Jordan Matthews: He was signed by the 49ers at the start of October but cut two weeks ago after a lack of production. Could a third stint with the Eagles be in his future? (Note: I wrote this half joking before his surprise visit to the team on Tuesday)
Michael Crabtree: He had a whopping four catches with the Cardinals earlier this year before being released. But with 54 career regular season TDs, he’s worth a look.
Antonio Brown: Probably the most talented wideout not with a team right now. But he is also clinically insane and likely to face criminal charges at any moment, making his usefulness limited.
Bryce Harper: He’s always open to more money and his legs are fresh from not playing any games in October, so…
JJ Arcega-Whiteside: The Eagles used a second round draft pick on him last spring, but he was cut from the team and never played a down. His combination of speed and … wait, they didn’t cut him? He’s been on the team the whole season? What the hell is he doing then?
DeSean Jackson: Somehow this whole debacle is going to end with the Eagles giving D-Jax an extension. I can just feel it.
WR: Tyler Lockett, 28.93 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 35.43 pts — started by Bob
TE: Zach Ertz, 17.37 pts — started by Jo
K: Harrison Butker, 18.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Houston, 22.00 pts — on the wire
D: Justin Houston, 13.00 pts — on the wire
When Russell Wilson wins the MVP this year — which he will, unless the voters decide to give it to Tom Brady for no reason again — it’ll be because of games like the one he had Sunday: 378 yds passing, 5 TDs, a key 21-yrd rush, and a come-from-behind overtime victory. Seattle has a huge game against the somehow still undefeated 49ers next week, then gets a bye before traveling to awww dammit the Eagles have to play Wilson after a week’s rest? This schedule is brutal for the birds. The good birds, not the West Coast ones.
Hey, remember Zach Ertz? The guy who set the single-season mark for TE catches last year? He reappeared for the Eagles on Sunday, grabbing 9 catches for 103 yds and a TD. Ertz is on pace for 92 catches and 1,054 yds for the year, which is impressive considering I had forgotten he was still on the team.
Sadly, Justin Houston plays for Indianapolis and not Houston, which would be so much more convenient.
“People you’ve never heard of” edition
3rd place: Diontae Spencer, -0.76 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Cyrus Jones, -1.36 pts — on the wire
1st place: Adam Shaheen, -1.50 pts — on the wire
Actually, you do know Shaheen: He plays TE for the Bears and does not know what to do when you pooch-kick the ball in the final seconds of a close game. Shaheen is the one who muffed the kickoff at the end of Sunday’s game against the Eagles, fumbling away the flailing Chicago squad’s final chance at a comeback. Apparently he had a tackle earlier in the game, which gave him back a little of that -2 pts.
Not on the list (but close) was the vaunted New England defense, which actually had to play a real team this week and scored only 2 fantasy pts, it’s first tally below double digits this season. The Patriots defense had only surrendered 43 pts on the season coming into the game against the Ravens, where the team gave up 31 in four quarters. It’s worth noting that the Patriots — who everyone is already writing in for a Super Bowl appearance — are 5-0 against teams with two or fewer wins on the season and 1-1 against teams above .500. But, yeah, they are great.
** Natinals owner Ted Lerner at the team’s championship parade had the quote that best sums up the entire franchise: "They say good things come to those who wait. Ninety-five years is a pretty long wait. But I'll tell you, this is worth the wait."
Washington fans will tell you — if you can find any, because very few actually exist — about all the “suffering” they went through waiting for championships before the Capitals won it all in 2018. And a big part of that is the fact that the last World Series victory they had was way back in 1924, with the Washington Senators.
What they’ll leave out is that after years of no local fan support, the team left town in 1972. So 33 years of that drought is because YOU DIDN’T HAVE A TEAM and that makes it tough to win games.
Couple that with the first five years of the Natinals’ arrival in DC, where the team actively tanked to get higher draft picks and build a young core (see Stephen Strasburg, Bryce Harper, Anthony Rendon). So the Lerners and their fans have really been waiting about nine years for a championship. As a fan of a team that has played in the same city for 136 years thanks to loyal fans, I’ll never comprehend how they ever survived such heartache.
** Every Sunday morning, the Washington Post has a recap of how the top 25 teams did the previous day. Here’s what this week’s column looked like:
#1, LSU: bye
#2, Alabama: bye
#3, Ohio State: bye
#4, Clemson: Beat Wofford
#5, Penn State: bye
#6, Florida: Lost to Georgia
#7, Oregon: late game
#8, Georgia: Beat Florida
#9, Utah: Beat Washington
#10, Oklahoma: bye
Look, I love this feature, but if your top 10 is gonna include the results from just three games, maybe it’s a good week to skip. That’s a lot of print space devoted to summaries of things that aren’t news.
A new ESPN poll of NHL players out today asked whether they have “Gritty fatigue” from the seemingly never-ending onslaught of content from the Flyers mascot. Amazingly, 72 percent of players said no, with several saying they are surprised that “there’s not more of that in the league.”
Lucky for them, there is more Gritty planned in coming months to help maximize the love surrounding the orange pile of chaos. Here’s a look at some of the ideas:
— Changing the puck color from black to orange, and including fur on pucks increase the excitement level.
— A Gritty-themed 5K for charity. Everyone wears orange and then drinks a few beers before leaving.
— A remake of Friends where all of the men are played by Gritty, who still doesn’t talk. The jokes somehow all land better.
— Gritty cologne. It smells like … confusion.
— Requiring Gritty to appear at Flyers games, to give fans a reason to attend them.
Hahahaha but seriously you should go read this ESPN story about Gritty because it will literally turn you into a bawling mess.
To help bolster their defense this season, the Cowboys signed LB Luke Gifford as an undrafted free agent rookie last spring. Why did he go undrafted? Character concerns that scared away other teams, but actually helped him land with the least moral football team in America. Consider:
Cowboys Linebacker Luke Gifford
** Beefy bowleg crick is a drunk fool
OK, that’s not really the anagram I came up with. The actual anagram was “I be bear clown. Go f-ck yourself, kid.” But this is a family-friendly blog, so I’m not gonna share that.
** Split the picks with Dad again this week. I pushed our weekly match-up record to 0-5-4, and remain stubbornly at eight games down. Stupid Jets. Why did I have any faith in you? ** The Giants gave up 10 points in the final 55 seconds of the first half of their game against the Cowboys on Monday. I just can’t make that math work in my head.
Week 9 standings 1 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 1179.46 pts
2 — McCown or Never (Capt Awesome), 1153.62 pts
3 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1110.56 pts
4 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 1100.50 pts
5 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1049.90 pts
6 — Philly Special (Jo), 1039.57 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1018.89 pts
8 — Peabody and Sherman (Dad), 994.33 pts
9 — Costumed Customers (Paul), 978.33 pts
10 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 955.56 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 873.68 pts
12 — I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadaccount), 23.34 pts
Mom D started two RBs who combined for 1.56 pts and still lead the week thanks to that Wilson/Lockett combo. She missed out on third place this week by 0.06 pts, also known as 1/8th of a tackle. But the noble performance puts her squarely above Ant in the pecking order, as the former champ continues to slowly slide into oblivion.
Sam continues to stay strong, making the league into a four-team race at the moment. Mike upped his lead over me by a few points this week, but faces a difficult week 11 when three of his top players are on a bye week. So it’s a good time to catch him.
Dad, Paul and Bob are still struggling to get over the 1,000-pts mark, and Joey McDeadaccount continues to infuriate me with his handful of pts each week.
This week’s Thursday night football game is Chargers vs. Raiders, because the NFL hates you even more than usual right now. Get those rosters set.
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