Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Fantasy league 2018 -- draft order announcement

It seems like only yesterday that we were celebrating Nick Foles’ brilliant, MVP-worthy, game-winning performance in Super Bowl LII. But as the days of summer dwindle down, the leaves are beginning to change, the new NFL season is approaching, and … we’re still celebrating Nick Foles’ MVP performance. Hell, we’re going to be doing that all year long. Maybe deep into 2019 if things don’t go just as well this year.

We’re also getting ready for a new year of fantasy football greatness, and the annual quest for the Awesome Cup. Hard to believe that trophy is entering its 17th year. For perspective, that’s just five years younger than the Cowboy’s 22-year streak of not winning a second round playoff game (the Eagles have six and a Super Bowl win over that span). We already have a storied history of the trophy, from my triumphant first victory back in 2004, to my two wins in three years from 2010 to 2012, to my dominating title romp last year. So many great memories.

But, now it’s time to dust off the trophy and get ready for the grind of a new season. All of the teams have been autorenewed this year, and we’re still waiting on updated names for most of them. For the annual draft order selection process, we have the awesome children ready to pick names out of the hat and working off our much beloved modified NBA draft order system. And we have special Nick Foles photos this year working as everyone’s proxy.

So the top four finishers from last year go into the hat (me, Ant, Joel and Dad) and the first name out is…

** Pick #12 — Dad
Ooooh, tough break for Pop, who just got the lowest possible pick thanks to his eldest grandson. Remember that at Christmas. Nick Foles reacts with exasperation on Dad’s behalf, but somehow still exudes confidence that everything will work out.

Mom Doyle’s name goes into the hat, and the youngest grandaughter makes the next pick.

** Pick #11 — Mom Doyle 
Wow, it really is gonna be a bad Christmas this year. First two picks out of the hat screw over both of the grandparents in the league. St. Nick shows a little frustration but also stares down the bubbling signs of despair, knowing that champions sometimes have to overcome adversity.

Sam’s name goes into the pot, and the next slot is awarded to…

** Pick #10 — Ant
Ant’s strong finish last year gives him a later pick this season, but he has displayed surprising consistency in recent years. It’s the short of solid play that burst into excellence that we saw last year with good old Nick, who takes a moment to warm up here after displaying such coolness all last post-season.

Uncle Mike’s name is next into the hat, and the kids make the next selection.

** Pick #9 — Mike
Well, I hope the kids get a good birthday haul at least, because they’re not doing favors for any relatives. Mike gets the lowest draft spot he can, as his niece gets excited that she recognizes another name. Nick Foles has no discernable reaction, since #9 only means one thing to him: Super Bowl MVP.

Joanna is next on the list, and she’s more than a little concerned that the kids seem to be targeting relatives for bad picks here. Although one family member is happy and suspiciously quiet.

** Pick #8 — Joel
The 2016 Awesome Cup champion — still our biggest league upset ever — settles down with a middle-of-the-road pick after a third-place finish last year. That’s a win in my book. Nick Foles looks on knowingly.

Jim’s name goes into the mix, and the next name that comes out is…

** Pick #7 — Jim
Much like the Steelers in the playoffs last year, that’s a disappointment. Foles knows disappointment too. He also knows what it’s like to overcome those feelings and pull yourself all the way up to the Super Bowl MVP. He’d be happy to tell you about it.

Three coaches left for the hat, and Paul’s slip goes in.

** Pick #6 — Sam
Sam could be upset with this pick, but he’s probably preoccupied with his new baby. You know who had a baby at the Super Bowl? Nick Foles, that’s who. That kids is going to grow up in a world where her father has been a Super Bowl champion nearly her entire life. Think about that for a moment, and smile.

Jeff’s name goes into the pot next, and then the kids select the next victim.

** Pick #5 — Joanna
OK, maybe the holiday presents won’t be as bad. Joanner gets a pleasant surprise in the form of a good draft boost thanks to the kids’ blind picking. I mean, it’s not a surprise like the Philly special, where Nick Foles caught a TD pass in the Super Bowl, but it’s still a good surprise.

Bob’s name is the final one into the hat, and now we’re in the stretch run.

** Pick #4 — Paul 
That’s a solid landing spot for Paul. Fourth puts him on the outside of the top three RBs in the draft but gives him his choice of wideouts, and we all know he loves WRs. Nicky gives Pauly a fist pump for staying on brand.

Three names left, and at least one is sure to cause controversy.

** Pick #3 — Capt. Awesome
THESE KIDS ARE GETTING WHATEVER THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!!! Finally, after all these years, this screwy draft order system pays off for me. I jump up nine spots with my pick and get a chance at snagging one of the much coveted top three RBs. Nick Foles hold aloft the Lombardi trophy much like I held aloft the Awesome Cup last year. In a lot of ways, we’re the same.

Only two names left, so the first-runner up in this beauty pageant is…

** Pick #2 — Jeff
Last year’s second-to-last finisher picks second in the draft. That’s reliable and expected, like a Nick Foles pass over the middle to Zach Ertz. The 2005 Awesome Cup champ is hoping the 13th year anniversary of his glory is good luck this season.

And that leaves just one name

** Pick #1 — Bob
This is the third year in a row Bob gets the top spot, and I’m making a proclamation now that he will not be allowed to repeat that in 2019, no matter what his finish is this season. We can’t just keep repeating the same stuff over and over. Now, if we’re talking about Nick Foles championship repeats with the Eagles, that would be allowed.


Congrats to the one winner and 11 losers in the group above. I’m planning to switch the autodraft on this Friday night (Sept. 1). This is your last warning — the default rankings on Yahoo are terrible this year. If you don’t adjust them, you will end up with a QB as your first pick. And probably not a good one. Like Eli Manning. It’s that bad. Go set your rankings now.

And good luck out there this season. May the spirit of Nick Foles be with you.


Anonymous said...

I’ve missed this!!! Looking forward to a good season of not knowing what I’m doing again and setting my high goal of not coming in last.

Anonymous said...

I want to go on record saying that there is something fishy going on with the draft. First there is the obvious age discrimination with the two oldest participants getting the two lowest picks. Secondly, I have it on good authority that the children were told that the first name selected was for the #1 pick, not the last. I do not blame the grandchildren for this debacle. They are perfect in every way. The fault lies entirely with the Commish. I would like to call a grand jury investigation to look into these allegations and perform a recount. I'm calling my congressman today.
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