Fantasy football recap, week 4

---- Top performers
QB: Donovan McNabb, 38.22 points -- started by Ant
RB: Larry Johnson, 28.83 points -- started by Joanna
WR: Santana Moss, 31.02 points -- started by Heidi
TE: Marques Colston, 19.80 points -- started by Joanna
K: Jeff Wilkins, 18.00 points -- started by Heidi
DEF: Kansas City, 34.00 points -- started by Jeff
          Good work, ladies. Guys, there are nine of us in the league, and together we managed just two of the top players this week. C'mon.

---- Worst performers, defenses we started edition
Third place: Cincinnati, -4.00 points -- started by Jim
Second place (tie): Seattle, -5.00 points -- started by Paulie
Second place (tie): Detroit, -5.00 points -- started by Mike
First place: Tennessee, -6.00 points -- started by Eric
          Wow -- I started a defense that earned minus-two points and couldn't even crack this list. Rough week.

---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
          Joel stepped up and grabbed the award this week. While reigning bad coach Jeff decided to throw up the top score of the season this week (179.49) Joel decided to keep almost 50 points on his bench and drift further down in the standings.
          Among his highlights: Starting injured Seahawks RB Shawn Alexander, despite numerous news reports all week that he was out, instead of Chicago RB Thomas Jones, who was worth 24.40 points.
          Honorable mention goes to Jim for the second week in a row for starting two guys on a bye and getting caught in the negative defenses massacre. All told, he left more than 38 points on his bench for the week.

---- "I'm angry at NFL experts" stat of the week
          Everybody chuckled Sunday when the number one pick in last spring’s draft, Texans defensive end Mario Williams, got the first sack of the season in his fourth game. Houston has been hammered all summer after their decision to bypass Heisman trophy winner Reggie Bush in favor of defensive line help.
          But before all the experts resume their taunting, someone needs to point out that Williams first QB mugging did come before Bush’s first touchdown. In four games, he still hasn’t found the end zone.
          Despite leading the league in superlatives awarded, Bush’s performance so far (264 rushing and receiving yards) has been sub-par compared to fellow rookie RBs Laurence Maroney of the Patriots (370 total yards and three TDs) and Indy's Joseph Addai (279 total yards and two TDs).

---- Who is doing better than Daunte Culpepper?
** Daunte only has two TD tosses on the season, worse than Kansas City’s Damon Huard (three), Buffalo’s J.P. Losman (three), or backup Pittsburgh QB Charlie Batch (three).
** Daunte's QB rating is a pathetic 77.0, lower than 0-4 Detroit's John Kitna (87.1) and Arizona's turnover-happy Kurt Warner (81.9).
** Daunte has been sacked more than every other quarterback in the league (21 times) and for more yards (150 lost so far).

---- The third-stupidest thing I heard this week
          It had to be the third stupidest, because there ain't nothing dumber than T.O.'s publicist saying "Terrell has 25 million reasons to live" in response to whether or not he tried to commit suicide.
          That was so stupid, when they replayed the press conference it became both the stupidest and second stupidest thing I heard all week.
          So, onto the third. During the game Monday night, as ESPN panned across the Philly skyline, Mike Tirico said, "And there's Ben Franklin, looking down on the city of brotherly love."
          I know their research staff was having serious problems (see my post from yesterday) but even the Giants fan in my office knew that's Billy Penn up there. I'm astounded Tirico wasn't struck by lightning.

---- Our standings so far
First place: Get drunk and screw, Neal -- 558.62 points
Second place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi -- 552.31 points
Third place: Blue Collar Killers, Jeff -- 519.00 points
          We still haven't had our first Doyle-free top three, but we're getting closer.

---- College football update
** Rhode Island beat Brown 28-21 on Sunday. University of Delaware beat Rhode Island 24-17 last week. Ergo, University of Delaware is a better school than Brown. Let's see you poke holes in that logic, you snotty little Ivy know-it-alls.
          By the way, Delaware lost 52-49 to New Hampshire on Saturday. Apparently that state is just too big for the Blue Hens to handle. The teams combined for 987 yards of offense on the game and 43 points in the fourth quarter alone.
** Ursinus continued its undefeated football season Saturday with a 20-0 win over someplace called McDaniel. The baby Bears had more yards rushing (203) than the McDaniel Green Terror had total offense (184). Ursinus opponent next week is Phoenixville Middle School in what should be a tough battle.
          Yes, they're the Green Terror. I was going to call them the McDaniel Daniels until I saw how bad their actual mascot is.
** Temple doubled its TD output for the season on Saturday, scoring twice in an impressive 43-14 loss to the powerhouse that is Vanderbilt football. On the season they've been outscored 211 to 24.

---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
          I always break these down from the Dallas perspective, but I often wonder what the Cowboys opponents can teach us about the evil that lurks inside their silver and blackened blue hearts.
          So, with the cowpokes wandering into town this week, let's see what one of the new Eagles can teach us. Look closely at "Eagles wideout Donte Stallworth is da man" and you can clearly see:
*** Dallas to lose the game with new, sad TO-turd in ***
          TO goes in, Dallas loses. Are you going to argue with Donte?
          By the way, the Cowboys still haven't won a game where TO catches a TD (still 0-1).

---- For the record
** Stupid Phillies. How do you have the top home run hitter in the NL (Ryan Howard), the top RBI guy in the NL (Ryan Howard), the top two batters in runs scored (Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins) and not make the postseason?
** Best sign from the Eagles faithful this week? "TO get well soon, so we can hurt you."
** I won my fantasy baseball league for the third year in a row, and fantasy hockey starts this week. What do I have to do before you people stage an intervention?
** Stupid Phillies.