Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Fantasy league 2016 -- week 14 recap

This weekend marks the most exciting time of the year: The first Saturday games of the NFL season. The league, which is totally not already overexposed, will feature an incredible slate of games to watch over five days for all your viewing excitement. Consider these tasty match-ups:

** Thursday night, Rams vs. Seahawks
Their last matchup was a 9-6 FG contest, but this time the Rams come in having just fired their head coach and a 15-point underdog. Must-see TV.

** Saturday night, Dolphins at Jets
An AFC match-up between a playoff hopeful who lost their QB to injury last week (Miami) and a four-win squad on their fourth QB of the year (New York).

** Sunday 1pm, eight games
Take your pick! Only two of the games feature a pair of teams with winning records, but maybe you’ll get lucky and get that exciting Browns/Bills contest instead.

** Sunday 4pm, four games
Three of these games (Patriots at Broncos, Oakland at San Diego, Saints at Cardinals) could be fun to watch. But you’ll only get to see one at the most, thanks to TV rules.

** Sunday night, Bucs at Cowboys
This is a great match-up between two NFC championship contenders. I’m surprised it’s on national TV. Maybe they’ll move it.

** Monday night, Panthers at Maryland Racial Slurs
Two division winners from 2015 square off to see if either can move out of third place this season.

And if that wasn't enough excitement, the college bowl season starts Saturday too, with the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl, the Las Vegas Bowl presented by Geico, and the AutoNation Cure Bowl. No, I did not make up any of those.

Be sure to check with your doctor to see how much consumption of football-like substance is hazardous to your health.

QB: Tom Brady, 32.14 pts -- started by Jeff
WR: Tyreek Hill, 20.58 pts -- started by Jo
RB: Le’Veon Bell, 47.73 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
TE: Tyler Eifert, 17.70 pts -- started by me
K: Nick Novak, 19.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: Atlanta, 28.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Vic Beasley Jr., 17.50 pts -- started by Mom Doyle

Arrrggggghhhh we were that close. Stupid Hotlanta.

(In fairness, we weren’t that close. Of the top six DEFs this week, only two were owned, and both of them were on the bench).

Bell’s ridiculous three-TD, 236-yds rushing performance (plus a mere 62 yds receiving) was by far the top fantasy performance of the year and the best fantasy output by a running back since … just three years ago, actually. In December 2013, Jamaal Charles had a 49-pts performance behind five TDs and 195 yds receiving. And Bell’s work pales in comparison to the 61.7-pts performance by Houston RB Billy Cannon in 1961, when he accounted for 330 total yds and five 5 TDs. Pretty sure I was playing against him that week...

“Players we own” edition

3rd place: Travis Benjamin, -0.20 pts -- on Sam’s bench
2nd place: Dez Bryant, -0.33 pts -- started by Jim
1st place: Seattle, -5.00 pts -- started by me

Yeah, I did not see that Green Bay beatdown of the Seahawks coming.

Great game for the Cowpokes #1 wideout on Sunday night: one catch for 10 yds, and a fumble. Good work for a guy who is supposed to be one of the top five receivers in the league. But at least he’s calm enough not to make a big deal out of that this week.

** During Sunday’s painful Giants/Cowboys game, as Dallas was trying to get in FG range at the end of the first half, sideline reporter Michele Tafoya said she had talked to Cowboys K Dan Bailey who reported “that he’s confident kicking from 54 yards either way in this stadium, but he thinks he can get another yard or two going this direction on the field.”

The Cowboys then promptly completed an 18-yard pass, trotted Bailey out for a last-second FG, and his kick from 55 yards … hit the crossbar and bounced back onto the field. So I guess he couldn’t get another yard.

Honestly, I don’t know if that was just stupid coincidence or amazing knowledge of one’s own limitations. I’m just happy Dallas missed a FG.

** During Monday night’s game, before Baltimore’s first FG attempt, ESPN announcer Sean McDonough announced that Ravens K Justin Tucker was the only kicker not to miss any attempts this year. The stats team flashed up “only perfect kicker” across the screen. Color commentator John Gruden stated “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this guy miss.”

Of course the kick was immediately blocked.

Next time, if ESPN wants to be nicer, instead of jinxing the guy every way possible, they’ll just go punch him in the face.

The Eagles, at 5-8, aren’t going to the playoffs this year. They’ll extend the longest wait among Philadelphia teams since the last playoff win, way back in 2008 (one more losing year and it’s a decade, kids).

But since the Phillies five-year run atop the NL East, it’s been pretty dark times all around for Philly sports. The Flyers and Sixers both won first-round playoff series in 2012, and the four teams are a combined 0-3 in the post-season in the four years since.

Which brings us to the 2016-2017 Flyers, who could end that streak with a victory next spring. The Flyers have reeled off nine wins in a row to pull within two points of the best record in all of hockey, albeit with 51 games still left on their schedule.

I bring this all up mostly to note that if it doesn’t happen, it’ll be more than five years without a decent sports team in town. The Phillies and Sixers still look several years away, and the Eagles look two years away from winning a division game again (0-4 this season).

So, go Flyers. Yay hockey. Yay something watchable. Please.

With all the attention focused on the Cowboys top two QBs this year, their third string passer has gone almost completely unnoticed for much of the season. How is one-time Eagles/Jets/Broncos QB Mark Sanchez doing down in Texas these days?

Former USC great, Dallas Cowboys backup quarterback Mark Travis Sanchez
** Butt fumble hero a sad mess, a quack. TV czars rip car bro: Lacks any grace, work.

Of course Sanchez’ name and title easily spell out “butt fumble.” He will never escape it.

** Great rally by Dad, who lost the Thursday night game but picked up two on Sunday to pull within seven again. He’s still not mathematically eliminated, only scientifically and grammatically.

** Headline: “Fantasy injury updates for Melvin Gordon, Matt Forte, Matthew Stafford, more for Week 15.”

Me, looking at my pay-league team heading to the playoffs next week: “Yep, I’m starting all three of them. QB Tyrod Taylor and WR Allen Hurns on my bench, both injured too.”

Fantasy football stinks.

** Speaking of my fantasy teams, I missed the playoffs by one game in my third league. I lost this week by 1.5 pts. It’s the third time this year I lost by less than a field goal.

Fantasy football stinks.

Week 14 standings

1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1783.20 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1717.70pts
3 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1667.92 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1650.82 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1600.57 pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1585.47 pts
7 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 1499.13 pts
8 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1492.99 pts
9 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1468.71 pts
10 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 1468.43 pts
11 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 1393.83 pts
12 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1345.54 pts

Anthony is starting to chase down our long-time league leader, and now sits only 66 pts back of another Awesome Cup Championship. All her needs is to outscore Joel by 22 pts a week over the last stretch of the season, and this week he beat him by 32. So … anything is possible.

Case in point -- No one thought my dreadful team could get into the middle of the standings, but here we are. All I need to do is outscore Joel by 94 pts a week over the last three weeks and I’ll be up top.

OK, maybe not everything is possible.

Kudos to Mom Doyle for winning the week with the 12th-best pts total of the year, pulling her further away from the basement. If she can just get 200-plus yds out of Le’Veon Bell each week, she might break the single-digits in the standings.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

so, speaking of the cowboys, where will Tony be next year. Maybe Cleveland, lol

Dad Shane