** At 5-5, if the Eagles were in the AFC North, they’d be in 1st place. There are three other divisions where they’d be one game out of first in second. Instead, they’re dead last in the NFC East, two games out of third and essentially five out of first.
** R. Matthews picked up 122 yds on Sunday, accounting for almost 1/3rd of the team’s offense. Unfortunately, that’s Rishard Matthews of the Titans, not Ryan Matthews of the Eagles. The Birds’ R. Matthews picked up only 31 yds and left with another injury.
** The Eagles are third in the league in point differential, at plus-55. They’re second in the league in fewest points allowed, at 186. They’re one of only three teams with a perfect home record. And their ninth of 16 in the NFC playoff standings.
** Eagles QB Carson Wentz seems firmly entrenched in third place in NFL rookie of the year voting. Of course, options one and two play in the same division: Cowboys QB Dak Prescott and Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott.
If it weren’t for bad luck, they’d have no luck at all…
QB: Tom Brady, 36.40 pts -- started by Jeff WR: Dez Bryant, 20.33 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Rob Kelley, 31.70 pts -- on Mike’s bench
TE: Jared Cook, 14.50 pts -- on Bob’s bench
K: Roberto Aguayo, 14.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 24.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Xavier Rhodes, 12.00 pts -- on the wire
We’ve had better weeks…
This is a family blog, so I’ll leave all the jokes about R Kelley making a mess of the Packers’ defense to your imagination.
And it’s never a good week when the top TE, K and D player all scored about the same. Not seeing a lot of excitement out there right now.
“All QB edition” edition
3rd place: Chad Henne, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Trevone Boykin, -0.50 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Brett Hundley, -1.64 pts -- on the wire
I was pretty confident that Chad Henne retired at least three years ago. He actually hasn’t attempted a pass since 2014, but he did rush for -2 yds on Sunday, so I guess that counts as still playing.
And congrats to Hundley, whose late-game interception on Sunday moved him into the lead for the worst fantasy player of the year. At -1.32 pts for the season, the Packers backup QB is just ahead of injured Niners WR Keshawn Martin (-1.26 pts) and comfortably ahead of Chicago third-string QB Matt Barkley (-0.86 pts). All Hundley needs to do is stay out of Green Bay’s final five games … or maybe throw a few picks against the Eagles on Sunday.
** During the CBS broadcast of Sunday’s Eagles game, the announcers stopped paying attention to the Eagles pretty early given their sloppy play and started talking about how big the previous week’s Seahawks’ win over the Patriots was. Color commentator Phil Simms called it “poetic justice” that Seattle won with a fourth quarter goal line stand, given that two years ago New England won the Super Bowl on a similar defensive hold.
Later that night, NBC announcer Chris Collinsworth said the Maryland Racial Slurs were extra fired up to get revenge on the Packers, given Green Bay’s victory over the squad in last year’s playoffs.
Did I miss a memo somewhere? Is week 11 of 2016 worth more than past playoff years? No chance Seahawks coach Pete Carroll sits up at night and thinks, “yeah, I blew that Super Bowl, but at least I got revenge in that mid-November game that had one-tenth the viewers!”
Not everything is an epic rematch, folks. Sometimes it’s just a scheduling quirk.
** NFL.com had a story titled “Thirty-six things we learned from Week 11” on Monday and I’ll let you know what it says when I get done reading it in December.
What each NFL team is thankful for this year:
** Dallas Cowboys: That none of their rookies have been charged with felonies … yet.
** Chicago Bears: That the Cubs won, so nobody cares about how awful they are.
** New England Patriots: That no one has found out how they’re cheating this season … yet.
** New York Giants: That a helmet can hide most of Eli Manning’s dopey face.
** Pittsburgh Steelers: That despite playing awful, they’re not out of the playoff hunt … yet.
** Jacksonville Jaguars: That they have home fans who will cheer them, even if it’s only in London.
** Cleveland Browns: That 2016 is almost over.
There are times this feature is too forced to be believable, and I apologize for those errors. Sometimes the search for the hidden darkness in the names of Cowboys players gets so complex it strains the levels of credibility, and I know that sows doubts into whether these players are truly terrible or simply the victims of word mastery wizardry.
And then there are players like Vince Mayle, who remind you that the horror inside the souls of all Cowboys players cannot be denied. Consider:
Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Very evil deal, w/ increased malice
“Ha!” you say. “That’s clever. But what does it really prove?”
Everything. It proves everything.
Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Decency reviled. A vile realism. Aw.
I hear you. “OK, two is just a coincidence but…”
Stop. Accept that these anagrams are hidden truth, not mere manipulation.
Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** All me: I live decadency, I serve war
“OK, that’s weird but it still doesn’t …”
Stop. You cannot deny what is clearly spelled out in the names.
Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Silverware deceived me. I’ll can ya
The guy is angry at silverware. Silverware! If that’s not the heart of evil, I don’t know what is.
** It’s a turnaround week for Dad -- he won both games we had different on Sunday and got his deficit in the weekly picks back to a touchdown (and a converted extra point, unlike everybody else). Now let’s see how he can pick with a belly full of turkey.** Among the nominees for MLB’s Hall of Fame this year: Pat Burrell and Matt Stairs. Both long shots, but I’ll be interested to see how long each stays on the ballot. As long as you get 5 percent of the vote, you stay on for up to 10 years.
** Seriously though the Eagles could be eliminated from winning the NFC East this week. Ugh.
Week 11 standings 1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1448.27 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1360.88 pts
3 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1320.87 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1313.85 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1301.39 pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1268.52 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1213.46 pts
8 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1193.06 pts
9 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 1190.11 pts
10 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 1089.62 pts
11 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 1054.02 pts
12 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1026.67 pts
They said it couldn’t be done, and it did take 11 weeks, but congrats to Mom Doyle, who pulled her team out of dead last and into … dead second to last but that isn’t the point. A second-place finish on the week coupled with a steady slide from Bob gets Mom out of the cellar and within striking distance of 10th, currently held by a team we won’t discuss.
Meanwhile, Joel is starting to run away with this thing. The distance between first and second is almost the same as between second and sixth. So, you know, get on it.
Remember there are three games on Thanksgiving, so set your roster before putting the turkey in the oven. I don’t care what time the family is coming over, you’re gonna forget about your kicker if you wait.
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