Tuesday, October 20, 2009

2009 fantasy recap, week #6

So how closely have you been watching the NLCS? Haven't missed a second? Prove it by answering these questions about the incessant, unbearable commercials on TBS.
  1. Match the song with the product: Yes, "I've seen all good people"
  2. Blackberry Direct TV T-Mobile
    TBS sports Chase Bank

  3. Match the song with the product: Cat Stevens, "If you want to sing out"
  4. Blackberry Direct TV T-Mobile
    TBS sports Chase Bank

  5. Match the song with the product: Beatles, "All you need is love"
  6. Blackberry Direct TV T-Mobile
    TBS sports Chase Bank

  7. Match the song with the product: Black Eyed Peas, "Meet me halfway"
  8. Blackberry Direct TV T-Mobile
    TBS sports Chase Bank

  9. Match the song with the product: Bon Jovi, "We weren't born to follow"
  10. Blackberry Direct TV T-Mobile
    TBS sports Chase Bank

  11. Complete this sentence: Don't throw a gameday party without ...
  12. McDonalds avocados TBS
    salsa Donald Trump

  13. Complete this sentence: Black dress, black eye, black sheep, ...
  14. black angus black coffee black taco
    black attack black Doritos

  15. Which of these actors does not star in "Men of a Certain Age"?
  16. Ray Romano
    George Lopez
    Andre Braugher
    Scott Bakula
    They all star in that stupid show
Anything less than a five on this quiz, and you're either lying about watching the games or you've been taking a lot of bathroom breaks during commercials. Either way, I envy you.

QB: Tom Brady, 51.20 pts – started by NewMike
RB: Ray Rice, 37.50 pts – started by Joel
WR: Randy Moss, 34.60 pts – started by me
TE: Owen Daniels, 24.20 pts – started by Paul
K: Ryan Longwell, 16.00 pts – started by Heidi
DEF: Green Bay, 26.00 pts – started by Joel
D: Leonard Little, 13.00 pts – sitting on the wire

First time this year we’ve had six of the seven top performers started in the league – can we go for seven next week?

And for the record, Brady collected more than 32 fantasy pts in the second quarter Sunday alone (200+ passing yards, 5 TDs) which was better than all but two other QBs had on the week.

Let’s face it – you’re never going to have a day in the NFL like Patriots QB Tom Brady did on Sunday (6 TDs, 152.8 rating) or Saints QB Drew Brees (4 TDs, 156.8 rating). But if you walked outside on Sunday and dropped a football on the ground, then you recorded a 39.5 QB rating (1 pass attempt, 0 completions) which was better than four starting NFL signal callers did. Here’s what you would have to do to be worse at quarterbacking than these guys were:

Seahawks Matt Hasselbeck: 10 of 29, 112 yds, 1 INT (32.5 rating)
How you could be worse: Interceptions are the key here, as they drive down your rating. So instead of heading out back and throwing the ball into the ground, throw it up on the roof and get it stuck there – losing your football counts as an INT, right? It’ll probably take you 20 tries, but that would earn you a 18.8 rating (20 attempts, 0 completions, 1 INT).

Lions Daunte Culpepper: 6 of 14, 48 yds, 1 INT (22.3 rating)
How you could be worse: This time, head out front and just start throwing your football into traffic. If you can thread the needle and lose your ball into the open window of a passing car just once in 15 tries, you’d earn a 11.8 rating (15 attempts, 0 completions, 1 INT).

Jets Mark Sanchez: 10 of 29, 119 yds, 5 INT (8.3 rating)
How you could be worse: Walk out back, head over to your grill and just light the football on fire. That’s a perfect 0.0 QB rating (1 attempt, 0 completions, 1 INT). Of course, if you really wanted to be as bad as Sanchez was you’d need a six-pack of footballs and a few more grills.

Titans Kerry Collins: 2 of 12, -7 yards, 1 INT (4.9 rating)
How you could be worse: The key here is not just the rating but the negative yardage – it’s near impossible to be that bad. In fact, I defy you to find a way to be this bad. The only idea for comparison I had involved inviting a neighbor over for a game of catch and having a section of your yard collapse into the ground during an earthquake, but even that seems less terrible than Collins’ line.

Backup QBs edition
3rd place – Mike Vick, -0.40 pts – sitting on the wire
2nd place – Drew Stanton, -1.72 pts – sitting on the wire
1st place – Vince Young, -2.10 pts – sitting on the wire

Starters weren’t the only disappointments this week; Stanton and Young came in for mop-up duty and sucked mightily. Vick only appeared for one play on Sunday, a rush for -4 yds. That was still one more play than anyone wanted to see him for.

I know we’ve been over this many, many times before. But until Andy Reid learns, there isn’t anything I can do but keep yelling into the hurricane and hope that it makes a difference.

On Sunday, Brian Westbrook had six rushes for 50 yards, a 8.3-yrd average. He had nine catches for 91 yards, a 10.1-yrd average. And he had three touches in the fourth quarter, when the game really mattered.

Because when it comes down to it, Andy Reid does not understand that Brian Westbrook is his best player, and that professional NFL teams need both a running game and passing game. He dialed up 54 pass plays and 12 running plays (one for Vick!) in that embarrassing loss. Reid is now 3-6-1 in his last six AFC road games.

What’s that Einstein quote? “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That’s the Andy Reid coaching style, ladies and gentlemen.

That would be Donovan McNabb, who said “timeout” at the end of the first half when his team had none left. That was idiotic.

Honorable mention goes to Maryland Racial Slurs radio color commentator Sonny Jurgensen, who had his own turd of a game to watch on Sunday. In the third quarter of the DC team's loss to Kansas City, the Chiefs lined up to go for it at midfield facing a 4th and 10.

The other commentators questioned the call, but Jurgensen calmly explained that “The Chiefs are just trying to draw them offsides, to get the first down.” When someone explained to him that an offsides penalty is only five yards, Jurgensen said he didn’t agree with the strategy either.

Jurgensen didn’t say later on if he agreed with the home team’s decision to get tackled in the end-zone for a game-losing safety, but I imagine someone with a sharp football mind like that would not back the strategy.

When it comes to the NFL draft, the Cowboys are just like any other team. Sometimes they draft for need, sometimes they draft the best available player. Unlike other teams, sometimes they draft for pure evil. Take their new kickoff specialist David Buehler; why did they choose him this past spring? Just look at his name and you’ll see why:

Dallas Cowboys Place Kicker David Buehler
-- A bad place: I’ve killed boys w/ ardor, chuckles --

Granted, he has a better vocabulary than most Cowboys (let’s see Romo use "ardor" in a sentence) but that doesn’t make him any less evil.

Click on the picture to make it bigger.
Good week by all (by which, I mean good week for me and screw the rest of you) except for Neal, who still has yet to get one point from a kicker or defensive player. Those three positions average around 15 pts a week for everyone else’s team; By my count, he has cost himself approximately 90 pts in the standings with his innovative strategy.

And yet, it still seems like a better game plan than passing 17 times in the last 19 offensive plays of a game, Coach Reid. Don’t you just accidentally call a running play once in a while, or are there really none on that chart?

** Dad dropped to seven back in the weekly picks, and at least three of those are because he continues to pick against the Saints. I think it’s also because he’s got no jazz in him anymore.

** I’m sure you saw it everywhere this weekend, but the Phils outscored the Eagles 11-9 on Sunday. That’s either terrible or awesome, depending on your perspective. Since I’m a huge Phillies and Broncos fan, I think it’s awesome.

** In case you couldn’t figure it out on your own, the quiz answers are (no cheating!):

-- Chase, T-Mobile, Blackberry, Direct TV, TBS. Don’t throw a gameday party without avocados. Black eye, black sheep, black taco. And George Lopez has his own stupid show, not that one.

I’ve seen those commercials so many times they’re starting to come through in my dreams. After these playoffs are over I never want to hear about Ray Romano’s bowel movements again.

** Before you ask, of course I was wearing my Jimmy Rollins T-shirt when Jimmy hit that game-winning double last night; I switched out of the playoff shirt as soon as he came up to the plate. I told you last week: “Verdict: Keep it off, but nearby for a late Rollins at bat.” (see below if you don't know what I'm talking about).

Did the T-shirt provide that extra oomph that got the ball all the way to the back fence? I can’t say for sure. Will I be keeping that T-shirt nearby throughout the rest of the post-season? Of course.


KidSmartyPants said...

I wonder how many Super Bowls the Eagles could have won if only Andy Reid would realize that Westbrook is the engine of this team. He's such an amazing player that it gets frustrating watching the team misuse him. Bah!

captnawsomesdad said...

Hey Captn, Just think how many yards rushing Westbrook could have had in his career if Andy knew there was such a thing as a running game. He probably could have been up there with the best all time.
I found a new formula getting a Phillies win. I wear my Eagles sweat shirt. I think it has something to do with them wanting to outscore the Eagles again.

Capt. Awesome said...

I do not endorse wearing any Eagles gear during Phillies games -- that losing stench could affect their play.

FYI -- just for comparison's sake, in the copy of Madden 06 I've been playing, when I call the shots Westbrook averages about 175 yards a game (just rushing). So I think if Andy used him properly, a conservative rushing estimate for Westbrook would be about 3,000 yards, 95 TDs.

mrs. shayle said...

I only half the quiz answers, but I managed to get every one of those songs stuck in my head. It's still less tedious than watching that game, though.

Lari said...

Skipping all the meaty stuff and getting right the the quiz....I was fascinated when I heard Yusulf Islam singing during the T mobile commercial. This London resident was denied entry to US after 9/11, he's not allowed back to Israel 'til 2010 (10 yr stint), and he's considering suing Coldplay. Oh well, I guess he's crazy enuf to represent 'em. I tell ya, Capn, u always make me "think"....

Capt. Awesome said...

Lari -- I apologize. There is nothing I write here with the intention of making people think. I'm out to kill brain cells.