Throw a risky swing pass
Throwing a risky swing pass
Throw a risky swing pass
Throw a risky swing pass
Run
Run
Run
Run
Throw a risky swing pass
FYI, all of the Eagles coaches got a zero on the quiz, except for Vic Fangio, who scored a 20%. Apparently he is a very big Forrest Gump fan.
WR: Marvin Harrison Jr., 22.67 pts — started by Sam
RB: Alvin Kamara, 40.83 pts — started by Bob
TE: George Kittle, 14.57 pts — started by Ant
K: Austin Seibert, 22.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Buffalo, 19.00 pts — on my bench
D: Aidan Hutchinson, 13.00 pts — started by Paul
In the best RB performance since week 4 of last year, Kamara scored four times against the vaunted Cowboys defense to end Dallas’s 16-game home win streak (which apparently did not include their home playoff loss last year, for reasons). His 59.43 pts so far this season make him the fantasy MVP through two weeks, just ahead of … checks notes .. Baker Mayfield is still up here? What the heck?
Harrison — the much-hyped rookie for the Cardinals — had just one catch in his debut last week. This week, he was shut out after the first quarter, giving him a grand total of four receiving yards for seven of his first eight professional quarters. However, in that first quarter, he had 130 yds receiving and two TDs. I guess what I’m saying is that he can be a streaky player.
Also through two games, 15 team defenses have recorded four or fewer sacks. Hutchinson had four and a half on Sunday alone. And his team lost. So, once again, football makes no sense.
“Dallas stinks” edition3rd place: Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Ant’s bench
2nd place: Clayton Tune, -2.60 pts — on the wire
1st place: LA Rams, -3.00 pts — on the wire
As bad as Dallas was, the Rams somehow scored even lower. They surrendered three fewer points than the Cowboys (only 41!) but Dallas managed a turnover and a blocked kick, almost clawing back into positive territory. The Rams simply rolled over and died.
Sandwiched between those two in the biggest losers list is the Cardinals backup QB. Yes, his team won by 31, but he managed -6 yds rushing and a fumble in his short relief appearance. Kyler Murray, their starter, had a perfect passer rating. So, you could say the day turned out differently for each of them.
** At halftime of that Saints/Cowboys contest, New Orleans radio commentator Deuce McCallister previewed the second half by saying that his Saints “need to pin these guys back in terms of the return game. TheCowboys have had pretty good field position so far.”
The Cowboys, of course, had pretty good field position because they were consistently getting the ball at the 30-yard line … after the Saints kicked off the ball five times following touchdown drives in the first half. It’s hard to pin a team back on punts when you don’t punt the ball at all.
** I’m a big fan of NFL Red Zone host Scott Hanson, a man whose job it is to narrate 10 different football games at the same time without sounding like a fool. So I offer this misstep not as a criticism, but more as a sign that maybe this dude needs a mandated water break every 200 minutes or so.
At the tail end of the Bucs/Lions game, with Tampa facing a third-and-six inside their own half of the field, the Bucs tried a surprise pass to try and get the first down. Hanson was shocked. “I guess the Bucs were trying to catch the Lions with their heads asleep!” he exclaimed.
I’m guessing he wanted to say “catch them napping” or “catch them with their heads down” but honestly catching someone with just their heads asleep and the rest of their bodies moving around would be a lot more dangerous.
** At the final two-minute warning of the Monday night game, ESPN commentator Scott Van Pelt previewed the post-game show where “we’ll be talking about the highlights of this game, which looks like it’ll be won by the home team.”
Apparently the Eagles coaches took that as a direct challenge.
The Packers’ 16-10 win over the Colts on Sunday made that franchise the first in NFL history to reach 800 victories. That milestone came in their 1,437th game, a win percentage of 55.7 percent. Given that pace, and the likelihood that the NFL will shift to an 18-game schedule in coming years, that means Green Bay should become the first team to hit the 1,000-wins mark in week 3 of the 2044 season. And, thanks to advanced analytics, we also know exactly what that game will look like:
** The Packers will win 23-22 over the Las Vegas Texans, one of five NFL franchises now housed in Sin City. They had a chance to hit the wins mark one week earlier, against the London Jaguars, but lost on a late-field goal.
** The winning QB will be second-year pro Birch Manning, who is the son of Arch Manning, who is the nephew of Peyton Manning, who is the son of Archie Manning. The losing QB will be Aaron Rodgers, now on his 12th team.
** The game-winning play will come on a three-point conversion with four minutes left in the fourth quarter. The three-point play — which by rule involves spotting the ball at the 10-yard line and allowing an extra defender on the field — was initially unsuccessful, but the Packers got it on their second try after a bogus pass interference play kept their hopes alive.
** Not many people will get to see the game, since it was only available on TV through the paid subscription service NBC Law&Order Plus, and because the game was played at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday (part of the NFL’s new “watch at work” lineup).
** ESPN will dedicate four minutes of that evening’s SportsCenter to the milestone, then follow it up with two minutes of WNBA highlights and 54 minutes of Steven A. Smith arguing with co-hosts over how Tom Brady could have been the best soccer player ever.
There are a lot of questions for the Arlington Cowpokes after their embarrassing loss to the Saints, but one of the most pressing problems is at TE. Their regular starter was hurt last week and a backup was also thrown on the injured list, forcing them to call up first-year TE Princeton Fant from the practice squad. And he is not the kind of guy you want hanging around the team for long. Why? It’s clearly spelled out in his name:
Dallas Cowboys rookie tight end Princeton Fant
** A bloodied wreck. Not a phony scent, I farting lots.
Maybe the smell of defeat wasn’t the only stench hanging around Cowboys Stadium this week.
** Through two weeks of the season, five teams have failed to score a TD in their games. And those teams are somehow 2-3 in those contests, with the Maryland Commies and Pittsburgh Steelers both already recording victories on the backs of field goals alone.
I’m not really sure what to make of that, but it feels really weird.
** I dropped two games to Dad on Sunday in our weekly picks showdown, giving him a two-game lead for the season thus far. After a stellar first week, it’s best we not talk about what our records were in week 2.
** The Panthers announced Monday they will bench former first overall pick Bryce Young and start veteran Andy Dalton as their QB next week, and I would have bet you any amount of money you wanted that Andy Dalton retired before covid hit.
** Cowboys lost, Eagles lost, 49ers lost, Lions lost, so the presumed NFC powerhouses are all looking great right now.
Week 2 standings
1 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 250.68 pts
2 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 247.29 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 246.71 pts
4 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 244.20 pts
5 — Jabronis (Ant), 240.88 pts
6 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 228.10 pts
7 — Beer 'n Chips (Dad), 225.54 pts
8 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 219.01 pts
9 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 217.41 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 210.18 pts
11 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 165.91 pts
12 — Let’s Go Union! (Paul), 158.50 pts
Lots of turmoil in the standings this week. Kamara helped Bob’s squad rush to the top of the standings, while Jeff — who didn’t have access to his team until this week — snuck up to the silver medal slot despite losing two starters to long-term injuries (Isaiah Pacheco and Cooper Kupp). Ant’s big week doesn’t count, since he used Dak Prescott to get there. Our top five teams are all within 10 pts of first place.
It took only two weeks, but we’ve already arrived at the first “Paul may be tuned out for the year” moment of the fantasy season. Not only did he start Packers QB Jordan Love — who was injured nine days in advance of Sunday’s contest — but he also started Love’s #2 WR, Christian Watson, who had no one of note to throw to him. That gave him two zeros in his lineup, yet he somehow still beat Dad by 15 pts.
Next week’s lineup includes a Thursday game, two Monday night games and … gasp … an actual Eagles football game on early Sunday afternoon! It has been 261 days since one of those! Try and enjoy it, you don’t get too many of those this season. Maybe the sunshine will inspire them not to throw the game.
** The Packers will win 23-22 over the Las Vegas Texans, one of five NFL franchises now housed in Sin City. They had a chance to hit the wins mark one week earlier, against the London Jaguars, but lost on a late-field goal.
** The winning QB will be second-year pro Birch Manning, who is the son of Arch Manning, who is the nephew of Peyton Manning, who is the son of Archie Manning. The losing QB will be Aaron Rodgers, now on his 12th team.
** The game-winning play will come on a three-point conversion with four minutes left in the fourth quarter. The three-point play — which by rule involves spotting the ball at the 10-yard line and allowing an extra defender on the field — was initially unsuccessful, but the Packers got it on their second try after a bogus pass interference play kept their hopes alive.
** Not many people will get to see the game, since it was only available on TV through the paid subscription service NBC Law&Order Plus, and because the game was played at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday (part of the NFL’s new “watch at work” lineup).
** ESPN will dedicate four minutes of that evening’s SportsCenter to the milestone, then follow it up with two minutes of WNBA highlights and 54 minutes of Steven A. Smith arguing with co-hosts over how Tom Brady could have been the best soccer player ever.
There are a lot of questions for the Arlington Cowpokes after their embarrassing loss to the Saints, but one of the most pressing problems is at TE. Their regular starter was hurt last week and a backup was also thrown on the injured list, forcing them to call up first-year TE Princeton Fant from the practice squad. And he is not the kind of guy you want hanging around the team for long. Why? It’s clearly spelled out in his name: Dallas Cowboys rookie tight end Princeton Fant
** A bloodied wreck. Not a phony scent, I farting lots.
Maybe the smell of defeat wasn’t the only stench hanging around Cowboys Stadium this week.
** Through two weeks of the season, five teams have failed to score a TD in their games. And those teams are somehow 2-3 in those contests, with the Maryland Commies and Pittsburgh Steelers both already recording victories on the backs of field goals alone. I’m not really sure what to make of that, but it feels really weird.
** I dropped two games to Dad on Sunday in our weekly picks showdown, giving him a two-game lead for the season thus far. After a stellar first week, it’s best we not talk about what our records were in week 2.
** The Panthers announced Monday they will bench former first overall pick Bryce Young and start veteran Andy Dalton as their QB next week, and I would have bet you any amount of money you wanted that Andy Dalton retired before covid hit.
** Cowboys lost, Eagles lost, 49ers lost, Lions lost, so the presumed NFC powerhouses are all looking great right now.
Week 2 standings
1 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 250.68 pts
2 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 247.29 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 246.71 pts
4 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 244.20 pts
5 — Jabronis (Ant), 240.88 pts
6 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 228.10 pts
7 — Beer 'n Chips (Dad), 225.54 pts
8 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 219.01 pts
9 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 217.41 pts
10 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 210.18 pts
11 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 165.91 pts
12 — Let’s Go Union! (Paul), 158.50 pts
Lots of turmoil in the standings this week. Kamara helped Bob’s squad rush to the top of the standings, while Jeff — who didn’t have access to his team until this week — snuck up to the silver medal slot despite losing two starters to long-term injuries (Isaiah Pacheco and Cooper Kupp). Ant’s big week doesn’t count, since he used Dak Prescott to get there. Our top five teams are all within 10 pts of first place.
It took only two weeks, but we’ve already arrived at the first “Paul may be tuned out for the year” moment of the fantasy season. Not only did he start Packers QB Jordan Love — who was injured nine days in advance of Sunday’s contest — but he also started Love’s #2 WR, Christian Watson, who had no one of note to throw to him. That gave him two zeros in his lineup, yet he somehow still beat Dad by 15 pts.
Next week’s lineup includes a Thursday game, two Monday night games and … gasp … an actual Eagles football game on early Sunday afternoon! It has been 261 days since one of those! Try and enjoy it, you don’t get too many of those this season. Maybe the sunshine will inspire them not to throw the game.
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