Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Fantasy league 2014 -- week 4 recap


The 2014 MLB season wrapped up on Sunday (no, I’m pretty sure they cancelled the playoffs this year) so let’s look back fondly on the highlights of the campaign:

** Remember May 4, when the Phillies were 15-14 … the last time the Phillies were above .500 for the year?
** Remember how Cole Hamels posted the lowest ERA of his career (2.46) and still only finished 9-9 because the offense was AWOL all year?
** Remember when Chase Utley made the All-Star game, because he was the only Phillie still trying in June?
** Remember when Marlon Byrd got hot in July so the front office traded him for … nevermind, they held onto him so the team could get older.
** Remember when Ryan Howard hit a HR in the last game of the season and everyone said in unison, “That’s probably his last one in a Phillies uniform” even though nobody else wants him?
** Remember when the Phillies lost 3-2 to the Nationals on Sept. 7 and you didn’t care because the Eagles beat the Jaguars that day?

Ahhh, the memories.

QB: Eli Manning, 40.10 pts -- on the wire
WR: Jordy Nelson, 29.20 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Jamaal Charles, 31.27 pts -- started by Joel
TE: Larry Donnell, 28.60 pts -- on the wire
K: Blair Walsh, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 29.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Husain Abdullah, 13.50 pts -- on the wire

Eli. Freaking. Manning. The Washington dolts should be ashamed of themselves for giving up five TDs to The New Jersey Turnover Pike (that nickname is trademarked, by the way).

Bang up job on the top performers this week -- As a league we managed to start none of the top four defenses, none of the top three defensive players, and only two of the top six kickers. And we missed on Eli Manning’s 40-plus pts. Eli. Freaking. Manning.

“More bad defenses” edition
3rd place:New Orleans, -5.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place (tie):Atlanta, -6.00 pts -- started by Paul
1st place (tie):Carolina, -6.00 pts -- on Sam’s bench

Remember last week, when I made fun of most of our league for starting the wrong defenses? Apparently some of you took that as a personal challenge. Seven defenses were worth negative points this week, and we started three of them: Paul, with the absolute lowest possible defensive score; Mike, getting -4.00 pts out of New England; and Bob, getting -1.00 pts out of Chicago. If only Sam hadn’t screwed up by starting Pittsburgh and getting 4.00 whole pts...

Here’s Andy Reid’s strategy for his Kansas City Chefs at the end of the first half of Monday night football, with his team up 14, 1:10 left with two timeouts, and the ball 20 yards from the end zone:

1st down: Swing pass at the line of scrimmage, no gain.
Then wait 30 seconds to call a timeout, wasting half a minute.
2nd down: Five-yard pass across the middle, tackled in bounds.
Then wait 20 more seconds and burn the last timeout.
3rd down: Pass to the one-yard line, WR tackled, time expires.

It’s good to know that even in his new address, Andy still has unbelievably bad time management skills. A defensive penalty on that third down ended up giving the Chefs another chance at a FG and a 17-point lead, but it was not deserved. If anything, they should have lost points for blatant incompetence.

Bonus anagram time! G filed a special anagram this week, asking for a look at the QB controversy brewing down here in DC. And I aim to please:

Washington QB debate: start Robert Griffin III or Kirk Cousins?
** It's king SOB or fart bistro. Neither faker can win. I quit. Go birds.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of that.

Defying expectations, the Cowboys have started the season 3-1, tied for first place. But don’t worry about that continuing. Even after grabbing two TDs on Saturday, Dallas’ #2 WR shows how little faith he has in the team’s future:

Starting Dallas wideout Terrance Williams
** Real glum: Data is clear, wins won’t last. I tried.

Frankly, that doesn’t make me glum at all.

** I don’t know how I forgot that Steve Smith was playing against his old team this weekend, but two touchdowns and a thorough beat down of the Panthers later, I’m down one game to Dad again. For the record, we’re both just a hair over .500 for the season (he’s 33-28, I’m 32-29).

** I was going to do a lengthy write up of Delaware’s thrilling overtime win over James Madison on Saturday night, but I know you all were riveted to the TV, so there isn’t anything new to say.

** Eli. Freaking. Manning. He has 21 TDs and 28 INTs against teams other than Washington since the start of 2013, 6 TDs and 3 INTs (and three wins) against Washington. Because Washington stinks.
Week 4 standings

1 --- Tickle me Romo --- 587.47 pts
2 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 536.83 pts
3 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 507.84 pts
4 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 507.51 pts
5 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 499.57 pts
6 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 496.99 pts
7 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 493.94 pts
8 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 487.97 pts
9 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 453.50 pts
10 --- king hippo --- 447.74 pts
11 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 446.35 pts

We’re one quarter into the season, and we’re only had one league leader so far. And my lead is getting larger and larger, despite the six players I had on bye this week. So my team will only be stronger from here on out. And yours will be weak, weak like the Jaguars playing in London.

Props to Jeff, who is holding onto second place with his annual strategy of making no replacement moves. It’s the Rumsfeldian approach to coaching -- you go to battle with the team you drafted, not the team you want (or could easily change).

However, the difference between first and eighth place is still less than 100 pts, so the Awesome Cup is still up for grabs. So don’t forget about the byes this week. How you’ll make due without your Oakland Raiders stars, I’m not sure.

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