Fantasy football 2024 -- week 12 recap

Through 11 games this season, Eagles RB Saquon Barkley has amassed nearly 1,400 rushing yds and more than 250 receiving yds. He’s already set personal records this year in rushing yds for a game and rushing yds for a season. Here’s what’s next on the records list:

Eagles rushing yds for a season: 1,607 (LeSean McCoy, 2013)
At current pace: Barkley breaks that in week 13, vs Panthers

Eagles total scrimmage yds for a season: 2,146 (LeSean McCoy, 2013)
At current pace: Barkley breaks that in week 15, at Commies

NFL rushing yds for a season: 2,104 (Eric Dickerson, 1984)
At current pace: Barkley breaks that in week 17, vs Giants

NFL total scrimmage yds for a season: 2,509 (Chris Johnson, 2009)
At current pace: Barkley breaks that in week 17, vs Giants

For what it’s worth, Barkley had more production by himself on Sunday (302 yds, 2 TDs) than his entire former team (Giants offense had 245 yds, 1 TD) managed in a loss to the Buccaneers. The New Jersey squad that didn’t want to re-sign Barkley last offseason doesn’t have any rusher above 600 yds so far and has totaled 1,275 combined rushing yds from nine different players, compared to Barkley’s 1,393 yds.

QB: Tua Tagovailoa, 36.48 pts — on Mike’s bench
WR: Courtland Sutton, 22.47 pts — started by Jeff
RB: Saquon Barkley, 42.36 pts — started by me
TE: Noah Gray, 18.40 pts — on the wire
K: Wil Lutz, 22.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 23.00 pts — on Jonathan’s bench
D: Jimmie Ward, 11.50 pts — on the wire

Lutz is the #4 kicker on the year and has yet to make his way onto any team. Poor guy. He just needs some love.

Raise your hand if you had Tua topping the weekly fantasy list before Patrick Mahomes. The Chiefs QB had a solid week, scoring just 2.5 pts less than the Dolphins signal caller. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades and football if your team has the Brotherly Shove in its arsenal.

“California dreaming” edition

3rd place: Las Vegas, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: San Francisco, -4.00 pts — started by Bob
1st place: LA Rams, -5.00 pts — started by Paul

You know who had a really bad week? The team that gave up 255 rushing yards to Saquon Barkley. Turns out that’s a bad strategy for a fantasy defense.

Everyone, please take a moment to welcome the 49ers to the bottom of the standings. The once proud franchise gave up 38 points to the mediocre Green Bay Packers on Sunday, turning in their first negative fantasy performance in 30 games. The loss dropped San Fran to last place in their division (5-6, albiet still just one game out of first place) heading into a contest next week with a Buffalo team coming off of its bye week. Send your Christmas cards to them early, because the squad appears headed to the offseason already.

** Headline on ESPN Plus Monday: “Here are the 43 most important college football games of Rivalry Week”

Why must the site’s coverage be so limiting? There are 128 top-tier teams in the NCAA, and this article only covers two-thirds of them. Don’t the bottom three-dozen teams deserve detailed analysis too?

As an avid fan, I’m definitely reading everything I can about the 42nd most important college rivalry in America, but I won’t be truly happy until the 56th biggest showdown also gets attention.

** On his podcast last week, well-known Boston fan Bill Simmons was arguing that the Patriots are actually a much better team than their record shows.

“They’re 3-8, but they had close games against the Seahawks, and the Dolphins, and the Titans. This team could be 6-7.”

His co-host immediately called him on it. “Really, you think so? I mean, I can see how they could win a few more, but you think they could have found a way to play two extra games?”

To his credit, Simmons pulled out the “I was promised there would be no math on this episode” excuse, laughed at himself and moved on.

** Fox NFL kickoff on Sunday had a whole segment before Sunday’s game looking back at the Packers’ game-winning FG block a week earlier from the perspective of Green Bay QB Jordan Love, who was … on the sidelines for the play.

What did we learn from the segment? Love was really stressed out. And then he was happy when his team won.

Other than that, he was as involved in the action as you and me and had arguably a worse vantage point than TV viewers. The D-lineman who blocked it? The Chicago kicker? They could have given some new perspective. But the signal caller for a team whose offense hadn’t been on the field for five minutes? Gotta fill the hour of pregame drivel with something, I guess.
 

Everyone is bringing out their best Black Friday bargains this week, including the NFL. If you’re in a shopping mood and have some disposable income, add these items to the list:

** QB Daniel Jones (retail $40M, now on sale)
His noodle arm was cut by the Giants and is available for just a few million for the rest of the season. Maybe you need a somewhat mobile scarecrow for your backyard?

** Texas Stadium (retail $1.15B, now on sale)
Please note that any purchase of the Cowboys home does not come with a full roof (since pieces are falling off) or sun-blocking curtains. Still, if you want to host a ridiculous sideshow, it’s a good buy.

** Coach Doug Pederson (retail $8.5M, now on sale)
True, the Jaguars haven’t officially tossed their embattled coach aside yet. But go ahead and make an offer if you’re interested. I’m pretty sure the front office will listen.

** Thanksgiving Day tickets (retail $200, now $28)
Speaking of Texas Stadium, standing-room passes for the Giants/Cowboys rivalry game on the holiday are selling for as low as $28 each on resale markets. It’s almost as if people don’t want to pay real money to watch these teams…

I know they won this week, but we’re officially at the point where the Cowboys’ terrible performance on the field is more than just merely an eyesore. It’s an actual public health threat, possibly the worst we have seen in years.

Think I’m exaggerating? Just look at the Dallas secondary and S Israel Mukuamu, a key player for the defense. At first glance, he appears to be a standard team villain with his character clearly spelled out within his name:

Cowboys Free Safety Israel Mukuamu
** Wussy. Beery. Scum. Fake. A moot failure.

Bad enough. But when you look closer — really look closer — you can see there is more than just simple negative vibes here. There is death and disease:

Cowboys Free Safety Israel Mukuamu
** Wry scum abates, offers you leukemia

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, it’s ridiculous to suggest the Cowboys are plotting another global pandemic just because you found ONE illness hidden in their safety’s name.” And to that I say, you’re just not looking close enough:

Cowboys Free Safety Israel Mukuamu
** Makes tuberculosis for a fee. Way yum.

I still hear you. “OK, two is a coincidence, but …” Let me stop you right there and urge you to LOOK CLOSER:

Cowboys Free Safety Israel Mukuamu
** Yuk row — if my farts cause Ebola, sue me

What more do we need before the government deploys the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to Texas Stadium? They could start widespread contamination during the Thanksgiving game. Our health and welfare are quite literally at stake.

** Technically, Dad dropped another game to me in our picks this week, but I’m waving it off. He reluctantly guessed the 49ers would win, without knowing that Brock Purdy, the greatest player in the history of the NFL according to San Fran fans, was ruled out before the game. So we’re going to keep the standings at me plus-one.

** Last week I predicted the Bears would lose to the Vikings on a last-second FG. How did that game actually turn out? The Bears lost to the Vikings on a game-ending overtime FG. Sounds like a perfect call by me.

** I checked — This is now the third time in this blog’s 18-year history that I’ve made an Ebola joke. First for tuberculosis and leukemia, though.

** There’s still a scenario where the Jaguars and Panthers host playoff games in January. It requires so many things that I didn’t have the patience to type them out here, but it’s possible. There is no scenario left where the Giants could, however.


Week 12 standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1502.35 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt Awesome), 1463.19 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1440.72 pts
4 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1425.05 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1407.46 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1361.72 pts
7 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1353.36 pts
8 — Jabronis (Ant), 1344.59 pts
9 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1334.74 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1181.02 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1084.65 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1041.76 pts

A huge week for my Saquon-led team (150.69 pts) combined with Jonathan’s second sub 100-pts week of the season has tightened up the leaderboard a little, or at least enough that I can dream about knocking him off his perch. Less than 40 points separates the two of us.

Jo and Jeff are just a short throw away from me, and then it starts to get sketchy in the standings. But everyone is over the 1,000 pts barrier now, which is an accomplishment that I think we can all be proud of, even though we really didn’t do any work to get there.

This week’s schedule: Three games on Thursday. One game on Friday. One game on Sunday night. One game on Monday. Four games on Saturday after 11pm (maybe, I dunno, the week is so spread out). Get your players squared away before any turkey enters your system.

Fantasy football 2024 -- week 11 recap

At the end of the 2022 season, the New Jersey Giants signed QB Daniel Jones to a four-year, $160 million contract extension as a reward for his strong year leading the team to their first playoff appearance in six years. At the start of the 2023 season, the Eagles signed their QB, Jalen Hurts, to a five-year, $255 million extension. And this summer, the Cowboys signed star QB Dak Prescott to a four year, $240 million contract extension which included a ridiculous $80 million signing bonus immediately.

That’s more than $650 million tied up in three NFC East QBs for the near future. Who is getting the best bang for their buck so far? Here’s a breakdown over the past 20 months:

Total salary paid out, April 2023-Nov 2024
Hurts: $65 million
Jones: $67 million
Prescott: $107 million

Cost per TD over that frame
Hurts: $1.1 million (61 total TDs)
Prescott: $2.1 million (50 total TDs)
Jones: $6.7 million (10 total TDs)

Cost per yard over that frame
Hurts: $9,184 (7,077 passing & rushing yds)
Prescott: $15,758 (6,790 passing & rushing yds)
Jones: $19,420 (3,450 passing & rushing yds)

Cost per win over that frame
Hurts: $3.4 million (19 wins)
Prescott: $7.1 million (15 wins)
Jones: $22.3 million (three wins)

Salary paid out for missed injury time over that frame
Hurts: $0 (no games missed)
Prescott: $7.9 million (two games)
Jones: $27.3 million (11 games)

It’s worth noting that Prescott’s contract value will get worse as this year goes on while the Cowboys pay him to recover from his latest injury, while Jones’ contract value will get worse as the Giants pay him to sit on the sidelines following his benching this week. That makes the Hurts contract look like even more of a deal.

But just remember, it’s still ridiculous money. Every time Jalen Hurts does a 1-yard tush push, it costs almost $10,000.

QB: Jared Goff, 42.58 pts — started by Sam
WR: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 27.83 pts — started by Jonathan
RB: Saquon Barkley, 31.07 pts — started by me
TE: Jonnu Smith, 21.73 pts — started by Ant
K: Chris Boswell, 24.00 pts — started by Sam
DEF: Denver, 16.00 pts — on Ant’s bench
D: Derek Barnett, 12.50 pts — on the wire
Taysom Hill: Taysom Hill, 36.69 pts — on the wire

It’s time again for our annual conversation about Taysom Hill.

Taysom Hill, who plays for the Saints, is listed as a QB/TE. He does not, in fact, ever play TE. He should not count as a TE. He should be listed as “slash”, in the mold of Kordell Stewart, the “slash” QB for the Steelers in the late 1990s who actually played QB/RB/WR.

In Sunday’s win, Hill did a little of everything: 18 passing yds, 50 receiving yds, 138 rushing yds, 42 return yds, three TDs, one fumble, one interception. That’s an absolutely mind-boggling stat line. All that’s missing is a tackle and a FG attempt. He had 45.29 fantasy pts total in 10 games coming into Sunday, and nearly equaled that amount in his 11th game.

Hill is an exciting and erratic player. But he is not a TE. If there were any real rules in fantasy, he would be listed as “W/R only.” But there are no rules, because fantasy is not real football.

Shoutout to Goff, who had five interceptions last week when I needed him in my other league and four TDs and a perfect passer rating this week when he was on my bench. I love fantasy football.

Also, former Eagle and current Texan Derek Barnett had a sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery and a defensive TD against the Cowboys on Monday night. The title of ESPN’s featured video clip from the score was “Cowboys fumble twice on same play as Texans score defensive TD.” This really has been a wonderful season.

“Bottom of the barrel” edition

3rd place: New England, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Atlanta, -5.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
1st place: Jacksonville, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Goff’s perfect day came at the expense of the truly awful Jaguars, who lost 52-6 without recording a single sack or turnover on the day. Jacksonville has lost its previous three games by a combined total of 13 points. Their point differential for the season is minus-108 pts, but 46 of that total came in the last contest.

Just missing the list was WR Kadarius Toney, the former first round pick for the Giants and a member of the Chiefs last two Super Bowl winning teams. He was cut in the offseason, picked up by the Browns, and saw his first action of the year this week. He had one rush for -7 yds in Cleveland’s loss to the Saints, no catches, then was demoted to the practice squad on Monday. Life comes at you fast.


** I know he corrected himself a few moments later, but during the Eagles’ Thursday night game, play-by-play announcer Al Michaels made a reference to Philadelphia’s famous “Liberty Bowl.” And I just can’t figure out what he was thinking when it happened.

I mean, it’s a one-ton bell. If you’ve ever seen it, you think “that’s a big bell.” It’s hard to mistake it for anything but a working bell.

Did Michaels temporarily picture it upside down, filled with soup? Did he get it confused with a college bowl game? Was Michaels so bored with the first half of the contest that he wanted to go bowling?

Thankfully, he didn’t try to reference Philly’s famous statue of the Rock standing outside the art museum.

** Ahead of the Steelers upset win on Sunday, Ravens radio announcer Gerry Sandusky painted a picture of a beautiful fall Sunday on the gridiron. “It’s 53 degrees here today, and absolutely perfect weather for football. Barely any clouds, not much wind, no rain or snow at all in the forecast.”

I know Baltimore has a lot of quirks, but do they often get snow there when the temperature is over 50 degrees? Or do they just worry that snowmen may strike at any moment?

All-Pro K Justin Tucker missed two kicks in the first-half of the loss, probably because of the sudden blizzard conditions that can instantly form at any moment without warning.

** Late in the Texans win over the Cowboys on Monday, both teams got in a scuffle and started shoving each other, prompting a flurry of flags. The refs announced personal foul penalties on four Dallas defensive players, and one on a Texans offensive lineman.

And then they announced the penalties offset.

Now, I’m not a math major, but it feels like 60 yards worth of penalties on one team should not be erased because of 15 yards worth of penalties on the opposing team. But everything is bigger in Texas, so maybe that was the problem.
 

 After starting out the year 4-2, Chicago is now 4-6 with a losing streak that includes a pair of brutal, unlikely losses: a last-play Hail Mary by the Maryland Commanders and a last-play blocked FG attempt by the Green Bay Packers. It’s hard to imagine a tougher stretch for any team .. but not impossible. With seven games still left on the schedule, here are other painful, torturous loss possibilities out there for Da Bears:

 
** Week 12: Last-second FG surrendered to the Vikings.
Of those six losses, four have been fewer than six points. But none so far have involved giving up a kick for three on the last play of the game, the most traditional way to entertain last-second heartbreak in the NFL.

** Week 13: End zone interception on the final play against Detroit
Imagine a game where the Bears hang with the high-scoring Lions, have a chance to win with a TD at the end of regulation, drive the ball down inside the 10 and toss a pick under the uprights with no time left on the clock. Brutal.

** Week 14: Overtime loss to the 49ers on a safety.
Getting to overtime shows your squad was good enough to win it. Giving up a safety shows a healthy dose of bad luck and fundamental flaws in strategy. Why not combine the two with a game-ending sack in your own end zone?

** Week 15: Last-second FG surrendered to the Vikings, again.
What’s worse than losing on a final kick once? Losing on a final kick to the same team twice in four weeks.

** Week 17: Meteor strike on the final play against the Seahawks
Nevermind, scratch that. Having your QB killed by a meteor on the final play of the game is still less painful than losing on a Hail Mary.

The Cowboys miserable season (for them, great for us) continues to trudge along, but the front office did make an effort to improve the team ahead of last week’s trade deadline: Sending a fourth-round pick for Panthers WR Jonathan Mingo. The deal itself was a dud, but it was special to note because the trade wrote its own headline. Just look at what his new title clearly spells out:

Dallas wideout Jonathan Mingo
** Hangman to join outlaw lads. Die!

FYI, “Jonathan Mingo” also spells out “Mahjong nation” which coincidentally is what he’s going to be starting at his home in a few weeks, after the Cowboys’ season ends without a playoff invite.

** Dad went 3-1 against me this week, pulling to within one game in our weekly picks showdown. And that’s not the worst of it. Even after I ridiculed him here for multiple weeks for picking the Jets, I decided to put my faith in the New Jersey squad on Sunday when even Dad wouldn’t touch them. So, the joke is on me, and I have learned my lesson. No more picking the Jets … unless they play the Jaguars … which they do in four weeks…

** Delaware won its final home game as a FCS school on Saturday, bringing their record to 9-1 on the season. Their last regular season game before heading to Conference USA next year will be a win over Villanova next week, and then hopefully a long run in their final FCS playoffs appearance.

** The 49ers have lost three games this year where they were leading with two minutes left in the game. I think that’s neat.


Week 11 standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1408.89 pts
2 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1326.71 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1320.04 pts
4 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1318.61 pts
5 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 1312.50 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1262.85 pts
7 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1243.59 pts
8 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1225.35 pts
9 — Jabronis (Ant), 1209.63 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1111.15 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1006.46 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 942.39 pts

Big weeks for Mike and Jeff have created a logjam around the second-place podium perch, and firmly established four tiers in the standings.

At the bottom are Paul and Joel, both 400-plus points out of first. Realistically, they’d need all of use to lose our logins to get back into this fight.

Next up are the under-fives, all sitting at least 140 pts out of the top spot. It’s not impossible for them to get back into contention, but it’s going to take a lot of luck over the last seven weeks to get there.

Everyone in our second-place pack is within 100 points of the lead, but no one is closer than 80 pts. Someone could climb that mountain, but it’ll take work. And maybe a pickaxe in the back of other coaches.

And the last tier is Jonathan, the reigning Awesome Cup champ, all by himself in first place. Mike scored 159.69 pts this week and only managed to pick up 27 pts in the standings, because Still the Best seems to hit 130 consistently every week. Luckily, he has several key players still to hit a bye, but the biggest one — QB Lamar Jackson, the top scorer in the league — doesn’t sit until week 14.

Six other teams have byes this week, though: The Bills, Falcons, Bengals, Saints, Jets and Jaguars. And there is still a Thursday night game. So check those rosters early, you may need to make a lot of adjustments this weekend.

Fantasy Football 2024 -- week 10 recap

Week 10 will go down in the 2024 NFL record as the week that teams finally broke football. Here’s a quick recap of things that defied logic but actually happened:

** The Lions threw five interceptions. They won anyway.
Houston threw two picks of its own and missed a late 4th-quarter FG attempt, giving the Lions an opportunity to win the game on a final-play kick. Detroit trailed 23-7 at the half but won 26-23.

 
** The Falcons had a 300-yd passer and a 100-yd rusher. They lost anyway.
Despite racking up 468 offensive yds, Atlanta missed three FGs and turned the ball over twice. That let the Saints escape with a 20-17 upset.

** The Vikings had three turnovers and failed to score a touchdown. They won anyway.
Amazingly, the 12-7 win over the Jaguars was the second time since 2006 that a team hasn’t gotten a TD and was -3 in turnovers in a victory.

** The Bengals had 264 receiving yds and three TDs from WR Ja’Marr Chase. They lost anyway.
QB Joe Burrow threw four TDs in the Thursday night game, but failed to connect on a last-minute two-point try. The Ravens won, 35-34. Chase has a combined 21 catches, 457 yds and five TDs in two games against Baltimore this year, both losses.

** The Panthers let their team on the field. They won anyway.
With arguably the worst roster in modern football history, Carolina squeaked out a 20-17 overtime win against the New Jersey Giants. It’s their second win in a row, and their second winning streak of any kind since October 2021.

QB: Joe Burrow, 41.72 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Ja’Marr Chase, 41.10 pts — started by Mike
RB: Bijan Robinson, 26.97 pts — started by Bob
TE: Travis Kelce, 14.27 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Tyler Bass, 13.00 pts — started by Bob
DEF: Philadelphia, 23.00 pts — started by me
D: Taron Johnson, 12.50 pts — on the wire

It’s always the defensive player. Speaking of defense, the #2 defense on the week was Buffalo, with 20.00 pts, sitting on my bench.

Since I gave you Chase’s numbers in the two Ravens games, here are Burrow’s: 820 passing yds, nine TDs, 1 INT, two losses. Baltimore QB Lamar Jackson managed 10 total TDs in those games, in which the two teams totaled 141 combined points. Just wow.

Don’t look now, but over the last four weeks, Eagles QB Jalen Hurts actually has more total TDs (16) than Jackson (15) with the same number of turnovers (both 2). And over that span, Hurts’ team is 4-0, unlike the MVP-favorite Jackson’s Ravens, who are 3-1.

Hurts also leads the league in first-half brain farts, with 472.

“Names we know” edition

3rd place: Jalen Reagor, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Olamide Zaccheaus, -0.97 pts — on the wire
1st place: Cooper Rush, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Zaccheaus, who was on the Eagles last year, nearly muffed the first punt he saw in Sunday’s Commanders game and fumbled the second, leading to a key Steelers score and a Pittsburgh win. Reagor, who never “played” for the Eagles but did steal a roster spot for a while, produced -2 yds rushing on two WR runs, and did nothing else.

But let’s talk about Cowboys backup QB Cooper Rush, who played three quarters and produced one of the worst performances of the season: 13 for 23, 45 passing yds and two lost fumbles. Completing that many passes for less than 4 yds a catch is really, really hard.

For what it’s worth, nine QBs had two or more turnovers in games this weekend (including Jalen Hurts). Their combined record was 4-5, which, all things considered, is surprisingly good.


** During the radio broadcast of the Panthers/Giants game Sunday, play-by-play announcer Bob Papa noted the large number of cheers after the Giants grabbed a turnover late in the fourth quarter. “This may be a Panthers home game, but there are plenty of Giants fans here today!” he exclaimed.

What he failed to mention was that the game was taking place in Germany, which is not the traditional home turf of the Carolina Panthers. So that small contingent of Giants faithful outnumbering the even smaller contingent of Panthers fans isn’t as impressive as Papa may think.

** Facing criticism after WR CeeDee Lamb lost a potential go-ahead TD catch in the sun glaring through the side of Texas Stadium, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones flatly rejected the idea of putting up curtains to help players on the field see better because … well …

“Every team that comes in here has the same issues,” he said. “They know where the sun is going to be. Every team has the same thing. I’m not saying it’s on our coach. I’m saying the world knows where the sun is. We get to know that almost a year in advance. So someone asked me about the sun. What about the sun? Where’s the moon? We’re fine. But everybody plays in the sun out here.”

There you have it. Astronomers can estimate the distance from the sun to the Earth, so football players should be able to catch a ball while staring right into it. That’s just science.

** I was listening to the Columbus broadcast of the Ohio State game this weekend and the Ohio Soy Council had a commercial talking about all the products soy is used in that ends with the statement “soy low key slays” and that was the point that I decided this country is no longer worth saving.

Sunday was only the first of two games for the Eagles against the Cowboys this year, but the game was full of other notable firsts for the victorious birds:

** First win over Dallas after week 9 since 2019. (Six games)

** First win over the Cowboys in Texas since 2017. (Eight games)

** First time holding Dallas to no TDs since 2020. (Nine games)

** First time Saquon Barkley has won against the Cowboys. (10 games)

** First time scoring more than 30 in a win against Dallas since 2017. (15 games)

** First time forcing five turnovers against the Cowboys since 2008. (33 games)

** First time ending the Cowboys season with eight games left on the schedule. (131 games)

As if the Eagles embarrassment of the Cowboys at home on Sunday wasn’t enough, team officials confirmed in recent days that their $240 million QB, Dak Prescott, will require a season-ending operation on his leg to repair damage to his hamstring. The news is grim, but with how wild the NFL is, can you really count Dallas out of the playoff chase?

Yes. Yes you can. Just look at what the prognosis spells out:

Hamstring surgery needed for Dak Prescott
** Postseason march? Ended. Try grief drug trek.

The good news is that Dak has only missed 22% of regular season games over the last five years due to injury, so there’s no reason to think he can’t get hurt several more times before that giant contract is paid off.

** Dad’s never-ending faith in the Jets let him down again, and he sits three behind me in our weekly picks. But I’m sure next week will be the time that Aaron Rodgers finally turns it all around.

** The Eagles play the Marlyand Commies for the undisputed lead in the NFC East next week. The Commies are 7-3 but 0-2 against teams with winning records. The Eagles are 7-2 and sport a much more impressive … 1-1 record against teams with winning records. So, yeah, this game should really tell us … something.

** In its 14-3 win over North Texas on Saturday, Army football had a 94-yard second-half TD drive that lasted 21 plays and took 13:54 off the clock. I’m trying to come up with a joke but honestly I don’t even understand how the math works on that.

Week 10 standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1276.35 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt Awesome), 1213.59 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1192.77 pts
4 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1188.52 pts
5 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1158.92 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1154.03 pts
7 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1149.18 pts
8 — Beer 'n Chips (Dad), 1105.18 pts
9 — Jabronis (Ant), 1100.18 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 980.09 pts
11 — Overachievers Anonymous (Paul), 920.72 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 864.03 pts

Jonathan extended his lead slightly this week, and our top three spots remain unchanged, which means that Fort Awesome maintains a military blockade around the medal stand.

Mom D is up a few spots, Bob is down a few spots, and five teams — Dad, Jeff, Joel, Paul and Sam — failed to crack 90 pts this week. There’s now a growing canyon right around that 8th-place spot that soon may be impossible to cross over, even with eight weeks of football left.

Speaking of all the football left … Eagles play the Commies on Thursday night, and four teams have a bye this week (including the Giants and Panthers, so that has major fantasy implications for you). Check your bench early and make sure to get your team above the century mark next week.

Fantasty Football 2024 -- week 9 recap

Here’s a quick public service announcement for this Election Day: When you’re faced with a series of different options, it’s always smart to go for the best one.

Some people have a lot of problems choosing between all the possibilities, and wish they could just go for two. It might feel right at the moment. It may seem like it gives your team more advantage down the road. But that’s just silly.

In all but a few cases, opting for two doesn’t make any long-term sense. If you take the best one, you get the one you need. If you keep reaching for two separate points instead of a single, solid one, you can risk spoiling the whole project and end up with nothing at all. It’s especially foolish to go for two early, potentially risking all of your other options later.

Just look at a hypothetical voter whose candidate has the lead. He might believe that opting for two will help his team win, because two just means more. He might decide to go for two multiple times in one session. But as he makes that same mistake over and over and over again, now the opponent’s standard bearer begins to catch up, endangering the victory.

(Sure, in some contests, you can choose up to three different points. But that just feels crazy to even talk about when some people can’t even figure out the ones and twos.)

So this Election Day, let’s reject the idea of always backing the two-point play, and instead embrace the solid single option. It’s better for democracy. And it’ll keep the screaming public a little quieter, confident that they know the proper decisions are being made when and where it matters the most.

QB: Joe Burrow, 39.14 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 28.00 pts — started by Joel
RB: Saquon Barkley, 33.90 pts — started by me
TE: Mike Gesicki, 21.17 pts — on the wire
K: Tyler Bass, 14.00 pts — started by Bob
DEF: LA Rams, 23.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Kamren Kinchens, 12.50 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Trey Hendrickson, 12.50 pts — on the wire

RB Derrick Henry became the first RB on the season to top 1,000 yards rushing on Sunday, but only because his team hasn’t had a bye yet. Barkley, who rushed for 159 yds against the Jaguars, has 925 so far this year, and is just a hair behind Henry’s pace (115.6 yds per game for Barkley, vs 116.8 for Henry). But Barkley is also averaging 8 more receiving yds a game than Henry, making him the more productive all around back. What I’m saying is that Barkley may have been worth that big contract.

I normally wouldn’t care to name both the top defensive players, but this week it was worth noting. Kinchens scored the bulk of his points via an interception returned for a TD, as you might expect, but Hendrickson did not. The Bengals DE had four sacks, one forced fumble and two pass defenses against the Raiders, which is just a wild stat line. If he’s taking down the QB and batting down passes, maybe move him out to the linebacker post.

Joe Burrow had one TD pass when I had to start him in another league last week and five TD passes when I benched him this week, so I hate him and will not discuss any further.

“Players we own” edition

3rd place: Miami, 0.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
2nd place: Xavier Worthy, -1.00 pts — started by Dad
1st place: Denver, -5.00 pts — started by Ant

Denver got blown out by the Ravens, Worthy had a rush go for -10 yds and had bad luck the rest of his game. Those two make sense.

Miami just didn’t do anything, really. They recorded one sack and one turnover. They allowed 30 pts, which is bad, but not so bad that it’s interesting. They just … were there. Their defense scored as many points as the 49ers this week, and San Fran was on a bye.

Even odder, it’s the fourth time they’ve scored exactly zero points in a contest this year. Their other four games? Seven, seven, seven and … four. Well, the pattern was fun while it lasted.

** Headline on ESPN.com on Monday morning: Should Saquon Barkley be in the conversation for Offensive Player of the Year?

Their answer: Yes!

Great piece, guys. Way to stake out the unpopular position that the player with the most offensive yards per game should be considered for the offensive player of the year award. Next you’ll tell me that the team with the best score at the end of the Super Bowl should be considered as the league champion.

** Saints owner Gayle Benson said in a statement Monday that head coach Dennis Allen “is highly regarded within the NFL … has been extremely loyal and professional, and most importantly an excellent football coach for us.”

And then she announced he was fired, because the team is 2-7, because he has a 18-25 record with the team over the last three years, and because he has not been an excellent football coach for the team.

It was a very polite sentiment, though.

** Lost in the Patriots overtime loss on Sunday to the Titans (a game that no one should have been watching) was the coin toss at the end of regulation. As the visiting team, the Patriots got the chance to call. When they guessed wrong, the Titans opted to receive the ball first. And then the Patriots got to choose which end zone to defend. They chose to try and play into the wind, a decision that no sane coach would ever make.

After the game, Patriots coach Jerod Mayo blamed the error on varying weather conditions. “The wind had changed from the beginning of the game to the end of the game. So that’s what happened.”

And that’s a perfectly reasonable response, if he had to choose which side to defend three hours earlier. Dude, stick your finger into the air and see which way the wind is blowing. Then pick the right direction.

This isn’t advanced math, like trying to decide whether to go for one or two points when you’ve got a lead. That takes real coaching skill.

Tuesday was the NFL’s trade deadline, and while a few teams swapped picks and players, no one truly filled their biggest needs. According to NFL insiders, here are a few deals that were on the table but fell apart at the last minute:

** Philadelphia trades a 3rd-round pick for Indianapolis Coach Shane Steichen
This would have been great — Steichen, who served as the Eagles’ offensive coordinator during their last Super Bowl run — would have come back to helm a talented team in need of better coaching. The deal was nixed by Colts officials after the Eagles demanded they include $5.75 in bus fare to move Sirianni out of town.

** Maryland trades two 4th-round picks to Arizona for their mascot
The Maryland Cardinals isn’t a great name, but it makes more sense on the East Coast and is far, far better than the Commanders. Arizona owners were ready to go through with the trade until the NFL rejected their proposed new name: the Redskins, a tribute to all the sunburn victims in the desert outside Phoenix. Apparently there are some problems with that moniker...

** Dallas trades $5 million in cash to New England for a single soul
At first glance, it may seem surprising that Cowboys would be looking for a soul at all, given their godless, heathenistic approach to everything. But it’s always good to have one around for occult sacrifices. Sadly, the Patriots could not complete this deal because the entire region already sold their souls to the devil for 20 years of sports success.

** San Francisco trades a 7th-round pick to Carolina for extra hamstrings
The 49ers have been decimated by injuries this year, so a few spare body parts are going to be needed to get them over the finish line. The Panthers’ players aren’t really using any of theirs, so it seemed like a decent swap, but local public health officials stepped in and raised objections.

** Cleveland trades DeSean Watson to hell
This one shouldn’t really be included on the list, because it’s not realistic. Hell has no interest in taking Watson, price or no price.

Since early this year, the NFL Votes campaign has been encouraging players and fans to make their voice heard in this year’s election. All 32 clubs have taken part in the effort, although you can tell some players don’t really care.

Take, for instance, Dallas LB Nick Vigil. The nine-year pro had only two tackles in Sunday’s third-consecutive team loss, but somehow didn’t have any time to take part in the get-out-the-vote program. Why? Well, the answer is pretty obvious when you look at his name:

Dallas Cowboys outside linebacker Nick Vigil
** A candid suck — Losers be voting. I lack will. I obey.

It doesn’t surprise me that a member of the Cowboys is against the most fundamental tenets of democracy. It just upsets me that we let people like him flaunt it around impressionable youth every Sunday.

** Dad and I split our picks again this week, so I remain one ahead of him in the yearly standings. This contest is so close, Nick Sirianni is gonna refuse to kick the extra point.

** By the way, the Eagles scored in the first quarter, finally. I expect them to make up for the slow start to the first half of the season by scoring in the first quarter of every remaining game now.

** Vegas has the Eagles at 6-to-1 odds to win the NFC, the third best of any team. And boasting a 6-2 record, that makes some sense. They trail the 7-1 Lions (2-to-1 odds) and …the 4-4 49ers (5-to-1 odds), who have the 8th best record in the conference and would not be in the playoffs if the postseason started today. Sure, that makes sense. They’re clearly a bigger threat than the six other teams with a better record.

** I'm not sure I really expressed it well in the column this week, so let me be clear: I don't think Sirianni did a good job with score management this week. I just don't want to be too subtle about that. 

 
Week 9 standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1137.02 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 1099.72 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 1077.46 pts
4 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1072.21 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1066.51 pts
6 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1039.83 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1028.48 pts
8 — Beer 'n Chips (Dad), 1017.81 pts
9 — Jabronis (Ant), 1009.61 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 895.95 pts
11 — Overachievers Anonymous (Paul), 870.77 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 778.57 pts

Now we’re talking. Jonathan remains in first place, but his lead is smaller thanks to my 164.83 pts this week, the highest for any team so far this season. Across my four fantasy leagues, my teams are now in second, second, second and … sixth. Well, the pattern was fun while it lasted.

Fort Awesome residents are again perched across all the medal stand spots, with Jeff close behind. Bob’s 142.34 pts would have been good enough for the top spot most other weeks, but instead he’ll just have to settle for climbing back into the mix. Sam and Paul are just barely hanging onto the edge of the precipice. Joel has fallen to his doom.

There’s a big Thursday game this week — Ravens vs. Bengals — and a Sunday morning game in Germany featuring the Giants and the Panthers. We must still really hate Germany. Four teams are on a bye this week, so get your lineups set early.