybe next week we can get our best football on Tuesday night.
“Opening night jitters” edition3rd place: (Tie) Cedrick Wilson Jr., -2.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (Tie) Dee Williams, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Carolina, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Maryland Commanders, -5.00 pts — on the wire
The Panthers on Sunday trailed for 57 minutes, gave up 47 pts, and didn’t force a punt until the final 2:22 of their game against the Saints. And they were still a better fantasy performer than the Commies.
The lesser Maryland franchise gave up four passing touchdowns to likely Hall of Fame QB (checks notes) Baker Mayfield, who had thrown more than two TDs in two of his previous 49 starts. The Commies have given up at least 27 points in their last nine games, and more than 30 in six of those. So, naturally, four of their first six picks in the spring draft were on offense. Good luck with that.
** In case you missed it, Friday’s Peacock cash grab … I mean, football broadcast .. was sponsored by YouTube TV. That’s sorta like the Giants buying ad space on the Commanders uniforms. “We know you’re watching this channel now, but wouldn’t you rather not be?”
The next logical step here is for Amazon to start advertising during YouTube TV ads. Maybe they can boast about the HBO movies that they now have the rights to…
** The Commanders — who have had more names (three) than winning seasons (two) in the last decade — have renamed their home stadium after former sponsor FedEx backed out of its contract with the team. After striking an eight-year deal with Northwest Federal Credit Union, the Commies are now playing in Northwest Stadium.
** The Commanders — who have had more names (three) than winning seasons (two) in the last decade — have renamed their home stadium after former sponsor FedEx backed out of its contract with the team. After striking an eight-year deal with Northwest Federal Credit Union, the Commies are now playing in Northwest Stadium.
Northwest Stadium is still located in the northeast corridor of the United States and the south-central region of Maryland. And Northwest Federal Stadium would have made it clear that the name was a business and not a location. But why start making good decisions now?
** In the third quarter of the Cardinals/Bills game, after a pair of strong runs gained the Cardinals back-to-back first downs, Arizona radio analyst Ron Wolfey — a former college running back — cheered on the offensive game plan:
“That’s what I want to see,” he yelled. “Bring out the flat shovel and start swinging it!”
Sadly, the next play was a forward pass — and not a forward shovel pass — and the Cardinals only managed a TD on the drive. Maybe next time they’ll open up the playbook and use the garden weasel.
** Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa is on pace for 5,746 passing yds this season (338 in Sunday’s win over the Jaguars). That would break the single-season mark of 5,477, set by Peyton Manning in 2013.
** Ravens QB Lamar Jackson is on pace for 2,074 rushing yds this season (122 in Thursday’s loss to the Chiefs). That would only be good enough for third all-time among rushers, but would far outdistance the current record for yards on the ground by a passer (1,206, set by Jackson in 2019).
** Bills DE Greg Rousseau is on pace for 51 sacks this season (3 in Sunday’s win against the Cardinals). That would obliterate the current record of 22.5, held legitimately by T.J Watt and illegitimately by Michael Strahan.
** The Denver Broncos’ defense is on pace to record 34 safeties this season (two in Sunday’s loss to the Seahawks). The record for a team in a single year is four, so they’re on pace to absolutely shatter the previous mark. With 68 points from those safeties, they’d also beat the record of points scored by a defense in a season (currently 54, set by the 1961 Chargers).
** The New Jersey Giants are on pace not to score a TD this season (just two field goals on Sunday’s loss to the Vikings) and on pace to total just 102 points for the whole year (six total points on Sunday). That would beat the previous team low in NFL history … just barely. The 1977 Tampa Bay Bucs totaled only 103 points that year, albeit in 14 games.
** ESPN commentator Joe Buck is on pace to announce 17 games this season (he announced Monday night’s 49ers/Jets game), despite all evidence that a civilized society would not allow that to happen.
One of the most impressive features of the Cowboys operations is their ability to consistently bring in the same quality of players year after year. And by quality, I mean low quality.
Take, for example, Dallas rookie tight end Marist Liufau. The third-round draft pick out of Notre Dame was viewed by scouts as a quality player with good instincts and solid character. The Cowboys selected him because that analysis is completely untrue. Just look at all the things the letters in his name clearly spell out:
Cowboys LB Marist Liufau
** A biblical wuss, fury moot
** A bombastic soul, wily fur
** A fussy bimbo, will arc out
** A slow bum, obscurity fail
** A foul blob, racy swimsuit
Of all his terrible traits, wearing a racy swimsuit may be the worst.
** Uneventful start to the year for the weekly picks with Dad. We both started 13-3, tied for the week, but one of the three I missed was the Panthers getting absolutely wrecked by the Saints (47-10). Carolina has lost 17 of its last 20 games, so why I picked them to win anything is a mystery.
** Shoutout to Dr. Bob, who helped Fort Awesome find a way to watch the Eagles game on Friday night. Unrelated, does anyone know a good lawyer who will handle stolen digital property cases?
** The 49ers inducted RB Frank Gore into their team Hall of Fame at halftime of Monday night’s game, which was an odd choice, seeing as how Frank Gore will never retire and is simply waiting to sign on for another season. In his second pro game, Gore was tackled by Eagles S Brian Dawkins during a 2005 contest. In his last game (for now), Gore snuck by Rams DT Aaron Donald for a TD in 2020. I expect to see him signed again by week 4.
Week 1 standings
1 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 150.34 pts
2 — Kodos for President (Jo), 137.30 pts
3 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 129.81 pts
4 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 128.43 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 124.56 pts
6 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 120.32 pts
7 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 113.48 pts
8 — Jabronis (Ant), 106.92 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 102.70 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 97.85 pts
11 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 68.22 pts
12 — Let’s Go Union! (Paul), 68.06 pts
Solid work all around this week — Six teams topped 120 pts, nine teams topped 100 pts, and a tenth just missed the century mark because of RB Christian McCaffery’s last-minute scratch on Monday night.
Leading the pack (thanks mostly to Packer Jayden Reed) after week one is Dad, followed in order by all the coaches stationed at Fort Awesome. Tough start for Sam and Paul, who didn’t manage to crack 70 pts, but it’s a long season. Even longer if you’ve got Jordan Love’s busted ankle leading your team …
Thursday’s game is the Bills vs. the Dolphins, and the Eagles don’t play until Monday night. Get your rosters set early and try to pay attention for the whole week’s slate, even if the good stuff is all the way at the end.
** In the third quarter of the Cardinals/Bills game, after a pair of strong runs gained the Cardinals back-to-back first downs, Arizona radio analyst Ron Wolfey — a former college running back — cheered on the offensive game plan:
“That’s what I want to see,” he yelled. “Bring out the flat shovel and start swinging it!”
I’m lost here. Was he calling the running backs shovels? Was he implying their faces belong in the dirt? Why not throw a punch instead of swinging a shovel? And wouldn’t a pointy shovel be better, because it’s stabby?
Sadly, the next play was a forward pass — and not a forward shovel pass — and the Cardinals only managed a TD on the drive. Maybe next time they’ll open up the playbook and use the garden weasel.
** Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa is on pace for 5,746 passing yds this season (338 in Sunday’s win over the Jaguars). That would break the single-season mark of 5,477, set by Peyton Manning in 2013.
** Ravens QB Lamar Jackson is on pace for 2,074 rushing yds this season (122 in Thursday’s loss to the Chiefs). That would only be good enough for third all-time among rushers, but would far outdistance the current record for yards on the ground by a passer (1,206, set by Jackson in 2019).
** Bills DE Greg Rousseau is on pace for 51 sacks this season (3 in Sunday’s win against the Cardinals). That would obliterate the current record of 22.5, held legitimately by T.J Watt and illegitimately by Michael Strahan.
** The Denver Broncos’ defense is on pace to record 34 safeties this season (two in Sunday’s loss to the Seahawks). The record for a team in a single year is four, so they’re on pace to absolutely shatter the previous mark. With 68 points from those safeties, they’d also beat the record of points scored by a defense in a season (currently 54, set by the 1961 Chargers).
** The New Jersey Giants are on pace not to score a TD this season (just two field goals on Sunday’s loss to the Vikings) and on pace to total just 102 points for the whole year (six total points on Sunday). That would beat the previous team low in NFL history … just barely. The 1977 Tampa Bay Bucs totaled only 103 points that year, albeit in 14 games.
** ESPN commentator Joe Buck is on pace to announce 17 games this season (he announced Monday night’s 49ers/Jets game), despite all evidence that a civilized society would not allow that to happen.
One of the most impressive features of the Cowboys operations is their ability to consistently bring in the same quality of players year after year. And by quality, I mean low quality.Take, for example, Dallas rookie tight end Marist Liufau. The third-round draft pick out of Notre Dame was viewed by scouts as a quality player with good instincts and solid character. The Cowboys selected him because that analysis is completely untrue. Just look at all the things the letters in his name clearly spell out:
Cowboys LB Marist Liufau
** A biblical wuss, fury moot
** A bombastic soul, wily fur
** A fussy bimbo, will arc out
** A slow bum, obscurity fail
** A foul blob, racy swimsuit
Of all his terrible traits, wearing a racy swimsuit may be the worst.
** Uneventful start to the year for the weekly picks with Dad. We both started 13-3, tied for the week, but one of the three I missed was the Panthers getting absolutely wrecked by the Saints (47-10). Carolina has lost 17 of its last 20 games, so why I picked them to win anything is a mystery. ** Shoutout to Dr. Bob, who helped Fort Awesome find a way to watch the Eagles game on Friday night. Unrelated, does anyone know a good lawyer who will handle stolen digital property cases?
** The 49ers inducted RB Frank Gore into their team Hall of Fame at halftime of Monday night’s game, which was an odd choice, seeing as how Frank Gore will never retire and is simply waiting to sign on for another season. In his second pro game, Gore was tackled by Eagles S Brian Dawkins during a 2005 contest. In his last game (for now), Gore snuck by Rams DT Aaron Donald for a TD in 2020. I expect to see him signed again by week 4.
Week 1 standings
1 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 150.34 pts
2 — Kodos for President (Jo), 137.30 pts
3 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 129.81 pts
4 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 128.43 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 124.56 pts
6 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 120.32 pts
7 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 113.48 pts
8 — Jabronis (Ant), 106.92 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 102.70 pts
10 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 97.85 pts
11 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 68.22 pts
12 — Let’s Go Union! (Paul), 68.06 pts
Solid work all around this week — Six teams topped 120 pts, nine teams topped 100 pts, and a tenth just missed the century mark because of RB Christian McCaffery’s last-minute scratch on Monday night.
Leading the pack (thanks mostly to Packer Jayden Reed) after week one is Dad, followed in order by all the coaches stationed at Fort Awesome. Tough start for Sam and Paul, who didn’t manage to crack 70 pts, but it’s a long season. Even longer if you’ve got Jordan Love’s busted ankle leading your team …
Thursday’s game is the Bills vs. the Dolphins, and the Eagles don’t play until Monday night. Get your rosters set early and try to pay attention for the whole week’s slate, even if the good stuff is all the way at the end.
1 comment:
A fun way to start the season. Of course I can say that since I had a good week. Pop Shane
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