** Aaron Rodgers leads the Panthers to victory: Fresh off his Super Bowl win with the Packers, Rodgers left Green Bay after a profanity-laced tirade against management followed by a month-long bout with the Upsilon variant of coronavirus (the one that is rarely lethal but causes extreme flatulence). But his dirty words and smell weren’t enough to scare off the QB-starved Panthers, who gave him a $10 year, $200 million contract that at least held up well for opening day.
** The Washington Wizzers lose on a last-second FG: The team formerly known as the Maryland Nameless Squad spent the offseason more focused on their new name than improving their team. After announcing they would be the Washington Admirals in February, ownership was forced to backtrack in the face of a Navy lawsuit. Six follow-up names faced similar legal challenges before the franchise finally settled on the Wizzers, meant to convey the speed of their young wide receivers but instead immediately becoming a joke about how they always wet themselves on the field.
** Tom Brady’s suspension upheld: The Buccaneers lost their opener on Wednesday night (there are games on Wednesdays this season, for some unexplained reason) in large part because star passer Brady was ineligible to play. After WR Antonio Brown identified Brady as the supplier for the performance-enhancing drugs that caused his mental breakdown in January, the league came down hard on Brady (a repeat rules breaker) by mandating that he miss one game and promise really hard not to cheat again.
** The Eagles cut all three 2022 first-round draft picks ahead of Opening Day: In a predictable move, Philadelphia parted ways with all three of its top draft picks before they could play a down after the trio struggled in training camp. It was just the latest draft misstep by the front office. Coach Nick Sirianni said he was not concerned about the loss of personnel, however, saying that he was confident this is the year that WR Jalen Reagor would take a big step forward to help the team.
** RB Derrick Henry rushes for 350 yds, setting a new single game record: The Titans still lost the game, however. Henry’s remarkable performance wasn’t enough to overcome the new-look Jaguars and QB Trevor Lawrence’s six passing TDs, a new franchise high. Jacksonville also forced three turnovers and is now the Super Bowl favorite.
** NFL rule changes cause confusion: The new pass interference rule, which mandates that a defensive player be shot on site, was hailed by offensive players in the offseason but has caused significant staffing issues on the defensive side. And the league’s new “whatever the Cowboys just did is fine” rule resulted in a messy opener in Dallas, with the Cowboys escaping with a narrow 41-40 win over the Rams. Los Angeles is still awaiting the returen of six players arrested mid-game for what the Texas governor called "health violations," even though all of the players were in fact vaccinated.
3rd place: Justin Herbert, 457.26 pts — 7th QB drafted (Sam)
2nd place: Tom Brady, 460.74 pts — 11th QB drafted (Joel)
1st place: Josh Allen, 475.58 pts — 2nd QB drafted (Jonathan)
First time I can remember one of the top few QBs drafted actually being worth their draft position. Allen was the second-best QB last year, and the top this year. Might be time to start thinking about him as one of the elites. Brady and Herbert, meanwhile, were taken after the start of the 7th round and beat out the Patrick Mahomes and Aaron Rodgers of the world. Good QBs can always be found late, folks. Learn from that.
Top WRs of the year
3rd place: Davante Adams, 231.53 pts — 1st WR drafted (Jeff)
2nd place: Deebo Samuel, 257.63 pts — 37th WR drafted (Bob)
1st place: Cooper Kupp, 303.16 pts — 15th QB drafted (Joanna)
Kupp will rightfully get all the attention this year as the steal of the fantasy draft, but don’t sleep on Samuel, who was the third receiver on his own team drafted (behind Brandon Aiuk and TE George Kittle). Along with 73 catches for 1,310 yds, he also had 51 rushes for 320 yds and seven TDs. That made him even more of a dual threat than Cordell Patterson (undrafted, but the 7th best WR on the year) who rushed for 607 yds but only caught 547 yds. FYI, Joanna also had the #4 receiver, Bengals rookie Jamaer Chase.
Top RBs of the year
3rd place: Joe Mixon, 256.43 pts — 13th RB drafted (Joel)
2nd place: Austin Ekeler, 287.23pts — 10th RB drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Jonathan Taylor, 341.10 pts — 9th RB drafted (Joanna)
Wow. Swing and a miss on the RBs this year. Only five of the top 10 drafted ended up in the top 10 at the end of the year, and the last two on the draft list were the best of that group. Taylor was the runaway (pun intended) rushing leader in yds and TDs, but it still wasn’t enough to drag the Colts into the playoffs. For the record, Patterson was the 8th best player in this category too.
Top TEs of the year
3rd place: Dalton Schultz, 143.37 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Travis Kelce, 179.80 pts — 1st TE drafted (Joanna)
1st place: Mark Andrews, 205.23 pts — 4th TE drafted (Dad)
Only 12 TEs broke 100 pts this year, and Andrews was the clear-cut best of the group. Meanwhile, Schultz bested 24 of the 26 TEs drafted this season, and the 5th place finisher (Dawson Knox) was the 25th picked of that group. I guess what I’m saying is stop paying up for TEs, unless you’re sure you can get a good one. And as someone who invested heavily in TE Darren Waller with two different teams … you can’t be sure.
Top Ks of the year
3rd place: Chris Boswell, 164.00 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Nick Folk, 171.00 pts — undrafted
1st place: Daniel Carson, 174.00 pts — 14th K drafted (Bob)
Not only was Folk undrafted, he still isn’t on a team. Apparently we all really don’t like him for some reason. Carson, meanwhile was on Bob’s team for a few weeks before hitting the waiver wire, and the #4 K (Evan McPherson) bounced on and off teams all year. Kickers are replaceable. Stop drafting them early.
Top DEFs of the year
3rd place: Buffalo, 168.00 pts — 11th DEF drafted (Mike)
2nd place: New England, 172.00 pts — 10th DEF drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Dallas, 189.00 pts — undrafted
Barf. Just barf. The Cowboys lead the league in interceptions, total turnovers and defensive TDs (8). On the plus side, they were 15th in points allowed, proving that being a good fantasy defense doesn’t mean you’re a good actual defense.
Top Ds of the year
3rd place: De'Vondre Campbell, 67.50 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Darius Leonard, 69.50 pts — 23rd D drafted (Dad)
1st place: T.J. Watt, 88.50 pts — undrafted
Last year, I wrote in my year-end column “Defensive players, man. One day we’ll all figure out the secret to getting good ones.” So, I guess we made progress?
WR: Deebo Samuel, 25.79 pts — started by Bob
RB: Rashaad Penny, 25.00 pts — started by Mike
TE: Tyler Higbee, 18.67 pts — on Bob’s bench
K: Matthew Wright, 14.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Miami, 20.00 pts — started by Joanna
D: Patrick Peterson, 11.50 pts — on the wire
That Deebo Samuel guy …
Fun fact — I convinced Joanna to pick up the Arizona defense this week because I thought the Patriots would blow out Miami, then I forgot to switch them into the starting spot for her after I said I would. That added 15 more points to her total, which her struggling, points-starved team really needed.
Another fun fact: The Maryland nameless team also tied for the top DEF and D player of the week, but I just didn’t feel like adding more lines up there. This is already a super long list of players.
“Worst performers of the year” edition5th place: Travis Benjamin, -0.86 pts — on the wire
4th place: Jacob Eason, -1.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Feleipe Franks, -1.40 pts — on the wire
2nd place: John Wolford, -1.90 pts — on the wire
1st place: Josh Rosen, -3.24 pts — on the wire
I’ll be honest, I’m not 100 percent sure that Feleipe Franks is a real person. Could be that Yahoo just made him up to see if people were checking out the bottom of their standings.
The top four on this list are all QBs with limited appearances but at least one interception in that work. Rosen managed two in just 11 pass attempts over three games. For the record, he only completed two passes on the year, for a whopping 19 yds.
Special shoutout to Titans backup QB Logan Woodside, who appeared in four games this year, recording six kneel downs for -6 yds, which was good for -0.60 pts on the season and 6th place on this list. That’s … a lot of sixes. Might want to get him checked out.
** The Washington Post had its weekly NFL power rankings last Wednesday, and they had this blurb for the Maryland nameless squad:
“Ranked #26. 6-10 on the year. This qualifies as a lost season, with the team regressing from last year’s division title and making zero progress toward putting a franchise QB in place.”
Now hold on a minute. The team won on Sunday and finished the season 7-10. Last year, when they won the division the team was … 7-10, including their first-round playoff loss. The team didn’t regress at all. They performed exactly the same. The difference was they didn’t benefit from a historically bad NFC East this season.
Maybe the problem isn’t the team underperforming now, but instead thinking that they were any good at all before.
** Tampa Bay coach Bruce Arians said that if Tom Brady doesn’t win the MVP this year “it's a travesty."
Sure. I mean, he has already won three, and there are at least four other credible candidates for the award this year, but sure. If he doesn’t win everything, we should just shut down the whole league.
** In case you missed it, the Saturday afternoon game between the Chiefs and Broncos was the first half of the “Monday Night Football special doubleheader” for the weekend.
So, by NFL TV logic, we apparently had two Monday nights before we even reached Monday this week. And neither of those were the Sunday night game, which leaked into Monday morning. I honestly don’t know what day it is anymore.
Several NFL head coaches were fired on Monday after disappointing regular seasons, but other deserving candidates were not. Here are the most inexplicable non-firings that should have taken place on Monday:
** Giants coach Joe Judge: Last year, he accused the Eagles organization of “disrespecting the game” for tanking the final contest of the year and not working as hard as it could to help the 6-10 Giants win a division title by default. This year, his team scored seven total touchdowns over its last eight games and finished with double-digit losses for the fifth straight year. But, hey, at least he’s not embarrassing the game.
** Colts QB Carson Wentz: Woof, man. I’m not on the “Carson is a bum” bandwagon, but the Colts needed to win one of their last two games to make their playoffs, and lost both directly because of his poor play. Against Jacksonville — the worst team in football — he managed two turnovers and took six sacks, more than his team had surrendered in the previous four games combined. At some point, the reason you’ve never won a playoff game becomes you.
** Whoever set the Bengals pre-season Super Bowl odds at 150-to-1: There’s a Cincinnati fan out there somewhere who placed a drunken $100 bet before the start of the season and has a not ridiculous shot at winning $15K because Vegas was sleeping on this team. Hell, the Eagles were 100-to-1 odds. The Bengals are much better than them.
** The guy who came up with Thursday Night Football: Actually, he should have been fired years ago. Lousy bum.
** Eagles WR JJ Arcega-Whiteside: One play after an inexcusable drop in the end zone on Saturday night, JJAW (as he is called by his friends, who include anyone who will talk to him at this point) was flagged for offensive pass interference and pushed the Eagles out of scoring range. He finished the regular season with a total of two catches for 36 yards, leaving him at 187th among all receivers on the season. For his career, he has 290 receiving yards — nine fewer than fellow loser WR Jalen Reagor had this season alone. But, sure, he’s still worth a roster spot.
** The guy who walked into NFL HQ this morning, who watched a thrilling week 18 of football, and suggested that the league add another game next year: You know someone did. Week 18 was exciting. Many of the weeks that lead up to it were unbearable slogs, and you can’t convince me that exhausted wideouts limping down the field during that Sunday night game want an 18th one on the schedule in the future.
I wish I could end the year of anagrams on a happier note, give you some encouragement that the forces of evil cannot triumph over the will of good men. But, alas, the Cowboys did win the NFC East, and they will get to play in the postseason, even as their wretched blackness pollutes all who are forced to view their games. So I leave you for this year with this obvious anagram that explains where we find ourselves right now:
Dallas Cowboys return again to the playoffs
** Claws dug. Another year of total pain. Sobs fly.
One note of encouragement? Since Dak Prescott turned four years old, the Cowboys have only won four playoff games. And that guy is pushing 30 now. So hopefully it’ll be another quick exit and we can move onto more pleasant thoughts.
** Giants coach Joe Judge: Last year, he accused the Eagles organization of “disrespecting the game” for tanking the final contest of the year and not working as hard as it could to help the 6-10 Giants win a division title by default. This year, his team scored seven total touchdowns over its last eight games and finished with double-digit losses for the fifth straight year. But, hey, at least he’s not embarrassing the game.
** Colts QB Carson Wentz: Woof, man. I’m not on the “Carson is a bum” bandwagon, but the Colts needed to win one of their last two games to make their playoffs, and lost both directly because of his poor play. Against Jacksonville — the worst team in football — he managed two turnovers and took six sacks, more than his team had surrendered in the previous four games combined. At some point, the reason you’ve never won a playoff game becomes you.
** Whoever set the Bengals pre-season Super Bowl odds at 150-to-1: There’s a Cincinnati fan out there somewhere who placed a drunken $100 bet before the start of the season and has a not ridiculous shot at winning $15K because Vegas was sleeping on this team. Hell, the Eagles were 100-to-1 odds. The Bengals are much better than them.
** The guy who came up with Thursday Night Football: Actually, he should have been fired years ago. Lousy bum.
** Eagles WR JJ Arcega-Whiteside: One play after an inexcusable drop in the end zone on Saturday night, JJAW (as he is called by his friends, who include anyone who will talk to him at this point) was flagged for offensive pass interference and pushed the Eagles out of scoring range. He finished the regular season with a total of two catches for 36 yards, leaving him at 187th among all receivers on the season. For his career, he has 290 receiving yards — nine fewer than fellow loser WR Jalen Reagor had this season alone. But, sure, he’s still worth a roster spot.
** The guy who walked into NFL HQ this morning, who watched a thrilling week 18 of football, and suggested that the league add another game next year: You know someone did. Week 18 was exciting. Many of the weeks that lead up to it were unbearable slogs, and you can’t convince me that exhausted wideouts limping down the field during that Sunday night game want an 18th one on the schedule in the future.
I wish I could end the year of anagrams on a happier note, give you some encouragement that the forces of evil cannot triumph over the will of good men. But, alas, the Cowboys did win the NFC East, and they will get to play in the postseason, even as their wretched blackness pollutes all who are forced to view their games. So I leave you for this year with this obvious anagram that explains where we find ourselves right now: Dallas Cowboys return again to the playoffs
** Claws dug. Another year of total pain. Sobs fly.
One note of encouragement? Since Dak Prescott turned four years old, the Cowboys have only won four playoff games. And that guy is pushing 30 now. So hopefully it’ll be another quick exit and we can move onto more pleasant thoughts.
** Valiant effort by Dad in the final week of the season, as he posted a 5-3 record in the eight games we picked differently. But it wasn’t enough, and by a field-goal margin I grabbed the family prognostication title for the fifth time in the last six years. At 166-90, I picked 65 percent of the games right, about on par for Dad and me, and still ahead of most of the so-called experts at ESPN. Plus, I’m more humble than them. ** The Eagles face off against Tom Brady and the Bucs in the first round next week, and if the Eagles come out on top it opens the door for the Cowboys to get a second home playoff game if they win their first-round contest. So remember to root for the 49ers in the second game next Sunday too.
** However, the Eagles were 9-8 this season but 0-6 against teams that made the playoffs (and would have been 0-7 if the Chargers had managed to sneak in too). So, I dunno, maybe don’t hold your breath next weekend.
** An extra week of regular season football meant an extra recap for me to write this year. Look for my updated bill in the mail shortly.
Week 18 standings
The official end-of-year standings — and the latest name to be engraved onto Awesome Cup — will be unveiled on Tuesday night.
Week 18 standings The official end-of-year standings — and the latest name to be engraved onto Awesome Cup — will be unveiled on Tuesday night.
1 comment:
It was another fun year. I hope everyone had fun. We can all hold on to the phrase "wait until next year". Gi EAGLES Dad Shanw
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