Fantasy league 2016 -- week 12 recap

The Eagles easiest path to the playoffs, after Monday’s drubbing at the hands of the Packers:

** The Eagles go 4-1 in their final five. They finish 9-7.
** The Maryland Racial Slurs go 2-3 or worse, finishing no better than 8-7-1.
** The Bucs and Vikings go 2-3 or worse, finishing no better than 8-8.
** The Saints and Packers go 3-2 or worse, finishing no better than 8-8.
** The Cardinals, Panther and Rams all lose at least one more game, and finish no better than 8-8.

Just those few simple steps and the Eagles lock down that final wild card spot. Four of their final five contests come against teams with a winning record and currently in playoff position. But they’re actually third in the NFC in point differential, so it should be no problem at all.

QB: Drew Brees, 40.50 pts -- started by Paul
WR: Tyreek Hill, 28.55 pts -- started by Joanna
RB: Mark Ingram, 28.50 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Jordan Reed, 23.33 pts -- on Ant’s bench
K: Justin Tucker, 19.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: NY Giants, 25.00 pts -- started by Dad
D: Jason Pierre-Paul, 18.50 pts -- on the wire

Fun facts you find out about everyone’s coaching style when you put this list together:

** Anthony started two TEs who combined for zero pts and left Reed on his bench.
** Jeff is carrying three kickers, two defenses but only one defensive player.
** Dad is averaging more than three player moves a week.
** Bob has been starting an inactive kicker and WR for the last three weeks.
** All of these people still scored over 100 pts this week.

Fantasy football is unfair to the just and the wicked alike…


“Defenses we started” edition

3rd place: Philadelphia, 1.00 pts -- started by Bob
2nd place: Arizona, -1.00 pts -- started by Joel
1st place: LA Rams, -2.00 pts -- started by Paul

Combined, those three teams surrendered 114 pts this weekend, and all three defenses were started in more than 70 percent of leagues across the Yahoo fantasy empire. So, everybody sucks.


** The ESPN ads leading up to Monday’s Packers/Eagles game had the tag line “sometimes desperation is the best inspiration” which is a nicer way of saying “neither of these teams is good but maybe it’ll be fun to watch?”

** At the start of the fourth quarter of Sunday’s Giants/Browns game, Fox commentator Matt Millen said that even though Cleveland was down eight, “they're playing hard, I feel like they're really going to show something this quarter.” Three plays later, the Browns tossed an interception returned for a TD and were out of the game for good.

Millen has unique insight on truly awful teams, given his work assembling the 2008 Lions, the only NFL team to ever go winless in a 16-game season. So it doesn’t surprise me that he was impressed by the 0-12 Browns. Or perhaps he’s just rooting for company down at the bottom?

Time for everyone’s favorite game -- Guess which ones of these are the names of NFL tight ends and which are corporate villains from the Marvel comics universe:

-- Ifeanyi Momah
TE Villain

-- Cooper Helfet
TE Villain

-- Jake Stoneburner
TE Villain

-- Justice Cunningham
TE Villain

-- Xavier Grimble
TE Villain

-- Crockett Gillmore
TE Villain

-- MyCole Pruitt
TE Villain

-- D.J. Tialavea
TE Villain

No need for an answers button -- they’re all TEs. Football is weird this year.

After their Thanksgiving evening game, Dallas gets to return to Thursday night play next week against the flailing Minnesota Vikings before a 10-day break ahead of their season stretch run. Sunday’s are already miserable enough knowing that the Cowboys are on, but watching them mid-week is even more sickening. That comes as no surprise, however, since the problem is spelled out right in the phrase:

Another Thursday night Dallas Cowboys game
** Cry as the haunting doom gathers, always bold

I’d like to tell you that it’s difficult to spell “haunting doom” with just relevant football letters but honestly that stuff comes up easy every week with the Cowboys.

** Dad and I split picks this week, so he stays at seven down for the year so far. It’s not impossible for him to come back in the final five weeks of the season, but the Eagles may have a better chance of making the playoffs.

** NFL officials said this week they are considering dropping the Thursday night games in future seasons, which means they’re probably instead going to move two games to every Thursday night and only air them on Snapchat.

** I don’t know if we’re looking for additional signs of the apocalypse this year, but longtime-doormat Temple is playing against longtime-independent Navy for a conference championship next weekend...

Week 12 standings

1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1563.06 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1476.37 pts
3 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1451.41 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1438.49 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1409.95 pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1388.12 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1322.21 pts
8 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 1311.99 pts
9 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1294.97 pts
10 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 1233.53 pts
11 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1149.54 pts
12 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 1140.13 pts

Only one change in the standings, and it’s Mom dropping back into last place courtesy of LeSean McCoy’s huge fantasy week for Bob’s team. The battle for second place is tightening up, with three teams less than 40 points apart. And it should be noted this is the second time I’ve had the highest point total of the week, even if it just moves me a little closer to 9th…

After a week with no byes, we’re back to several this week, because the NFL hates you. But after this weekend, we’re locked and loaded for the final quarter of the season. Try to contain your excitement.

Fantasy league 2016 -- week 11 recap

 

Facts to consider after Sunday’s brutal Eagles game:

** At 5-5, if the Eagles were in the AFC North, they’d be in 1st place. There are three other divisions where they’d be one game out of first in second. Instead, they’re dead last in the NFC East, two games out of third and essentially five out of first.

** R. Matthews picked up 122 yds on Sunday, accounting for almost 1/3rd of the team’s offense. Unfortunately, that’s Rishard Matthews of the Titans, not Ryan Matthews of the Eagles. The Birds’ R. Matthews picked up only 31 yds and left with another injury.

** The Eagles are third in the league in point differential, at plus-55. They’re second in the league in fewest points allowed, at 186. They’re one of only three teams with a perfect home record. And their ninth of 16 in the NFC playoff standings.

** Eagles QB Carson Wentz seems firmly entrenched in third place in NFL rookie of the year voting. Of course, options one and two play in the same division: Cowboys QB Dak Prescott and Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott.

If it weren’t for bad luck, they’d have no luck at all…

QB: Tom Brady, 36.40 pts -- started by Jeff
WR: Dez Bryant, 20.33 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Rob Kelley, 31.70 pts -- on Mike’s bench
TE: Jared Cook, 14.50 pts -- on Bob’s bench
K: Roberto Aguayo, 14.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Pittsburgh, 24.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Xavier Rhodes, 12.00 pts -- on the wire

We’ve had better weeks…

This is a family blog, so I’ll leave all the jokes about R Kelley making a mess of the Packers’ defense to your imagination.

And it’s never a good week when the top TE, K and D player all scored about the same. Not seeing a lot of excitement out there right now.


“All QB edition” edition

3rd place: Chad Henne, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Trevone Boykin, -0.50 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Brett Hundley, -1.64 pts -- on the wire

I was pretty confident that Chad Henne retired at least three years ago. He actually hasn’t attempted a pass since 2014, but he did rush for -2 yds on Sunday, so I guess that counts as still playing.

And congrats to Hundley, whose late-game interception on Sunday moved him into the lead for the worst fantasy player of the year. At -1.32 pts for the season, the Packers backup QB is just ahead of injured Niners WR Keshawn Martin (-1.26 pts) and comfortably ahead of Chicago third-string QB Matt Barkley (-0.86 pts). All Hundley needs to do is stay out of Green Bay’s final five games … or maybe throw a few picks against the Eagles on Sunday.


** During the CBS broadcast of Sunday’s Eagles game, the announcers stopped paying attention to the Eagles pretty early given their sloppy play and started talking about how big the previous week’s Seahawks’ win over the Patriots was. Color commentator Phil Simms called it “poetic justice” that Seattle won with a fourth quarter goal line stand, given that two years ago New England won the Super Bowl on a similar defensive hold.

Later that night, NBC announcer Chris Collinsworth said the Maryland Racial Slurs were extra fired up to get revenge on the Packers, given Green Bay’s victory over the squad in last year’s playoffs.

Did I miss a memo somewhere? Is week 11 of 2016 worth more than past playoff years? No chance Seahawks coach Pete Carroll sits up at night and thinks, “yeah, I blew that Super Bowl, but at least I got revenge in that mid-November game that had one-tenth the viewers!”

Not everything is an epic rematch, folks. Sometimes it’s just a scheduling quirk.

** NFL.com had a story titled “Thirty-six things we learned from Week 11” on Monday and I’ll let you know what it says when I get done reading it in December.

What each NFL team is thankful for this year:

** Dallas Cowboys: That none of their rookies have been charged with felonies … yet.
** Chicago Bears: That the Cubs won, so nobody cares about how awful they are.
** New England Patriots: That no one has found out how they’re cheating this season … yet.
** New York Giants: That a helmet can hide most of Eli Manning’s dopey face.
** Pittsburgh Steelers: That despite playing awful, they’re not out of the playoff hunt … yet.
** Jacksonville Jaguars: That they have home fans who will cheer them, even if it’s only in London.
** Cleveland Browns: That 2016 is almost over.


There are times this feature is too forced to be believable, and I apologize for those errors. Sometimes the search for the hidden darkness in the names of Cowboys players gets so complex it strains the levels of credibility, and I know that sows doubts into whether these players are truly terrible or simply the victims of word mastery wizardry.

And then there are players like Vince Mayle, who remind you that the horror inside the souls of all Cowboys players cannot be denied. Consider:

Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Very evil deal, w/ increased malice

“Ha!” you say. “That’s clever. But what does it really prove?”
Everything. It proves everything.

Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Decency reviled. A vile realism. Aw.

I hear you. “OK, two is just a coincidence but…”
Stop. Accept that these anagrams are hidden truth, not mere manipulation.

Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** All me: I live decadency, I serve war

“OK, that’s weird but it still doesn’t …”
Stop. You cannot deny what is clearly spelled out in the names.

Dallas Wide Receiver Vince Mayle
** Silverware deceived me. I’ll can ya

The guy is angry at silverware. Silverware! If that’s not the heart of evil, I don’t know what is.

** It’s a turnaround week for Dad -- he won both games we had different on Sunday and got his deficit in the weekly picks back to a touchdown (and a converted extra point, unlike everybody else). Now let’s see how he can pick with a belly full of turkey.

** Among the nominees for MLB’s Hall of Fame this year: Pat Burrell and Matt Stairs. Both long shots, but I’ll be interested to see how long each stays on the ballot. As long as you get 5 percent of the vote, you stay on for up to 10 years.

** Seriously though the Eagles could be eliminated from winning the NFC East this week. Ugh.

Week 11 standings

1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1448.27 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1360.88 pts
3 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1320.87 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1313.85 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1301.39 pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1268.52 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1213.46 pts
8 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1193.06 pts
9 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 1190.11 pts
10 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 1089.62 pts
11 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 1054.02 pts
12 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1026.67 pts

They said it couldn’t be done, and it did take 11 weeks, but congrats to Mom Doyle, who pulled her team out of dead last and into … dead second to last but that isn’t the point. A second-place finish on the week coupled with a steady slide from Bob gets Mom out of the cellar and within striking distance of 10th, currently held by a team we won’t discuss.

Meanwhile, Joel is starting to run away with this thing. The distance between first and second is almost the same as between second and sixth. So, you know, get on it.

Remember there are three games on Thanksgiving, so set your roster before putting the turkey in the oven. I don’t care what time the family is coming over, you’re gonna forget about your kicker if you wait.

Fantasy league 2016 -- week 10 recap

 

Sometimes in life, undeserving people win contests. It doesn’t matter if they’re less skilled, or more incompetent, or less worthy of a lucky bounce. And nowhere was that more obvious in the last week than … in the NFL, where a host of ridiculous finishes abounded. Consider:

** The Saints scored with 1 minute left in their game Sunday to tie the score at 23. It was an impressive comeback, and extra point would give them a much needed win … if the Broncos didn’t block it, return the ball for a two-point score and win 25-23 instead.
** The Rams posted their third game out of nine this year where they failed to score a TD. But they’re 2-1 in those games, after a 9-6 victory over the Jets.
** The Chargers on Sunday played their seventh game decided by eight points or less this season. This one came with San Diego holding the ball just outside field goal range with 70 seconds left in the fourth … only to have QB Phillip Rivers throw a 60-yard interception TD to lose again.
** The Steelers and Cowboys traded leads four times in the fourth quarter, including twice in the last 75 seconds. The Cowboys won despite allowing 408 passing yds to eight different receivers.

Besides that, I can think of any other high-profile, unfortunate upset victories in the last few days. But I may have missed something.

QB: Marcus Mariota, 36.60 pts -- started by Sam
WR: Doug Baldwin, 24.93 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Ezekiel Elliott, 36.73 pts -- started by Mike
TE: Delanie Walker, 18.77 pts -- started by Jeff
K: Steven Hauschka, 16.50 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: Tampa Bay, 30.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Eric Berry, 12.50 pts -- on the wire

How about that Bears offense? The Bucs defense was a better play than most skill positions this week, thanks to a stat line of 10 pts allowed, nine pts scored (a defensive TD and a safety), four turnovers and four sacks. And since they’re owned in only 6 percent of leagues across Yahoo, nearly no one got to benefit from the success.

Meanwhile, former Buckeye Elliot leads the league in rushing yards (first player over 1,000 this season) but is only third among RBs in points per game, just barely behind DeMarco Murray and David Johnson. So that’s something, I guess.


“Getting defensive” edition

3rd place: Jakeem Grant, -0.36 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Trevor Davis, -1.76 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Josh McCown, -3.64 pts -- on the wire

Just when you thought the Browns couldn’t get worse, they pulled McCown off the bench for the second half of their game against the Ravens and sunk even lower. McCown had three turnovers, 59 yds passing and an incredible low 6.4 QB rating (for comparison, as always, your QB rating was 39.6 on Sunday). The 0-10 Browns have a great chance of finishing the season winless this year, a feat accomplished only by the 2008 Lions since the season expanded to 16 games.

And that’s great news for Browns GM Sashi Brown, who is in line for a host of TV jobs if that happens. I mean, I assume that’s the case, since 2008 Lions GM Matt Millen still gets to go everywhere and talk about football despite assembling the worst roster ever. Failure equals success, clearly.


** NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell last week acknowledged the league’s falling TV ratings, and offered several near-term fixes. Among them: speeding up video reviews, and getting referees to announce penalties quicker.

It’s brilliant strategy, because everyone knows the refereeing has been such high quality in recent years that make those guys move quicker won’t harm the quality of play at all…

** In the same interview, Goodell dismissed the possibility that the Thursday night games have diminished the excitement of games by worsening the quality of play and over saturating the market with too many NFL games: “Every game counts, so that makes our inventory incredibly valuable.”
There are four games out of 14 next week that feature two teams with winning records squaring off.

There are two games out of 14 that feature division opponents playing each other. I’d hardly call that a slate of games that all count.

Rams rookie QB Jared Goff is set to make his first NFL start this weekend, just 11 weeks into the season. The 22-year-old #1 overall draft pick is already well behind draft class mates Carson Wentz and Dak Prescott in rookie passer work, but even that seems to sell short just how far off pace the newbie QB is. Here’s a quick list of passers who took the field before the “most NFL ready QB in the draft” makes his debut this year:

** Five Browns QBs: Cody Kessler, Josh McCown, Robert Griffin, Kevin Hogan and Charlie Whitehurt.
** Three former Eagles QBs, for new teams: Nick Foles, Mark Sanchez, Matt Barkley.
** Five other rookie QBs: Wentz, Prescott, Kessler, Jacoby Brissett, Paxton Lynch.
** Three non-QBs: WR Tanner McEvoy (43 yds passing), WR Terrelle Pryor (41 yds passing) and RB DeMarco Murray (10 yds passing).
** Not Tony Romo.


Another week, another painful Cowboys win. After dropping the first game of the season, the damned from Dallas have reeled off eight straight victories, and now sit atop the NFL in terms of record. So, how should we feel about this? Let the letters guide you:

The Dallas win streak reaches eight
** Cheats hired, all these waking tears

It’s possible that the polling on those Cowboys victories are wrong and they’ll actually end up missing the playoffs due to the electoral college. I think that’s how it works.

** Another week, another two-game deficit for Dad. He’s down nine games with seven weeks left. And even if he can crawl back into contention, I hold all the tiebreakers because he plays in the NFC East.

** The Cowboys not only play on Thanksgiving but the Thursday night game after that. I’m not sure how it gives them an advantage, but I’m sure it does.

** The Texans and Raiders will play this Monday night in Mexico City because … I don’t even know anymore. The NFL really, really hates showing its product to Americans, I guess.

Week 10 standings

1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1284.54 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1263.02 pts
3 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1232.00 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1209.00 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1188.82 pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1145.29 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1129.75 pts
8 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 1089.55 pts
9 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1062.63 pts
10 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 1000.13 pts
11 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 955.72 pts
12 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 921.64 pts

And just like that, Joel is back on top of the standings again. Our second and third place teams (Ant and Jef) both had dreadful, sub-90-pts weeks (still better than my 77-pts squad, though) and slipped back away from the championship spot. And outside the top five, no one moved an inch in the standings.

On a more important note, two teams landed their scores exactly on whole numbers this week, so if you can play double-zero in the lottery, now is as good a time as any.

Fantasy league 2016 -- week 9 recap

No one is clamoring for NFL notables to run for public office, given the high quality of major party candidates this year. But quite a few are already planning public office runs in their post-football lives, and already have their campaign slogans ready:

** Colin Kaepernick: Standing up for America ... unless the anthem is playing
** Eli Manning: Dope and change
** Josh Huff: Fully endorsed by both the NRA and pot heads everywhere
** Tom Brady: Make America inflate again
** Odell Beckham: Look at me! Me! MEEEEE!
** Richard Sherman: I’m with hurt
** Jerry Jones: We must protect our kids, so I can devour their souls later

QB: Matt Ryan, 35.76 pts -- started by Jeff
WR: Mike Evans, 27.50 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Melvin Gordon, 31.93 pts -- started by Ant
TE: Jimmy Graham, 22.87 pts -- started by Dad
K: Matt Bryant, 16.00 pts -- started by Jo
DEF: Baltimore, 16.00 pts -- started by Jim
D: Brandon Flowers, 12.00 pts -- on the wire

Ahhhhhhhh, that close to a perfect week. Paul was the only coach to start a defensive player in the top 20 this week, and it was the stupid Giants CB who picked off Carson Wentz at the start of the stupid Eagles/Giants game.

Gordon was the 24th RB drafted in our league, and he currently sits as the number one non-QB in the league in fantasy points. So, good work by the experts there.

Former Eagles QB Marck Sanchez has 0.12 fantasy pts on the season. Just saying.


“Getting defensive” edition

3rd place: Tampa Bay, -2.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: San Francisco, -5.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Cleveland, -6.00 pts -- on the wire

That’s the worst score possible for the Browns, who gave up 35 points to the Cowboys this week and didn’t record a single turnover or sack. But I’m sure their moms are proud of them anyway.

The Browns are almost the worst fantasy defense in the league, averaging 2.888 pts per week. But the Jaguars are just a hair worse, with a 2.875 pts average through nine weeks. But Cleveland got 6 pts on one return TD, so I feel like they should still be ranked at the bottom.


** This is an actual graphic they had on Monday Night Football. I can show you the picture if you don’t believe me:

EFFECTS OF NOISE
** Can’t communicate
** Tackles and TEs can’t hear
** QB can’t hear in headset
** Audibles can be difficult

Not only that, Jon Gruden then had to explain what each of the bullet points meant, because NFL viewers may not be able to grasp the concept of “noise” even with his incoherent babbling as a reference point.

** Good old Joe Buck, in game 7 of the World Series, noted that Cubs starting P Kyle Hendricks “has pitched in big situations before, though maybe not this big.” Those other big starts included the final game of his college playoffs and a key game in the earlier rounds of the playoffs.
Yeah, I think that’s pretty comparable to being the starting pitcher for game 7 of a World Series where one team hasn’t won for 108 years. Maybe. I can’t really tell.

Halfway through the season, here’s what stats are worth watching:

** Saints QB Drew Brees is on pace to throw for 5,376 yds this year, which would be the third most all time. Only five QBs have eclipsed the 5,000-yd mark in the history of the league: four guys who did it once, and Brees, who has done it four times already.
** Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott is on pace to rush for 1,782 yds, tops in the NFL. No rookie has rushed for that many since Rams RB Eric Dickerson in 1983, when he hit 1,808 yds. That’s also the last time a rookie won the league rushing title.
** Thirty-one WRs and TEs are on pace to receive for more than 1,000 yds this year. The NFL has never had more than 30 in a season before.
** The Giants as a team are on pace to rush for 1,093 yds this season, which is near historic lows and just so gawd awful that the Eagles found a way to lose to them.


Last offseason, former Maryland Racial Slurs RB Alfred Morris left the friendly confines of sorta-DC to continue his career in even more evil surroundings: Dallas. And while the team has won a lot, thanks to their recently renegotiated deal with the devil, Morris’ role has been more limited than expected, driving him to depression and substance abuse (probably). This, of course, comes as no surprise to me, given how clearly it is all spelled out in his name:

Redskins starter, Cowboys backup Alfred Morris
** From racist babies to worse: Drunk lacks dry reps

Yeah, I needed a crowbar and some oil to force that one in there.

** Took two more from Dad in our weekly picks this weekend. Yes, I just copied that start exactly from last week. I’m up a full TD and extra point on Dad for the season, after Dad selected Oakland wrong yet again. Pretty sure he’s 2-6 against the Raiders this year. Luckily, he’s playing in a different division.

** Chiefs QB Nick Foles on Sunday: 187 yds, 1 TD, no turnovers, 86.3 QB rating. He didn’t light the world on fire, but, that’s still more exciting than Sam Bradford.

** Don’t forget to get out there and vote today … in the NFL’s Pro Bowl balloting. After all, there’s a good chance no one is voting for that contest today, and somebody has to.

Week 9 standings

1 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1178.25 pts
1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1155.15 pts
3 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1103.35 pts
4 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1089.63 pts
5 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 1070.40pts
6 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 1044.39 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 1017.66 pts
8 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 962.99 pts
9 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 928.17 pts
10 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 922.81 pts
11 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 862.88 pts
12 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 809.49 pts

Big change atop the leaderboard, as Anthony rides his big week back into first place and ends Joel’s five-week run in the lead. Mike jumped back up into striking distance as well, and everybody below the 1000-pts line stinks on ice.

FYI, the league trading deadline is this Saturday, so if you’ve got any Hail Mary passes to throw up there, now is the time. After this weekend you’re left with the dregs on the waiver wire, and no one wants to have to rely on Nelson Agholor for anything ever.

Fantasy league 2016 -- week 8 recap

 

If you felt uneasy after the Eagles’ overtime loss on Sunday, it may not have been just because the defeat came at the hands of the hated 6-1 Cowboys. It’s also the first time in five years that baseball beat football in the TV ratings in a head-to-head match-up.

About 24 million Americans watched the Cubs take game five of the World Series on Sunday night, while only about 18 million watched the NFC East rivalry game. The last time baseball managed to beat a Sunday Night football game was October 2011, when game 7 of the Cardinals/Rangers series beat out … an Eagles 34-7 win over the Cowboys.

NFL execs are downplaying the significance, but go read all of that again. More people are watching baseball than football. The Cowboys are the top team in the NFC. And the Cubs are in the World Series.

If that’s not a sign of the end times, then I clearly have misread all those sports references in the Book of Revelations.

QB: Derek Carr, 43.82 pts -- on Jo’s bench
WR: Amari Cooper, 23.53 pts -- started by Jim
RB: Jordan Howard, 26.57 pts -- on my bench
TE: Tyler Eifert, 17.80 pts -- started by me
K: Will Lutz, 16.50 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Denver, 25.00 pts -- started by Bob
D: Bradley Roby, 11.00 pts --on the wire

Don’t cry too long for Joanna and I -- she started the #2 QB on the week (Aaron Rogers, 41.84 pts) instead of Carr, and I started the #3 RB on the week (Jonathan Stewart, 21.67 pts) instead of Howard.

But the fantasy steal of the week was Chiefs QB and former Eagles signal caller Nick Foles, who threw for 223 yds, 2 TDs and a 135.2 QB rating on Sunday after starter Alex Smith was knocked out of the game. His 20.82 fantasy pts make him the 40th best QB of the year in just one start, vaulting him ahead of greats like Landry Jones, Robert Griffin and Geno Smith. Grab him while you can!


“Skill players” edition

3rd place: Jimmy Garoppolo, -0.10 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Mark Ingram, -1.50 pts -- started by Sam
1st place: Wendell Smallwood, -2.50 pts -- on Mom’s bench

Well done, Wendell. While Ingram’s performance was the fantasy head scratcher of the week, Smallwood’s key fourth-quarter fumble gave the Cowboys a free field goal and just enough help to send the Eagles game into overtime. The Eagles now have three NFC losses and the inside track at losing every tiebreaker scenario if they somehow finish 10-6 again. So, we have that to look forward to.

Here is a list of actual headlines about Eagles wide receivers since Sunday:

** Nelson Agholor is tired of hearing about his drops
** Eagles' Josh Huff arrested on firearm, marijuana charges
** Terrell Owens tells the Eagles he's available to play WR
** Trade deadline passes with no Eagles activity

Awesome. For the record, the Eagles lead the league in dropped passes, with 6.6 percent (15 potential catches) of Carson Wentz’ throws bouncing harmlessly off receivers’ hands.

Sunday’s confounding 27-27 overtime stalemate between the Bengals and Maryland Racial Slurs was the 22nd tie in the NFL since the league introduced overtime in 1974 (in the 10 years prior to that, 60 games ended in a tie). But it was the second tie this season, giving NFL fanatics the excitement of the possibility of a three-tie season for the first time in 43 years.

This, of course, is the NFL’s dream.

Think about it. What are the two things league execs love more than everything else? More exposure and league parity. They already have games four days a week (Saturday games start in December). They already have football on for 11 hours on Sundays. They already have 15 teams within one game of .500, and no clear cut favorite except for the Patriots (and they’re trying to stop that too).

But ties are the best of all worlds -- both of the teams leave equal, and fans are forced to slog through another 45 minutes of meaningless football. It’s perfect! College football overtime is waaay too exciting and definitive. Who likes lots of scoring when you can have a strategic missed field goal contest instead?

If the Giants and Eagles can throw up a 13-13 overtime draw next week, the league office may need to stock up on heart medication to calm them down.


Did I mention the Cowboys beat the Eagles this week, in a game that was in the balance until the very end of overtime? And what does it mean when the demon spawn that is the Texas football squad secures an important win like that?

Dallas Cowboys win overtime thriller 
** We cry a trillion as evil mobs the world

It’s the end times, folks. When Jerry Jones somehow wins the election next week, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

** Took two more from Dad in our weekly picks this weekend, including a huge pick of New Orleans over Seattle that left Dad confounded and almost prepared to concede the entire season on account of my brilliance. I’m 75-41-2 right now (stupid ties) which is better than a 65 percent win prediction rate if you exclude the ties (which I do, because they don’t give me the option to select a tie on Yahoo picks, so I don’t see why I should be penalized for it).

** Game 7 of the World Series between the CUBS AND INDIANS c’mon people let’s just acknowledge we all had a good run and accept the end peacefully.

Week 8 standings

1 -- Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1025.86 pts
2 -- For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1016.50 pts
3 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 982.02 pts
4 -- QBs for Everyone! (Jo), 965.85 pts
5 -- Not with that Attitude (Sam), 939.03 pts
6 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 923.35 pts
7 -- May Pay Attention (Paul), 882.13 pts
8 -- North Dakota Reaches (me), 848.01 pts
9 -- Who's on First? (Dad), 839.32 pts
10 -- Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 828.26 pts
11 -- Last exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 766.47 pts
12 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle), 706.21 pts

Mike, Dad and Bob all tumbled down two spots, while Jo and I both made big moves by hopping up two spots in rankings. In her case, it puts her within shouting distance of Joel’s stranglehold on the top spot. In my case. it pulls me out of the deep, deep cellar of the league and within striking distance of mediocrity. Watch out, Paul, I’m coming for you next.

Six more teams on a bye this week, so be sure to check those rosters early. Even though there are almost no teams to play, the NFL is still forcing another Thursday night game down your throat.