Fantasy league 2018 -- week 12 recap

Following Sunday’s big win by the Eagles over the Giants, longtime Philly radio legend Merrill Reese called Eagles K Jake Elliott “Giant Killer” for his clutch last-minute field goal against the New Jersey squad. Some may consider that hyperbole, but consider his career stats on the topic so far:

** 38 points in four games against the Giants.
** Two last-minute game winning field goals, one of 61 yards (team record).
** 13 of 25 touchbacks on kickoffs in those four games.
** Crushed 18 giant slurpees over the course of the season.
** Refused to shop at his neighborhood Giant grocery store, contributing to its bankruptcy.
** As a child, did not cry while watching “The Iron Giant.”
** During Sunday’s game, went back in time and killed Andre the Giant.

Given those facts, it feels like a pretty fair assessment.

 

QB: Baker Mayfield, 33.92 pts — on the wire

WR: Amari Cooper, 28.00 pts — started by Joel
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 37.47 pts — started by Paul
TE: Eric Ebron, 18.00 pts — started by Paul
K: Chris Boswell, 12.08 pts — started by Mike
DEF: Baltimore, 19.00 pts — started by Mom
D: Matt Judon, 9.50 pts — on the wire

Unusual to have an RB as the top points scorer across the board, but McCaffery’s stat line (125 rushing, 11 catches, 112 receiving, 2 TDs) bested all the QBs this week. Too bad all those numbers didn’t come with a needed win for the Panthers.

Props to K Chris Bowsell, who earned more than half of his pts with a 2-yd TD pass in the Steelers loss to the Broncos. He’s the fourth non-QB (and the first kicker) this year to throw a TD pass in a game, tying him for 44th in the league with last year’s Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles. One more and he can tie former Eagles QB Sam Bradford.


“Please make it stop” edition

3rd place:Carolina, -1.00 pts — on Mom D’s bench
2nd place: Mike Gesicki, -1.17 pts — on the wire
1st place: Cincinnati, -6.00 pts — started by me.

Dear gawd. I hate defenses so much.

After last week’s defense debacle by my team, I dumped the Titans and grabbed the Bengals as a safe alternative to another bottom-feeding week. Great call by me. The Bengals gave up 35 pts to the Browns and recorded no sacks or turnovers. Over the last four weeks, my defenses have totaled -15.00 pts. No wonder I’m not in first place anymore.

** ESPN has been advertising the college football “playoff” selection show next Sunday all week, with the tag line “every second counts.”

I mean, not every second counts. The Army/Navy game won’t be played until a week after the show airs, so those seconds don’t count. I’m pretty sure the Maryland/Indiana game a few weeks back didn’t really matter. And the committee is going to keep an undefeated University of Central Florida team out of the playoff for the second straight year, so their seconds and that second doesn’t really count. But other than that, sure.

** Headline on ESPN.com this week: “Stephen Curry not hurt in multicar accident.”
Other news they missed: Curry not hurt in bear attack, Curry not hurt in baby swarm, Curry not hurt in asteroid crash. I checked, he wasn’t involved in any of those.
Maybe next time go for “Curry unhurt in multicar accident” or “Curry involved in multicar accident but not hurt” to make it clear that an accident happened. Words have meaning, kids.

** We got a new all-time leader in sacks on Thanksgiving this week. I’m not going to tell you who, because it’s an incredibly stupid stat since only two teams play every year on that holiday, so it’s basically a record confined to 6 percent of NFL franchises. But, the all-time NFL leader for win percentage on Christmas Day is the Eagles, at 2-0, which is a totally legitimate stat.

Saturday’s disastrous 74-72 win by Texas A&M over LSU in seven overtimes showed exactly why the NFL’s overtime rules are superior in every way to collegiate rules. Consider:

** The game took four hours and 53 minutes to complete. That’s a full hour longer than the single overtime Steelers/Browns game from earlier this season which featured six fewer overtimes and 104 fewer points. Wouldn’t you rather have 71 percent less excitement but an extra hour in your day?

** The seven overtimes allowed the two teams to compile ridiculous stat lines, including a whopping 1,017 combined yards of total offense. Such inflated numbers would make the NFL a joke. To protect the integrity of league statistics, you need realistic numbers, like the 1,001 combined yards in the Rams/Chiefs game last week.

** Saturday’s game ended well after midnight, meaning much of the East Coast missed the finale of the classic contest. The NFL, which always ends it’s Monday night games before 11 pm and never starts games at odd times like 9am, simply would not deprive its fans of easily accessing games.

** The college rules are confusing. Each team starts on the 25? Why? Teams have to go for two after touchdowns after the third OT? Who can keep track of that? That’s why the NFL rules are better: The first team to score wins as long as that score is a TD or a safety or a field goal if the other team also doesn’t score a FG but if they do the next field goal wins. Also the period is 10 minutes instead of 15 now, because. (Also these rules don’t apply in the playoffs).

** The seven overtime game was fun, and there is no fun allowed in the NFL.


Marqueston Huff came into the NFL four years ago with the Titans but ended up suspended for part of the 2016 season due to violations of the league’s substance abuse policy. So, naturally, as soon as he was cut by Tennessee, the Cowboys were interested. After all, you don’t develop a cancerous culture of corruption by just picking up decent players. But how can you be sure he really fits with the Cowboys way? Consider how the letters in his name define him as a man:

Wyoming alum/Dallas safety Marqueston Huff
** Fluffy moron mandates glum. He always quits.

I could have easily made “drugs” out of the letters there, but that seemed too cheap and unfair to … wait, why didn’t I do that? Hold on, let me try again:

Wyoming alum/Dallas safety Marqueston Huff
** Quote: Yo, mama, fan my flashes. I want full drugs.

That feels more right. Just like a Dallas player getting high off drugs, you might say.

** I dropped two more games to Dad to fall 15 behind him in the weekly picks and honestly I have no idea anymore. I’m actually picking games at a 53 percent correct rate, but Dad is almost at a 63 percent correct rate, so meh.

** Delaware made the FCS playoffs! I had forgotten that the NCAA expanded the field from 16 to 24 teams, giving the Blue Hens one of the last spots in the only real college football tournament around. Great achievement by the team.

Oh and they lost right away so they’re out so nevermind.

** Aw, man, Ron Hextall is gone too? Can he at least stay and play goalie?

Week 12 standings

1 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1637.40 pts
2 — 6 Mo. to Draftsgvng! (Paul), 1574.54 pts
3 — Nick 'MVP' Foles (Capt. Awesome), 1555.91 pts
4 — Philly Special (Jo), 1494.28 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1485.89 pts
6 — Witch Hunting (Jim), 1437.54 pts
7 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 1424.67 pts
8 — The Garoppolo Gamble (Joel), 1422.88 pts
9 — Kiss A Fish Today (Dad), 1278.27 pts
10 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1266.39 pts
11 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 1230.25 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1184.89 pts

Forget about the top of the standings — what’s happening in the cellar? Mike is out of last place for the first time since week 1! Granted, he is still 344 pts out of first place and likely has a ceiling of about 8th, but that’s the kind of late season fight we like to see out of our teams. You may not win, but nobody wants to be the guy at the bottom.

Speaking of not winning, I slipped down another spot while Anthony continues to strengthen his grip atop the standings. But don’t sleep on Paul’s team, which has made up about 100 pts on Ant’s squad over the last four weeks. If that trend holds, then … I’ll have to do more math soon and figure out what it means.

We’re still not done with Thursday games yet, folks. Get those rosters set right away, and remember that you don’t have to worry about the Eagles game until Monday night.