Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Fantasy league 2015 -- week 7 recap

NFL Shop sent out a catalog this week with a testimonial from a “real family” story talking about how much the Eagles mean in their lives. Here is it:

Growing up an Eagles fan, every Sunday feels like Christmas morning. We wake up excited, put on our gear, and head over to my parents’ house for a day of food, football and family. My aunts, uncles, cousins and friends come over. Proud chants of “E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!” and “Baaaaaammmm!” can be heard throughout the house. After a good win, we head home, and work on Monday doesn’t seem so bad. From the Vet to the Linc, I’ve always loved going down to the stadium to see a game, but as much fun as that atmosphere is, nothing will ever beat Football Sundays with my family.

A few observations:
** This was allegedly written by a 25-year-old, not his five-year-old son.
** No Eagles fan ever has said “Baaaaaammm!”
** This guy must have had some miserable Christmases if he thinks Bobby Hoying was the same as Santa Claus.
** Work the Monday after they won the NFC Championship was still terrible.
** Why did this guy think “family” didn’t cover “aunts, uncles, cousins” and how big is this house?
** I mean, a half point for mentioning the Vet, I guess.
** Seriously, what the hell is “Baaaaaammm!”

QB: Kirk Cousins, 36.18 pts -- on the wire
WR: Nate Washington, 24.97 pts -- on the wire
RB: Lamar Miller, 35.07 pts -- started by Paul
TE: Jordan Reed, 22.30 pts -- started by Jo
K: Blair Walsh, 20.00 pts -- started by Mike
DEF: St. Louis, 28.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Telvin Smith, 13.50 pts -- started by me

I really can’t remember the last time we started the week’s best QB…

Through seven weeks of the season, not only have we only started three of the top weekly QBs, we haven’t seen a single repeat top passer. That’s just weird. Not as weird as Kirk Cousins being the top quarterback for a week, but weird.

For the record, Sam Bradford is 25th among QBs in fantasy points this season, just ahead of Marcus Mariota and Jay Cutler … both of whom have played one less game.

“Players we own” edition

3rd place: Houston, 0.00 pts -- started by Paul
2nd place: LeGarrette Blount, -0.30 pts -- started by Dad
1st place: Cole Beasley, -1.36 pts -- on Sam’s bench

You didn’t expect to see the Patriots top RB on this list? Why not? Bill Belichick likes to keep opposing defenses guessing, and nothing is more surprising than hearing that Tom Brady -- who runs like a block of wood -- led his team in rushing for the first time in his career on Sunday. That’s strategery.

** Memphis Coach Justin Fuente, after his team’s ridiculous 66-42 win on Friday night to go 7-0 on the season, told an ESPN sideline reporter that “I’m happy we won, but I’m not happy with how we played.” He noted several missed opportunities and said his team lacked focus during several key stretches.

Dude, you won by 24 and rang up more than 700 yds of offense. You’re 7-0 at a school that probably doesn’t know it even has a football team. Maybe lay off the Vince Lombardi hardass routine just a little.

** Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer, at halftime of his team’s game on Saturday night, told a sideline reporter that he was thrilled with his Buckeyes’ first-half defensive performance and “if we can keep this up, we’re gonna win this game.”

Which, yes, when you’re up 21-0 and you don’t allow the other team to score, that’s a pretty standard way to win games. The ABC commentators noted the statement as evidence of his confidence in his defense and not in his confidence in basic math.

With Halloween just a few days away, here’s what a few of the NFL’s top signal callers are planning on dressing up as for their trick-or-treating:

** Broncos QB Peyton Manning -- Papa John
** Patriots QB Tom Brady -- Noted cheater Lance Armstrong
** Cowboys QB Tony Romo -- The devil
** Giants QB Eli Manning -- Bashful, the dwarf from Snow White (but he’ll look like Dopey no matter how hard he tries)
** Steelers QB Mike Vick -- A washed up former track star
** Jaguars QB Blake Bortles -- He’ll just wear his own jersey, see if anyone recognizes him.
** Eagles QB Sam Bradford -- A pile of broken trash

I tend to focus here on the Cowboys players because they’re the embodiment of all the moral failings of mankind. But it is worth noting that the Dallas organization goes deeper than that. Consider their eight-man practice squad. Who are these guys? Why do they want to be part of this satanic brotherhood? How did they get here? Can they be redeemed?

Luckily, this week we get a quick glimpse at those answers from DE hopeful Lavar Edwards, a second-year pro serving time on the Cowboys practice team. And, like the other stars on the team, his name shows exactly what’s going deep in his soul.

Cowboys practice team defensive lineman Lavar Edwards
** I’m part evil, need to add a few more evil screws. Any scab can.

Perhaps he can be saved, but first he must see the error of his ways instead of striving for more darkness.

** Picked up three of four on Dad on Sunday, which puts me two ahead of him on the year in our weekly picks. I know. I’m as shocked as you are.

** Sam Bradford is a worse QB right now than Kirk Cousins. KIRK COUSINS.

** This week is a bye week which makes it another Sunday where the Eagles won’t score in the first quarter.

Week 7 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 972.74 pts
2 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 866.36 pts
3 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 864.97 pts
4 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 821.34 pts
5 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 791.46 pts
6 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 772.51 pts
7 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 769.09 pts
8 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 767.20 pts
9 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 756.39 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 729.95 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 686.15pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 604.26 pts

No change in the top four spots or the bottom four spots this week, which is a little weird. But a bad week for Dad’s squad trimmed his lead atop the standings just a little bit, to almost double digits instead of his triple-digit cushion.

And a huge move up the charts for Anthony this week, leaping from 9th place to 5th. Another week like that and he can jump up out of fantasy purgatory and into the true top section of the league.

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