Fantasy league 2018 -- week 16 recap

What famous NFL personalities are asking for this Christmas:

** Odell Beckham: A real QB to throw to him.
** Philip Rivers: A city that cares whether he wins or not.
** Jerry Jones: A soul … to eat.
** Roger Goodell: More blind vagrants to use as referees.
** Andy Reid: Just a few more timeouts.
** Drew Brees: An MVP award, so everyone can stop already.
** Carson Wentz: A Nick Foles jersey.

 

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 46.88 pts — started by Jim
WR: Antonio Brown, 31.33 pts — started by Paul
RB: Chris Carson, 23.60 pts — started by Joel
TE: Zach Ertz, 25.33 pts — started by Jim
K: Dustin Hopkins, 14.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Baltimore, 21.00 pts — on Mom D’s bench
D: Jaylon Smith, 11.50 pts — on the wire

I know what the fantasy rules say, but we all know Nick Foles had the best week of any player. He totaled 471 passing yards (a new Eagles single game record) and four passing TDs (the most of any player this week) in his second consecutive win for the birds. He also breathed new life into the Eagles playoff hopes, inspired a city, healed the sick, drove out demons, and had one rushing yard.

Pretty much a typical Sunday for him.


“Playoff hopeful players” edition

3rd place: Rod Smith, -0.70 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Stevan Ridley, -1.60 pts — on the wire
1st place: Taysom Hill, -2.00 pts — on the wire

We had a remarkable six position players in negative figures this week, including three backup QBs (the Saints’ Hill, Patriots QB Brian Hoyer and Rams QB Sean Mannion) and Ridley, the Steelers RB making his second appearance on this list his year. In a season where Pittsburgh seems to be able to turn unknown RBs into fantasy gold, Ridley remains a reliable worthless rock.

For the record, the worst player on the week was the Chiefs’ pathetic defense, which scored -3.00 pts in their crushing loss to the Seahawks. But that’s no worry, defense doesn’t tend to play a bigger role once the playoffs roll around.

** In the second quarter of the Eagles game sunday, when referee John Parry opted not to throw a flag when Texans DE Jadaveon Clowney downed Foles by his facemask, Foles screamed at Parry. After the game, he told reporters that he was sorry for the outburst. “I was a little upset and I shouldn't do that, but I was fired up a little bit.”

No, Nick. You absolutely should do that. In a game marred by awful refereeing, that was the worst missed call of the day. Foles is lucky he didn’t suffer serious injury, and the ref was 10 feet away staring right at the play. Absolutely no excuse. If anything, Foles should have yelled more.

** Headline on ESPN this week: “Panthers’ McCaffrey sets NFL mark, beats Dad.”

Just when you thought the news couldn’t be bleaker for the league, now we have to deal with a player beating up his own father. Just terrible.

** Saints coach Sean Payton, asked what his plans are for the regular season finale next week against the Panthers — a game that means nothing for either team in terms of playoff seeding — said “we're going to approach this game just like we would any regular-season game.”

In other news, Payton is either a liar or an idiot. This game has no meaning. His team is the #1 seed in the NFC. If he doesn’t rest all of his starters, he should be fired on the spot.

Eagles TE Zach Ertz broke the single season reception record for his position this week with his 111th catch of the season, and finished the game with 113. If he manages to pick up seven more next Sunday, he’ll join a group of less than a dozen NFL players (all wide receivers) who recorded at least 120 catches in a single year. To put those numbers in perspective:

** If you stacked 113 footballs on top of each other, they would fall down, because they are oval shaped and do not stack well.

** If you stacked 113 catchers on top of each other, they would also fall over, and you would be charged with assault.

** If you stacked 113 Zach Ertzes on top of each other, you would also be jailed, because human cloning is both against the law and morally questionable.

** If you combined 113 Zach Ertzes into a single, super football player, you would create one Nick Foles.

First-year WR Michael Gallup caught the game-winning TD in Sunday’s victory for the Cowboys, officially clinching the NFC East title for them. The rookie has had an uneven year but also seen some success of late. But more importantly, he has found a way to truly embody the Dallas spirit during his short stint there. Not surprising, considering what his name spells out:

Cowboys rookie wideout Michael Gallup
** Be good to all? Like a wild coach, me wails: "Up yours"

Great Christmas spirit in that guy.

** Dad and I split our picks this week, so I enter the final week of the season down 11. Is getting that margin within single digits a moral victory? Maybe. But we don’t play for moral victories around here. I look forward to reporting to you next week how I went 12-0 against Dad ad stunned him with my amazing come from behind triumph.

** So we need to root for the Cardinals to keep it close against the Rams so the Bears still have a reason to play hard against the Vikings who we need to lose for the Eagles to sneak into the playoffs. Go Cards.

** Army won the Armed Forces Bowl 70-14 behind 500-plus rushing yards and I don’t even have a joke here. Just, wow.

Week 16 standings

1 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 2134.38 pts
2 — Drinkin da Foles-Aid (Paul), 2111.41 pts
3 — Nick 'MVP' Foles (Capt. Awesome), 2005.75 pts
4 — Philly Special (Jo), 1948.63 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1946.91 pts
6 — The Garoppolo Gamble (Joel), 1915.26 pts
7 — Witch Hunting (Jim), 1846.05 pts
8 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 1783.33 pts
9 — Kiss A Fish Today (Dad), 1715.98 pts
10 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1689.34 pts
11 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 1654.84 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1484.62 pts

This is exciting. A mere 23 pts separates Ant and Paul for the Awesome Cup title. If Ant falters, or if Paul overachieves in the most meaningless week of fantasy football, an entire season of work could be lost. How will it end? Who will reign supreme? Can you handle the tension?!?

Probably, because the rest of you have already lost. I’m too far back in third for anything but a miracle hail mary, and Jo and Sam aren’t even in the stadium for that last gasp pass. In fact, except for those two, everyone is probably locked into their current spot, making for a bit of a dud for a final weekend.

But the Eagles still have a chance to make the playoffs, and Paul and Ant’s battle makes for enough drama to tune back in. Get those rosters set one last time before your New Year’s Eve prep and enjoy the last two recaps of the season next week.